"You're being overprotective....how will they learn to deal with..." - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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Old 01-22-2010, 01:17 PM
 
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Originally Posted by junie View Post
"Well I'm not so sure that public school DOES teach kids to deal with bullies effectively. I mean, I went to public school, and I can't seem to get YOU to leave me alone . . . ." (This would be in response to someone who refuses to respect your decisions and won't leave you alone. To me that's being a bully.)
I this line.

The 'dealing with bullies' thing hits very close to home. I went to p.s. and was bullied to the point of molestation as a middle schooler. Now, at that time (1980) we really didn't have the vocabulary or awareness of that kind of thing being an 'issue' but the bully aspect of it was very real, and continued literally until the day I graduate high school (verbal harrassment). I never really had a handle on how to deal with it effectively; it turned me into a negative and depressed person. Thankfully I went on to success in university but the residue and scars never truly disappear. I suffered mightily and begged my parents to switch schools, or not go to school, but there simply was no frame of reference for them and they couldn't do it.

Fast forward...my oldest daughter was the victim of a bully in first grade (private religious school). The school was unwilling or unable to deal with the situation effectively. We coached her on how to respond, role played, etc. but a 6 year old (quiet, thoughtful, sensitive girl) who is continuously targeted does not have the tools to counter a bully without the support of the adults around her. We pulled her out of the school.

Now, as a 9 year old, when she was confronted this year by a 'mean girl' scenario, she stood up for herself and the mean girls' other victim(s) by getting in their faces and shouting "I DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU'RE DOING. STOP IT RIGHT NOW." And they did. She has the tools to deal with it; she knew the adults around her would support her; and she had enough time to develop her inner courage and fortitude -- plus a lot of role play with us on 'what to do when' scenarios.

Anyway.

I loved that blog piece, by the way, on 'socializing' in school. Great thread!

 "Now bid me run, and I will strive with things impossible." (William Shakespeare -- Julius Caesar)

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Old 01-22-2010, 02:16 PM
 
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So what? Why does homeschooling have to be superior in every way, in order for it to be a good choice? Why can't it just be mostly better?
Thanks junie and everyone on this thread. I really appreciate the thought-provoking conversation.

The most stimulating conversation I have had other than this, today, was one about how "Yes, your breakfast pizza should taste like breakfast pizza with orange juice on it. ...Because you spilled orange juice on it."

Also thanks to chaoticzenmom for posting the blog link. I enjoyed it a lot.
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Old 01-25-2010, 02:57 AM
 
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IME, most of the bullying that goes on in schools would be considered harassment and/or assault in the adult world.
Yes, thank you for saying that. I know I get a lot of flack from my family because they think the only reason I homeschool my kids is because I had a horrible time in late elementary school and all through high school.

Sure, it's one of the many reasons I've chosen to homeschool, but I don't think it should be waved off as insignificant. in the 'real world', if someone decides to hurl a condom full of mashed potatoes at me- or at my child- in a crowded room like a library or restaurant, people would likely be horrified and an appropriate action would be taken against the person doing it. My child would learn to deal with this particular assault with strength because of normal society rules in action.

When I was in high school, someone did this to me in a crowed lunch room and other students cheered her. Administration and lunchroom staff did nothing about it, though they asked me if I wanted to eat lunch in a secluded area in the dean's office. What sort of lesson did that teach me? Certainly not something that would apply to the real world, that's for sure!

nature and art loving homeschooling mom to a half-dozen little treasures.
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Old 01-25-2010, 04:18 PM
 
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Yes, thank you for saying that. I know I get a lot of flack from my family because they think the only reason I homeschool my kids is because I had a horrible time in late elementary school and all through high school.

Sure, it's one of the many reasons I've chosen to homeschool, but I don't think it should be waved off as insignificant. in the 'real world', if someone decides to hurl a condom full of mashed potatoes at me- or at my child- in a crowded room like a library or restaurant, people would likely be horrified and an appropriate action would be taken against the person doing it. My child would learn to deal with this particular assault with strength because of normal society rules in action.

When I was in high school, someone did this to me in a crowed lunch room and other students cheered her. Administration and lunchroom staff did nothing about it, though they asked me if I wanted to eat lunch in a secluded area in the dean's office. What sort of lesson did that teach me? Certainly not something that would apply to the real world, that's for sure!
Uhg!I'm sorry this happened to you.And you're right, I think it's much better to let our child learn life lessons in the real world.

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Old 01-25-2010, 06:23 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mykdsmomy View Post
Lately I've been hearing "you are too protective...they need to learn how to deal with bullies/peer pressure/etc" OR "If you shelter them from all the bad, then how are they going to deal with a mean boss or superior that they don't get along with?"

I have found that, in general, it is a lot easier to teach a child how to effectively cope with/understand something when they are a bit older, than when they are still very young.

You could ask why people use baby gates on steps, keep knives away from toddlers, hold their hands while crossing the road. They will eventually need to learn how to handle all those things, but parents generally wait til it is developmentally appropriate to teach them, not toss them in to figure it out for themselves.

(mind you, some homeschooler do seem to be over protective, and sheltering, and I'm sure that is where the stereotype comes from, but I am assuming you are not one of those )

nothing more to say I guess :
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