need to vent!!! - Mothering Forums
Learning at Home and Beyond > need to vent!!!
mamamoogs's Avatar mamamoogs 09:44 PM 10-06-2010
ok so a childhood friend and myself reconnect after 20 some years of losing touch anyhow she has two kids 7 and 5 i hear from her all the time how gifted they are and how her ( the mom) is responsible for their success, ok Great. I am really am very happy her sweet littel girls are so smart...really
I never enough thought to compare our kids but apparently she has been.

I say this because the other day i tell her how( my friend) that my sitter's son writes his own name amongst other things( he just turned 3) and how impressed I am and my old friend goes on to say big deal her kids were witing at 3 years of age too, and then proceeded to ask me what I do all day because my 3 year old knows nothing and my 6 year old cant even read yet (ofcourse she breaks the tension with a littel laugh) I didnt get defensive, i just stated the my oldest reads a littel and my youngets doesnt need to nothing at 3 except how to play and that we take more of an unschooling approach.

in that breathe she claims that i am lazy not teaching my children, i explain you cant make a kid learn and she says i should be sitting them down and making them do school work all day (after all I am home all day) She is a nurse works three days a week and is home the rest of the week and her kids do not get home to almost 5 from school and then have other activites, in my opinion she doesnt see her kids enough smart or not. but ofcourse i will keep my opinions to myself... ohwell i am done.. I think I will have to try to keep the kids out of our conversation somehow. thanks for reading :0)

zebrachick83's Avatar zebrachick83 10:30 PM 10-06-2010
Wow. I don't know any "friend" who would talk to me like that. That is just rude. SAHMs and WAHMs who homeschool are already expected to be super-moms by the public, so our friends should support us and encourage us, not try to make us feel inferior to them. I'm sorry she treated you like that. Even if I left the kids out of my conversation with her, I'd certainly have to tell her about how she made me feel. Big hugs!
1ColoradoMomma's Avatar 1ColoradoMomma 11:26 PM 10-06-2010
You just keep listening to your intuition. I'd much rather err on the side of attachment (which helps your kids' brains develop fully) than having over-scheduled, stressed out kids. Dd started reading words before she was 2 (self-taught), and ds is far from following in her footsteps -- he's just not ready yet. I don't think that this means that dd will be more "successful" or happy in life than ds. It just means that they learn differently. You're doing fine!
CariOfOz's Avatar CariOfOz 05:28 AM 10-07-2010
Originally Posted by zebrachick83 View Post
Wow. I don't know any "friend" who would talk to me like that. That is just rude.
Um yeah... friend would find herself Unfriended real quick. Honestly, I have little time for people that feel the need to be RUDE and insulting.
jvdsista's Avatar jvdsista 01:12 PM 10-07-2010
she's probably just jealous that you spend so much quality time with your kids,and aren't stressing out over teaching your 3yr old calculus!lol. She probably just envies the bond u have with your kids.
cappuccinosmom's Avatar cappuccinosmom 02:47 PM 10-07-2010

Her comments are just ridiculous.
Starflower's Avatar Starflower 05:05 PM 10-07-2010
I would not keep a "friend" like this. How obnoxious! And if she is taking credit for her children's successes and smarts, then she has much bigger issues than being rude.
LessTraveledBy's Avatar LessTraveledBy 07:41 AM 10-10-2010
Good for her (in a way) being able to be naive enough to think she "made" her kids smart. I would imagine at some point life will teach her to know better. (We have a godson who is very speacial needs.... I had hypothyroidism while I was pregnant so we were very blessed dd did not suffer from it... The list goes on and on, really, just looking around at the families we know. Lots of chance involved, much more than nature and nurture.)

And, since she seems to push her kids so much, you can just rest assured that how "smart" they really are, no one knows... I was made to learn how to read. That sort of stuff, + the school system, killed my joy and creativity. I am only looking for them now, in many ways.
elizawill's Avatar elizawill 10:59 AM 10-10-2010
Originally Posted by cappuccinosmom View Post

Her comments are just ridiculous.
honestly, i agree. i would not maintain a friendship that is so judgmental. i also do not believe in having imaginary competitions amongst our children. it's not a race, and it doesn't matter who can do what at age 3.
kittie313's Avatar kittie313 02:14 PM 10-10-2010
I ended a friendship from similar comments, and dstanced my own mother for making those kinds of remarks. We started hsing and the first time she spouted off her opinions of the matter, I quit calling her daily to chat for an hour just because I love talking with her and having that bond. Really hurts too, since she lives in a different time zone and I didn't even meet her until I was 18 (whole other story, not getting into it so don't ask) so having to distance her like that after spending so long without her at all really stings, but I know it is best. We aren't unschoolers (yet, we're quickly headed that way though with dd1's learning needs I think) but it doesn't make it hurt less to hear someone tell you that your oldest child is retarded or stupid because she wasn't reading at 3yo and that her LD's are your fault because you didn't push her from a young age.
SpiderMum's Avatar SpiderMum 05:36 PM 10-10-2010
In my opinion, anyone who thinks that about you and your kids...much less SAYS those things TO really your friend at all. Each child is different! Some read and write sooner...some later. She shouldn't be judging and comparing her children to yours and definitely shouldn't be making hateful comments about it.

I wouldn't waste anymore time on her, honestly.