Finding Time - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 05-16-2002, 10:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I was just wondering, how many (if any) of you have "help?" Do you have nannies, sitters, mother's helpers? How often do you have them, and do you feel guilty about it? After all, we have chosen to keep our kids home in part to keep them out of school and in part to spend more time with them. If you do have help, what do you do with the time -- errands, chores, "school planning," individualized school time for multiple kids, personal stuff? What do your helpers do with your kids-- play, provide lessons, take to lessons? Any suggestions on finding help you and your kids can live with and how to structure your time and life with employees? Is this topic taboo, or is my own guilt running rampant?
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#2 of 8 Old 05-17-2002, 02:17 AM
 
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We do have some help for now, he gets 15 hours per week (for now anyway) of a behaviorally trained respite worker. I don't feel guilty about it- he qualifies because he has a disability. Sometimes she comes with us on outings, or takes kids to the park so I can make phone calls, one night a week she comes and dh and I have a date, but she never helps with "school" stuff (my personal decision). It's a difficult decision to bring someone into your home, and does creat quite a bit of stress for the family. I will be ready to fade the service out when it is discontinued. I appreciate the help, but sometimes it feels very invasive. I wish I could hire a 12 or 13 yearold to just come and supervise and play with the kids while I got housework and other chores done, but that would not be appropriate for my children.
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#3 of 8 Old 05-17-2002, 09:57 AM
 
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I don't believe it has to be all or nothing. I believe I need a break from my kids every day (plus dh and I need time together) so I can be a better parent and hser.

Ideally, I would have a babysitter 2 hours/day, in the late afternoon when everyone is getting antsy - the babysitter's job would be to take the kids to the playground. Since that's not an economic option right now (though it should be in about another year), I try to arrange swaps with friends so I have at least some time every week, if not every day. Usually I end up spending the time at dr's appointments, cleaning, etc, but my hope is that some day I will spend at least some of the time doing things I really want to do (like playing an instrument, reading a book, taking a walk).

I'm also talking with a few friends about organizing a 'project co-op', where once/week we would each take turns supervising the kids on an art project for 3-4 hours. That would enable the kids to have a weekly project without always having to plan it and clean it up myself, and it would also give me some guaranteed time every week.
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#4 of 8 Old 05-17-2002, 11:13 AM
 
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We did have a young lady for just about everything: helping with the babies, teach, shop, accounts, 30 hours/week.

Then took her to the UK, and she found DH!

Poo.

No guilt when she worked for us though. Only joy and happiness at having her arround.

a

The anti-Ezzo king
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#5 of 8 Old 05-17-2002, 11:32 AM
 
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"Help" isn't an option right now for us, financially, but if it was, I would happily hire a housekeeper and would not in the least bit feel guilty about it. Since my older 2 are pretty independent I think the only time I've felt like I could really use an extra hand is when someone is sick. My kids are pretty spread out in age though, so I'd probably think differently if I had more than one little one at a time.

Single Mom to 3 (12, 17 & 21)  luxlove.gif and dog2.gif.

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#6 of 8 Old 05-17-2002, 03:11 PM
 
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#7 of 8 Old 05-17-2002, 03:39 PM
 
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I have the most beautiful situation imaginable! My 50 year old mother, a kindred soul, a best friend, lives with us, and she and dd play and play for between 1 and maybe 3 hours (without me) a day while I shower, read, run, hot tub, be with dh, cook...It is such a blessing, to have this much help from someone so trusted, and who loves dd every bit as much as me! She's also a professional storyteller. DD adores her. We moved in to her big empty (post-divorce) house in the country to save money so I could be SAHM, and it has worked out so wonderfully...
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#8 of 8 Old 05-17-2002, 04:57 PM
 
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My husband works from home, so that helps alot!!!!
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