DS is almost 1 and I dont want him to go to daycare :( - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 17 Old 01-18-2012, 03:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My family is trying to pressure me intoo sending DS to Kindercare (all of my SO families have sent there kids to Kindercare) I want to have him stay home with me and I could start him with educational games and projects etc. Am i a bad mom for not wanting him to go out and be in a place where i think they wont care for him properly ( how i see fit) and not push him in the right educational direction. even from a young age? ( my ds knows some signing and I am afraid they will not work on that with him)

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#2 of 17 Old 01-18-2012, 04:03 PM
 
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You are a great mom!  Follow your instincts!  This is your baby and you know what is best for your family! 

 

I've been home full time all along (my twin girls are now 5) and I am thrilled.  I did bow to "peer pressure" and sent my girls to pre-school when they were three--that lasted less than a month.  I simply felt better with us all "home." 

 

Truly, I was simply "home-based" and got out so much and made lots of play dates with other Moms or simply bumped into people at parks.  We tried to enroll in a music class (since I'm not particularly strong in that area) and I loved the Mommy-and-me classes. 

 

I recommend that you decide what your "motto" is and just repeat it.  (Don't have discussions about it unless you really are seeking input.  If you're decision is made, great!).  Your friends and family will get used to it and hopefully ultimately be supportive.  My message to the outside world has been, "I'm sure they'll go to school someday! For now I'm enjoying this so much.  This is what is best for our family."

 

On a practical note, I've found it helpful to have two blocks of time a week just to get stuff done.  I've needed about 2-6 hours a week to tackle taxes, shopping, dentist appts, etc.  I've made it very clear to "babysitters" that they are mother's helpers and must be willing to do the grunt work a mom has to do--and let me have the precious play time with my children.  I've had the same sitters for 5 years, so it seems to work!

 

Remember, you're a great Mom and you and your child deserve this precious time together!!!

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#3 of 17 Old 01-18-2012, 04:29 PM
 
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If you are a stay at home mom, there is no reason to send your child to daycare.  Why would you want to spend the extra money anyway?

 

My son was in daycare for the first time when he was almost 4 and I was on hospital bedrest.  He did great.  He didn't miss out on anything by not having been in daycare for those first 4 years.  We play and learn at home, my kids have friends their ages, and it's free.  :)  That's not to say that daycares aren't useful - they are.  And if you have the money and are so inclined to send your child to one (or need to because of work), your child will thrive.  But one situation isn't necessarily better than the other.

 

And you are the mom, so you can decide what is best for your family.


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#4 of 17 Old 01-18-2012, 06:04 PM
 
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There is a cultural myth that childcare workers are better at educating kids than their parents, its just not true.  Keep him home with you- tell your critics that they get the chance to screw up their own kids, this is your kid and you get to screw him up to the best of your ability, and that starts with loving him every day and helping him enjoy his childhood. 


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#5 of 17 Old 01-18-2012, 06:24 PM
 
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I don't believe there is any good reason to send your baby to daycare if you don't want to (and don't need to). He doesn't need any formal education activities at this age (and not for a long time yet IMO). As PPs have said, just doing things with you around the house, your neighbourhood, places you go for your errands or for fun activities for him will be *more* than enough stimulation and learning for him.


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#6 of 17 Old 01-18-2012, 08:28 PM
 
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I never did.  I've gotten a little pressure from family, not much.  They seem to buy into the paradigm that a baby and mother for some reason are better off with their own lives, but if you put it that way to people who recommend it they will flatly deny that's what they mean.  So contrary!  If you don't want to, don't.  There is no reason you must, and very good reasons why not.  

 

 


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#7 of 17 Old 01-18-2012, 10:55 PM
 
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The first three years of life are the most important for brain development. One of THE most important opportunities you can provide a child in that age group is to have as few, consistent caregivers as possible. I believe no more than three is ideal. So, that would be mom, dad, and maybe grandma. In a childcare center the underpaid staff is constantly changing. Plus they have many children to care for so matter how dedicated they are, each child will not get enough attention.

 

The connections between brain cells in an infant form when the infant is being touched. I do not know at what age that changes, but I'm guessing it's still true at 1. So, where is your child more likely to get touched--with you or in a daycare center?

 

I learned a lot about brain development from a book. It might have been this one: http://www.amazon.com/Whats-Going-There-Brain-Develop/dp/0553378252/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1326952173&sr=8-4

 

Also, I HIGHLY recommend this book. It's about how the choices we make based on our culture effect our children:

http://www.amazon.com/Our-Babies-Ourselves-Biology-Culture/dp/0385483627/ref=pd_sim_b_24


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#8 of 17 Old 01-19-2012, 08:55 AM
 
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Since this is in the homeschooling forum, I'd like to state my opinion in this light.  While daycare is not preschool, it is not a homeschool environment, either.  Especially if you are planning a more relaxed, child-led schooling approach, daycare (then preschool) instills habits that might not be in a style the parent will have at home.  This should be part of the consideration.  If you intend to follow a more structured format, then daycare, at least in regards to this one issue, isn't going to be troublesome.  But if you lean toward the more child-led approach, it is possible that kids will get used to activities being created for them, and rely more thoroughly on adults to guide their day.  Not a deal breaker, but something that might need to be addressed when the child starts staying at home.  They might end up needing a bit of "de-schooling" and a chance to get bored before they find their legs and can become capable of constructing their own day without quite so much adult structure.


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#9 of 17 Old 01-21-2012, 11:45 PM
 
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You are a great mom! How has it come to be that moms are considered bad moms for wanting their children home with them? There are plenty of chances for your child to interact with other kids in most communities (library story times, play groups, etc.). It was only during WW II, when moms were needed to build war machines (war planes, war ships, etc.) and otherwise support the war effort that day care even came about. Before that, only those who were either really wealthy or quite poor left their kids in the care of others (rich women hired nurses, poor women relied on grandmothers or aunts while they went to work for the rich families). Day care is not necessary for a healthy child development, and in many cases can be quite harmful. Not sure about Kindercare per se, but most day cares are pretty sad places -- just drop by unannounced to a larger one, or watch a group of daycare kids at a public park and you will see many sad looking kids.

You are the mom, you get to decide!


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#10 of 17 Old 01-22-2012, 07:39 AM
 
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 I did preschool with one kid,and the experience led me to skip it with the next. The hitting and disease exposure among the ids was just not worth it.Plus it was expensive! Better to sign up for classes.There are plenty of free classes through libraries and park services.Classes at the Y are cheap. I would ignore the family and do what I  want.

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#11 of 17 Old 01-22-2012, 01:42 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mowgismama21 View Post

My family is trying to pressure me intoo sending DS to Kindercare (all of my SO families have sent there kids to Kindercare) I want to have him stay home with me and I could start him with educational games and projects etc. Am i a bad mom for not wanting him to go out and be in a place where i think they wont care for him properly ( how i see fit) and not push him in the right educational direction. even from a young age? ( my ds knows some signing and I am afraid they will not work on that with him)


KINDERCARE?!! duh.gif irked.gif Has it come to that? I hadn't even heard of this trend/fad. I don't think you should even bother to debate it with them - this is absolutely ridiculous, and he deserves a lot better. You don't need to start any particular sort of "educational" games and projects with him either - what he needs at this point is to have happy, normal, fun, nurturing, childhood life and activities with his mom. Here's a page of links to articles that support/explain the real needs of young children - and yours is even younger than the ages they're discussing: Preschool and Kindergarten Learning Activities. Those first years are precious, and they're the foundation for the rest of his life - don't let anyone talk you into institutionalizing them. - Lillian

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#12 of 17 Old 01-23-2012, 09:09 PM
 
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I have the very same feelings as Lillian and one other. I think it is totally horrible that they suggest this, even with good hearts. I feel so strongly, unless you are abusing your child, which I feel pretty good you aren't, that you need to be with him as much as possible. My four year old is starting to sneak around and pull some materials together to create things, but the very pride he feels when he shows these things to me... he still needs my affection. My DH is a SAHD with me and there is a whole other wonderful level of connection going in our family as well. The learning happens all the time, even as a baby, but it isn't with flash cards and that shit really screwed up some creative juice with my son - don't do it.. the learning happens under 2, but through about 6-7 in such a learning to love, trust, care, self-care, belong, feel clean, nourished, apart of something truly magical and important. I am not sure if you believe in God, but I feel so much that the bond God has given us is such a blessing and so important! Even if you believe in divine energy, or most importantly love. It all begins where you are right now. Baby classes? A playgroup with moms is enough, moms you really like, but other than that? Show him flowers, textures, smells. Hold him as much as you can, dance, sing, make happy faces and transmit love. Many blessings to you! That is the most important gift. True emotional intelligence is the charm that make a person fall in love, give love, hold the highest moral honor and do the right things. A cold heartless distrusting millionaire, or just a plain numb worker bee that got a jump into reading at 3 will never be happy, no matter what, don't push this hard. These kinds of tactics can make people needlessly lost. 

 


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#13 of 17 Old 01-23-2012, 11:25 PM
 
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KINDERCARE?!! duh.gif irked.gif Has it come to that? I hadn't even heard of this trend/fad. I don't think you should even bother to debate it with them - this is absolutely ridiculous, and he deserves a lot better. You don't need to start any particular sort of "educational" games and projects with him either - what he needs at this point is to have happy, normal, fun, nurturing, childhood life and activities with his mom. Here's a page of links to articles that support/explain the real needs of young children - and yours is even younger than the ages they're discussing: Preschool and Kindergarten Learning Activities. Those first years are precious, and they're the foundation for the rest of his life - don't let anyone talk you into institutionalizing them. - Lillian


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/KinderCare_Learning_Centers

I wouldnt call it a "fad" . Kindercare has been around since I was a little kid. I know all of my siblings and cousins went in the 90's.

OP, if you dont want your kid to go to daycare, dont send him. If you are concerned about what your family thinks about him getting enough socialization or structure, you could sign him up for some classes at the Y and take him to a playgroup once a week. One is super early for even those things IMO.


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#14 of 17 Old 01-23-2012, 11:43 PM
 
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wow! That is where I went! back in 83! mom mother was a student and worked, my dad was out of state working. I actually remember it. I hated going and would not get dressed and my mother had to wrap me in a blanket and deliver me with clothes. I remember getting bit one time and another child kicking the pregnant leader in the belly and things freaked out for a minute. I don't remember having a good connection with the other children there. Thinking about it now and my own kids, I think the age is just very hard to share and not much play together but playing side by side and wanting the toy when they drop it. I remember the room was extremely busy and colorful and can tell you the lay out but the walls were decorated to the educational poster extreme. 

 

Now that I am a Waldorf mom it might be clicking that this place was why. 

 

That is really funny that they think this place is educational. I was smart in school but not average and in college it was clear I had something going on during lecture and test anxiety. I am not sure about this kind of thing, but I was "diagnosed" with ADHD. 

 

As a person I am drawn to very calm and nourishing environments and large beauty-scapes. The floor to ceiling classroom covered in distraction is one of my biggest reasons for homeschooling, that and the crap food. 

 

I highly advise not to send a child there. You could buy most of the toys, but I think even that is dangerous because I started out parenting that way and has a throwing screaming boy until I took it all away and gave him a more zen. He has a play space at 4 that is much more cluttered, but I keep sister out. 

 

Getting babies together without mom or family to stand up for them has got to be planting fear like nothing else. Wow.. this post brings back so many scary pre-verbal memories of feeling frantic and trying to find my mom and sisters.. ehh... 

 


Leslie, organic semi-unschooling mama teaching my children 5 and 2.75, that love & happiness is most important. Letting their light shine, finding out they are teaching me. Love being in the moment & nature.

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#15 of 17 Old 01-26-2012, 10:56 AM
 
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If you are planning on homeschooling, then you will probably always have to defend your choices to your SO's family. If they are pushing for Kindercare now, just imagine when your baby is school age, how they will be pushing school. There are lots of arguments for homeschooling, but you will have to find the ones that work for you. Have you already done some research into why school isn't a choice you would want to make? 

Here are some home preschool links:

http://www.universalpreschool.com/

http://www.kidsparkz.com/index.html

http://www.letteroftheweek.com/

http://www.first-school.ws/themes.html

http://www.amazon.com/Playful-Learning-Alternate-Approach-Preschool/dp/0912500301

 

Good luck!


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#16 of 17 Old 01-26-2012, 01:18 PM
 
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Are you talking about a under one year old baby? If so, why on earth do they need Kindercare? Let the baby be a baby and pass the bean dip to you family members who question you. You have YEARS before you even need to think about formal academics.


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#17 of 17 Old 01-27-2012, 10:29 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by emski4379 View Post

Are you talking about a under one year old baby? If so, why on earth do they need Kindercare? Let the baby be a baby and pass the bean dip to you family members who question you. You have YEARS before you even need to think about formal academics.



Absolutely! I was assuming the OP was referring to her family wanting her baby to go now, which may not be the case - but even if the pressure is about sending him later, there's no reason to have to think about it or discuss it with them at this point. And by the time preschool becomes a viable consideration years from now, there may be smaller and more nurturing environments to look at - there are even some co-op ones where you can participate. The more I think about it, the more I have to question the deeper motives of people wanting to separate moms from little ones - they may have some silly notions about it being bad for a child and mom to be too bonded. - Lillian

 

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