Everybody keeps talking about socialization... - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 60 Old 05-31-2011, 08:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
Momtotherue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 28
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I've been considering homeschooling since DD was born. She's only 6 and a half months old, so we have a long time to go before we actually come to a decision, but I'm trying to talk with DH about it and it seems like every person we talk to about it knows somebody who's kids turned out "weird" and "unsocialized," so he's not really to keen on the idea. He wants DD to have the "school experience." The schools around me are absolutely terrible. Although, there is a montesouri school, which is private and costs a lot of money, but DH is under the impression the kids don't learn how to socialize properly since the study is so independently focused on each child.

Here are my questions: For those of you who homeschool, are your kids able to interact with other children well? Are they able to adapt to different situations and get along with all kinds of personalities? How do you make sure they're "socialized"? Do you feel like your child is more prone to being picked on?
I hate to ask these questions, because I know socialization is the number one question you all must field from skeptical family and friends, so I appreciate your answers. My theory is that I will enroll her in a lot of activities and hopefully participate with public school functions, but I'd like to hear some real-life examples that it works, if you know what I mean.

Thanks!


goorganic.jpggd.gifnovaxnocirc.gifnak.giffamilybed1.giffemalesling.GIFcd.gif

Momtotherue is offline  
#2 of 60 Old 05-31-2011, 09:10 PM
AAK
 
AAK's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Eastern Washington
Posts: 3,025
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 9 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Momtotherue View Post

Here are my questions: For those of you who homeschool, are your kids able to interact with other children well? Are they able to adapt to different situations and get along with all kinds of personalities? How do you make sure they're "socialized"? Do you feel like your child is more prone to being picked on?



I love these questions because I have thought a lot about this topic.  For the record, my children interact VERY well with other children their own age, children older/younger then them, mixed groups of children, and adults.  People are often shocked at my children's ages because they "interact so well", are "so mature", and have a "great sense of empathy".  They are great at adapting to most situations, and are really good at handling different personalities (including people with various difficulties--autism, etc).  They do have a harder time coming into a situation where kids are playing rudely.  I don't know if that makes sense, but my kids (so far) are good at not resorting to mean play.  They can usually ignore/avoid the meanies on a playground; but if the whole atmosphere is that way, they would rather leave.  But, let me be clear, my kids haven't been the targets.  I really don't think my kids get picked on much at all.  As far as making sure they are socialized, our family has always been involved in lots of things--it has never been an issue.  They have been on sports teams, they participate in girl scouts, they love community theater, we have a large family.  We volunteer in the community.  But, they would do many of these things if they were in school too.  

 

Also to note:  My oldest attended PS until mid 3rd grade.  She loved kindergarten; she loved 2nd grade.  First grade was a nightmare.  The back stabbing on the playground was already there.  Her teacher seemed to fuel the fire.  Within minutes of hopping in the car to go home, Anna was in tears.  Sometimes she was the one being picked on, sometimes she wasn't.  There wasn't any rhyme or reason to the mean things happening.  It reminded me of middle school.  We offered to homeschool her then.  She didn't want to.  She loves to be "around people".  She seems to feed off the energy of a crowd.  In third grade she asked to come home.  She was so bored at school that the idea of "seeing her friends everyday" was no longer enough to keep her there.  The cattiness continued, but she was better at navigating it.  She always has the choice to go back to school.  She just decided to stay home for middle school as well.  She was able to stay enrolled in the gifted program with our district.  This was a good thing for us.  We are sad that it ends this year.  

 

My second attended until mid 1st grade.  She was actually becoming a recluse, overly sensitive, etc when she went to school.  She wasn't a target, but saw other kids bullied and was fearful that someday she would be the target.  Also, she was perceptive enough to notice that she wasn't learning to read while other kids were picking it up easily.  She made herself 'invisible' in the classroom.  She had stomach aches all the time.  I had been taking her to a pediatric GI to figure it out.  Within two weeks of being home, her stomach aches ended.  A friend recently commented to me that she had thought I was crazy to pull Kayla out of school.  She thought she would become more shy, reclusive, etc.  She thought I would be her "enabler" so to speak.  But instead, she is amazed at how much she has blossomed.  She is so outgoing now.  Kayla is only in 2nd grade right now so she has only been home for a few months more than a year.  

 

Our school is "one of the best" supposedly. 

 

Amy


Mom to three very active girls Anna (14), Kayla (11), Maya (8). 
AAK is offline  
#3 of 60 Old 05-31-2011, 09:31 PM
 
zebra15's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: State of Confusion
Posts: 4,682
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 6 Post(s)

My son is 10 and is homeschooled.  He was in kindy for a semester before I pulled him out.  My son isn't a social kid and just started to love activities.   We always have gone to the library, sometimes daily.  He loves the park, again sometimes daily.  He just started swim club a couple months ago.  Last year he started theater.  From ages 4-10 we did the occasional kids class, Saturday art class etc and he is just fine socially.  I should add for parts of ages 4-10 I was working full time and DS went to an inhome daycare and spent 10+hours a day with kids ranging in age from newborn to age 12.

 

Look at things this way, your child was 'social' from ages 0-5 right?  Just because they turn a certain age doesn't mean they need to go sit in a room for 7 hrs a day with kids the same age and 'be social'.   School by its own nature isn't a social place.  Except for recess and lunch, school is pretty 'quiet' .


Mom to J and never-ending , 0/2014 items decluttered, 0/52 crafts crafts completed  crochetsmilie.gif homeschool.gif  reading.gif  modifiedartist.gif

Seeking zen in 2014.  Working on journaling and finding peace this year.  Spending my free time taking J to swimteam

zebra15 is offline  
#4 of 60 Old 05-31-2011, 09:46 PM
 
Plummeting's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 6,383
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Well, this school year my daughter went to home school swim class on Mondays at the YMCA, home school P.E. on Fridays at the YMCA, Girl Scouts on Tuesdays, gymnastics on Mondays and Wednesdays, and piano lessons every Wednesday. Her piano teacher has a playing party every few months, where there are other kids of all ages. On Thursdays we go to the morning story hour at the library. It was originally a toddler story hour, but now the majority of kids there are home schoolers, so the librarian reads books for older kids, too. :) We also attended a home school science classes at a local museum now and then. So not only did dd get to interact with other children several days a week for most of the school year (swim and gym end for the school year at the end of April), but she got to take instruction from teachers other than me. Over the summer she will continue gymnastics and piano and being to take swim lessons and attend a week-long art camp.

 

I will say that, despite that, my daughter does seem to have issues with extreme shyness. However, she's always been that way, since she was a toddler. Plus, she's being evaluated and they believe she may have an autism spectrum disorder (they'll finish that eval up soon and then we'll know), so I doubt her quirks have anything to do with being home schooled. :)

Plummeting is offline  
#5 of 60 Old 06-01-2011, 04:22 AM
 
elizawill's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: right here
Posts: 5,321
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

socialization is a valid concern, but honestly, i've not had an issue with it whatsoever.  i feel my children do much better socially than the average PS student (comparing to those around us of course).  they integrate well into new situations. they are comfortable with kids of all ages. they feel secure to talk with new people easily.  my kids have never been to school of any kind, and i would say their social skills soar.  

 

as for social gatherings. i currently live near charlotte, nc (moving to florida this month though), and in my current area there are over 10,000 homeschoolers.  my kids attended co-op, field trips, participate in classes, playdates, etc.  this year they had "school" photos & purchased a yearbook.

 

my little girl will be 10 in early oct. she spends the night out often. she has sleepovers often. she went out of town for memorial weekend with friends. honestly, it is becoming a lot!  and we even discussed when we move, needing to scale back on social outings a bit - as she is a gal on the go and i feel like she has too much socialization.  

 

anyway. your baby is young & you have plenty of time to feel-out your town and surrounding areas. the most difficult aspect for *me* was finding like-minded homeschoolers to socialize with.  like i said, i participate in charlotte (but my town is actually 45 minutes away).  i feel it's worth the drive though because i've found families that have similar parenting styles, have the same outlook on life, etc. it's been great. we also remain friends with a lot of public school families, and it has had no ill-effect on our choice as a homeschooling family. my kids really get along with anyone.  fwiw, i knew i as going to homeschool after i had my first child too, and i remember asking all of the same questions and more. smile.gif

 

hth.


homeschooling mama to DD 10 & DS 7 blogging.jpg

elizawill is offline  
#6 of 60 Old 06-01-2011, 04:33 AM
Dar
 
Dar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 11,768
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Mine is 18. She's currently working as a camp counselor with a bunch of kids she's never met before, doing camp-stuff that she'd never done before (build a shelter! float trips!) and having an absolutely splendid time. She has plenty of friends of all ages and gets along well with adults and kids - older adults tend to love her, because she's polite and well-spoken but also not afraid to share her ideas, which are usually good. We were talking about bullying the other day and she said she couldn't remember ever being bullied...

There are plenty of real-world opportunities for socialization. I think a small minority of people chose to homeschool in order to keep their kids way from many of the real-world influences they disapprove of, and maybe their kids tend to be more awkward in mainstream social situations, but for the rest of us it isn't an issue.

 
fambedsingle1.gifSingle mom to Rain (1/93) , grad student, and world traveler earth.gif


  

Dar is offline  
#7 of 60 Old 06-01-2011, 07:44 AM
 
laohaire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 7,369
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

My kid is only 5 but I've observed that kids are shy or not - and school doesn't "fix" shy kids any more than homeschool creates them.

 

Examples from my own pool:

 

- Homeschooling family I know has 2 boys. The father is gregarious and the mother is painfully shy. The oldest boy is very shy, the younger boy is very outgoing. People had been blaming the family for the oldest boy's shyness since he was 2 years old, citing homeschooling as the reason. Hello, he was 2, FUTURE homeschooling wasn't the cause of his shyness!!! People stopped yapping quite as much when the younger boy was born and proved to be very outgoing. He's homeschooled too, of course.

 

- My niece is in public school and she's extremely shy, to the point of anxiety. She barely speaks (no, not autistic, but just really shy). She's 8. No, public school didn't cause it, but it sure didn't fix it either.

 

- My 5 year old DD is wonderfully social. No, we didn't create that, it just is what it is.

 

are your kids able to interact with other children well? - Yes, very well. She is capable of meeting new kids on the playground, she is capable of working out disagreements (on what to play, sharing toys, etc.). She's a chameleon, so depending on the personality of the other kid(s) she might be a leader or a follower.

 

Are they able to adapt to different situations and get along with all kinds of personalities? - I would say that she might actually be better equipped than public schoolers on this point. It seems public schooled kids feel that they have to play with the same sex and exact same age-mates. DD plays with boys as well as girls, and her friends range from age 3.5 to 10 (yes, 10). Of course, DD is not magically equipped to play with nasty kids, exclusionist kids, violent kids, etc. But she is capable of playing with quiet kids and rambunctious ones, boys and girls, older and younger. Not to mention adults, too.

 

How do you make sure they're "socialized"? - I'm not entirely sure how to answer that. DD already IS socialized, she likes people and gets along wtih them. It's not something she would have learned in school. In fact she may have unlearned a lot of it, as school kids are clique-ish and catty and such. Personally I have social anxiety thanks to my experiences in school, which I am trying to undo since, thankfully, life is SO different outside of school. My workplace, my neighborhood, my community is completely unlike the BS I went through in 7th grade. What I "learned" there was not worth learning, and it's a real effort to "unlearn" it. I don't see exactly what people need to be socialized other than, you know, not kept in a cage or something.

 

Do you feel like your child is more prone to being picked on? - Definitely not. As the one who was picked on in school myself, I am constantly relieved to see my DD be accepted by all sorts of people.

 

Again, I don't claim homeschool created my social daughter, but it sure didn't get in the way of it - at all. I can just count myself lucky because I can just blow off socialization comments, but it would be difficult if I had to constantly deal with comments if my DD happened to be shy.

 

I actually just got a comment last weekend at a party. A woman, an old friend of my mother's who I hadn't seen in years, was asking about homeschooling and then did the "and she is socialized well?" question. I didn't even have to answer, just pointed to her in the middle of a group of kids and smiled and shrugged.

 

It does drive me NUTS that SIL, the mother of the aforementioned ultrashy niece, commented that DD would be a "basket case" because we homeschool. But SIL doesn't have to field constant questions and criticism because she sends her DD to public school, even though she's one of the most shy people I've ever even seen. But of course when you hand your kids over to other people, you're off the hook, right? You don't even have to wonder if your kid is being properly "socialized."

 

Have you ever wondered why socialization is the number one thing people talk about with homeschool? So, is public school basically one big playgroup then? Is that really the sole point? And humankind has been entirely unsocialized until 100-150 years ago (or whatever it was) when the public school system really got going?


Homeschooling mama to 6 year old DD.

laohaire is offline  
#8 of 60 Old 06-01-2011, 08:33 AM
2xy
 
2xy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 3,162
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

This is an older article, but I still love it.

 

No Thank You, We Don't Believe in Socialization

2xy is offline  
#9 of 60 Old 06-01-2011, 08:43 AM
 
tankgirl73's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: NB, Canada
Posts: 2,820
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

My 13yo son has never ever been to school.  He does have some social problems -- but it's because he has Asperger's!  And he would have had Asperger's if he'd gone to school and would have had social problems there as well.  The vast majority of kids with Asperger's, which is defined primarily as a social skills disorder, go to school, and it doesn't "fix" them heh.

 

I have an acquaintance who is a PhD student in psychology, specializing in autism/child development/etc.  In chats with my husband, she has come out very anti-homeschooling, saying that all the homeschoolers she has seen in her practice have social (or other psychological) problems.  I just want to say to her... well DUH.  You're seeing the ones who have sought out psychological help.  If you're saying that their problems are somehow caused by homeschooling, are you also saying that all the public school kids you see (the vast majority) have problems caused by the public schools?  

 

The fact is that some kids will have social difficulties, period.  No matter what you do with them.

 

I was in public school my whole life.  I was morbidly shy.  MORBIDLY.  No friends, outcast, "the weird kid", relentlessly teased, and usually missed what was "going on" in the social world.  It didn't start to relieve until at least junior high.  And it had nothing to do with going to school -- it had to do with finally making some true friends, and those friendships -- while certainly developed within the school walls as well, when we'd see each other at lunch or band practice -- were truly formed in EXTRACURRICULAR activities.  

 

All you have to do is look at schools.  Is every single child in there "normal"?  No.  There are weird kids, geeks, freaks, losers, rebels, outcasts, bad kids, all those kinds of perjoratives you can think of.  They're all there, and none of them were FIXED by going to school.

 

If your homeschooled kid is "weird", maybe they would have been weird anyway.  Or maybe they would have been folded into the crowd, got the 'right clothes' and the 'right hair' and the 'right attitude' to fit in and lost their individuality and their passions.

 

Sometimes the "weird kid" is seen as "weird" simply because they're acting more maturely than we've come to expect a child of that age to behave.  She's interested in things other than boys and nail polish and Lady Gaga and the latest gossip.  Or he's actually interested in his school subjects and not just putting up with it until PE.  Aren't these the kinds of behaviors we WANT our kids to have?  And yet when kids actually display them, we call them "weird" and think they should try harder to 'fit in' with the crowd.  

 

Honestly, I'm not interested in having my kids get into the kind of social life that happens in schools today.  Did you know most kids have 'boyfriends' and 'girlfriends' by the time they're 10 years old now?  I'm.  Not.  Kidding.  The cliques, the cattiness, the ridicule and bullying of anyone who is different... The 'peer pressure' is not so much about drugs and sex and alcohol, it's about giving up your individuality in order to be like everyone else.  There literally are cliques based on having exactly the right clothes.  

 

Learning social skills through public school is the blind leading the blind.  Leaving children to figure out social behaviours from each other rather than from adults.  Ever read Lord of the Flies?  It's not that far off from reality!!!

 

Here's a great book -- Hold on to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers.  It is NOT a homeschooling book.  Homeschooling is barely mentioned, just a quick aside as what "some parents" choose to do when faced with the social problems of schools.  What it is about is how the forced separation of children from adults (whether their parents or another consistent, attached caregiver) breaks their natural "adult orientation" -- kids are hard-wired from birth to look to adults for approval and modelling.  That's how they learn.  That's how they're wired to learn EVERYTHING.  But we break that and force them to be peer oriented.  So they look to their peers not just for friendship, but for modelling of how to live life, and also for APPROVAL.  Kids start out wanting to please their parents, and end up dismissing their parents and considering pleasing their peers MORE important.  

 

The book is not intended to scare families out of public school, instead it gives information on how to address the issues so that your own child's orientation stays healthy *despite* public school.  So nobody could read it and call it a biased homeschooling fear-based diatribe or anything.  ;)  But there's no doubt that for those with homeschooling in mind, it's a great validation of (one of the reasons) why we do what we do.  :)

 

Also, it's worth remembering the difference between "socialization" and "socializing".  My son does lots of socializing... he has friends from his gymnastics team, his school band (the middle school lets him play in their bands), the community youth orchestra, his church youth group, his cousins and his neighbours.  But he has difficulty with certain aspects of socialization.  (He's learning, though, and without the constant pressure that a school situation would cause).  Usually when folks ask about socialization and homeschooling, they're thinking about 'playing with other kids' but they really mean "the ability to play with other kids".  The fact is, though, that children learn social skills from ADULTS, not from other kids -- because the other kids are only still learning social skills themselves anyway!!!  And socializing -- just being with other people -- is easy.  Unless you live in a bubble, you will meet people and make friends, and you don't even have to go to great extremes to find social outlets for your kids.  Just sign them up for stuff they're interested in -- because they're interested in it, not "in order to socialize" heh -- and if potential friends are there, then friendships will be made.

 

Finally, to quote from The Bitter Homeschooler's Wish List:

 

 

2 Learn what the words "socialize" and "socialization" mean, and use the one you really mean instead of mixing them up the way you do now. Socializing means hanging out with other people for fun. Socialization means having acquired the skills necessary to do so successfully and pleasantly. If you're talking to me and my kids, that means that we do in fact go outside now and then to visit the other human beings on the planet, and you can safely assume that we've got a decent grasp of both concepts.

 

3 Quit interrupting my kid at her dance lesson, scout meeting, choir practice, baseball game, art class, field trip, park day, music class, 4H club, or soccer lesson to ask her if as a homeschooler she ever gets to socialize.

 

20 Stop saying that my kid is shy, outgoing, aggressive, anxious, quiet, boisterous, argumentative, pouty, fidgety, chatty, whiny, or loud because he's homeschooled. It's not fair that all the kids who go to school can be as annoying as they want to without being branded as representative of anything but childhood.


Heather, mom to Caileigh 12/06 and aspie ADHD prodigy David 05/98 :intact lact
tankgirl73 is offline  
#10 of 60 Old 06-01-2011, 09:09 AM - Thread Starter
 
Momtotherue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 28
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Thank you SO much!! This is so inspiring. I read all of your posts to DH and he feels better too. I'm really looking forward to giving this a go :)


goorganic.jpggd.gifnovaxnocirc.gifnak.giffamilybed1.giffemalesling.GIFcd.gif

Momtotherue is offline  
#11 of 60 Old 06-01-2011, 09:32 AM
 
moominmamma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: In the middle of nowhere, at the centre of everything.
Posts: 5,585
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 33 Post(s)

For those of you who homeschool, are your kids able to interact with other children well? Yes. I think that because they have had consistent parental guidance available in social environments and more exposure to family values, my kids are actually more gracious, more understanding, more tolerant, more attentive to others' needs, than they would have been if school had been their primary form of socializing.

 

Are they able to adapt to different situations and get along with all kinds of personalities? Another area where homeschooling social experiences trump school-based ones, IMO. In school social experiences are primarily with children exactly the same age and from the same sorts of neighbourhoods. Adults with whom they related at school tend to be of the authority figure sort. Homeschooled kids tend to socialize with people from a far broader range of ages and backgrounds and without the fixed authority/peer hierarchy. They hang out with kids from other towns, adults, older and younger people, quirky fellow homeschoolers who are a poor fit for school, kids with disabilities, kids with odd passions, adult mentors, people of all ages who share similar interests but might have very different backgrounds. A snapshot of the social environments my 14yo ds experienced this week: an intense recording session and end-of-year party with his youth choir of 61 people from 13 to 22, having a blast playing in the pit orchestra for a full-scale musical theatre production with two other teens and a couple dozen adult musicians, and finally spending an evening mentoring younger kids and assisting his 41-year-old computer-tech mentor in running the tech end of our community Gaming Night. 

 

How do you make sure they're "socialized"? Honestly, it's not rocket science. I just help my kids follow their interests. I mention classes and activities that are available. If anything we've had to work to prevent ourselves getting too heavily extended socially: we need some time at home too! 

 

Do you feel like your child is more prone to being picked on? Probably the opposite. They're in social environments with others who want to be there -- motivated, interested kids, who are in general those less prone to pettiness and mean-spiritedness. They're in social environments that tend to have adult:child ratios of considerably less than 1:25 (or the typical recess ratio of 1:100), where supervision of social interchanges is much more active and close at hand. They spend less time than school kids in large-group social environments, so there's less statistical opportunity for social pettiness and bullying. They tend to be in multi-age environments which are not simplistically hierarchical and rigidly age-levelled, where there are older more mature models of social behaviour. And schoolchildren tend to be curious and envious of their homeschooling status rather than mean about it.

 

Miranda

 


Mountain mama to three great kids and one great grown-up

moominmamma is online now  
#12 of 60 Old 06-01-2011, 10:10 AM
 
MittensKittens's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 3,058
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Momtotherue View Post

I've been considering homeschooling since DD was born. She's only 6 and a half months old, so we have a long time to go before we actually come to a decision, but I'm trying to talk with DH about it and it seems like every person we talk to about it knows somebody who's kids turned out "weird" and "unsocialized," so he's not really to keen on the idea. He wants DD to have the "school experience." The schools around me are absolutely terrible. Although, there is a montesouri school, which is private and costs a lot of money, but DH is under the impression the kids don't learn how to socialize properly since the study is so independently focused on each child.

Here are my questions: For those of you who homeschool, are your kids able to interact with other children well? Are they able to adapt to different situations and get along with all kinds of personalities? How do you make sure they're "socialized"? Do you feel like your child is more prone to being picked on?
I hate to ask these questions, because I know socialization is the number one question you all must field from skeptical family and friends, so I appreciate your answers. My theory is that I will enroll her in a lot of activities and hopefully participate with public school functions, but I'd like to hear some real-life examples that it works, if you know what I mean.

Thanks!

 

I will reply first and then read the others' comments. My kids are two and five. I have been actively homeschooling with the older one since she was 3.5 years old, and is going to reach the age at which a preschool program becomes compulsory in the country we live in next year, at six. Both kids adapt extremely well to all kinds of situations - I dare to say much more so then their peers who are in preschool with same-aged kids all day long. They are comfortable socializing with adults, older kids, kids their age, and love babies. We go on playdates, to the local park, and meet with our local homeschool group about once a week (sometimes more often). DD has also been enrolled in judo classes, and she is about to start karate.

 

In addition, I encourage them to communicate with people of all ages. DD is capable of ordering food in a restaurant, asking for the bill and paying the correct amount of money for instance. She also loves having discussions with folks from local political parties when they are on the street with petitions, LOL.

 

Being picked on is another matter. We have had no such problems so far, but I am absolutely sure that my kids would be very much picked on if they did go to public school. We are a minority group in all kinds of ways, from ethnicity to lifestyle, the languages we speak and the food we eat (being a vegetarian is very controversial here, don't know why, but it is!). Homeschooling ensures they will not be picked on for most part of the day. We just started discussing racism and discrimination as concepts, and this is something I want to prepare them for later in life.
 

 


I'm Olivia. I blog about physiological childbirth, homebirth, and unassisted homebirth!
MittensKittens is offline  
#13 of 60 Old 06-01-2011, 12:31 PM
 
McGucks's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: among the wildflowers
Posts: 1,250
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Don't have time to read though the posts...just a quick thought--I was NOT homeschooled.  I was "socialized" from kindergarten through 12th grade in public schools.  Despite all the marvelous socialization, I have always been very socially awkward.  Exposure to the masses does not a socially agile child make. 


 sleepytime.gif I got tired of my signature, but I still love my children and husband and miss my little brotherkid.gif

McGucks is offline  
#14 of 60 Old 06-01-2011, 12:38 PM
 
KempsMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Central Minnesota
Posts: 864
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by caedenmomma View Post

Don't have time to read though the posts...just a quick thought--I was NOT homeschooled.  I was "socialized" from kindergarten through 12th grade in public schools.  Despite all the marvelous socialization, I have always been very socially awkward.  Exposure to the masses does not a socially agile child make. 



Here too.  I was "socialized" K-12, and I am socially awkward and have sever social anxiety.  School made that worse, due to the high pressure to perform and bullying. 


Heathyr hang.gifBlessed Catholic Wife to DHwheelchair.gif Devoted Mama to DS1 biglaugh.gif(3/17/08) and DS2blowkiss.gif (8/5/2010)familybed1.gifcd.giflactivist.gifribboncesarean.gifx2 
KempsMama is offline  
#15 of 60 Old 06-01-2011, 12:55 PM
 
philomom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 9,427
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Having home schooled and public schooled my kids....for me, its kinda a chicken and egg thing...


Does the homeschooling lifestyle attract oddball parents ?

or

Do oddball kids find their way to homeschooling because public school is not a good fit?


Some of both for sure.

And none of it has any bearing on sociability. Social parents can sometimes have introverted children. Introverted parents sometimes find themselves painfully in the mix because of their very social children.

If you are friendly and have an open home... you will have no end of visitors for yourself and your child on your home school journey. But if you are shy or you never have company, you will have to rely on lessons, scouts or group of some sort to provide playmates for your child.

philomom is offline  
#16 of 60 Old 06-01-2011, 12:56 PM
 
Greenmama13's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 163
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Your comments have all been helpful to me as well.  I still have a few questions though to those of you who have been there. 

 

My dh wants to homeschool our 5yods next year.  I support this in general, but my son is very socially outgoing.  He is one of those people who has never met a stranger!  And my dh is the opposite of that.  He is a stay-at-home dad (cares for our 2 year old) and doesn't really have any friends.  So my concern is that I don't want my son to turn out like my dh when it comes to being outgoing versus shy.  I guess reading all of your posts makes me worry less, but do your home schoolers have trouble making friends?  Do they tend to friend other homeschoolers?  Or to meet them in activities (gym class, etc.)? 

 

I also worry about how well my dh will be able to focus on "teaching" our son with our very active and demanding 2 year old there as well.  I would love to hear from anyone who has been there. 

 

Thanks for any thoughts on this folks.


Mama to 8 yo ds and 4 yo dd.treehugger.gifhomeschool.gifjumpers.gifbellyhair.gif
Greenmama13 is offline  
#17 of 60 Old 06-01-2011, 01:41 PM
 
laohaire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 7,369
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Well, I don't know how it will turn out for you guys, but I don't think you can create or destroy an extrovert.

 

DH and I are introverts - socializing exhausts us, even when it's fun.

DD is an extrovert - she is energized by socializing, and when she comes home from hours of play, instead of wanting quiet time like DH and I do, she asks "ok, what next?" lol

 

DD is no wallflower about her social needs. She is not a passive kid sitting back and wasting away while her introverted parents never take her anywhere. Instead, she is asking for playdates, inviting kids over, asking (or demanding or whining, lol) for DH to take her to the park, or to see her friends, etc.

 

What I'm trying to say is that it's not something we have to think a lot about, or remember. It's like feeding a baby - they aren't going to let you forget to feed them. They will be asking and pushing and demanding for their social needs.

 

If your DH is a good dad, he will respond to your son's needs, and your son's social needs will be clear.


Homeschooling mama to 6 year old DD.

laohaire is offline  
#18 of 60 Old 06-01-2011, 01:51 PM
 
laohaire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 7,369
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I am, however, assuming your DH, while introverted, does not have serious social problems. Even if he doesn't have any friends, is he capable of chatting with another adult? Can he go out in public and interact with people? Even if he doesn't prefer it?

 

DD seems to have met most of her friends at the YMCA.

One friend was introduced by another friend.

Several friends were made at the playground or the park.

Some friends in the neighborhood.

One friend from the library.

 

We actually haven't joined any homeschooling network yet, and obviously that would be a good source of friends.

 

DH and I have found that the best way to score friends for a young kid is to observe them playing with another kid, and then smile at the parent of the other kid and say "wow, it seems our kids play together really well." We've both used this line about a dozen times, and thus far we've gotten a positive response every time. I mean, not every kid turned into a major friend, but the parents always reacted in a pleased way and happily engaged in further conversation. A lot of times we arrange to meet at the playground or park before doing an in-home playdate, though in the winter we might just invite them over right away.

 

I personally have social anxiety, and I've had to psyche myself up to talk to parents sometimes, but it has gone well so far. DH is an oddity, a total hermit who knows how to be social (and just usually prefers not to be) and he's scored most of the friends, but even I have contributed. DH didn't have any friends for years, but now he has three friends of his own, people he genuinely likes - parents of DD's friends.


Homeschooling mama to 6 year old DD.

laohaire is offline  
#19 of 60 Old 06-01-2011, 02:20 PM
 
Storm Bride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 27,300
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Momtotherue View Post

Here are my questions: For those of you who homeschool, are your kids able to interact with other children well?

 

DD1 is slightly shy with people she doesn't know well, but has a fair number of friends, and is very popular in our housing complex. Once she warms up a little, she gets along with other kids really well. DS2 is...different. He's very open, outgoing, etc., but he's not very socially skilled. However, we're at the beginning of the process to have him assessed, and most people I've talked to about his issues suspect either SPD, or austism spectrum (or both, as ASD often includes sensory issues). Kids still like him, for the most part, and so do a lot of the parents around here. It's just hard to deal with some of his behavioural issues (primarily that he lashes out physically if he feels ostracized, excluded or picked on).

 

Are they able to adapt to different situations and get along with all kinds of personalities?

 

They both do reasonably well with that. They have trouble with a few things, such as extreme bossinesss or meanness, but I don't really see that as a problem, yk? They are both very sensitive to rejection (real or perceived).

 

How do you make sure they're "socialized"?

 

I honestly don't even really know what that means. They play with neighbourhood kids. DD1 takes ballet classes, and ds2 takes Tae Kwon Do and a dance class. They're both in a "Science Adventures" class once a week right now. We attend a biweekly homelearning social meetup, and attended a Sports Day this year. They're out and about with me, to parks, the library, shopping, etc. FWIW, dd1 had her birthday party in May. She invited six friends (in addition to her brother and three cousins) and was sad that she couldn't invite four more (financial limits for us, because she wanted a laser tag party). DS2 also has a list of about 6-8 kids he wants to invite to his party in July. They're not lacking in friends.

 

Do you feel like your child is more prone to being picked on?
 

More prone than whom? I got picked on way, way, way more than any of my kids ever has. DS2 has some issues with a boy in the complex, but everybody has issues with that particular boy - he just zeroes on ds2 more than average, because ds2 is so reactive (so was I). It's not because he and his sister are homelearners.

 

This whole topic drives me around the bend. I'm "weird" and "unsocialized". Over the course of my public school years, I was called a dyke, "Butch" (that was my actual nickname), a slut, a freak, a weirdo, a bitch, and probably about a dozen other names I can't think of right now. Gossip about me that I knew about (I'm sure there was more that I didn't) included that I was a hooker, that I was gay/bisexual, that I was being sexually abused by my father, that my parents were some kind of criminals (they weren't), that I was a heroin/cocaine/speed addict, and that I was an alcoholic. I had someone spit a mouthful of Slurpee into my face on the bus. I had some guy publicly pretend that we were an item/living together for about 3 months, because he liked to watch me stutter and stammer and turn red. I had someone announce - loudly - that my tits were lopsided (they definitely were - about a "C" and a "DD" at the time) in the hallway during class change. I had someone throw his dog crap covered shoe into my lunch (think I was 8). I had guys follow me down the hallway, chantingn "Butch, Butch, Butch, Butch" over and over again. I had someone stuff a handful of wet gravel down my bra. I had people saying "Kibbles and Bits, Kibbles and Bits, Kibbles and Bits" (from a dog food commercial) at me as I walked by. I had groups of people stand around my locker, baiting me, while i tried to pack up my books at the end of the day. I spent my last five years of school in a state of depression, and I'm not sure I was in the school building without being high (on pot) once in my last year or so of school. The numbness was the only way I knew to survive.

 

But, I'm supposed to worry about my homeschooled kids being weird? I'm supposed to worry that they may be picked on?? My kids probably will be weird. But, even my highly socially (and academically, artistically and athletically) gifted ds1 is "weird" He's managed to be weird in a way that's accepted by his peers, but he's definitely an oddball. (Actually, I've often thought that he comes across almost like a stereotypically homeschooled kid, and at least one of my local homelearning friends agrees with me.) I'm definitely weird, but it didn't come from school, and it won't come from not being in school in the case of my kids. It's the way we are. At least my kids aren't getting a daily (hell - HOURLY) message that the way they are isn't good enough, and deserves to be mocked, ridiculed, shamed and, preferably, expunged.


 

 


Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

Storm Bride is offline  
#20 of 60 Old 06-01-2011, 02:45 PM
 
Storm Bride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 27,300
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I obviously should have read the thread before replying. :)
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by caedenmomma View Post

Don't have time to read though the posts...just a quick thought--I was NOT homeschooled.  I was "socialized" from kindergarten through 12th grade in public schools.  Despite all the marvelous socialization, I have always been very socially awkward.  Exposure to the masses does not a socially agile child make. 

 


Quote:
Originally Posted by KempsMama View Post
Here too.  I was "socialized" K-12, and I am socially awkward and have sever social anxiety.  School made that worse, due to the high pressure to perform and bullying. 


These are both the case for me, too. I used to walk to kindergarten. Being a daydreamer, I was always late (there were spiderwebs and ants and caterpillars and...EVERYTHING!! to look at on the way). When I got there, the door was closed. So, I'd sit on the step outside until my class broke for mid-morning break. About halfway through the year, my teacher figured out what was happening, and she started opening the door for me about 10 minutes in. And, to this day, walking through a closed door causes me anxiety. I actually cut classes sometimes if I was late for school, too...knew I'd get in trouble for it, but suspension or grounding or whatever was better than knocking or opening that door!

 


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by philomom View Post

Having home schooled and public schooled my kids....for me, its kinda a chicken and egg thing...


Does the homeschooling lifestyle attract oddball parents ?

or

Do oddball kids find their way to homeschooling because public school is not a good fit?


Some of both for sure.
This, for sure.

And none of it has any bearing on sociability. Social parents can sometimes have introverted children. Introverted parents sometimes find themselves painfully in the mix because of their very social children.
And, this. I always considered myself highly introverted. When I take personality tests, I tend to come out anywhere from about 60% introverted to about 85%, or even 90%. DS1 is possibly the single most extraverted person I've ever known. He's awesome. I love him to bits. It's been a blast. But...wow...it's been amazingly draining and painful at times.

If you are friendly and have an open home... you will have no end of visitors for yourself and your child on your home school journey. But if you are shy or you never have company, you will have to rely on lessons, scouts or group of some sort to provide playmates for your child.
 
This is pretty much what we do - lessons and activities...and the neighbourhood kids.


 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Greenmama13 View Post

Your comments have all been helpful to me as well.  I still have a few questions though to those of you who have been there. 

 

My dh wants to homeschool our 5yods next year.  I support this in general, but my son is very socially outgoing.  He is one of those people who has never met a stranger!  And my dh is the opposite of that.  He is a stay-at-home dad (cares for our 2 year old) and doesn't really have any friends.  So my concern is that I don't want my son to turn out like my dh when it comes to being outgoing versus shy. 

 

I strongly believe that most of "outgoing versus shy" is nature, not nurture. If your son is that outgoing, I expect he'll stay that way, yk?

 

I guess reading all of your posts makes me worry less, but do your home schoolers have trouble making friends?  Do they tend to friend other homeschoolers?  Or to meet them in activities (gym class, etc.)? 

 

DD1 has friends from ballet, our homelearning community and the neighbourhood. DS2 doesn't really have friends from any activities, yet, but that's mostly because he's very "in the moment". He'll call kids "his new friend", but once the activity is over, he'll forget them pretty quickly. That means that if I don't follow up, he doesn't spend time with them outside the activity. (I'm also nervous about sending him on playdates, because his behaviour is so erratic.)

 

I also worry about how well my dh will be able to focus on "teaching" our son with our very active and demanding 2 year old there as well.  I would love to hear from anyone who has been there. 

 

I'm there right now.We've had a very draining, difficult year that way. But, the thing to remember is that the curriculum (if you even use one) for a five year old isn't terribly complicated.  A lot can be done just through conversation. DS2 is also five. He loves workbooks, so he does those. He also loves screen time, so I let him play some "educational" programs. But, he learns a lot just from asking us questions and paying attention to the answers. He's above grade level in reading and math, despite the fact that we spent very, very little time on anything resembling formal teaching/learning this year. (DD1, otoh, is slightly behind grade level in those subjects, but way above in science.)

 


Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

Storm Bride is offline  
#21 of 60 Old 06-01-2011, 03:49 PM
 
Kathy White's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Findhorn Scotland
Posts: 34
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I think of "socialised" as warped into behaving the way society wants us to behave.  My thought is homeschooling (or Waldorf or alternative) brings a child to be themselves and they are connected children, healthy attached and empathetic  children as they haven't lost their own inner guide.  They know themselves and are happy with who they are.  They are not being socialized...and who knows? 


     www.joyfulparents.co.ukjoy.gifSimple, Fun, Creative ways to put the Joy back into parenting

Kathy White is offline  
#22 of 60 Old 06-01-2011, 06:01 PM
 
moominmamma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: In the middle of nowhere, at the centre of everything.
Posts: 5,585
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 33 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Kathy White View Post

I think of "socialised" as warped into behaving the way society wants us to behave.  My thought is homeschooling (or Waldorf or alternative) brings a child to be themselves and they are connected children, healthy attached and empathetic  children as they haven't lost their own inner guide.  They know themselves and are happy with who they are.  They are not being socialized...and who knows? 


I don't think of it as warping at all. I think that kids arrive in the world with a lot of impulsiveness and egotism, and socialization is the process of helping them learn more mature ways to behave while still in accordance with their true selves ... things like waiting patiently with others for a turn, friendship-building social approach skills, asking questions politely, understanding how certain behaviour might be annoying to others. If you have healthy attached empathetic children, I would say that your kids are getting a robust socialization experience from your family's values and your family and community activities. 

 

That's "socialization" as distinct from "socializing," the latter pretty much just meaning "hanging out with people." Which can have positive or very negative results.

 

Miranda


Mountain mama to three great kids and one great grown-up

moominmamma is online now  
#23 of 60 Old 06-01-2011, 07:28 PM
 
BubblingBrooks's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Way up North
Posts: 360
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Just a few thoughts. I was homeschooled all 12 years, beginning in 1979.
We all are socially adept for the most part.

I am also friends with many homeschooling people, and I have to say, that most of the kids are better at social graces then most pb kids.
Rather then sitting in a class all day with only their peers and any teachers they have, they are around all ages most of the time, interacting at all levels.
The whole socialization argument is full of holes. Its only a problem for parents that keep their kids home 24/7.

I am not a vegetable. I feed myself accordingly love.gif

BubblingBrooks is offline  
#24 of 60 Old 06-01-2011, 08:02 PM
AAK
 
AAK's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Eastern Washington
Posts: 3,025
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 9 Post(s)


I agree!

Quote:
Originally Posted by philomom View Post

Having home schooled and public schooled my kids....for me, its kinda a chicken and egg thing...


Does the homeschooling lifestyle attract oddball parents ?

or

Do oddball kids find their way to homeschooling because public school is not a good fit?


Some of both for sure.
 

Mom to three very active girls Anna (14), Kayla (11), Maya (8). 
AAK is offline  
#25 of 60 Old 06-02-2011, 04:13 AM
 
blopez5293's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Colorado, USA
Posts: 17
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I have seen many threads on here about what to do about school for our kids.  I felt I should share what I am doing with my oldest son who is SPD, ADD, and Dyslexic.  He's also highly gifted.  I have been looking for an alternative schooling method for quite some time and have recently come across a program that is almost nationwide that I didn't know existed until now.  Most states now have an Online Public education option that is totally free and provides you with all the books and resources you need.  They have a teacher and are in a mastery based K12 program that works at your child's pace.  I showed my son some of the example lessons provided on the website and he was totally excited.  I am excited about this program because it allows me to work around all of his appointments, and tailor his learning style to exactly what he needs.  It is truly the perfect blend of home school and public school (complete with field trips).  If you are interested in gaining more information on this option you should check out the following website:

 

http://www.k12.com/

 

I hope this information proves useful to many of you out there with SN or normal children.

blopez5293 is offline  
#26 of 60 Old 06-02-2011, 08:21 AM
 
Lisa1970's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 2,604
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

My dh and I were just talking about the S word the other day. We were saying how people like to believe the public schools teach social skills, but they do not. Instead, the schools just throw the kids in together and they develop a mob mentality or gang mentality because they are 100% on their own. Someone become the alpha dog, someone becomes the bullied, everyone else is someone in between. Manners seem quite absent. Sure, some kids can still go from home to school and not be as affected by what goes on at school. But when one of the main goals is to try to limit the damage from the lack of good socialization or social skills at the school, then maybe a child should not be there in the first place.

 

 

Thing of the people you spend your time with as being like food. You can give your child good healthy foods, and veggies and fruits and grains and all that. Or you can buy them ding dongs and soda pop and McDonalds foods. To me, most public schools have a social environment equal to giving a child all that junk food. Just because they have more available to them and are immersed in it even more, does not make it better. 20 orders of McDonalds fries is not better than 2 servings of veggies.

sapphire_chan likes this.
Lisa1970 is offline  
#27 of 60 Old 06-02-2011, 08:30 AM
 
philomom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 9,427
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa1970 View Post

My dh and I were just talking about the S word the other day. We were saying how people like to believe the public schools teach social skills, but they do not. Instead, the schools just throw the kids in together and they develop a mob mentality or gang mentality because they are 100% on their own. Someone become the alpha dog, someone becomes the bullied, everyone else is someone in between. Manners seem quite absent. Sure, some kids can still go from home to school and not be as affected by what goes on at school. But when one of the main goals is to try to limit the damage from the lack of good socialization or social skills at the school, then maybe a child should not be there in the first place.


Wow, have you never tried public school? Because that has not been my experience at all. That sounds very cliche to me. My kids have had teachers that helped all the kids with their best behavior and to respect each other. Most schools now have a no bullying stance.. even the hint of bullying can get a kid sent to the counselor's office.
philomom is offline  
#28 of 60 Old 06-02-2011, 08:36 AM
 
laohaire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 7,369
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Well, we all know that if it's not in one person's experience, it can't possibly be true.


Homeschooling mama to 6 year old DD.

laohaire is offline  
#29 of 60 Old 06-02-2011, 08:47 AM
 
Savoir Faire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Nowhere near a shady tree.
Posts: 1,099
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I'm not going to read every comment on here, but I'm sure they will reiterate what I am about to say.

 

....Wait....Deep Breaths Here....

 

Sitting in a class room of 30 kids who were born within a 9 or 10 month period of you is not "socialization." Sigh. There's nothing NORMAL about that. If you want to do that, it is perfectly fine (I went to public schools myself) but you can't point to that as the "norm."

 

My children are five and six. Currently, I am planning a 7th birthday party for my crazy unsocialized homeschooled child. I have to invite TWENTY kids because she has soooo many friends that we could never possibly ever narrow it down to just a few. Unless you plan on locking your child in a closet, this is not a concern. My children are incredibly sweet and wonderful when they are around other kids. They know how to take turns. They know it is not polite to fart in someone's face. They don't stand on top of the table and flap their arms when other kids aren't paying attention to them.

 

They go to t-ball and gymnastics and a variety of other activities. I've never had someone come up to me and wonder if they are homeschooled (due to lack of socialization). If anything, people are SHOCKED when they find out! They aren't mouth breathers! They're happy! Their clothes are fashionable and they MATCH!

 

The things I hear from my friends-- the socialization THEIR kids are getting? Getting bullied in the second grade? Becoming the class outcast because they don't have the newest shoes? Wanting a bra in first grade? Learning to stand in a line quietly with their hands behind their backs? Having a REAL unsocialized child in the class who tries to touch other children innappropriately?

 

People used to bring up socialization to me. But now that they've met my kids? The questions have stopped. You can't let other people's fears (or concerns) get in the way of what you think is right. I know your baby is young now...but time flies. You have to do what you think is right...no matter WHAT that is.

KempsMama likes this.

Welcome to the Real World she said to me, condescendingly, take a seat. Take your life; plot it out in black and white.
Savoir Faire is offline  
#30 of 60 Old 06-02-2011, 09:30 AM
 
ilovemygirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 533
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)

I personally don't understand this desperation to socialize. I had an awful time growing up in public school. Socializing meant not being able to wear what I wanted or say what I wanted because it wasn't "cool". It meant learning not to cry when kids were hurting me or they would just be even worse. It meant feeling bad about myself because I wasn't good enough to play with so and so. It was a very sink or swim kind of environment, where you had to constantly one up someone to not be the loser. My mother spent the first five years of my life teaching me to be fair, take turns and never tease or hit and then threw me into a place where the exact opposite rules applied. 

Quite frankly, I would have been A LOT better off without all that coveted socialization.

 

 

2xy likes this.

mama to three little ladies
ilovemygirl is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off