Spouse May Not Support Homeschooling - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 22 Old 04-11-2012, 12:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have a two year old but am already interested in homeschooling when the time comes. My spouse does not seem supportive though I have a few years to discuss it with him, and mull over any decisions. Any thoughts?

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#2 of 22 Old 04-11-2012, 01:30 PM
 
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I wouldn't push the point at this stage of the game. Do you have some idea of what his objections may be? If so I would start looking for ways to gently address his concerns. You've got a lot of time so there's no need to rush. For example, if he thinks that homeschooled kids lack socialization, sometime in the next few years, it would probably be helpful to expose him to kids who are homeschooled and even those who've grown up homeschooling and done well in life.

 

I don't know that my DH really ever cared one way or another but us working with DS when he showed interest in learning letters, numbers, etc. (and then learning to read more or less on his own) helped because at this point, homeschooling is simply a natural extension of what we've already been doing. I think it helps too that academics are really important to both of us and we have little faith in what passes for academic rigor in the PS system.

 

One more thought, over the next two years, start reading various homeschooling books and learn about different methods. I had a friend give me a copy of the Well Trained Mind about a year ago and I think that cemented it for DH. Obviously everyone is different though and not everyone likes that method. It just happens to be the one that resonated best for us. There are lots of books though with lots of different perspectives.


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#3 of 22 Old 04-12-2012, 01:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you so much dogmom327.

Yes, the social factor, and he is also one who likes to quantify, so standardized testing and so on. I've not replied much to his concerns, as I would like to give it time, as you also said. I recently began reading Home Schoolers Guide to Self Directed Excellence and noted that the book contained a quote from one his favorite speakers so that caught my husband's interest. I will order the book you suggested too. I appreciate all of your other suggestions also. Thanks again.

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#4 of 22 Old 04-13-2012, 01:59 PM
 
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There are lots of good arguments for why HS children are usually quite well socialized but depending on where you are located, if you have an active HS community with tons of activities available that might help. I know around here we could have our kids involved in something practically every hour of every day. No thank you! But it is there if someone needs reassurance.


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#5 of 22 Old 04-13-2012, 03:56 PM
 
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My advice would be to start doing things early. Read often. Talk about stories, letters, and words.  Purchase things for your home that would be common in a preschool classroom-- flannelboard stories, painting easel and paints, playdoh and similar,  math manipulatives. Great sources for these are education catalogs like Lakeshore Learning.  Spend some time each day doing things together with these materials.  Spend time each day doing other things that fit in with your life-- baking, visiting places you both like, spending time outdoors, library activities. Have him dictate stories about what you do.

 

When someone asks if you're enrolling him in preschool, you can say you're doing it at home. The same will follow for kindergarten. Once you're successfully doing it, the debate is more than half won. It's not a question of if you can do it, only how long you intend to keep it up.


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#6 of 22 Old 04-13-2012, 08:14 PM
 
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Dh wasn't very keen on the idea but now I think he is more on board than me! I think the big change for us is we've talked about it over & over & over again, but not in a "let me convince you way" but more looking at how our friend's children are affected by schooling, things we hear about that we like or don't like with the local schools, really looking at the people we know who are teachers & whether or not they are people we would want teaching our own children & also reviewing our own experiences in school. It has been a natural process.

 

Oh & the full day kindergarten they have pushed through here really pushed him over the edge. 3 just seems too young to be in school for 8 hours a day.


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#7 of 22 Old 04-15-2012, 11:28 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks so much Dogmom327, Red Pajama and Lifeguard.

Dogmom327, we are fortunate also to have an endless selection of activities and events locally, thanks largely to a wonderful library and park system. My son and I take full advantage of it and he likely will for years to come. I noted in another thread that the social factor is a common misconception about hs'd children.

 

Thanks also Red Pajama. We do a lot already of what you mentioned and my son and I do tell my husband all about it each night! 

 

Thanks you Lifeguard. Point taken, communication was key in your family's decision to hs.

Oh and I agree too, full day kindergarten is excessive. Our local school is also full day but fortunately kindergarten is optional here in NJ, though I don't think parents realize that.  Even the next town over recently increased from half to full day, I question the motive that was cited in a recent article- oh another topic for another day!

 

Thanks again everyone. Anymore insight or help with a spouse who was wary of HS'g, please post.

 

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#8 of 22 Old 04-17-2012, 08:31 AM
 
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It's been a long time since I posted on MDC.  But, I feel compelled to answer this thread.  My husband is skeptical about homeschooling.  Actually, he is more worried about my ability to follow-through and getting stuff done. whistling.gif

 

I had to cave and agree to use one of our state's k12.com public school virtual academies.  This could be used as a last resort if you needed to.  I just decided that I would rather public school at home than to send our kiddos to a local brick and mortar school.  You have received some good advice just thought I would add my 2 cents.

 

 

 

 

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#9 of 22 Old 04-17-2012, 08:54 AM
 
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The Well Adjusted Child: The Social Benefits of Homeschooling is an excellent read and really addresses the social aspects.  

 

Start reading up on what the public school curriculum is actually supposed to do:  books by John Taylor Gatto and John Holt are great in this regard.  I found I started with the idea of school curriculum being taught at home, and as I've read more, gotten to know more homeschoolers, and followed my son's lead more, I am being called to the unschooling path.  It is a path though, not one you end up at right away.  My journey actually started with my first Mothering magazine when my son was 8 months old and reading the article debunking the myths of homeschooling!  Now here I am advocating unschooling!  Too funny and exciting to me!  My son is 5.5yo, wouldn't start kindy until fall this year, so we've been blessed to have time to think about this.  

 

Good luck,

Heather

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#10 of 22 Old 04-17-2012, 11:07 AM
 
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Hi, just remember that you've already been home schooling your child his whole life up until now, so in some senses, especially at this young age, nothing much will change if you decide not to send him to school in the next little while.  My husband was not at all sure about home education at the start, but that is true of many Dads.  It's harder for them because often they are not around as much to see how well it works, so that leaves them with their concerns and fears.  Those concerns are probably valid and discussing with him how you can address them in the context of home educating will benefit your child. You will want to make sure that you spend time with other children (easily done) and perhaps keep an eye on what school peers are learning (if this is important to you).  Making contact with local home educating groups can be supportive and the books that have been suggested are well worth reading.  I have always home educated our three children, now aged 13, 9 and 6, and they are happy and thriving.  My husband loves this and is able to trust the process more now.  It is a process though - the children develop and that necessitates shifts and changes.  Home educating isn't for everyone - but for many it can be the most wonderful lifestyle choice.

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#11 of 22 Old 04-17-2012, 11:50 AM
 
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One of the great things about homeschooling is that you can choose how and when your child is socialized. Getting bullied and pushed around at school it not a great way of socializing your child.

Also I tell most people I know that when I was in school during the 80's my teacher's always said that you were not there to socialize, you were there to learn. Now it seems like that is the big thing "socialization". Your child essentially does not need another child to socialize with. While it is more fun for them, essentially you are helping them to grow into more mature and responsible adults.

There are some great ways to socialize, doing extra curricular activities, art class, play groups, sports, church etc.

I know when I first started my dh said the same thing to me, you can't even keep up with the house, what makes you think you can homeschool? Well essentially because my heart told me so. I didn't have my children to send them off to some other place. I wanted them home with me to enjoy them. And while people may argue that you can't teach higher levels of math or science or anything else, there are many different curricula available and does not require a PH. D to teach it.

If you have the opportunity, find a local support group, find out if your state has a homeschool convention. These are all great ways to prepare for the future. The more you know the better forewarned and forearmed you will be.

vicky

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#12 of 22 Old 04-17-2012, 12:02 PM
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Read read read. Leave things for him to read. Make sure you are as well informed about your local school choices as you are about homeschooling. That was the kicker for my husband, he was concerned about it until we looked at our local school options, and then, there was no question we would homeschool. I was always reading things, and handing him books, discussing different philosphies with him, finding ways to include him in what we were doing. That was a key element, making sure he had something to do with the schooling as well.

I think when it becomes a family endeavor it is easier to work it out and to make it a family choice, rather than a "you" choice. smile.gif

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#13 of 22 Old 04-17-2012, 12:08 PM
 
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As someone already mentioned, The Well Adjusted Child: The Social Benefits of Homeschooling is an awesome book! My husband really liked it, read it only selectively. I 'accidentally' left it on the kitchen table for him and never even asked him to read it :)

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#14 of 22 Old 04-17-2012, 12:48 PM
 
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Thanks for starting this thread.  My daughter will be 5 and has been going to Montessori but my wish is to homeschool.  Can anyone recommend a book that addresses my husband's fear that we won't do it right and we will "screw up" our child?  Also a good book - not a homeschoolimg book- is Dr. Gordon Neufeld's Hold on to your Kids.  This talks about thepproblem of peer orientation which is the opposite argument (to me) in regards to concerns about socialization.

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#15 of 22 Old 04-19-2012, 07:42 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Asiago View Post

Thank you so much dogmom327.
Yes, the social factor, and he is also one who likes to quantify, so standardized testing and so on. I've not replied much to his concerns, as I would like to give it time, as you also said. I recently began reading Home Schoolers Guide to Self Directed Excellence and noted that the book contained a quote from one his favorite speakers so that caught my husband's interest. I will order the book you suggested too. I appreciate all of your other suggestions also. Thanks again.

In our state, homeschoolers can participate in standardized testing if they choose to. Check if that's an option in your state, in case that's going to be a sticking point with DH. I wouldn't offer that to him at first, but if he mentions it, then you will know what your option is.

From another angle, you might also try to find some resources that address the whole issue of standardized testing, whether it's actually helpful or not. That would also be a discussion point for you to talk about with him.

There are curriculum options that include outside evaluation (grading, testing, etc.). That might be something to consider if the whole evaluation thing is a sticking point with him. I'm thinking of programs like K12 and Calvert. There are others, just mentioning the two I know of.

Kim mama to DS 12/2005, Pepper kitty , and 10/03, 1/05;
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#16 of 22 Old 04-19-2012, 10:09 AM
 
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You can also just order a standardized test and give it to your child any time you want to. Send it back and the company will score it. We're required to give our kids a standardized test every couple of years or so. The one we get is $25.

 

Oh, there is also an online version.


Mom to unschooling 4everboy since 8/01
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#17 of 22 Old 04-20-2012, 09:33 PM
 
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Since your son is only two and kindergarten is not required in your state, that gives you a lot of time before you and your husband have to make a decision about whether or not to send your child to school.  And whether or not he will go to school shouldn't really affect the things you are going to do with him for the next few years.  There's no need for a formal curriculum for preschool or kindergarten really.  Play, play, play!  Go out and see and do and explore.  Sing, dance, create. 

 

If your husband is uncomfortable with the idea of homeschooling right now, I would back off of talking about it for a bit.  Just enjoy living and learning with your two year old.  Share bits of your days with your husband.  Sometimes dads can feel left out of what is going on the day-to-day, especially if they work outside the home.  Take lots of pictures and videos, and maybe even set up a blog just for the purpose of sharing things your kid does with him.  I set up a blog for my husband (and other relatives) to see just how much the kids and I do every day, and just knowing what a great variety of things we do goes a long way to convincing him that it's worthwhile for me to be home with the kids.  It also helps him to see how much they are learning.

 

Kindergarten is also optional where we live.  My oldest would be in kindergarten if we had chosen to send her to public school this year.  When we were deciding about whether or not to enroll her, I said that since kindergarten wasn't legally required, we could kind of "test drive" homeschooling in this year.  We both felt confident that if we did decide homeschooling wasn't working for our family after this year, she would have no problems entering first grade the next fall.  We told relatives, and I even told my husband in a reassuring way, that we were simply trying this out for this year, and we weren't sure about how long we would homeschool.  The more time goes by, the more my husband can see that this is really working for us and our family.  One thing I say often when people ask how long we will homeschool, I tell them that this is working for us really well right now, and as long as it keeps working, we'll keep doing it!


 

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#18 of 22 Old 04-23-2012, 03:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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You have all been so helpful! 
I have just started John Taylor Gatto's book and still need to finish Home Schoolers Guide to Excellence. I have Well Adjusted Child on the way and several more.

 

Thank you all so much. I read through each of your posts several times and really take to heart a lot of your suggestions and feel better that I am not alone in this, and that my husband may even support it one day.

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#19 of 22 Old 08-23-2013, 09:17 PM
 
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I have a dh who won't read anything about homeschooling. Number one, he does not like to read. Number two, he says anything I read in support of homeschooling is "bent" (ie, one-sided). I thought he could see that we are thriving. I have been homeschooling my 7yo and 4yo since birth. My husband has never supported us in this journey and it is very hard to do this without his support. He wants our kids to be independent and have buddies. They are independent and they make friends easily and they are each other's buddy. I don't know what he wants for them. I feel so strongly that this is the best thing for us. In my heart, I know. How do I continue this without his support? It stinks.
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#20 of 22 Old 11-27-2013, 07:55 AM
 
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Same here.  My dh is not convinced I'll be able to follow through and have enough structure.  I've also caved on the idea of a virtual school so that his main worry is addressed.  Keep fingers crossed for me, mamas- and a few prayers from those inclined to do so wouldn't hurt either!  :)

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#21 of 22 Old 11-27-2013, 10:54 AM
 
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You might try writing down what you're doing with your little one all day.  Stuff like letters 15 min.  playdough 2 hours.  etc.  It helped me see what I was doing, what I wasn't doing and I think if my husband had been skeptical we wouldn't be organized having it all written down and in front of him would help. 


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#22 of 22 Old 11-30-2013, 07:20 AM
 
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Thank you for starting this thread.  I got some good ideas.  I already have a blog.  My husband sees how creative, imaginative and intelligent our children are; but, he is still not fully supportive.  I asked him if he could please support us this year and we will talk again in the summer (I dread it).  Sigh.  His parents were not educated.  They are from Mexico and still have never learned to read and write.  My husband was the first in his family (and still the only one) to get his bachelor's degree.  This is where we are different.  My parents were very intelligent and exposed us to as much as they could.  My mother taught us so much at home that when we got to kindergarten, we were bored (and, I was in a reading group by myself)... and, that was not good.  Thankfully, I had an amazing year in school (1st year in "challenge", 3rd grade) that gave me the foundation for my desire to homeschool.  We went on 12 field trips that year; we made our own butter; we learned to play chess; we traded stickers; we shoved all of our desks together so we had room to play; I loved my teacher; and, I remember everything I learned that year.

 

I love homeschooling and it is working.  I want to earn my dh's support.  I will keep trying.

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