Was homeschooling for preschool isolating and lonely for any of you? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 14 Old 02-21-2011, 11:31 AM - Thread Starter
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I have an only child who is about to turn 4 y/o. I worked really hard (I mean super hard) to build up friendships from the time she was born since we have no family or close friends where we live now. I found some great moms/kids, most of whom are attachment, green & natural, etc. We had a lot of fun and play dates for a couple of years. 

I am literally the only one who decided to homeschool. Every single one of dd's friends is now in preschool at least part time. So other than birthdays and really rare occasions she never sees her friends anymore. We go to story time at the library and a gymnastics class but that's it for socializing. I've tried the local homeschool group but naturally nothing is geared towards kids as young as her and we felt very out of place.

It's like we are in this limbo where we she is too young or too old for everything. It really sucks. We do a lot of fun things together but I can tell she is bored and lonely too often.

Did anyone else feel this way? Does it get better or easier as time goes on? Any advice? 

mama to three little ladies
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#2 of 14 Old 02-21-2011, 01:35 PM
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I know exactly how u feel...except i have 2 kids (4 & 2 yr old). I take them to swimming & art class's but either way I can tell that they feel weird when it comes to making new friends.  I only stay home with the because our city doesn't offer public preschool and a good preschool cost $800 plus a month. I can tell you that theres things my kids know that others dont get. My sisters have kids around the same age and they alway complain that their tired of cleaning up after the kids. I just laugh because both my kids help around the house, my son even likes to vaccum.  What they might lack in certain skills they make up in others.

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#3 of 14 Old 02-21-2011, 01:38 PM
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can you not plan playdates for after their preschool? playudates not have to be with lots of people just a invite to come over to one family is plenty or getting coffee together at mcds and letting the kids play... 


i cant imagin that now that they are in preschool they never spend time with anyone once they get home.

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#4 of 14 Old 02-21-2011, 09:20 PM
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Does the homeschooling group have an online yahoo (or other) group. I posted I was looking for preschool friends and found a couple that way. Also, try the tribal area here at MDC. I found a playgroup there. Like your situation, most of those kids will go to school, but it's some place to try.

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#5 of 14 Old 02-22-2011, 06:37 AM - Thread Starter
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Thanks so much for the replies. I think I just having a bad day and needed to vent. I've been very overwhelmed lately. To be honest, I'm really exhausted and I just don't feel like I have the time or energy to start a whole big deal of making friends and groups and such again.

I work in the late afternoons into the evenings and also on weekends. My dh watches dd during that time and while he is good about taking her out and will bring her to a party or something if I ask, there is no way he is going to initiate and plan play dates with other moms. Even if he did, I doubt it would work out on any type of regular basis. Everyone we know uses the weekends and evenings for family time.

I hate to make excuses but it's just a shame that this isn't working out well for us. Dd is up very early in the morning (her choice - not mine ... lol). Her best time to do things is in the morning. She still even naps in the afternoons most days. So it's like she's still on sort of a baby schedule .. I'm not really sure what to call it .. and everyone else has moved on from that.

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#6 of 14 Old 02-22-2011, 07:44 AM
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I think I am probably in the same situation.  DD is 4, turning 5 in April, and we have one friend with a similarly aged DD who is homeschooling.  Everyone else is or has sent their kiddo to school.  


We do a couple of classes a week, a dance class, and a gym type class. We try and have on playdate a week with friends (Her best friend is a Nov baby, so technically a year behind her school-wise) and we do stuff out together. Some weeks we don't have a playdate. 


Over all, you know, she's great.  And when I think back to my mom and me, we didn't do any of those things.  I never went to preschool, and I certainly didn't have playdates. LOL I hung out with my mom, and we just did what we did during the day.  Even once I was in school I don't remember playing with kids until I was over 6, and we had a bunch of kids who lived on our block, all with SAHMs, so we ran in a large pack. 


I think it can be okay.  Does your daughter seem upset by not having friends to play with? Even just going to the park can be a good way to socialize.  We do that a lot, I bring my knitting, and kiddo runs off to play.  She makes friends super fast and they have fun. 


I envy the napping you have going on though.  My mom still regales me with the fact that I took naps until I was 6 or so...and I had hoped. Nope, DD gave 'em up at right around 2 years old. LOL

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#7 of 14 Old 02-22-2011, 07:58 AM
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Originally Posted by AdinaL View Post
And when I think back to my mom and me, we didn't do any of those things.  I never went to preschool, and I certainly didn't have playdates. LOL I hung out with my mom, and we just did what we did during the day. 

Same here.


OP, you talk about "the local homeschool group." Is there only one? Are you certain? There are often homeschool groups that aren't as well known, and those are often the ones that are laid-back and more welcoming of entire family get-togethers rather than planned activities for certain age groups. I have never been part of a homeschool group that excludes small children, and we've homeschooled in three states. Younger siblings are always around, no matter the activity.

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#8 of 14 Old 02-22-2011, 01:31 PM
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I can definitely sympathize with you.  At the age of 3, most of my children's friends started going off to preschool and were not as available during the day to get together.  Not to mention, now that their children were in school, they weren't as concerned with socializing because they felt their children got enough of it during the school week.  Sometimes they could fit us into their busy schedule on the days their children weren't in school, but mostly they used those days to catch up on errands, etc.  We noticed in the summer, they were knocking down our door because school was out, and it got kind of annoying to only be someone's "summer friend".  


So, this is when I sought out other homeschoolers through our Yahoo Groups and found 3 that I had no idea existed!!!  They had activities that were good for all ages and some that were for the older crowd.  As another poster mentioned, most homeschoolers are inclusive of all ages and there are usually siblings of all ages running around.  Also, I don't know if this has already been mentioned, but the way I found the other moms that now make up our awesome preschool/K co-op is because someone posted on the yahoo group and asked if anyone had kids that were between 2-5 that wanted to get together, and people came out of the woodwork!  Most of them were too shy to post anything because they felt their DC were too young.  


I totally get why you are frustrated, but maybe reaching out to the homeschool group in your area to find out if there are any other moms with preschoolers your DD age would help??


Best of luck!

SAH, homeschooling mama to DS (1/06) and DD (3/07)
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#9 of 14 Old 02-23-2011, 04:47 AM
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Was it isolating? No, it was great. DD will be five in May. We moved when she was 2.5 to an area with an active homeschool
Community and went right along to the friendliest seeming group. They were totally accepting of us and yep, as Pp's have mentioned there are ALWAYS non-school age siblings around at homeschool groups.
If your local group (and I agree it probably isn't the only one) has a yahoo/google group it's definitely worth posting to see if anyone wants to get their younger kids out to a park day.

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#10 of 14 Old 02-23-2011, 05:22 AM
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I joined a local homeschool group when my oldest was only 4.  It is isolating being the only one not sending your kid to preschool.  However the homeschool group was very welcoming and we were able to participate in lots of activities (park days, parties, field trips).  The vast majority of homeschool activities are "entire family" events, so I'm sure you would find kids your child's age.   There's always younger siblings hanging around.

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#11 of 14 Old 02-24-2011, 06:45 AM
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If you do morning swim, gymnastics, etc. classes you will get the kids who are not in preschool. If you go to the park on nice mornings you will find them too.  But they are probably going to full day school for K.


The school year my daughter was 4 in October, we did gymnastics 3 days a week, choir once a week at a church, dance 1-2 times a week, and a lot of free swimming indoors.  Oh and I tried to do skating one a week or so.  That next summer she did her first year of summer swim league.  It was really a fun year.  She had learned to ride her bike the previous summer (I didn't allow training wheels so it happened relatively early) and we biked different places.   


I personally was not schooled for the preschool years (sent to K at 5), was an only child and could have cared less about playdates.  We lived in the country and I just wanted to do my own thing in the yard and lake and go to the library with my mommy.  I would have preferred to keep that up long term actually LOL.  You see what forum I'm in now as a mom.


The K year is all different as there are often many home school classes geared to K, K-1, K-2.  Also extracurriculars open up wide for that year ... a lot of sports leagues that did not do earlier ages will start with 5, and so forth.

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#12 of 14 Old 02-24-2011, 08:19 PM
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i felt that way at first. like you, we lost friends to pre-school and a few who moved away.  i also joined (after having found SOOO many hs groups online) a group.  we also had dance classes and library classes, etc.  i actually found that though *I* thought dd needed SOO much socializing time, we really only need about 1 playdate plus our classes a week. when i have managed to book lots of stuff for her she gets tired and cranky and actually asks me to just stay home.  i think we have unrealistic expectations about how much time they need with "peers" at the pre-school age.  my dd is pretty social and gregarious so i was really surprised when it worked out this way.  

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#13 of 14 Old 02-25-2011, 05:44 AM
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I keep tabs on our local homeschool group.There are many people in the group with very young kids,and some like me who do not homeschool at this time. I would keep at it with the homeschool group if that is your plan for the future. I bet there will be parents with older and very young kids,and they would welcome a mom who could set up something for the younger ones.

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#14 of 14 Old 02-25-2011, 06:19 AM
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guess ive cheated on this one, i will be homeschooling for K+ but my DD (almost 5) goes to preschool 2 days a week .. i have two younger kids & none of my friends had kids her age so we went with preschool.. but really its only good for dd, i dont see other moms or anything..

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