Friend made negative comment - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 13 Old 07-09-2011, 09:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Could you stay friends with someone who makes a negative comment about your child (that has to do with homeschooling)? Has this happened to you?

 

 


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#2 of 13 Old 07-10-2011, 05:40 AM
 
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I really suppose it matters what the comment was, and what the intent was. Did it come from uninformed concern? Or something unflattering that your friend has noticed? Or was it simply meant to be hurtful, and out of her/his own guilt/superiority etc?


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#3 of 13 Old 07-10-2011, 05:50 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Savoir Faire View Post

Could you stay friends with someone who makes a negative comment about your child (that has to do with homeschooling)? Has this happened to you?

 

 

 

Well, yeah. I don't expect my friends to be perfect.

 

But I would talk to my friend about what was said and why it hurt my feelings. Obviously, if the comment was over-the-top rude or hateful, I would take a look a this person and evaluate whether s/he is really my friend. Does this sort of thing happen a lot?
 

 

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#4 of 13 Old 07-10-2011, 07:41 AM - Thread Starter
 
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She's a good friend but has made a few stupid comments in the past...such as "I could never be friends with a homeschooler" (before she knew that's what we planned on doing) and also neg comments about non-circ'ed kids (Forgetting that we did not snip.).

 

This time, we were staying at her house (we live in different states) and she got very drunk. She started critiquing my 6-year-old's social skills...to a point where I felt VERY uncomfortable. I tried to defend/stop/switch the subject, but at this point, she was on a tangent.

 

Obviously, she has said things in the past that I overlooked for the sake of our friendship...but bringing my kid into this convo was a big no-no in my book. As I said, I consider her a good friend... and I take my friendships seriously...but I just feel really stuck.


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#5 of 13 Old 07-10-2011, 08:24 AM
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There's an old saying...."a drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts."

 

People sometimes become emotionally attached to people who are really not good for them. Is she really a "good" friend? What makes her a good friend?

 

Put it all down on paper. Her good points and her bad points, from your perspective. If there are considerably more good points, I don't know why you would feel stuck. A good friend should be someone you can talk to when there's a problem.

 

What you've posted here makes her sound incredibly small-minded. "I could never be friends with...." statements are SUCH a turnoff to me.

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#6 of 13 Old 07-10-2011, 09:02 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Savoir Faire View Post

She's a good friend but has made a few stupid comments in the past...such as "I could never be friends with a homeschooler" (before she knew that's what we planned on doing) and also neg comments about non-circ'ed kids (Forgetting that we did not snip.).

 

This time, we were staying at her house (we live in different states) and she got very drunk. She started critiquing my 6-year-old's social skills...to a point where I felt VERY uncomfortable. I tried to defend/stop/switch the subject, but at this point, she was on a tangent.

 

Obviously, she has said things in the past that I overlooked for the sake of our friendship...but bringing my kid into this convo was a big no-no in my book. As I said, I consider her a good friend... and I take my friendships seriously...but I just feel really stuck.


I guess I would definitely re-evaluate continuing a friendship with a person who made statements about not being friends with someone because they made the choices I made and who criticized my child so much. I'd at least need to have a serious talk with her about how her comments were making me feel and see what she said. The negative behavior would need to stop if I was to remain friends.

 

 


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#7 of 13 Old 07-10-2011, 02:28 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Savoir Faire View Post

 

This time, we were staying at her house (we live in different states) and she got very drunk. She started critiquing my 6-year-old's social skills...to a point where I felt VERY uncomfortable. I tried to defend/stop/switch the subject, but at this point, she was on a tangent.


If a "friend" got herself drunk while we were her houseguests, and then starting picking apart my kid in her drunken state, that would pretty much end the friendship. 

 


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#8 of 13 Old 07-10-2011, 05:22 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by laundrycrisis View Post




If a "friend" got herself drunk while we were her houseguests, and then starting picking apart my kid in her drunken state, that would pretty much end the friendship. 

 



ita with the above, although i know how hard it can be to realize you need to end a friendship when a "close" friend is involved. so sorry your child had to be brought into it!


Leah- mama to Audrey born 12/29/03 and Gwyneth born 4/1/2009! Soon to be TTC #3!
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#9 of 13 Old 07-10-2011, 07:21 PM
 
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April?


Mom to angel baby, grew wings at 5 weeks in May '07, William, born Dec '08, and another angel who grew wings at 8w4d (lost at 11w) in Oct '10. Rachel born Feb 2012, Another angel Lost Sept '13. New bean due Nov '14!
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#10 of 13 Old 07-11-2011, 04:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you, ladies. It is funny-- if I had a friend with this problem, I'd know what to tell her. But...when it is me? So much harder.

 

In the past, I have "jumped the gun" and ended a few friendships that could have been saved. I have since apologized to those friends and we have relationships again. (Yay!) So...I try to take the deep breath mode these days and not just take my ball and go home without really examining the evidence.

 

I also don't typically buy the *Drunk* excuse....I agree with the quote. And, you guys are correct-- perhaps she wasn't as good a friend as I previously thought. (She made those comments when she was pretty much my only friend in the city, so I just dealt with it as "poTAYto, poTAHto" even though I secretly probably knew better.)

 

I think you ladies have helped me arrive at my answer...sadly.

 

 


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#11 of 13 Old 07-12-2011, 12:52 PM
 
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No. I would end that friendship.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Savoir Faire View Post

She's a good friend but has made a few stupid comments in the past...such as "I could never be friends with a homeschooler" (before she knew that's what we planned on doing) and also neg comments about non-circ'ed kids (Forgetting that we did not snip.).

 

This time, we were staying at her house (we live in different states) and she got very drunk. She started critiquing my 6-year-old's social skills...to a point where I felt VERY uncomfortable. I tried to defend/stop/switch the subject, but at this point, she was on a tangent.

 

Obviously, she has said things in the past that I overlooked for the sake of our friendship...but bringing my kid into this convo was a big no-no in my book. As I said, I consider her a good friend... and I take my friendships seriously...but I just feel really stuck.



 

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#12 of 13 Old 07-12-2011, 06:37 PM
 
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There's no way I could continue a friendship with someone who was so obviously negative about my lifestyle. The feeling of being judged all the time would just automatically end any level of comfort.

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#13 of 13 Old 07-29-2011, 11:57 PM
 
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I had a "friend" make comments about my child to OTHERS, to the point where she was saying things so that others would exclude her.  We are no longer friends.  (Not that I think we ever were if she could do that.)

 

If someone says something about me, I can usually move on without an apology.  If someone says something about my child?  Well, that person better own up to it and tell me they were going through some crazy period on their life or something . . .SOMETHING so I would know it was an anomaly.   That would be OK.

 

Glad you realize the truth about this person.  Life is too short.  Hopefully she will see what she has done (overall attitude) and change. 

 

 

 


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