Does homeschooling change the dynamics of friendships and relationships? - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 9 Old 03-12-2012, 07:59 AM - Thread Starter
 
ammumom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: HomeSweetHome
Posts: 8
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Before pulling my older dd (9 yo) out of public b&m school, all the neighborhood kids used to play together at the cul-de-sac, regularly. Now a days though, I have observed increased bullying episodes, my kids being the targets. I have explained to my kids about bullying and how to handle it. But on a closer look, I find a lot of hostile feelings cropping up among the non-homeschooling moms too. Though I expected this, it is hard to find close friends and family changing their behavior so much, just because of a reason, that does not involve them directly. Here is a poll , that I created... ..your votes and opinions are welcome. Thanks.


Homeschooling mom to my sweet little kids joy.gif   I blog at http://newlearningpath.wordpress.com

ammumom is offline  
#2 of 9 Old 03-12-2012, 09:59 PM
 
SundayCrepes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 4,744
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

My oldest is 6 and never been to school. I can't address your question specifically. I can say that at some point I decided I would not actively help my son seek out friends who go to school. Our schedules are so opposite. By the time those kids are ready to play, our social life is winding down and we're ready for quiet home time. My son still has a couple friends who are going to school and he really values those relationships, but I see them drifting away over time simply because our lives have diverged.

 

I think some people take it personally that someone else makes a different choice than they do. Somehow they equate your choice with a slap against theirs. Very sad.


Created an instant family (7/89 and 5/91) in 1997. Made a baby boy 12/05 adopted a baby girl 8/08. Ask me about tandem adoptive nursing. Now living as gluten, dairy, cane sugar, and tomato free vegetarians. Homeschooling and loving it.

SundayCrepes is offline  
#3 of 9 Old 03-13-2012, 04:44 AM - Thread Starter
 
ammumom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: HomeSweetHome
Posts: 8
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Thanks for your insights SundayCrepes. We are contemplating to join our local homeschool co-op (I don't know why we did not do that alreadydizzy.gif) . May be, my kids need to make more homeschooling friends and move on. Due to this rude behavior of their old  friends, my kids are not very enthusiastic to play with them anyway.


Homeschooling mom to my sweet little kids joy.gif   I blog at http://newlearningpath.wordpress.com

ammumom is offline  
#4 of 9 Old 03-13-2012, 07:38 AM
 
onatightrope's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 305
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Another thing that can happen is that other kids in the neighborhood may be saying to their parents "Why do I have to go to school if they don't?"  and that can cause tension.  

onatightrope is offline  
#5 of 9 Old 03-13-2012, 08:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
ammumom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: HomeSweetHome
Posts: 8
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Yes, that is a possibility too. I have heard those kids say things like 'my mom said that homeschooling is for losers' or 'so you are ms.know-it-all' etc. I don't get greatly disturbed by such minor things and trained my kids to take it in their stride, but now it is turning to physical assaults. So, we need to put a stop to that. Also moms say things like 'did you hear about that writing /art/ or some other contest...oh sorry...you homeschool ..so your kids cannot participate in that'......I don't mind that since I already know that my kids can participate in these contests, by registering a homeschoolers whistling.gif... Thanks for your response onatightrope.


Homeschooling mom to my sweet little kids joy.gif   I blog at http://newlearningpath.wordpress.com

ammumom is offline  
#6 of 9 Old 03-13-2012, 10:05 AM
 
sleepypeanutsmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Washington
Posts: 431
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Our family hasn't experienced bullying, but we are finding it harder with friends as my daughter gets older.  She is 10 and in the last year 3 of her previously homeschooled friends are now going to school.  It has been quite an adjustment this year.  She still would love to get together with these friends but it is definitely less due to the change in schedule.  We have to plan ahead more to get together with these friends now. 

 

We are members of a homeschool group.  We have a Park Day every Tuesday (March-Oct, weather permitting).  It is nice to have a playtime with other homeschoolers already set each week.  Whoever can come does and the kids play together while the parents chat. 

 

I agree, joining a homeschool group will really help.  Good topic


Mama to Ainsley (7/01) , Finley (10/06) and Jade (10/06)
 

sleepypeanutsmom is offline  
#7 of 9 Old 03-13-2012, 10:20 PM
 
numericmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Seattle
Posts: 175
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

We have tried to make friends with kids in school. But, I have found that the kids are so orientated to their peer group at school that there is no room for us. 

 

We used to be friends with two other couples, but when the kids went to school they became too busy. And we had very different parenting issues at that point.

 

We are friends with one schooling family, but that is because I babysit her kids once a week and the kids have to be together. But if we weren't, I am sure the kids wouldn't be friends anymore. The mother and I used to be much closer - but we just have much less in common with our kid concerns now. 

 

To be fair - we also have made media choice differences and I feel that that does have an effect on friendships. If everyone else wants to play a starwars game and we haven't seen starwars yet, that puts my kids on an "out" from the group.

 

From what you said about the comments from the parents at home, it seems like there is some chatter that the kids would be picking up on as well. Like the parents have taken your choice personally. Which is also pretty sad.


Homeschooling

Roland 08/03
Oscar 05/07

http://pnwlifelearning.blogspot.com/
 

numericmama is offline  
#8 of 9 Old 03-14-2012, 02:01 AM
 
zebra15's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: State of Confusion
Posts: 4,682
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 6 Post(s)

We've always homeschooled but as DS gets older finding friends has become more difficult.  We've also moved several times over the past 6 years and are facing another move in the next few months.  DS takes each move in stride and until this next move all have been in a few miles of each other.

We've been part of the same library system etc.  but DS isn't athletic or into football, baseball etc like many other kids his age.  He's not into starwars, wrestling or most typical 'boy' stuff.  He does love LEGO's and swim team.  He loves most library programs and art programs.

However swim team is filled with kids from public school and making friends isn't easy.

 

DS isn't loud and doesn't have extra energy to burn off, like some kids who have been in 'school' all day do either.  Sitting in a classroom for 6 hrs gives kids lots of extra energy come 4pm swim team.  DS has been home all day and is working into his evening routine at 4 or 5pm.

 

As others have said, HS just is a different lifestyle.  Different choices, different schedules etc.  My kiddo is happy, he never will have a million friends.  He will be happy  with 2-3 friends, that's just how he is.  My kiddo would never be able to function in a room of 30 classmates.  The  noise and activity level would overcome him and he would have a meltdown.  (hes not autistic but I think he has a 'touch' of something- overly sensitive to noise if nothing else)

 

Next week there is a Spring Break camp at a Science Center that focuses on Lego's. DS is excited to go. Enrollment is capped at 25 kids per age group (50 kids total).  I can guarantee you most traditional school kids won't even think of going but DS can not wait.  This is the type of thing DS waits for.  3 hrs a day for a week of intensive LEGO learning.  Will he make friends?  Maybe,


Mom to J and never-ending , 0/2014 items decluttered, 0/52 crafts crafts completed  crochetsmilie.gif homeschool.gif  reading.gif  modifiedartist.gif

Seeking zen in 2014.  Working on journaling and finding peace this year.  Spending my free time taking J to swimteam

zebra15 is offline  
#9 of 9 Old 03-19-2012, 11:52 AM - Thread Starter
 
ammumom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: HomeSweetHome
Posts: 8
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

numericmama, I have observed  the "out of the group" issue too. Media choices, gadgets (yes!! even the 5-9 aged group), brand names, and elaborate birthday parties, my kids are not used to these things. But I am proud of my family's choices and would not have it any other way.

 

zebra15, my dd(9yrs) is preparing to get into the swim team too. We do have a homeschool team, so hopefully she will make some friends there. I am sure your ds will enjoy the spring break Lego camp. Try to find if any other homeschoolers are participating in that camp. It might lead to some great friendships, with similar interests.


Homeschooling mom to my sweet little kids joy.gif   I blog at http://newlearningpath.wordpress.com

ammumom is offline  
Reply

Tags
Homeschooling , Unschooling

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off