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#1 of 17 Old 07-29-2012, 05:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So my fiance and I have been pretty dead-set on HSing our girls from the beginning. Now that DD1 is 3 yo, I am starting to doubt/feel a bit panicky. I know this is still SO young, but I want to be totally prepared to provide education to my children the absolute BEST way we can.

A little background to what has triggered my doubts..one MAJOR reason is..get ready..socialization. I know all of the arguments regarding this..but I still worry that sometimes, being the adult that I am, I do get bored with play and wonder if she would be better off surrounded with lots of children who are never bored with play. I am also an introvert and suffer from depression and anxiety..it is treated, but I feel like when she sees me at my worst, I am ruining her..if that makes sense? My social anxiety kind of holds me back at times too, and I am afraid that could interfere somehow. My fiance and I both can have a low level of patience at times..which I guess is normal. I also worry about providing her with everything she needs while tending to her younger sister. It is all just so overwhelming. The past yr has been tough with PPD struggles and while I am ashamed to say it, we have used WAY too much tv and our relationship is kind of off. I guess I am just overwhelmed and REALLY scared of failing her..and my other DD.

I try to get us out as much as possible..trips to the park, splash pad, store, farmer's market, library, etc. I also have joined a moms group and she gets to play with others when I meet up with them, which is only once a month. She actually said the other day that she didn't have any friends to play with.. This broke my heart and really made me question if I should consider putting her into school part-time. I don't know.

Sorry this is kind of a lot of info thrown all over the place..I guess I am just looking for some guidance, advice, something. Thanks so much, mamas.

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#2 of 17 Old 07-29-2012, 06:34 PM
 
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I am so with you! My ds just turned 4 and dh and I are wanting to home school but we live in a very secluded area and there aren't any kids for him to play with. I worry about socialization and him being lonely. I , too, have depression, anxiety, and I am not a social person. Ds goes everywhere I go. Doctors appointments (when able), shopping, the park, to my parents and brothers houses. Now that school is about to start I'm wondering if I shouldn't just send him.

 

So, no advice. lol But I feel your pain on this.


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#3 of 17 Old 07-29-2012, 06:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am so with you! My ds just turned 4 and dh and I are wanting to home school but we live in a very secluded area and there aren't any kids for him to play with. I worry about socialization and him being lonely. I , too, have depression, anxiety, and I am not a social person. Ds goes everywhere I go. Doctors appointments (when able), shopping, the park, to my parents and brothers houses. Now that school is about to start I'm wondering if I shouldn't just send him.

So, no advice. lol But I feel your pain on this.

Thank you for your sympathy smile.gif lol We are definitely not in a secluded area, being right outside of Orlando, but we are new here..just moved from out of state 8 months ago. I am making effort to connect with HSing families as well, but it is just hard to haul the girls around by myself for meetups, etc...esp since the baby HATES the car and screams the entire time. Plus gas is just not cheap.

Only family we have nearby now is my SIL and her 15 yo DD..and she lives an entirely different lifestyle than us.

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#4 of 17 Old 07-29-2012, 07:21 PM
 
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It will be so much easier to get out and do things with other people in a couple of years when your kids are older.  And it will probably be easier to find other kids for your daughter to play with once she's school age.  Some families with 3 year olds who are going to be homeschooled might be doing things with homeschooling groups, but probably a lot of them haven't gotten involved with a group yet.  But by the time those kids are 6, they're all going to be looking for other homeschooled kids to do things with.  Your daughter and your relationship with her will be pretty different in a couple of years, too.  Kids change a lot between 3 and 5.  So you may not be able to get a good idea now just how easy it will be to find socialization opportunities or how much patience you'll need to spend the day homeschooling your DD.  I wouldn't make a long term decision about school based on what things are like for your family right now.  I would just think about what would work best for the next year.  If your DD seems to want more chances to play with other kids and you're finding it hard to give her that, maybe part-time preschool would make sense for now.  There's no reason she can't go to preschool for a year or two and then be homeschooled.

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#5 of 17 Old 07-29-2012, 08:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It will be so much easier to get out and do things with other people in a couple of years when your kids are older.  And it will probably be easier to find other kids for your daughter to play with once she's school age.  Some families with 3 year olds who are going to be homeschooled might be doing things with homeschooling groups, but probably a lot of them haven't gotten involved with a group yet.  But by the time those kids are 6, they're all going to be looking for other homeschooled kids to do things with.  Your daughter and your relationship with her will be pretty different in a couple of years, too.  Kids change a lot between 3 and 5.  So you may not be able to get a good idea now just how easy it will be to find socialization opportunities or how much patience you'll need to spend the day homeschooling your DD.  I wouldn't make a long term decision about school based on what things are like for your family right now.  I would just think about what would work best for the next year.  If your DD seems to want more chances to play with other kids and you're finding it hard to give her that, maybe part-time preschool would make sense for now.  There's no reason she can't go to preschool for a year or two and then be homeschooled.

I do try to remember that she is so young and that it will get better, and easier, when they are both older. It is disheartening to me though when I have seen moms of much younger toddlers already convening for crafts, field trips, etc. I feel like maybe I'm not doing enough. This is where I reallllly need some veteran HSing mama advice.
I love the idea of maybe trying like part time preschool/part time homeschool..but is that even an option? I did find a local Montessori school that has a free pre-k program for 4 yos..I think that could be a great option to do 1 or 2 days a week then just do homeschooling for the rest.

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#6 of 17 Old 07-29-2012, 08:35 PM
 
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I do try to remember that she is so young and that it will get better, and easier, when they are both older. It is disheartening to me though when I have seen moms of much younger toddlers already convening for crafts, field trips, etc. I feel like maybe I'm not doing enough. This is where I reallllly need some veteran HSing mama advice.
I love the idea of maybe trying like part time preschool/part time homeschool..but is that even an option? I did find a local Montessori school that has a free pre-k program for 4 yos..I think that could be a great option to do 1 or 2 days a week then just do homeschooling for the rest.

Those moms are either type A, or will burn out shortly, that's what I think.  And you just happened to not see the other 9 (out of 10) mothers who either didn't do anything in particular at that age, or were so mindboggling overwhelmed with kids as to be incoherent unless you embark on a conversation about bowel movements.

 

OK, I'm being sarcastic, but I don't think I'm far from the truth.  I agree with a pp-- now is not a good time to make long term decisions.  Socialization is as good as you make it.  HSing doesn't mean you are never apart from your children (well, I guess for me it is) or that you are stuck at home.  Learning doesn't always mean taking instruction.  In fact, most of the learning done in this house happens without it (girls 5 and 7).

 

Just like parenting, kids need a lot less home "schooling" than people think.  So, keep that in mind, be a good parent, and revisit this issue a bit further down the road, when you are settled especially.


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#7 of 17 Old 07-29-2012, 09:17 PM
 
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A free Montessori?? Go for it. It is probably VPK. We have that here too (Im in Lakeland..sounds like you might be too). BUT when my son was little, the Montessori was impossible to get into unless I paid lots of money to get him in early at age 2 or 3...then he would have gotten first dibs for the free VPK at age 4 or 5. I think things have changed and it might be easier to get in now. BUT, the good news is that LOTS of schools offer VPK, and it is part time, but it is usually every day for 3 hrs a day. I paid extra for my daughter to stay full days at her VPK, although I picked her up early most days. I liked the freedom for when I had appointments for myself or my son, etc. Maybe your zoned public school has a VPK program (some of them do!). You may grow to like the school and keep her there for kindergarten if you still don't feel able to meet her educational needs.

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#8 of 17 Old 07-30-2012, 04:42 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Those moms are either type A, or will burn out shortly, that's what I think.  And you just happened to not see the other 9 (out of 10) mothers who either didn't do anything in particular at that age, or were so mindboggling overwhelmed with kids as to be incoherent unless you embark on a conversation about bowel movements.

OK, I'm being sarcastic, but I don't think I'm far from the truth.  I agree with a pp-- now is not a good time to make long term decisions.  Socialization is as good as you make it.  HSing doesn't mean you are never apart from your children (well, I guess for me it is) or that you are stuck at home.  Learning doesn't always mean taking instruction.  In fact, most of the learning done in this house happens without it (girls 5 and 7).

Just like parenting, kids need a lot less home "schooling" than people think.  So, keep that in mind, be a good parent, and revisit this issue a bit further down the road, when you are settled especially.

LOL Yeah..I personally don't see how that works anyway. My DD, even at 3 now, has a mind of her own..esp when it comes to "crafty" activities..ie supposed to paint a pic but paints herself instead, same with markers, or if we are baking I will give her a piece of dough to shape herself and bake..this usually ends up smashed in the floor with dirt and hair lol Not in a wreckless way..just a free spirit, I guess.

I agree with EVERYTHING you mentioned. I tend to feel pulled towards unschooling the most..just with a little structure. I also like Montessori, hence my interest in the free Montessori VPK. Otherwise, we could definitely not afford it. $900-$1000/month is just hard to swallow when we could homeschool with Montessori influence for next to nothing. That's a whole bother thread though.

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#9 of 17 Old 07-30-2012, 04:59 AM - Thread Starter
 
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A free Montessori?? Go for it. It is probably VPK. We have that here too (Im in Lakeland..sounds like you might be too). BUT when my son was little, the Montessori was impossible to get into unless I paid lots of money to get him in early at age 2 or 3...then he would have gotten first dibs for the free VPK at age 4 or 5. I think things have changed and it might be easier to get in now. BUT, the good news is that LOTS of schools offer VPK, and it is part time, but it is usually every day for 3 hrs a day. I paid extra for my daughter to stay full days at her VPK, although I picked her up early most days. I liked the freedom for when I had appointments for myself or my son, etc. Maybe your zoned public school has a VPK program (some of them do!). You may grow to like the school and keep her there for kindergarten if you still don't feel able to meet her educational needs.

We are actually in Apopka..the school is in Winter Garden. So we aren't too far from you smile.gif My fiance and his sister have an aunt that lives in Lakeland.

Yes, it is VPK. I haven't really called about it, so there is a good chance of a waiting list. Like I mentioned above, there is just no way we could afford it otherwise. I haven't checked into our school district, but I do know there are tons of churches that offer programs as well. I just don't feel comfortable sending her to a church when it just isn't what we believe..at all. Also, a whole part of wanting to HS is to avoid public schools and all of the baggage that comes along with them. I am not saying any of this to offend anyone, I know in the end it is what works for your family that matters.

While it would be nice to have that free chunk of time every day, I also worry that it would make me feel worse, in a way? Like guilty bc I had this dream of having all of these wonderful adventures and memories, but I have to send her away bc I just can't hack it. Then, what if she would just want to stay in public school? I would feel awful for wanting to pull her our to begin homeschooling if it would upset her. Ahh..it is just so complex.

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#10 of 17 Old 07-30-2012, 05:23 AM
 
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Just remember ... preschool is not school.  If you think it would be a good fit, try it. It does not mean you  need to continue on with full day school for K or 1st.  

 

I see full day school as just one of many programs available for kids ... albeit one that tends to set up conflicts with other activities.  Weigh its value against what else your kids could be doing, year to year, month to month ... whatever you're comfortable with.  One of the things I like about home schooling is that I am not stuck compromising with teachers or curriculum or activities.

 

I am a big fan of neighborhood play if you have one.

 

My kids are 7 & 8 and they are in class or practice 15-20 hours a week.  

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#11 of 17 Old 07-30-2012, 07:34 AM
 
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Ds goes to preschool.  He's been going since he was 2 due to *my* school schedule.  It is a play-based coop school that is super awesome. He loves it, he has lots of friends, its great.  And there was a time when he was 3 (he'll be 5 this week) that if he wasn't going there I might have exploded!  There are stages that are hard to deal with all day every day and it is nice to have some time when I can recharge myself and ds can recharge his social batteries.  But he's not going to regular kindergarten in the fall.  He is going to stay at his current school some days a week in the fall and depending on whether or not I get a job the amount of days may change.  

 

I guess I'm just saying that ds went to preschool and is not going on to "regular" school (at least not this year, we never know what the future holds for us).

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#12 of 17 Old 07-30-2012, 08:23 AM
 
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LOL Yeah..I personally don't see how that works anyway. My DD, even at 3 now, has a mind of her own..esp when it comes to "crafty" activities..ie supposed to paint a pic but paints herself instead, same with markers, or if we are baking I will give her a piece of dough to shape herself and bake..this usually ends up smashed in the floor with dirt and hair lol Not in a wreckless way..just a free spirit, I guess.

When my younger daughter was 4, she decided to make a barn.  As I was silently brainstorming cardboard, duct tape, paint, etc. she pulled out some drawing paper, scissors and scotch tape and proceeded to cheerfully make her barn.  Or, "barn".  It looked nothing like a barn, but it was a barn and she played with it until the next week when she got it in her head that she would make kites.  For those she taped paper she cut into shapes onto a piece of yarn and ran around the yard in circles as fast as she could.  A couple of them caught a brief bit of air and she loved seeing which ones came out best.  (I managed to keep one of her kites.)  Nothing looked like anything they make in preschool and it was miles away from Waldorfy-type stuff, but it was HERS from start to finish.

 

I think that barn shifted something in my thinking and in my approach to HSing.

 

(BTW, I'm a big fan of free access to as many tools and materials as I have the nerve for!)

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#13 of 17 Old 07-30-2012, 02:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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When my younger daughter was 4, she decided to make a barn.  As I was silently brainstorming cardboard, duct tape, paint, etc. she pulled out some drawing paper, scissors and scotch tape and proceeded to cheerfully make her barn.  Or, "barn".  It looked nothing like a barn, but it was a barn and she played with it until the next week when she got it in her head that she would make kites.  For those she taped paper she cut into shapes onto a piece of yarn and ran around the yard in circles as fast as she could.  A couple of them caught a brief bit of air and she loved seeing which ones came out best.  (I managed to keep one of her kites.)  Nothing looked like anything they make in preschool and it was miles away from Waldorfy-type stuff, but it was HERS from start to finish.

I think that barn shifted something in my thinking and in my approach to HSing.

(BTW, I'm a big fan of free access to as many tools and materials as I have the nerve for!)


Haha Sounds a lot like my DD. I wasn't sure at first if I should worry or be proud smile.gif

I try to keep materials out for her, but it CAN get a little out of hand lol stuff scattered EVERYWHERE.

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#14 of 17 Old 07-30-2012, 03:04 PM
 
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I'm so glad I found this thread!  Ds is 3.5ish and will be gaining a sister a month before he turns 4.  We found a local hs coop and signed him up for about 3 hours of activities every Wed.  He will love it, I will love the social aspect and it'll give him something he doesn't have to share with a baby.  Do I think he needs it?  Absolutely not.  I think I might need it though :)  And the 'classes' for his age are all things we do at home, story time, outside play, free movement. It'll be nice to let someone else 'be on' for a couple hours.

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#15 of 17 Old 07-31-2012, 04:39 AM
 
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We sent DD into kindergarten (more like a daycare) for socialisation reason when we moved to Germany. I did not feel like I could socialization oportunities for her otherwise. She has been there for two years and loved playing with other children. Meanwhile I was at home with a newborn I could not handle both of them at the time at that time. So it was helpful that she was entertained by somebody else. We also were interested in homeschooling her but decided to just let it be and make a decision when it was time to go to real school like mandated by state. If we were in states, she should be going to kindergarten this year, which you can opt out f and start at 1st grade level. In Germany she has another year as well. There is no mandatory kindergarten here. 

For us decision to homeschool came from the fact that she was getting extremely tiered at kindergarten and was hard to handle at home afterwards. Lots of whining and tantrums. She was much better behaved during times when I kept her home or on vacations when she gets to do things on her own pace. And we will be moving we don't know where in 5 months. So we pulled her out of kindergarten and will do homeschool. We will reavaluate in a year as to what we will do than.

I think that socialisation and having friends is important but it is not necessary to play with them everyday to get the benefit of socialisation. Family socialisation is important too. Like DD2 is at the age now where she starts to play alongside DD1 and they interact a lot. Some times it is pleasant sometimes not but even their fighting provides an oportunity to learn conflict resolution. For outside activities we will be signing DD up for weekly music class and doing play dates with some of her friends. If we had free montesorri I would have signed my DD too. Mama needs some breaks too and it would provide socialisation and lead to friendships.

I also have met moms who do lots of crufts and educational activities with their toddlers but to tell you the truth, we did not do anything except going for walks to the park or around neigborhood, drawing and having toys available for DD to play with. I am not big into role playing with kids, I just can not do it. I will read and help DD build a railroad with her and draw things when she asks for it. I always listen though as to what her interest is and try to provide more opportunities. In her kindergarden which we actually payed for they did not do anything special academic ether. They had structure though, morning circle, breakfast, outside time if the weather is good, free play inside if it is bad, lunch, reading and nap for those kids who napped, cruft, snack, play outside, pick up time. 

It is normal here and kids who entered first grade do perfectly fine. and the first grade program here is a bit more chalenging than in US. 

That gave me confidence that we will do fine. I also see her show interest in things like reading, counting and writing without us providing it in structured lessons. We do have a play based math curriculum thought that we have been doing with her since she was three. But it was led by her interest, sometimes we go weeks or months without doing anything and than she asks for it and does three lessons in one setting. So kids learn and have interest in learning regardless if we initiate it or not. We just have to support it. 

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#16 of 17 Old 08-04-2012, 07:41 PM
 
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I think I'm a bit different in that I don't think HSing is better than public/private school.  I think it depends on the child and/or the school system. 

 

I never planned on HSing.  My ds went to preschool which he loved and then he went on to kindy.  The kindergarten here was awful - they watched loads of TV (not educational TV either but things like Disney movies which then scared him so bad he couldn't sleep at night) and there were many other small issues that all culminated into a big problem.  So we pulled him out at xmas break.  We thought he'd hate HSing.  He's a social butterfly.  He's happiest in large groups of people and always has been - the best way to calm him down when he was an infant was to put him in the stroller and take him to the mall or a crowded restaurant.  And yet he didn't even seem to care or notice that he wasn't going back to kindergarten.  He's going into 3rd grade now and says he doesn't ever want to go back to regular school.  He likes being HS'd.  And surprisingly I like it too.

 

That being said my dd who is starting kindy this year would probably be better off at a good public/private school.  I can't say exactly how or why I know, but my intuition (and dh's) says that while she'll certainly get what she needs being HS'd she would thrive in a more regular school setting.  The only reason she's not going to kindergarten this year and is being HS'd instead is because we're moving in about 6 weeks and she does not do well with transitions at all.  Starting her at school here in town for 2 weeks, then moving to a new state and new house and starting her at a new school would be disasterous for her.  If we're in a good school district when we move she'll probably go to public school for 1st grade next year while ds will probably still want to stay home which is ok by me. 


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#17 of 17 Old 08-05-2012, 06:12 AM
 
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We live in inner city Atlanta and the school system here is in shreds right now.  They also reshuffled and closed several schools so I'm glad that we have a couple years to see what happens in the public system before ds is 'of age'.  

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