A new "reason" not to homeschool.... - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 14 Old 05-20-2010, 12:05 AM - Thread Starter
 
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so, my dad is totally against hsing, well, he thinks that maybe it might work somewhere, but certainly it FREAKS him out thinking that we will be hsing.
anyway, his latest reason not to hs (cause there have been a couple of pedofile teachers lately in the schools that were his holy grail, and then there was a study that showed that 66% of 3rd graders in our state are reading below profiency, and other stuff that has blown his other reasons out of the water without me even saying anything):
"it is too hard on the mother to have to do that"!!!
as if working full time, juggling two or three kids, having DH work full time, and then get kids to activities, help with homework, get dinner cooked, house cleaned, errands run, kids to and from before and after school care, figure out what to do during the summer, that isn't hard? like that would be easier than working part time and hsing? seriously??? that is how i would want to live???
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#2 of 14 Old 05-20-2010, 12:28 AM
 
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Well, to be honest, I've seen a LOT of mother burnout amongst my homeschooling friends. It's one of the big reasons that I sent my kids to school after homeschooling for several years.

That said, there are definitely ways to minimize the stress. And of course, everyone is different. Some people thrive when they spend the majority of their day with their children. Other people feel like they're better parents when they have regular breaks away from their kids.

I think that one of the best ways to avoid burnout is to make sure you cultivate your own interests and have a little bit of a life away from your kids. For me, that included regular days away from my kids, regular dates with DH, regular outings with friends, and involvement in adult organizations.

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#3 of 14 Old 05-20-2010, 03:18 AM
 
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I agree with Ann that taking time for your own interests is very important. Also finding support and keeping a balance and awareness that perfection is not realistic or even desirable. Enjoy the journey.

Being right is not always fair, but being fair is always right
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#4 of 14 Old 05-20-2010, 08:25 AM
 
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Originally Posted by rachel_eva View Post
"it is too hard on the mother to have to do that"!!!
He probably has a certain image of what hsing looks like and feels THAT would be hard. It's sort of sweet that he's switched his concerns from the children to YOU though--maybe he's running out of reasons why hsing is a bad idea for the kids.

The thing about hsing is that with the amount of choice one has it can be changed to fit the family's needs. When you're hsing, you get to decide. If something isn't working, you change it. If you're feeling overwhelmed, you cut back on things, if the kids are bored, find more interesting activities. If it feels "too hard on the mother" (or the kids!) then make adjustments so it doesn't. It should be an enjoyable journey.

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#5 of 14 Old 05-20-2010, 11:43 AM
 
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If it feels "too hard on the mother" (or the kids!) then make adjustments so it doesn't. It should be an enjoyable journey.
And often one reason it feels hard on the mother is because she is not getting support and is having to deal with disapproving family members. So he could actually make it easier on her.
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#6 of 14 Old 05-20-2010, 12:30 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Needle in the Hay View Post
And often one reason it feels hard on the mother is because she is not getting support and is having to deal with disapproving family members. So he could actually make it easier on her.
Touché!

Miranda

Mountain mama to three great kids and one great grown-up

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#7 of 14 Old 05-20-2010, 03:11 PM
 
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homeschooling my kids is 10billion times easier than when they were in PS

Aron Mama to 6 homeschoolers -- 12, 10, 8, 5, 3, baby

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#8 of 14 Old 05-20-2010, 09:47 PM
 
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One of my homeschool friends had a similar conflict with her Dad. They actually have a very close relationship, and she was really upset by his negative reaction to homeschooling. Once she helped him see that homeschooling helped her simplify life for her family, he came around.

My Dad has some of those concerns for me, as well. He tells me, often, "I don't see how you do it all!" I would like to have less on my plate, but I would choose more homeschool hours and lighten up on the work hours.
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#9 of 14 Old 05-21-2010, 12:23 PM
 
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I have gone through the same thing with my father at the beginning of the school year. I get all kinds of reasons not to homeschool. I always get from him that kids go to public school to give their mothers a break. Well, dd went to public school for one year, and I spent half my day dropping her off and picking her up from school. Plus the homework (for a kindergartner!!). Much easier to homeschool.

This year from my father I also heard that homeschooled cant get into college. WRONG!! In my speech class last semester, I met a young man who was homeschooled and he is almost done with his degree.

I almost dread August, because even though my dad rarely calls me, he will call frequently to give me his two cents on h'sing.

dd 8, ds 6, ds 4,: (12/08), ds 1, me and dh:yawning Simplifying my life one day at a time! 925/2010
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#10 of 14 Old 05-21-2010, 11:40 PM
 
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homeschooling my kids is 10billion times easier than when they were in PS
there is some real truth in this.
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#11 of 14 Old 05-22-2010, 09:33 AM
 
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My dh and I actually had to do a similar thinking last week. I have chronic health problems, and right now they are acting up. My doctor actually suggested that I consider sending my kids to ps in the fall to help simplify my life a bit, mostly because she's worried about the things my heart are doing right now. So, dh and I did seriously discuss it and try to figure out if ps or hs was going to be the better choice with our current lifestyle. With psing, I have to make sure everyone has appropriate clothes washed and ready daily, fill out paperwork to petition to get a bus stop assigned to my street corner I live on because my health doesn't allow me to take 4 kids to the bus stop a half mile away at a dangerous intersection, deal with field trips, homework, calls from the principal, fighting to get dd1 the services she needs for her learning challenges, and a ton of other stuff. Now, most of that stuff actually would cause more problems with my health, as it is the stuff that requires me to be standing or moving or talking that is hardest for me physically. With hsing, I can lie on the sofa and read aloud or teach a math lesson, although I have the stress of being solely responsible for their educations and that is a HUGE stress for me. But honestly, stress from responsibility causes me a lot less problems than physical exertion does right now. Yes, its a really difficult juggle with hsing and being a FT college student (taking my classes online, thank goodness for good laptops and wireless internet access) but its a lot easier than the ps juggle with my college classes. At least, at this point its easier because I have little kids..................

I really don't get that arguement that hs is too hard on mom. But maybe its just because of my particular situation.

Cat- FT ministry student and Sonlight hsing momma to a wild crew of girls
Melissa 4/03, Lydia 5/04, Kimberly 1/06, and Jordan 9/07

And waiting impatiently on baby Isaiah ******* to appear around 3/12

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#12 of 14 Old 05-22-2010, 10:29 AM
 
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I'm having to develop a thicker skin than I naturally have in regard to the comments I get about my child raising and educating choices. For the most part, those choices we've made in regard to the children's education that have been the most strongly criticized by family members, have turned out well and people have stopped saying anything negative. Either that, or they figure that their comments didn't change anything anyway so they just stopped talking.
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#13 of 14 Old 05-22-2010, 10:37 AM
 
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Wow. I look at all my friends who send their kids to public school and think: "Phew! I am glad we don't do that!"

My kids are young, so maybe it will be worse when they are older. But right now, I cannot imagine dragging my kids out of bed every morning, dealing with teachers and school issues, sports, after school issues, sick kids missing school...

The stress my dh and I have related to homeschooling is how successful we are, are we doing what our child needs... all that decision making stuff. I would be a public school teacher's worst nightmare! Because I would be visiting the school, checking in on my kids....trying to be in the classroom.

I, too, have learned to not personalize people's judgement about homeschooling. As it is my family's decision to do this, no one else's.
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#14 of 14 Old 05-23-2010, 09:11 PM
 
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It is hard ! but like you said, so is going to work all day and having to let someone else raise your kids part of the day ! My little side vent here is that it is kind of sad to me (and I hope I don't offend anyone) that in our society we have made it more socially acceptable to pop out babies and hand them off to someone else for the majority of the day than to decide to have children because you enjoy them and be the one to take care of them *gasp* it would be more acceptable to hand them off to someone else so you can take care of someone else's kids !
Anyhow, it is hard, and I think we will always feel like we are never doing enough, good enough, the right things, etc. As mothers, every where wer turn, we will see people who don't even try getting patted on the back and called "good mommies" while we face criticism for not being good enough. It seems that as moms, the harder we try, the guiltier we feel for not getting it right. You know the right thing for your children, and everyone else will have to live with that- they are your children, not theirs.
My aunt homeschooled all of my cousins, and for years I had to listen to people say " those kids won't be well-adjusted", "they'll never make it in the real world." They are making it better than most people I know ! They are kind, hard-working, intelligent kids. All of the boys graduated high school at 16; and they all knew they wanted to be firefighters. They became volunteer fire figheters right off the bat, and eventually worked up to academy. They recently organized a trip to Haiti with a group of local firemen- awesome youg guys, taught all at home by 1 mom, with a dad that worked graveyard their entire lives, and 6 kids !
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