IME school rules are not merely threats. If they say you wont get art, you dont get art.
Nicole - )0( unschooling mama to Lilah (12/21/05) and Cian (9/21/07) as well as 3 2 , 4 rats, and ducks
The moral is that you don't always have to follow the rules - an important thing to learn, IMO. (But I know there are a lot of people out there who would disagree with that.)
I don't know if its our school or public school in general. we have a 'good' school, rated an 8. I just hate all of this.
I used to be so on board for homeschooling, then I discovered montessori for her for prek and k and loved it. In all honesty one of my biggest worries is my husband. He is not really on board with HS. Not against it, but not for it either. He hates all the things i hate about the school but doesn't want to really do anything about it. He definately won't spend the money for private, and he suggested we move to a different district where we might have better public schools. The thing is you never know what your school is like until you actually attend! I feel like if I do end up HSing my daughter I have all my own worry and weight and also that of my husband, I would have my doubts and the need to prove to him that we are succeeding.
I just feel very emotional about this right now. I hate leaving her there everyday :(
Each and every school will be different, even within a district; you can't generalize about public schools, private schools, or even Montessori schools. And within a school there can be good and bad teachers and administrators.
I'm a schooling mom now but when my ds was very young I was briefly part of homeschooling group in my city which has a lot of options for homeschoolers. My ds went to K in a new school in an Exemplary district and the experience was dreadful. The school has a "fixer" principle who "fixes" schools with problems and starts up new ones. His K teacher was a second career teacher who should not be teaching small children; she was the one of five K teachers that didn't have that sunny/huggy K teacher personality. My ds also has ADHD/Asperger's and had significant sensory issues at the time; the teacher/school completely mishandled him, believing his issues were all due to discipline and I didn't know enough then about how to challenge that. So in the midst of all this I started searching for alternatives and found a charter school that has been working well for him. I've worked with his teacher (and through them all the "specials" teachers) to figure out how to make school work for him. I'd try talking to her primary teacher about what happened in art, usually there is a time period for learning the rules before enforcement; maybe the art teacher should review them again or post visual cues.
The first week of school is a lot about learning the rules but that should improve in the 2nd week. The lunch room issue is probably a result of the tight scheduling schools tend to be on; the students probably have only about 20 minutes in the lunchroom and because it may be their first opportunity to chat they can get through the lunch period without eating at all. The two schools we have been to don't use whistles in the lunchroom, they each had something else to get their attention--a short rhyming song.
In any case I think you should research your options, pro and con, make a plan for each one, then take it to your dh; my dh was like yours "yeah, the current situation sucks, but I'm not paying for private school, so we'll just have to deal." For private schools I'd find out if you are eligible for financial aid as pp said or if you can perform a service for reduced tuition (my friend's mom was the secretary for their Lutheran school). For homeschooling there may be groups or co-ops in your area; you might also be able to supplement with tutors or a tutoring service like Huntington for general ed or Mathnasium for math. Museums and businesses in my area sometimes have times or services specifically geared to homeschoolers.
My son Micah is to begin Kindergarten this year. We have been feeling like homeschooling is for us. My son was on an iep in preschool and we had to give up all our rights to special services in our town. I think this policy is unfair. We have however, gone ahead full steam. We begin on Thursday! You can be your child teacher! Bless you!
If you are just operating on the information the school/district provided you I'd track down the specific law that addresses this.
Try searching Wrightslaw.com for "homeschool". I'd also find your states law on special education (they have some flexibility in implementing federal regulations but there are limits), and the states document for parents on procedural protections.
You could also search for homeschooling organizations in your state and see what they have on homeschooling/special needs and the law.
Scroll down to "Regional Information"
Couple more things:
1. When my oldest dd went to public school, she struggled with lunchtime. I made it a point to "have lunch" with her a couple times at school. It gave me a chance to actually see what was going on during that time. It may be that your child is very good at "following rules" and she is a bit overly concerned about it. Maybe the whistle is really only blown when things get rowdy, and she is associating it with all conversation because that is her definition of 'quietly eating lunch'. Maybe not.
2. When we first pulled my oldest out of school, my dh was VERY apprehensive. Maybe even a bit anti-hs. He wanted to know what I would do if x, y, z. He made it known that she needed to go to high school. Now, however, he has said that he doesn't care if she ever returns to school. When discussing our current situation with our youngest, he emphatically stated that I was to "yank her out of ps" regardless of what she wanted if I saw any signs of self-esteem issues. DH's often have reasons for being apprehensive. Mine was primarily concerned that I was putting too much on my plate. His secondary concern was that he didn't want our kids to miss out on anything. And thirdly, to be honest, he was worried that the house would never get clean!
So, if you are really still on the fence about it all, visit the school and observe. This will help you gain perspective that can't be gained through a conversation with her. Otherwise, realize that it can be reversed. If first grade doesn't go well at home, you can send her back for second.
Thank you everyone for all the helpful and encouraging words. I really do appreciate it!
Today was day 7 of public school. I was asking her about her day, and if she had a nice lunch. She said yes... but the more questions I ask the more I hate this whole experience. When I asked her if she made any friends or sat with anyone during lunch she said yes, but she didn't really talk to anyone. Why I asked? Because, she said... the rule is we need to be quiet in the lunchroom, so we can't really talk to eachother. We just need to eat our lunch quietly. When I asked what happens if you talk (or are loud) she says the lunch lady blows her whistle and it hurts my ears :(
A couple of days ago, she came home all worried about making sure she put all the art supplies in the art room back in their proper places because if they weren't put away properly then they class didn't get to use the art supplies next week. She didn't know where everything was supposed to go because it was her first time in the art room.
Ugh! What a nightmare, IMO. This isn't the first time I've heard about rules like this, so entirely different from when I was a kid.
Husbands are good at changing their minds when they have the time to change it on their own. If he is not opposed to HSing, then do it and I think he'll come around.
It sounds like you know the way you are leaning, so I will say this with no apologies: pull her out, take a break while you get your information together (extended summer break!) and HS her. HSing a first grader is not that hard. (I did it, and I didn't even know I was doing it !) Depending on the regulations in your state, you might not have to legally do anything at this age. Not that you shouldn't do anything, but doesn't that just take a load off your mind?
"Let me see you stripped down to the bone. Let me hear you speaking just for me."
I'm going to recommend that you check out the excellent A Blog About School: http://www.ablogaboutschool.blogspot.com
There you will see that the focus on rules and behavior management has become the central focus of many public schools, even in areas where the population is predominantly liberal, politically speaking.
If you decide to stay with the school, the blog may give you some ideas about challenging the authoritarian ideology. If you decide to leave, it may be with a better understanding of the big picture.
If you do decide to homeschool, a couple of good resources are "The First Year of Homeschooling" by Linda Dobson and "Home Learning Year by Year" by Rebecca Rupp. The first one has lots of ideas and shows different families' ways of homeschooling. The second one has curriculum suggestions for K-12 so you can feel confident that you're covering what other kids that age are doing.
In our area there are lots of homeschoolers that we can join for classes and fieldtrips.
There is lots of support out there if you decide to go the HS route! Don't feel like you have to do it in a vacuum.
I think it is funny that people have this idea that homeschool moms are perfect, so patient and angelic...HA!
In our family, we unschool and love it (your dd sounds much like mine was 4yrs ago). You might check out the ChristianUnschooling blog or some other unschooling references if you feel so inclined. It is absolutely amazing to a schooled person such as myself to see what kids will do when freed to follow their interests. (I would give examples but that would be bragging! :D ) Like another HSer said, you don't need to be a great teacher, you only need to be a facilitator. The kid will do the rest.
I have actually had people say, "I would homeschool but I'm not as patient as you are, and your kids just seem to learn naturally!" To which my inner response is always, "Yours would too, if you let them, and didn't let people tell them that learning is boring!" I don't even let myself have an inner response to how "patient" I am-- it would just be a snort anyway!
(I don't want to step on anyone's toes here who may disagree, and I will put out the caveat that my kids are all under 10 so I don't have any firsthand knowledge of how this will go into the future.) But for the time being it is a wonderful blessing, and my kids are so far happy, social, well-adjusted, helpful individuals. I hear this from others also, so I know I am not just delusional or blinded by mother love! :D
As far as the effect of school goes, you may want to take a quick peek at John Taylor Gatto's essay entitled "The Six-Lesson Schoolteacher" (also revised to seven lessons later on)-- you can find it at http://www.cantrip.org/gatto.html. These are lessons that children *will* be taught in school, regardless of the many other wonderful things they may or may not learn, so it's good to have a heads-up. Your daughter is so lucky/blessed to have a mama who cares so much about her development as an individual.
i think most homeschoolers when first considering this option feel overwhelmed with doubt, fear, concerns, etc. at least i know i did when we first started looking into this. my children are 8 and 10 now (11 next month) and i can honestly say we still love homeschooling. we just take it one year at a time to keep from feeling overloaded, but the freedom we have found in homeschooling is wonderful. we also live in a state that allows us to take classes at the public school or dual enroll in college at age 15, so those are great options for my kids as they get older too. as for the busy toddler, i wouldn't worry about that at all. i consider us to be rather structured and much more "schooly" than most here, and for us, in grade 1, it still only took an hour a day to complete "school". really, at that age, it doesn't require a lot. it's very fun and hands-on also, each year really does get easier. well, at least for my family, we all have really found our groove and every year is better than the last.
homeschooling mama to DD 10 & DS 7
Oh wow... *I* am sorry!!! Yes--I did mean the SCHOOL POLICY was insane--not the OP (who happens to be a friend IRL )
I'm so very sorry. I never imagined someone could take that statement as calling the OP insane but seeing that the OP posted some info after the original post I could see where someone might think that I was calling the info in her subsequent post about keeping the child in school a few months insane. Totally NOT what I meant. I apologize!!
that made me laugh outloud. i'm sorry you were misunderstood, but that was too funny!!
homeschooling mama to DD 10 & DS 7
I feel your struggle and I have full emphaty to it.
Beiing in similar situation to yours I have ended up to send my child to PS. After careful consideration of all the option we opted out from them for many reasons including finances.. and so PS it is.
It is true all you said. There are tons of rules. Just as you went to school. Now I don't like it at all either, and my first intention is to rebel. However.. I also went through a strict discipline schooling and I learned that although I had no choice but obey, it did not mean that they could get into my mind and chamge me into little robot. I kept my critical thinking regardless of the discipline that was only able to keep me sitted and obeying little stupid rules. Two different things.
I learned that to do well at school I had to play by their rules. It goes on in life, it goes on on higher education and at work, so as much as it is bad, on the other hand a kid learns to have perspective how to navigate in a world full of rules and yet to shape the personality and not give in entirely inside and succe without being brainwashed.
I would say that reson why PS everywhere have so many rules are very different that of private schools, or that you have at home.
At home you are dealing with one or just handful of children so to have them relatively good behaving and get somethign done does not take the same as to manage a private or public school.
In my opinion not all rules in PS are designed to screw kids and make you mad, but just imaginine..
schools after all are to teach your kids something aren't they?
Now, you have school full of kids. It is not only your well behaving child who will just sit there and absorbe the knowledge. the school is full of all kinds of kids, and I am not sure if you agree but my feeling is that Publc schools tend to have kids from families that have less resources to spend more time with kids and bring them up in the way that they behave at school in that way that they can learn and they will let others to learn and the teacher to teach.
So, if your child goes to the class full of kids who are unruly and would just do as they please if you let them, I don't suppose you would be happy with that either, just imagine teacher who can't teach and little ones who are talking, and doing everhting they want..
I would say that managing a class is an effort, managing 25 kids.. all day long, managing the paperwork and managing supply, managing their go to the break, come back etc.. it is an effort..
if they were little angels as those from private schools or montessori the less rules they would need but they are usually just more full of life so they are harder to manage and that is the call for discipline I would say.
on a class level... you have supplies, you have materials, you have time management, and now imagine that my child is with your child in the class and my child is messing up supplies, interrupts teacher, walks around the class, speaks her mind all the time for half an hour
calls your kid names, would you imagine that you would yourself set some rules so your child could do what she was meant to do there? learn. How else you can have them learn if they won't first behave?
I would assume that is logical to go over all the rules at school at the beginning because the rules have to exist and going over them later would be rather funny as your child would get in trouble first and then learn it was against the rules?
I used to be repulled by the rules too at first but then I looked around and I learned that if it was just for my child It would be not fair as she does not need half of them, but she is not alone and the rules go to everyone so that will also keep her able to learn there something if the other kids will obey the rules just as she will. So m y take is, she has nothing to worry as she is well behaving kid, that she is. After all I looked at all the rules and if I was teaching 25 kids, they
would give me the tool to teach. It is not that I would need to use them all the time but I would have them if I needed them.
School is like a road, imagine everyone doing and riding as the y please.
Public school is like public road. Private school is as private road, Homeschooling is like driveway.. the more public you go, the more people you get the more rules you need to let everyoe to be safe and do what they are there to do.
Comparing public to private is not logical, you have usually one class for each grade there, now take public.. you have like 5 or more classes per each grade.. so you have tons more kids...
Managing large group takes more rules. Period.
My motto is, I don't like many of the rules that are at the PS, but I know that they protect my little one just as the next child and make learning there possible with shuch a huge crowds and huge chaos that comes with it. If I can't afford to change the school I am not going to complain at them because the more I rebel, the more she will. and this is not good for her or healthy.
I enforce those rules and explain her why she needs to obey as there is no other way.
Untill we can do otherwise.
Now, critical thinking is something entirely else. I suppor that in all areas of science and we will discuss other social rules when she grows up a bit but now is not the time in my opinion messing up her mind and supporting her rebeling against the rules that she has no choice but obey all day long.
I learned long time ago that if I complain on things she picks it up and she suffers more then me because it makes unbearable to her. I also learned that it is much easier to put up with difficulties
if you ignore them for a time being untill you can either change them or leave them for something else. Otherwise it turns into daily struggle, bird in the cage situation.
Try to change your perspective on things and maybe it will make it easier for and her.
I have very little patience and am also not a good teacher. I get things very quickly in my own way but have a horrible time explaining them to anyone else but thats ok, I am still homeschooling:)
Only you can make the decision, but I just want to say, dont sell yourself short. Homseschooling does not have to look like "school at home". You don't have to do scheduled lessons, sit at a table, etc, ESPECIALLY in the early years, just being alive is learning.
I am not sure of your location, but maybe looking at local hs groups could help. Talk to other mamas about local resources. Read up on different families experiences with homeschooling. One of the books that made me feel very empowered to homeschool was "Homeschooling Our Children, Unschooling Ourselves" but I know there are many others out there as well.
Yes, many kids survive PS just fine and I am NOT at all saying that is the wrong choice for you and your family. BUT, I do want to make sure you know that homeschooling can really be done by just about anyone who wants to.
Nicole - )0( unschooling mama to Lilah (12/21/05) and Cian (9/21/07) as well as 3 2 , 4 rats, and ducks
I absolutely had to share on this post. I am the product of homeschooling and while my mom and dad were far from perfect it is the 2nd most important thing they could have ever done for me (the first was giving me a belief in God).
I want to say that again: being homeschooled was one of the greatest gifts I ever could have been given and I am thankful for it nearly every day.
Although I do believe you can have a well-adjusted, confident and self-actualized child if you send them to public school, I think it is incredibly difficult for them. Also, their education is very likely going to be sub-par.
It sounds like your daughter is incredibly bright. Really, once a child learns to read a homeschooling parent's biggest job is to direct their education, not be a "teacher" in a traditional sense.
Children are incredibly capable of self-teaching and there are great curricula out there that can really help you. You're going to have to experiment a little bit, but together you and your daughter will figure it out (I used at least four or five different brands of math textbooks from 1st - 12th grades). Also, make use of your public library. It's an incredible resource.
What my parents did was teach me that I was capable and responsible for me. They taught me how to learn and to love it. They taught me that a classroom is often a limitation, not the only place to gain knowledge.
These lessons have carried with me into my adulthood and while I am a much lazier learner than I was at 10, I'm still constantly studying, learning and discovering.
I told my mom that if she failed us on anything, it was some of the academics of our education. That might sound strange, but "education" does not equal "academics". I told her that it doesn't matter anyway because if I need to know something, I know how to learn it. THAT is so much more important to me than any wrote learning.
BTW, I did go to PS for 3rd grade (my parents and I discussed and prayed about it and I chose to go) and I wish I hadn't. I learned so little, especially in math, that it seems like a waste year to me. In jr high and high school, I went "part time" thanks to great state laws (in Idaho) that allowed that. I had a little bit of a hard time with the social game because I was used to dealing with a more adult situation and was unaccustomed to ppl who made me feel like I needed to apologize for knowing myself (teachers as well as students).
I struggled a little bit the first time I went to college bc I had to readjust to the classroom setting, following the rules and being bored in class. After a few years off, I went back and graduated with a 4.0 and on my own terms (I asked every teacher after providing me a syllabus and going through their rules what I should expect out of them - something that always caught them off guard). It was never the academics I struggled with.
If you do decide to homeschool, HSLDA.org is a great legal resource. If not, remember that teachers are public employees and the schools are public (government) institutions. That means they answer to you. You do not have to sign anything you disagree with, your daughter does not have to follow any laws that violate her rights (including not talking in the lunch room) and they still have to provide her with an education (for whatever that education is worth).
Homeschool moms - you are the best of the best and what you are giving your children is invaluable.
I got the very best education anyone could receive and no public school and no private school could have given me the education I got.
Good luck! Your children will thank you for it someday.
Thank you again to everyone who has taken the time to post. I really do appreciate it, and thank you giving me encouragement.
My dd has been in school for a week and a half, and I still hate it. She says she likes school but she is always in a horrible mood when she comes home and acts out of character for at least an hour. As we walk away from school she is always telling me about the two kids who lost recess for playing in the bathroom or the child who lost recess for talking in line. It makes me sad... I know there need to be rules with that many children, but they are still children! They get no freedom to be themselves. Every day I feel a pit in my stomach when I drop her off and ( I know I am a bit of a drama queen) I feel like crying as I walk away. It feels as if I am letting them take away her best qualities.
If it were 100% up to me I think I would pull her out. If I had my 1st choice I would love to send her to a small private montessori nearby, but thats not in our budget. My second choice would be to homeschool, at least for a few years. I like the idea that if it goes horribly wrong she can always go back to PS and not loose anything. Unfortunately I have a DH who is not really on board with pulling her out. He is isn't against it so much as he isn't there right now. He hears her say that she is happy at school and he sees my 'the school can do no right' attitude and doesn't see it being as big of an issue as I do. My daughter is very eager to please so I would be surprised if she personally got into trouble, but its still not an environment I want to have her in. I think if she was miserable or if she continued to not be challenged he would be more on board. So, the agreement is we give it time. I don't know how much, I think a couple of months at most. But time to settle a bit, time to see if she starts being able to connect her unhappiness with her school environment, and time to see if they can meet her academic needs. If I still feel this way after the unspecified amount of time, then we can seriously talk about pulling her out and giving homeschooling a go. Its not perfect, but its better than where I was before. I just wish our public schools were more focused on the children they serve and their emotional well being.
Proud mom of three! Special needs teen princess , 7 year old happy girl , and my flower toddler
I was homeschooled and in High school I was my own worst critic. I am no genius. However, in college I came to the realization that not only did my homeschooling education meet the same expectations as public schools in my area, but it exceeded it. I was more than prepared for college and found almost every class easy. My only scar on my GPA was the B's I got in math classes. Not that you can't get a good education in public High schools, but I did beat the statistic for our area and there are always a certain percentage of kids that do extremely well there too. It also depends on the child. We all have different strengths and weaknesses.
Just posting to make everyone aware that this discussion is posted in the Learning at Home and Beyond forum. I know some members come into discussions from the New Posts feature without being aware of the forum they are replying in.
Sesa70 is looking for support and encouragement from parents who homeschool to help her be confident in her abilities to homeschool her child. So let's refrain from posts that are about schools and sending children to school instead of homeschooling. Sesa70 can post in the Learning at School forum if she wants to get support and advice regarding schooling.
Thanks everyone. Please continue with the great discussion.
Have you looked at any of the online charter options? We have some free charter schools in Oklahoma where you get 100% of the curriculum provided and have a teacher (usually they are in the same state so you can meet with them as needed). Most of them have placement tests so you can work on different levels for different subjects based on your child's needs. Having a curriculum to follow would be a huge time savings since it sounds like you need time with your toddler! And maybe your DH would feel more comfortable too?
One of the options here is K-12 and the other is Calvert Academy.
Wishing you luck!
work at home mom to Zeke (11/14/2008) and Isaac (06/20/2011)
My older two started out in b&m schools. This is our 3rd year homeschooling. The first year I did our own curriculum. I scoured the Internet and found good deals on books, but it was still pricey. I also have 'one of those' toddlers! Hahaha! It was a definite challenge to keep up with the lesson plan (HA! There was no lesson plan!) and keep the scissors away from my 2 year old. We had fun, but it was difficult for me to keep up with everything. Trying to get State required assessments were a huge pain in my butt. My husband was also concerned with our eclectic unschooling style, and honestly, so was I. Now, we know it was great, but we couldn't help being worried at the time.
I decided to push a lot off of my plate and the 2nd year enrolled them in K-12. It is a public school, but the curriculum in my opinion is much better than that of a b&m. It is a lot more interesting. They send you a computer, a printer, and all of the books. The K-12 school we are enrolled in also sends everyone money to supplement internet costs. They give me around $180 a year. ......Well, OK! The kids still have to participate in State assessments, but it is so much easier because they set everything up. There is a calendar with tons of field trips to all sorts of places, and the schedule is as flexible as you want it to be. We did double days, 4 days a week, took 3 day weekends, and had a 5 month summer vacation.
You will never have to worry about getting bored, or loosing patience any more than you already do. Think "let's do school at the beach today"! Who doesn't want to be penalized for a mental health day? Uh, we don't, cause we take 'em all the time! Hiking in nature is a science lesson, Momma! Plus, we NEVER get art taken away for putting up our supplies incorrectly. As a matter of fact, they're still on the table with all of our paintings from 3 days ago!
carlye828, I love your signature:
Can I say it is especially appropriate here without anyone thinking I am comparing HSing or PSing to a toilet?
"Let me see you stripped down to the bone. Let me hear you speaking just for me."
So much good stuff has been said and just want to also say "trust your intuition." I had to learn that the hard way but, at least it was early on. My son attended the developmental preschool program at our local public school (he had small & large motor delays). It all went year for the first few months he went and then in the beginning the next school year (when he was four) he was "labeled" as having behavioral problems. In my naivety, I assumed the assists put in his IEP would help him, but instead they seemed to escalate the problem. Things snowballed and despite my involvement and attempts to communicate, the school acted in ways that my DH & I felt were unacceptable and we lost trust in them. My son no longer enjoyed school and seemed to be angry all the time. I ended up challenging my personal belief systems about public school and, though I want to support the institution, I disagree with the practice. I realized that my own alternative educational experiences in 1st & 2nd grade and then again in Jr. High were actually times of the greatest learning. So, we pulled him out and this year enrolled him in a Waldorf school for kindergarten (I wish I would have started him there earlier). I considered many options: Homeschooling & unschooling, which I decided wouldn't work for me nor him as what he craves is a more social environment (he is an only child); Sudbury, which I love but the school was too far away, too expensive, and, I think, less beneficial for kindergarten age; montessori but no programs locally; and Waldorf. The latter was chosen for many reasons. First, he loves it. He has done summer camps there the past 2 years. Also, his teacher is awesome, it is 5 minutes away, it is on a farm, and I love the inclusive respectful philosophy. I feel very fortunate that we can afford this right now, though it is not much more than full-day kindergarten at the public school (full-day has extra fee). For first grade, the cost may become prohibitive, but we will deal with that then, maybe I will decide to homeschool. My point is, it feels so wonderful to have the decision feel like it is the right thing for my child. I was always questioning while he was in public school whether his spirit was being squashed. It was. Now, he comes home excited from school instead of angry...of course it has only been the first week. Good luck!
I wanted to thank everyone again for reading my posts and offering support. It is really encouraging to know so many other moms have been through this, trusted their instincts, and survived :)
I am still miserable. My daughter says she likes school and she says she is excited to go back, but the answers to my questions make me think otherwise. She came home with pencil shavings in her hair on friday. I asked her if she got pencil shavings in her hair and she said of course not! I asked if it was possible someone else did, and she asked 'why would someone do that mom?' but it was in the back (her hair was in two braids) and I doubt she could have done it herself, or that they got there on accident. I remember what kids were like :( I ask her who she plays with at recess and some days is no one, and other days she tries to play with our neighbor who ignores her and leaves mid play/game. He is also a 1st grader but in a different class. I ask her who she sits with at lunch and she said she sat next to the girl who my daughter asked to be her friend but the girl said no thank you. She says she doesn't really talk to anyone at lunch. Now, my daughter is not a quiet reserved shy kind of kid. She is VERY social and friendly and has never had a problem making friends. It breaks my heart that somehow collectively it seems kids are not nice to her, or at the very least ignoring her.
She is still in a horrible mood every day when she comes home. I still feel like crap everyday when I drop her off. I signed up to be a room mom and to volunteer as much a possible, but they don't allow me to do much with my toddler so my options are limited. I still really want to pull her out, but am also a bit afraid of my ability to provide her with a good homeschooling environment. I am not as nice of a mom as I used to be... so many days I am at the end of my patience b/c of my very difficult toddler and my poor older dd gets the butt end of that. I just wish i could be the warm and fuzzy mom I want to be and provide her with a nurturing homeschooling environment. I feel so crappy right now. Public school sucks, and I am worried about being good/kind/patient/loving enough to justify keeping my girl at home. My husband doesn't like the school either, but he hasn't gotten to the point where he feels ready to let me pull her out yet so I am giving it time just as he requested. I hope for something to change soon!
When she came home today i asked her what her favorite part of the day was, and she said recess. I asked if she played by herself again today and she said yes... 'but its ok momma I didn't mind'
I asked why she played by herself, if thats what she wanted, and she said no, but 'i can't always get what i want anyway. And everyone else was busy playing with other people'
Proud mom of three! Special needs teen princess , 7 year old happy girl , and my flower toddler
I hope this situation gets better for you soon! It sounds really tough.
One thing to think about if you do continue to lean toward homeschooling, is that (depending on where you live) there is a lot of scope for outside time when you're together as a family for the whole day. We spend so much time at state parks etc. hiking, collecting rocks, leaves, turtle shells, etc. and playing in the creek. That gives my little ones something to do if one of the older ones wants to come sit with me and chat, plus it wears them out!
I also came across something else yesterday that made me think of you and this thread. My older daughter (almost 10) and my son (age 6) were asking about school, how recess works, whether everyone has recess at the same time, etc. I told them about my experience (just a few grade levels on the playground at a time) and said that it didn't really matter because kids at school don't generally want to play with people older or younger than themselves anyway. Both kids were totally incredulous at this information. "You're kidding, right, Mama?" (This was just after they had spent an afternoon on a mushroom hunt with a teenager and an 8yo and had a fabulous time.)
I guess what I'm saying is that even if you don't feel like your home environment is warm and fuzzy, the option to stay home is only one option!
Not wanting to pressure you, of course, since it is totally your and your daughter's life-- just want to add some information.
I definitely think you are ready for homeschooling, too. I'm fairly new to the homeschool scene myself, so I have a couple of resources that helped me:
1. Dumbing Us Down: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling by John Taylor Gatto
2. Blog post: The Worst Reason to Homeschool by Jamie C. Martin on SimpleHomeschool.net (great site - check it out!)
I love that you want to teach your kids to think for themselves, and not be mindless. You are already way ahead of most people!
All the best!
Sesa70, you said that if you had your choice you would pull your daughter out and take her to the montessori near your home but it is too expensive.
Why don't you make a deal with them? They probably could use help. Maybe they'll give you a big discount if you work a few hours a week in the school.
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If I were you, I would start researching homeschooling in your area. Learn the laws there and get to know the homeschooling community. You will be surprised how many of us are out there. I had no idea about homeschooling and I had no idea that people actually taught their kids at home. I am now part of the community of homeschoolers and there are A LOT of us. We have about
300 homeschooling families in our area. Start talking to them and maybe have a few play times with those kids. Go to the park and meet the group. Your kids will get to know them and I am pretty sure the kids will be welcoming. I can tell a homeschooler from a mile away. In general, they are themselves. I remember we were at the park one day and my son was playing on the slide with another boy. This boy was playing so nicely with my son and didn't mind that he is a bit different. I observed for a while and thought, This kid seems like he is homeschooled! Sure enough, he was. Well that makes sense, I thought. The kids around us started changing by a certain age when they were in school. I think it is only natural that they would change because they have to be in survival mode. In no way do I think PS is horrible but if you put a bunch of kids together they are going to do the dance and figure things out socially. I do see a big difference between homeschooled and schooled kids. The kids at home seem more free somehow. I find a lot of schooled kids stop playing certain games like tag or games like that. When we are out at a park, the kids my daughters age (grade 5) are now standing in clusters talking. My daughter is out running, collecting rocks and just being a kid. I don't think all kids in school are this way of course but I find that in this area, it is the case. So I do see that kids change when they go to school. If your daughter starts meeting friends who homeschool I have a feeling she will want to stay home too. My husband was very hesitant at first but I researched and started hanging around other homeschooling people. My husband now says that there is no way our kids would be put in school.
Homeschooling isn't hard. We aren't all perfect moms. I have a lot of young children and I can yell too. I get frustrated and feel down on myself for being a bad mom. The trick is is to apologize t them when you make a mistake. There are so many different ways to homeschool. I think most people have had that fear of failing them but it seems you already have the love for your child and the want of a better place for her. You are already one step ahead. Good luck mama. I hope you can find something that works for your family.
thank you again to everyone. I think right now we are in a sort of holding pattern... This haven't gotten better but they haven't gotten worse.
I have actually spoken with her teacher on multiple occasions and they have agreed to test her in reading, comprehension,science and math in the hopes that we can get her more appropriate services. I want to make sure (for my husbands sake, not my own) that we try everything we can to make the school situation work before pulling her out for homeschooling.
I have to admitt though, I really would prefer to have her home with me. In less than a month I have seen enough of public school to know that even in the best situation it is not a place I want my kids :(
Proud mom of three! Special needs teen princess , 7 year old happy girl , and my flower toddler
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