when 1 parent wants to HS, and the other does not - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 11-13-2012, 03:55 PM - Thread Starter
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My husband has never been crunchy...  ive always had to be crunchy on my own redface.gif


circumcision was a HUGE fight...  I had to say no no no no  over and over.


 I have toyed with HS for a while.  We recently joined a HS group, and my preschool child and I attend homeschool events with them.  The HS group knows that I have an older child in public school & that I am trying to figure out of HS is right for us, and they are ok with all of that.  I told hubby that I was thinking of taking DD out of school one day to attend a homeschool event, to see what she thinks...


He was adamant that I do NOT do that.    He is against homeschooling.


what do i do...  bring info to him, sit down and discuss it...  anyone btdt


fwiw, we were separated for 2.5 years, so we are still working on our relationship, too shy.gif  We've been back together for only 6 mos, so...

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#2 of 8 Old 11-14-2012, 05:54 AM
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How old is your daughter?  Is she happy in school?  Are you unhappy or do you have serious concerns with her school experience?


What is your Dh's specific objection to HSing?  You need to know that so you can address the issue

There is a battle of two wolves inside us.  One is good and the other is evil.  The wolf that wins is the one you feed.
Book and herb loving mama to 2 teens and one young adult.
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#3 of 8 Old 11-14-2012, 09:20 AM - Thread Starter
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he just doesnt want to deviate from the norm...  we had a long talk last nite and he agreed to check out HS...  we both agreed that all we want is whats best for the kids, and i explained that i think DD has talents that are not being nurtured.  I also emphasized that I REALLY want the kids to learn a language and that is just not going to happen in our current school.


he was much more receptive to the idea after we talked.


score 1 for communication love.gif

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#4 of 8 Old 11-15-2012, 01:28 AM
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For my dh, socialization (sigh) and normalcy were the biggest issues. I had
planned on attending our local HS conference and invited dh alongl. That seemed to make a difference. He thought homeschooling was about being locked at home. eyesroll.gif. When he saw field trips and groups, he was more open. Also, I think being around so many families showed him how "normal" it was, as compared to the problem kids who were homeschooled when we were kids.
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#5 of 8 Old 11-15-2012, 10:01 AM
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sounds like you have already begun this process, but if it were me, tell him why YOU feel so strongly about it, and if he disagrees, and isn't simply convinced by the information you can provide from your research on the issues, ask him if he will commit to research himself and then discuss it again? (since you brought it up re: circ, I've heard about this being a good strategy when the DH is pro circ and it working to change his mind.)


if he is really really still against HSing, I would let it go. there are some things for the sake of your marriage (if it will cause a lot of stress at this time) to just let go and revisit later. If he's open to researching and looking deeper at Hsing, I bet you he will see how many of his concerns/fears about it are unfounded. BUT, it is hard to get past that paradigm of what is "normal"even if it isn't what you feel would be best for your kids. 

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#6 of 8 Old 11-15-2012, 01:25 PM
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I'm so happy for you that your Dh was open to discussing it! I think it can take longer for some dads to really understand homeschooling- I'd just keep researching it, talking to others who HS, and even talk to others who's dc are in the local PS.

When our first dc was an infant I discovered Mothering magazine and learned about HS and was absolutely convinced it was what I wanted for our family. My Dh really was skeptical- but that year several articles came out about the increase in homeschooling numbers in our area. By the time preschool rolled around, my Dh was not not about to sign up our dc himself, so he went with it. Then, we just never enrolled in Kindy and by then, he was fine with homeschooling. By the time my ds was immersed in regular homeschooling activities with other kids by 1st grade, my Dh was completely on board and a huge HS advocate.

I'd recommend just doing what you believe is right for your dc. Just do it and carry on. If your Dh is concerned about socialization, make sure you enroll your dc in regular, consistent classes. Invite kids from those classes over for play dates. Get to know the other HS families in your area. Give your dc enough space so they enjoy HS as well- pick a fun, relaxed method, like Project Based Homeschooling, or something similar. Keep the skills and drills to a minimum. Let them relax and point out all the time how lucky you all are to be doing what you love all day and learning in a stress free environment. Keep a running list of quality literature that you are reading aloud to your dc during the day (this is a major reason why we homeschool, for plenty of time to read all of those great books together). Talk about them over dinner.

I would just go for it.
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#7 of 8 Old 11-19-2012, 12:32 AM
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It took a couple years for DH to be on board with homeschooling.  I started the conversation when dd was 4 and he was finally convinced by the time age 6 rolled around.  It took awhile. I read different HS books and then introduced different perspectives about it.  I knew if I pushed too hard right away, it would drive him further from what I wanted.  That is his personality.  Eventually, he talked about his schooling (public) and what he got out of it.  I found out that socialization was his biggest concern.  Once he learned that we would be with people of all ages, like the "real world", and dd would get plenty of time with other kids, he was okay with it all.


the other thing that did help was meeting adults who were homeschooled.  He had a co-worker that he really admires.  She is confident, self-motivated, driven and loves learning still.  She was homeschooled her whole life.  This really helped.  Maybe that would ease his mind to meet other people who were homeschooled as children and to hear their stories?


I convinced DH about home birth, extended breastfeeding and bed-sharing.  All of these took time as well.  He still does not like bed sharing. :)  However, he is happy with our other choices.


Good luck with the whole process!

Married Mama to two girls, A (4/06) and I (9/09).

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#8 of 8 Old 02-04-2013, 07:42 PM
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Some marital advice, instead of homeschooling advice.... your husband isn't WRONG in how he feels. He just feels differently than you. There is no right or wrong answer about almost anything in life, just lots of different perspectives, some of which we feel strongly or not so strongly about.


Ask the hubby what his concerns are and start there... Don't cram homeschool down his throat. People have legitimate concerns about homeschooling, just like they do about public or private school, kid's tv viewing habits, food, etc. His concerns may stem from something that he's projecting onto your son, like feeling like an outsider socially and he doesn't want your son to feel that way or getting a good education and he just doesn't know enough about homeschool research to know that these kids score higher than regular school kids.


Forgot the power struggle.. it doesn't work -- I know!smile.gif

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