I feel like a failure - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 09-07-2010, 10:58 AM - Thread Starter
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Everything has started to hit the roof and i'm not even sure this is where to post this or not...i skimmed over mothering and this seems like the best fit....if it needs to be moved its ok.
My 5yo has been raised 100% AP, from day 1, at this moment of our lives he sleeps on a mattress beside our bed on the floor, he is still nursing 1-2 times a day. We for the most part are more unschooly in our rules on just about everything here at home from when and where we eat to when we go to sleep. He has unlimited range of the TV and his gaming, up until the past 3 weeks. We live in Mexico and i enrolled him in a private school where a wonderful friend of mine works and our friends send both their boys too.
He went everyday up till a week ago. I posted about it here...i dont know how to post a link...but anyways....he was going to bed early, getting into a routine for school. Up until a week ago he loved going to school. I have had several meetings with the school since the incident and they have agreed to change things in the classroom and want my son to give it another chance. I came home and talk to my son and he agreed. So last night we all go to bed early and this morning i wake him up...nurse him..i'm super excited he's going to try it again...we talked about what he's going to do today at school and what we can do when he comes home...and when it comes time to get dressed...he flat out refuses...he will not get dressed...we talk for over an hour about why he doesnt want to go to school and how much better it's going to be today..i even bribed him with a new game...and he will not get dressed. I'm emotionally spent with trying to make this work anymore. Ive been to several meetings at the school, my grandmother died last week, i'm 9 weeks pregnant, my husband has emotionally checked out on me the past week. I feel isolated here in Mexico, i do have wonderful friends and i am close to Texas...but my family is so far away.
I'm over it all, i feel like i should be mean and make him go and make him sleep in his own room and he should wean and he should do like everyone else does and listen when then parents ask him to do things. I feel like i did it all wrong form day one.
And all my little boy says...is "mommy i want you to homeschool me". And i'm so upset with my self and him and my husband that i just feel like i failed. Like the past 5 years was my just being lazy and giving in to my child. Why has society and friends and family pressured me so much that i feel this way. It's like our life is on the block and everyone feels like they can give their opinion and that i'm all wrong at the way i did it.
I just dont want to feel like this anymore....i want to know that i did it right..that i didnt mess it all up....but i'm not finding that type of support from anyone. I dont even know where to start as far as homeschooling, i dont feel like i'm smart enough of creative enough to teach him anything. I've just failed at all of this and what in the world am i doing having another baby when i dont even know how to handle the ones i have. I'm a mess....i just want to get int he car and leave and be by my self and soak all this in.
I cant write anymore, i'm to upset.

Mami to fly-by-nursing2.gifds 4 wks, ds 2yo, ds 6yo, dd 11yo, ds 17 yo. novaxnoIRC.gifwaterbirth.jpg
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#2 of 5 Old 09-07-2010, 11:49 AM
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#3 of 5 Old 09-07-2010, 01:05 PM
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I'm sure there are many people who can say this better than I. But if you want to homeschool, don't let "i dont feel like i'm smart enough of creative enough to teach him anything" stop you! There are lots of curriculums to buy where everything is planned out and written out for you. You don't have to be a college professor to teach a 5 year old -- you just have to remember enough of Kindergarten and 1st grade -- or at least be able to read a day ahead in the curriculum books.

Jen, former sys admin and current geek , wife to DH , SAHM and Montessori homeschool teacher to DD "Nugget" (05/07) and new arrival DS "Sprout" (03/31/10)
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#4 of 5 Old 09-07-2010, 04:24 PM
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Up to now, you have responded to your child's needs. Just because this need is a little more public doesn't make it any less of a need.

I'm unclear as to whether you want to homeschool him or not. But I'll tell you this: no fancy private school can give him a better education than his own mom can. Schools are subject to following the latest trends in education, thought up by someone who is clever at marketing their ideas. And fancy private schools are under even more pressure to jump on the latest bandwagons.

Teachers go to Teachers College to learn classroom management. Especially in elementary school, they are by no means experts in any particular subject. They simply follow a curriculum, often one they had no hand in choosing. You, however, have the advantage if truly knowing your son. I promise that he will get the best possible education if you homeschool him.

BUT, the isolation that you feel is more worrisome. If homeschooling is not common in Mexico, you won't have a ready-made homeschool group like so many in the US have. I'm lucky that here in Abu Dhabi there are many expats who homeschool. So you'll have to go out of your way to find opportunities for both you and your son to make friends. I would suggest Cub Scouts or a sports team as good starting points. Mexico is so full of Americans, is there really no place you can go to make friends? I remember my parents had a great group of friends in Mexico they met by joining a Sports Club.

For your child, though, you've built an incredibly strong bond with him. Breaking that bond when he's facing a tough time would be really confusing and stressful for him. It really sounds to me like this school is not a good fit for him. I would urge you to listen to your instincts and to him.

By the way, it's true that in many ways, AP is taking the easy way--because meetings child's needs is easier than fighting your instincts to do what others tell you to do. But the difficulty in AP is in standing strong when the winds of the mainstream push you in directions your child is not ready for. You're not lazy, you're brave!

I think that whether or not you end up putting your child in school,*this* school just isn't the right fit.

ETA: I just re-read the OP and noticed that you have many friends, but it doesn't sound like they're terribly supportive of your parenting. Where can you find more like-minded friends? Is there a LLL group, or Holistic Moms, or maybe an Attachment Parenting Internationa groupl in your area? I bet if you search for those groups you might come across some pace in your area where you can meet more moms that parent like you do.
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#5 of 5 Old 09-07-2010, 05:35 PM - Thread Starter
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I'm close enough to Texas that i am part of a LLL and AP group. There is several home school groups in Texas, Texas is about 20-30 min from our home here in Mexico. The AP group though is wonderful however they all have small children, It's different when you have older one's ya know!
My one friend here in Mexico hs her 2 boys for the past 5 years and says she regrets it, because they are behind according to this private school. The more i look at it...your right about private schools being all into these theory's about this and that. I had a meeting yesterday with the owner of the school and she went on and on about a study she read mentions that the mom and dad are the king and queen of the castle and that the children are inferior to the parents and she went on and on. And i finally stopped her and said, i dont agree with that at all. Then she changed the subject. But your so right.

Mami to fly-by-nursing2.gifds 4 wks, ds 2yo, ds 6yo, dd 11yo, ds 17 yo. novaxnoIRC.gifwaterbirth.jpg
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