What Homeschooling Parents REALLY Want From Partners - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: Re: Homeschooling, what do you most want from your husband?
For him to guide and supervise me. 0 0%
Practical help with kids and housework 107 81.68%
Both 1 and 2 5 3.82%
Neither or other 19 14.50%
Voters: 131. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 06-04-2009, 07:14 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Shianne View Post
I've seen and met some Christians who do practice this. They even walk behind their husbands. Their husbands give them a list of things that need to be done outside of their normal "chores" and then wants a full accounting when they get home.
I don't remember the group's name, it was when I was younger that I met some women.
If I was "supervised", I would feel like I was not trusted to do the job or not capable.
that's really weird to me. i think some people do things in the name of God that have nothing to do with Him.

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Old 06-04-2009, 07:32 PM
 
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Mostly my DH's part in HS is to help write up assignments, we do all of our work freehand at this point. So he makes up the math assignments, and sometimes some of the others. He also helps with questions that may come up on days he is home. I do the main part of the actual schooling because it occurs during the day when he is at work, but we are equal partners in teaching and raising our children from birth until we are unable to teach them anymore (not sure when this will be since at age 29 I still learn stuff from my mom.)

oAlisha- eternal companion to mike:, mother to three energetic boys (02):, (05), and (07) and one sweet little girl 3/13.  Two in heaven.7/21/2010, 11/05/2011 mecry.gif.

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Old 06-04-2009, 07:58 PM
 
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Supervision.......ick.....

Just step up to the plate and help me get done what needs to get done. Don't leave all the boring and grungy tasks to me. Don't assume I'm going to do the 'homemaker' stuff....I gladly do it if I have time, and i'm usually the one to do it, but I'd rather take the kids on a hike - the kids are my job. Be my partner.
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Old 06-04-2009, 09:17 PM
 
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Well, I'm a definite minority here, but DH is the primary homeschooling parent. He's been a SAHD while I've worked full time all along. I telecommute full time so I am home but it's a corporate job so I am actually required to work a regular schedule, but I have flexibility.

I'm more concerned about not feeling involved in DD's learning. So, I imagine that I am more involved than most working DH's likely are. We're leaning towards unschooling, but I'm the one who has been reading up on all the requirements, working through our strategies, figuring out what direction to take.

But, none of this will work if I tell DH and DD what to do. DD is a very self-directed learner, at my worst I am a control freak whose feelings are hurt very easily, and at his worst DH is passive aggressive avoider. So, we really all have to work together on this path so none of us feels pushed or ignored. So, I put together stuff I think they will enjoy so they can choose any of these activities at any time.

On a day-to-day basis though it's up to DH and DD to figure out what to do. I set up or suggest play dates, lessons, etc. But, I always check in with them first to see if it's something they'd like to do; I'm just better at organizing. I don't think we could work together anymore than we already are.

Holli
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Old 06-04-2009, 10:03 PM
 
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Wow...I don't need guidance and supervision LOL. I don't mind discussion and input, and opinions.
ditto.

My DH gives his input and opinions and we discuss any major changes or decisions in our h/s but I handle it for the most part.

Proud *single* mom to 3 amazing kiddos
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Old 06-04-2009, 11:33 PM
 
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Practical help with kids and housework

I think my dh could and will contribute a lot with nature and science.
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Old 06-05-2009, 12:35 AM
 
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We're not Christian so the idea of a leader/supervisor (sorry can't remember the term) in the family just feels wrong to me.
My husband is phenomenal. We're partners and he pitches in where ever there is a need. Most of the homeschooling stuff falls under my domain just due to time but he does lots of stuff on his own with the kids that has nothing to do with me - building rockets is the latest thing.
Yep this.. this is not a business, it is a family.. we don't have supervisors. While I do pretty much everything related to homeschooling with the kids, I do share my choices of curriculum and things I'm plannign with my dh... just so he's in the loop & to share it with him.. NOT for his 'approval or guidance' If he said he approved of something I'd probably vomit on his shoes. lol

IMO it really sounds like this guy is doing not much more than giving husbands cart blanche to armchair quarterback... and be lazy buggers. My dh KNOWS I expect him to do housework etc when he sees it needs done, because we all make the messes so we are ALL responsible for cleaning them up!

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I voted other. The main thing I want is recognition for being the super human mom that I am.
damn, can I change my answer to that please? lol

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Old 06-05-2009, 09:06 AM
 
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The wording is a bit off for me...I don't want "help" because that implies that the job is fundamentally mine and he's just a helper rather than a full equal partner in parenting.
Exactly. We're partners, none of the choices in that question sound right to me.
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Old 06-05-2009, 09:29 AM
 
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I was thinking about why "guidance and supervision" from my dh would not be what I want.

I know more than dh does about hs and handling dd. I've done the research. I've found the curriculum. I've done the budgeting. I took care of the registration. I've worked with dd.
If dh started TELLING me I needed to do things differently at this point I would be angry. He does not have more training at this or greater experience. If he wants to be involved or in a supervisory position then he should be doing even more than 50%.
I realize in a lot of families it is more equally divided but it isn't in ours. Even if dh did more I'd still feel that unless he had been hs dd for years and I hadn't or currently did the majority of the hs work that he has no business supervising and guiding.

Kim ~mom to one awesome dd (12)

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Old 06-05-2009, 10:17 AM
 
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well if they exist, i'm not friends with them. no one i know IRL has a husband that supervises them ,lol. i'm joining a christian co-op for the first time next year though, so maybe i'll run into some of them. that would be interesting to say the least!
I've met one father that h/s his children in a class we took a while back. He said his wife worked. He had a disability. He was one of the nicest parents I had met at that time, even nicer than some of the mothers I had met in that particular class, very easy to talk to. It was refreshing.

__________________________________
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19 yr old
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Old 06-05-2009, 11:25 AM
 
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I didn't vote.

I may get a bit of backlash for this......but I don't even want my DH to be a partner in homeschooling. I want him to leave me to it. Thus far he has supported and trusted me in the HSing choices we have made - and it is wonderful:

With regards to HSing, pretty much everything has been my responsibility (and joy). I do the research, order the resources, attend the HS things, I do it all. Without question, this is due to the logistics - I work 15 hours a week, and he works 40. However, even if we both worked 20 hours a week I would be willing to bet a lot of money I would do most of the HSing stuff - I know myself, and I know my husband.

So if he were to suddenly want to "be a partner" on this HSing journey I would be a little irked. I don't want to have to defer to someone who has not done any research or exploring on the topic, nor shown any inclination to get involved in a hands on way.

If he changed - and did some research and wanted to be involved - that would be great - and I would welcome his input....but as it stands.....nah.
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Old 06-05-2009, 11:41 AM
 
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I've met one father that h/s his children in a class we took a while back. He said his wife worked. He had a disability. He was one of the nicest parents I had met at that time, even nicer than some of the mothers I had met in that particular class, very easy to talk to. It was refreshing.
i don't know why you're quoting me, lol. i never implied fathers don't homeschool. my husband teaches music to my kids, and would take on more subjects if he were ever home. my comment was in reference to not knowing people IRL whose husbands "supervise" & control them all in the name of God.

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Old 06-05-2009, 01:05 PM
 
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Hmmm....I really want good loving from my husband. I would want that regardless of where my children are educated.

Seriously, I do compartmentalize what I desire from my husband in terms of homeschooling persay. He and I graduated from the same University and have very similar educational standards for our children. We spend a lot of time talking and thinking through curricula and directions to go in with each child and I think this helps us to be on board with each other. In reality, we are both educators and administrators over their education. We do, however, have different daily roles as my husband works fulltime outside the home.
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Old 06-05-2009, 03:56 PM
 
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Ick. Yeah, no, I don't need a male's guidance on something I've taught myself to do well and do every day, just because he's a male/patriarch, which is how that e-mail message reads to me.

I like bouncing ideas off dh sometimes. I like having the freedom to go about my day with the kids without needing to check in with a "boss." I adore it when he does housework. That's just not my favorite thing, so the less I have to do, the better. I love, love, love it when he comes home and has an idea of his own to do with the kids. They really benefit from having two active, engaged parents rather than one "teacher" and one "other." I like us having muddy roles. DH does Break Time with the kids -- he'll bring home something electronic or mechanical he got from work or found somewhere, take out the toolbox, and he and the kids will deconstruct it and play with the pieces. That's his specialty. He'll also do Game Night, ask for their help with various kitchen projects (right now they're making sauerkraut and pickles of all sorts), answer a million questions, and read and make up stories. He doesn't need to ask me to do these things with the kids any more than I need to ask him to before doing my own projects and activities with them. It's all good.
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Old 06-05-2009, 04:26 PM
 
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Practical help, without a doubt!

My dh is excellent in this regards in terms of dinner prep, housework, etc. He will also give his opinion, which I value, when I have educational decisions to make. But he knows that this is my full-time gig, and he respects that most of the decisions to make will be mine.
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Old 06-05-2009, 10:54 PM
 
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I may get a bit of backlash for this......but I don't even want my DH to be a partner in homeschooling. I want him to leave me to it. Thus far he has supported and trusted me in the HSing choices we have made - and it is wonderful:
I think I was misunderstood When I said we are partners, I meant in our marriage! As far as that extends to homeschooling is that he is extremely supportive of hs and says whatever you need to spend for the kids materials, if we have it, go for it. I DO share what we are doing and what I've chosen for them, but as I said it's more so he's in the loop. And.. well when he see's the cool things we are doing it makes him that much MORE of a hs advocate (for when family or other ppl make 'comments') Yeah, if he came along and said well *I* think you should be doing this or this instead... there would most assuredly be ruffled feathers! But if he said, ya know, I saw x in the city today and I think the kids might get a lot out of it.. wanna go in this weekend as a group? That I'd be happy with

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Old 06-05-2009, 11:07 PM
 
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I think I was misunderstood When I said we are partners, I meant in our marriage! As far as that extends to homeschooling is that he is extremely supportive of hs and says whatever you need to spend for the kids materials, if we have it, go for it. I DO share what we are doing and what I've chosen for them, but as I said it's more so he's in the loop. And.. well when he see's the cool things we are doing it makes him that much MORE of a hs advocate (for when family or other ppl make 'comments') Yeah, if he came along and said well *I* think you should be doing this or this instead... there would most assuredly be ruffled feathers! But if he said, ya know, I saw x in the city today and I think the kids might get a lot out of it.. wanna go in this weekend as a group? That I'd be happy with
Nice post!

I also like the earlier post when the poster said what she most wants from her husband is good loving. Holds true for me too!

I am not entirely sure this is a homeschooling question. It is just an education question. I am glad that by and large DH and I are on the same page and he leaves me to it. If we weren't on the same page what I would want from him would be an informed opinion and that we would hash it out until there was consensus. I expect this of my children as well - and as they age I expect that they will hold the reigns more and more on their education.

Kathy
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Old 06-05-2009, 11:25 PM
 
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Nice post!

I also like the earlier post when the poster said what she most wants from her husband is good loving. Holds true for me too!

Kathy
Why ty I totally agree with that second bit too.. AND something that isn't *quite* in the realm of practical, but I want (and have thankfully!) a DH that encourages me to take time for my own sanity. I think as mums, and even more so as hs mums, that gets pushed to the back burner and forgotten. I could NOT do what I do daily with our boys if he didn't at times MAKE me gtfo of the house and go do things for myself!! So not technically 'practical' but definitely necessary.

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Old 06-08-2009, 01:06 AM
 
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I'm just curious, because I've received a forwarded message, by someone on a local homeschool chat board I'm part of, telling about a free e-vent hosted by a prominent conservative Christian homeschooling organization. One man is available to tell YOUR husbands, for free, that you are less interested in getting practical help from him, than you are in getting his guidance.
In my church, the women's organization has mini-classes for that pertain to the interests / needs of the members. Anyone can put their two cents in on what classes / lessons they'd like. Likewise, it's pretty open to who is leading the class too, we push for someone who is competent. The classes can vary in size from 3-30 (at least the ones I've attended). Some of us are more articulate in naming our classes than other, lol! Here's is my take on the above--

There's a few women who homeschool, attend the same church, and have similar difficulties as far as homeschooling and their husbands are concerned. I read the above as: "okay, honey, when we're homeschooling you like to come and do 'xyz', I'd really like you to do, 'abc' . . ."

I think, if these women were supressed as some of the other replies suggest, they wouldn't be in a position to set up a class to *guide* their husbands in homeschooling.

As far as what "guidance" means from my (Christian) perspective-- In order to guide effectively, one must first know who Christ is and then strive to emulate Him. This would entail a husband / father spending his time and energy loving, serving, uplifting, liberating, praying, even dying if necessary for his wife and children. A wife and child in response to this guidance would in turn love, serve, uplift, liberate, etc. for one another. Being guided and receiving guidance in this sense is not about power or dominance. It is about recognizing that we have a Father in Heaven who loves us, who wants the best for us, and trusting in His direction.

I think the op brought up a great point, this is a common misconception.

MTC,

dain
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Old 06-08-2009, 01:27 AM
 
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I'll be doing most of the schooling while the kids are young (purely because I am the SAHP), up until age ten or so, then I'll probably need him to help with math and science (luckily I married someone with a degree in science and loves math!). But I expect him to take an interest in the kids' work and for him to support me and be understanding that homeschooling and taking care of kids is hard work and I might not always have dinner on the table or the laundry folded or whatever.

I mean, if the kids were in school, I would expect him to read to them, to look over their work, and to help explain things. With my public-schooled stepkids, there were some things he was better at explaining, and sometimes you just need someone else's take on it for it to make sense. I'll definitely expect him to back me up and help enforce that work gets done and that goals are met, etc.

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Old 06-08-2009, 04:49 AM
 
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Well, technically my husband is supervising the homeschooling of our children. We live in WA and he has a college degree and I don't... so he is the qualified parent. Hahaha.
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Old 06-10-2009, 01:07 PM
 
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Originally Posted by kathymuggle View Post
I may get a bit of backlash for this......but I don't even want my DH to be a partner in homeschooling. I want him to leave me to it. Thus far he has supported and trusted me in the HSing choices we have made - and it is wonderful:

With regards to HSing, pretty much everything has been my responsibility (and joy). I do the research, order the resources, attend the HS things, I do it all. Without question, this is due to the logistics - I work 15 hours a week, and he works 40. However, even if we both worked 20 hours a week I would be willing to bet a lot of money I would do most of the HSing stuff - I know myself, and I know my husband.

So if he were to suddenly want to "be a partner" on this HSing journey I would be a little irked. I don't want to have to defer to someone who has not done any research or exploring on the topic, nor shown any inclination to get involved in a hands on way.

If he changed - and did some research and wanted to be involved - that would be great - and I would welcome his input....but as it stands.....nah.
THIS. EX-ACTLY. Even the hours worked LOL!

(I voted "other")

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Old 06-10-2009, 02:41 PM
 
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Guidance and supervision? No way, I know way more about this stuff than he does.
Practical help with kids and housework? Yep, he's much better at cleaning the house and doing laundrey than I am.
Input - when asked, since I'm doing the research and planning it would be weird for him to pipe up with an uneducated opinion. In areas where I know he has valuable information, or in areas where I am weighing different options, we discuss it as partners.
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Old 06-10-2009, 04:37 PM
 
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Wow...I don't need guidance and supervision LOL. I don't mind discussion and input, and opinions. Supervision and guidance just makes me feel like a child LOL.


Hear! Hear! I am older than my DH and certainly don't need him treating me as though I were his child. Now, it is one thing to offer good and practical advise but it is quite another to let him lord over me. If he has something to offer by way of ideas I am all for it though I would be much more grateful if he were to actually pick up after himself instead.
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