getting my dh on board with homeschooling - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 12-06-2012, 10:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm sure this has probably come up heaps before .... I am desperate to home school our kids (who are only very young) and my dh is dead against it.For a start his old school that he loved is right across the road and his mum is a teacher! 

He agrees that our kids will get a better education with me at home (I am educated and have proven to him I can teach our dd without hot housing her), he also agrees that the socialisation in schools can be harmful. He is saying no because he just plain thinks home school kids are weird. of course he's never met one.....

 

I thought I could join the local hs group and get him to meet some of the kids but he is so closed minded about it that I don't think it would work. Anyone got any ideas? I'm glad I've looked into this early as it may take a few years for him to come round. btw it's my intention to hs until junior high, have the kids do a couple of years their to get used to school that transition to a high quality private school. We can afford for me to stay home and have the resources, this is just a step too far for him.

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#2 of 9 Old 12-07-2012, 09:35 AM
 
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Well, you may never truly get him "on board" or you he may not get "on board" until after the results. You know him best, so you know what motivates him. For me, my husband never really came on board, but let me do it.


He was never "thrilled", proud, or very


involved, so that made it that much harder. But, as long as I wasn't complaining, or laying extra (too much extra) responsibilities on him then he didn't protest much. If they aren't supportive then it is harder, but if it means a lot to the wife then rarely do they put their foot down hard. I am jealous of the "family" that embraces homeschool and feel that they are the most successful. It is hard knowledge be selling your point of view to naysayers. Just stick to your guns and be sure to have support. you may not convince him that it's his favorite, but you can convince him that you are going to do it!
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#3 of 9 Old 12-07-2012, 09:37 AM
 
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Hard to know, not knowledge
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#4 of 9 Old 12-07-2012, 09:59 AM
 
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There was a book written by a NY city high school teacher whose three boys were homeschooled. His father was an attorney who was against homeschooling, but argued in favor of it legally. That book, whose title and author both allude me right now, convinced my husband that we should homeschool. He never really helped with anything, honeschooling wise, and wasn't good at dealing with others who questioned homeschooling, but at least he wasn't one of those against it.

Your plan sounds nice, but if you plan on the children attending school some day, you may want to make sure they stay with the school curriculum guidelines, so they will fit in easily. That takes away some flexibility in deciding what they learn. Under those circumstances, I wonder why you want to homeschool. There are so many reasons, I'm sure you have good ones.
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#5 of 9 Old 12-07-2012, 10:04 AM
 
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Was that David Guterson's "Family Matters: Why Homeschooling Makes Sense"? Guterson actually taught English on a small gulf island in the Pacific Northwest, and is a writer by profession now. But the bit about the attorney father makes me think it must be his book you're thinking of. I really liked the book and found it very persuasive, without being evangelistic in tone. It's definitely a good one for dads.

 

I disagree with you about the necessity of staying within public school guidelines if there's the possibility of attending school in the future. We made absolutely no effort to do so, and yet my kids entered school at the high school level with barely a ripple of difficulty. 

 

I do wonder about the wisdom of having kids start school at the junior high level. To me that level is fraught with the most problems of any level of schooling. Socially the kids are extremely cliquey, immature but adopting a lot of pseudo-mature behaviors, and academically there tends to be a high workload, but mostly of the busy-work variety, not the interesting and challenging work fuelled by independent inquiry and passion that tends to kick in at the high school level. If I knew I was going to send my kids to school for a few years, junior high would definitely not be the years I would choose!

 

Miranda


Mountain mama to three great kids and one great grown-up

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#6 of 9 Old 12-07-2012, 10:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the responses so far - my dh might be convinced over time - it just takes forever. I would LOVE to hs right through the end of school but I know that will never be an option for dh - plus we are fortunate enough to have our tuition paid for by family trust. The high school in question is of exceptional quality and has a lot of opportunities for kids of varying abilities.

 

I want to hs in the younger years because it is becoming more and more apparant that our primary school system is catering to the lowest common denominator, it's not that my kids are gifted (although they are reasonably bright) it's just the bar for learning is so low that at 2.5 my dd has already exceeded the school entrance requirements for age 5 - in fact most of her peers have ( and I mean average kids whose parents don't do anything special to encourage learning). I'm really worried the first  few years are going to be boring for her and kill any love of learning and spirit she has. I'd like to hope we can inspire her to love education and prepare her to take advantage of her opportunities at the better school as she grows.

 

I had suggested as an alternative that we send her to the local private school but dh thinks it's a waste of money at that age. I think this may read that I want my kids to be super smart - it's not that, I just don't want them becoming cynical at such a young age!

 

Thanks Miranda for the info on JH - I'm open to suggestions, I'm just aware as a bullied kid that you often only get one chance to make an impression at high school and thought perhaps that JH might give them a practise go which wouldn't affect them right though high school if they happened to take a while to get used to how things worked. As I said I would much prefer to keep them at home the whole time.

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#7 of 9 Old 12-07-2012, 10:20 AM
 
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I recall the teacher being a NY City teacher, because my husband's brother is also a NY City teacher, and I thought that helped to influence my husband. It was more than ten years ago, now, so maybe I'm remembering it wrong. If the one named can help, by all means get it for your husband. Maybe just leave it lying around, if he's the type to be curious and read it. That way he won't feel pressured.

With regard to entering school, I'm referring to be at grade level across the board for all subjects. It might make it difficult to get into certain classes if behind in, say, science. I think it's something to keep in mind.
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#8 of 9 Old 12-07-2012, 11:23 AM
 
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John Taylor Gatto was a (popular and award-winning) teacher in NY who wrote Dumbing Us Down and other books about how he could no longer work in the PS system because he was no longer willing to harm children. However, I too remember reading Family Matters and it was his father who was an attorney, if I'm remembering correctly. It's been a while!
I would keep researching and reading up on it. My DH was very uncertain about HS initially since his experience was that HS were weird. But, he also admitted he knew plenty of children in his private schools growing up who were weird as well.
When our first ds was old enough for preschool, I simply didn't enroll him. DH was fine with this, as I was still nursing him and we did so many fun activities together, like cooking classes, library story times, park days, play dates. When it came time for our ds to attend Kindy, I didn't enroll him, and by then, my Dh didn't see the point either. He was so social, athletic, and loved learning, so there was no real reason for him to go. Plus, I was available and home and our local K was full day, which I couldn't even imagine for my ds. He played a lot with homeschooled kids and newborn old kids, and his baby brother. My Dh agreed that HS was the best choice by then.
HS was going so great for us, but then we went on a trip to visit DH family and they criticized our dc and blamed everything on my homeschooling. It was a shock, and it hurt, and while Dh defended our family's choices, it did lead us to realize that HS will never be accepted by our extended family. We now don't see them and plan to limit any contact with them. While it sounds like it was all handled well, it is something that continues to hurt us every holiday, birthday, and year.
My point is that even if your Dh is on board, there will be likely be challenges because it is the unknown for most people. Do your research now and be really really positive and strong about your decision. Your DH will likely come around, but it's up to you to carry forward the confidence of doing so. It is absolutely what I want for our dc and while my Dh is an advocate and supports me, it is my confidence that continues our homeschooling.
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#9 of 9 Old 12-07-2012, 05:46 PM
 
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Maybe I combined the two books in my head.

You may be surprised by who objects to your decision. The NY City school teacher was fine with our decision, but my sister who couldn't convince her husband to homeschool their 3 boys was angry that I was homeschooling! Go figure.

Keep a positive outlook and find support where you can. Good luck. Enjoy the adventure!
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