Soon-to-be FTM from California, learning the ropes - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 2 Old 10-26-2013, 01:40 PM - Thread Starter
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Hi all,

I'm relatively new to the site, or at least new to interacting on the site. I am 35 weeks pregnant and have often found myself on mothering through google searching or links from blogs or other resources. I am very introverted and have made quite an effort to reach out to other mothers during this pregnancy and have met many, however I love that there is so much community already established here full of like-minded and/or open-minded mamas. It has certainly been a comfort while I push through my shyness to make new friends on a slower timetable in real life smile.gif

I am 30 years old and pregnant with our first child, my husband and I were married in November last year, though we have been together for something like 8 years in total. I don't always count all those years though as the beginning of our relationship was crazy dysfunctional. We are both recovering alcoholics, sober for almost three years now, though we kept up a really good act while suffering through alcoholism... both with well-respected, high paying jobs in the wine industry. Relationship problems landed us in couples counseling, problems that were so agonizingly painful at the time and yet now I find myself incredibly grateful for them as they are what got us to therapy, which led to sobriety, which led to scrapping the whole script on what our life was and following our hearts to a new life I never could have even dreamed of.

I quit my job in wine quite some time ago and decided to go back to school to become a naturopathic physician. I am currently in the process of taking science prerequisites at our local community college, I was a liberal arts major in undergrad so I have some catching up to do before med school. My husband and I hadn't planned on starting a family now at first, though we knew with certainty we wanted children. The plan had always been to do med school first and then start a family. One of the main challenges of our "life makeover" is that I am older than I sometimes feel like I should be, so the desire is strong to rush to finish line... which in my case would be med school graduation and starting this new career. After much discussion about when to start a family we realized that we were making all these career/life plans to support a theoretical family we were dreaming of on a theoretical timeline. But who says graduation is a "finish line" anyway? It is really an arbitrary line drawn in moveable sand with challenges on either side and guarantees on neither. So we decided to go for it, to start living our dream, to have our baby and shape our lives around that real person on our own timeline. Oh and, I'm totally freaking out smile.gif but also excited to forge ahead.

So far my challenges as a to-be mom center around the fact that my own mother was drug addicted and largely absent from my entire childhood. My father provided what he could in the way of financial stability but was not emotionally available and I feel that I largely mothered myself. I know that I will not be able to rely on mothering "instinctually" and so have spent much time prior to this pregnancy and during doing a lot of self-discovery and research on the type of home and family I want my child to have. Terms like "attachment parenting", "whole foods", "bedsharing", "babywearing", "Waldorf", "slow parenting" and so forth have been helpful for me to start building a foundation on the kind of parent I want to be. However, I hope to be able to break free from the labels as I get to know my child and to choose what is best for us based on experience rather than the books, and certainly to not be judgmental of those who do things differently. Eventually, we also plan for me to be the main breadwinner of the household with my husband being a SAHD, so that will be a challenge as well as I learn to balance motherhood and school/career in the future.

Gosh, that was a mouthful. The bottom line is that I truly believe that life is beautiful and precious, and that people matter most. I love connecting with others, I love my husband and our quiet little life in a tiny beach town with a house just a block from the ocean. I love cooking (well, when I'm not pregnant that is), yoga, walking, camping, reading, learning, researching, helping, and taking it eeeeeeeeasy. And I can't wait to be a mom!

Anyhow, I hope to get to know some of you better as we learn together. Thanks for letting me introduce myself smile.gif
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#2 of 2 Old 10-26-2013, 01:51 PM
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You have had one heck of a journey to get to where you are! Many congratulations! Good luck on this next step on your journey, and welcome!

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