Current Homeschooler Considering "Regular" School - WWYD? (x-posted) - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 2 Old 04-21-2011, 01:30 PM - Thread Starter
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I have 4 children, the oldest finishing up first grade right now, the second working on K stuff, though he won't officially be registered as in K until the fall.


I WOHM full-time, and DH is a full-time SAHD. He does part of the school during the day, and I do part at night when I get home. For the most part, this works out fine. The children are progressing excellently. I do not feel they are lacking at all in their education - in fact I feel the opposite - I feel it would hold them back a bit in some areas to be in a "regular" (for lack of a better word) school. Although, admittedly, I am sure there are some other areas they would have more of an opportunity to develop at school.


So here is where the "problem" so to speak comes in. DH is not organized or structured. At all. And I worry that the kids aren't learning any structure and will have a difficult time with structure and organization as adults (like DH!). And in fact, DH gets quite frustrated. I worry about his mental / emotional well-being and how that affects the kids.I know it is a hard job (SAHD + HS) and it is a lot to ask of him. If I could do it and have him work, I would in a second. But that simply isn't an option for us.


Just considering schooling alone, I feel that HS is the best for me kids, for many reasons. I LOVE our curriculum, as do they (most days!). They are thriving. It's great. But then there's DH. And when I start considering him, I think that maybe it would be better for *everyone, the family as a whole* to but the kids in school. DH would get a break then. He could have the time the older ones are at school to focus on housework and the younger ones. I think then he would be more refreshed when the olders came home from school, and I think that would help him be a better dad and instill better relationships between everyone.


Sure, it would be ideal if I could un-funk DH and help him develop his own sense of structure that he could use during the day. I have tried so many things to get at this end, and all to no avail. It just ends up with us all feeling frustrated and worn down.


I should add that DH is a great, loving father who cares a great deal about his children. He's just not really cut out to be a SAHM, if you know what I mean. It's tough for him, and it's just the way our cookie has crumbled, and I feel like I need to accept and acknowledge that.


I guess I feel it is time for me to come to terms with the way things *are* and accept that they will be this way. And as a result, I feel there are really two choices - 1) continue as we are and hope for the best OR 2) switch to school and still hope for the best


Have you faced a challenge like this at all? What did you decide? How is it working out for your family?

fly-by-nursing2.gif~Amy, Wife to E, Happy Momma to K 4/04, L 11/05, E 8/07, V 1/10, and J 10/11

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#2 of 2 Old 04-21-2011, 04:02 PM
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What does your DH want to do ? How does he feel about homeschooling in general, and the children being home with him every day ?  Does he enjoy his part of the homeschooling ?  Does he feel that his "lack of structure" is a problem ?  Is he frustrated by it ?  Or does he think it's the ideal approach for such young kids ?  Does he want to continue ?  Or would he jump at the chance to send the older ones to school if he thought you would agree to it ?


In many cases one parent is home doing the homeschooling, is happy doing it, and chooses a very relaxed approach, especially during the early years.  The other parent works outside the home, does not spend those five days each week with the children, may come home and be involved in homeschooling by doing some work with the kids in the evening, and has ideas that the at-home parent should be much more organized and structured than he/she is, and that if the kids went to school, the housework would get done, the at-home parent would feel more sane, the kids would be better off, etc. and starts to question the decision to homeschool.  This is a very common scenario.  And often the at-home parent comes here or to another forum and posts about how criticized and defensive he/she feels about this, and is upset because he/she has no desire to stop homeschooling, and has no worries about how it's going. .  I see this over and over and over...and I have somewhat been in this situation myself.  It is very familiar and comes up frequently in every homeschooling forum I participate in.


I'm not saying what you should do...but that it's very important to consider your DH's views of the situation and what he wants.



DS1 March 2003DS2 Sept 2005,
and 3 , in our happy secular
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