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#1 of 7 Old 09-08-2013, 12:10 PM - Thread Starter
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my oldest is 8 and youngest 4.  8 year old went to a basement church preschool, and then k, 1, 2 in public schools.

We had good experiences with preschool and K & 1st grades, but then we moved and the school system is not great here.  Long story short, I started looking into homeschool last year and pulled DD out, and we are homeschooling now.

We have not been homeschooling for long, but its not as scary as I thought.. . I have saxon math, and they tell you what to say.  =)  I have an English workbook (I don't really like, and will be looking for something else)  We are doing Classical Conversations, and music lessons.  DD also has girl scouts.  We ride bikes, play outside, etc etc.

DH is TICKED.  Yesterday he told me that he would be making my life as hard as possible because he doesn't believe in homeschooling.  IE, he wont watch our 4 year old when DD has her 'extra curriculars'  ...  eh...  So I have to take my son to scouts & entertain him for an hour.  Not horrible.

Important to the story---  DH and I recently were separated for several years, and last year we got back together.   He left the family to move in with a nurse who gave him prescription drugs and they had an affair, too.  DH was diagnosed as Bipolar I and thru a lot of therapy, etc etc, we have reconciled.  He signed sole custody of the kids to me, because of his health issues.

some of his outburst yesterday, I think, is due to a change in his medications, the doctor is trying to get some anxiety attacks under control.

I just wish I had a supportive partner.  I don't need his help in teaching as much as I just need him to say, I might not support homeschooling, but I love my kids and hope that this succeeds because I want them to be happy and fulfilled.
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#2 of 7 Old 09-08-2013, 03:43 PM
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That sounds really hard. I'm not sure what I'd do in your boat. Hmm. Maybe some more experienced folks will chime in ... especially if they have a spouse so is not supportive. But I would argue that your DH sounds like he's more than simply not supportive ... he sounds like he's undermining your efforts and sabotaging your decision. Is there a compromise that he could get on board with? An alternative school? A part-time program for homeschoolers? What are his reasons for being such a thorn in your side?

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#3 of 7 Old 09-08-2013, 07:58 PM - Thread Starter
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He thinks that homeschool will make the kids grow up in a bubble... What's wrong with that? Don't we all grow up in a bubble?
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#4 of 7 Old 09-09-2013, 06:54 AM
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Frankly, I'd ask him to be an adult about this. Healthy adults don't sabotage other people's decisions. Does he want an adult relationship with you?


It's OK to not agree with someone else about this. Would he be willing to look into what other people say about homeschooling, or has he already decided that all homeschoolers are weird and won't be moved from that position?


I think I'd bring up the fact that due to his past behaviors, the kids are not his custody. I'd probably draw a line in the sand. If he wants to actually make my life harder, when I'm making the best decisions I can, there's the door. 

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#5 of 7 Old 09-09-2013, 08:12 AM
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Originally Posted by Red Pajama View Post

Frankly, I'd ask him to be an adult about this. Healthy adults don't sabotage other people's decisions.


I think the OP made it fairly clear, though, that this is not a healthy adult. This is someone with bipolar disorder who is suffering from anxiety attacks, is under the care of a physician and having medication adjusted. That's what makes all of her husband's actions more than just "behaviour," willingly acted out despite the repercussions, but more in line with "symptoms" of a disorder. 


OP, this is a very complicated situation. I had a husband who was initially not supportive, but time, meeting a few real-life 'normal' homeschoolers and seeing how his child was thriving was enough to turn him into a full-on supporter. Your husband's current stance goes beyond "not supportive." He's threatened to undermine your efforts by not taking on basic parenting responsibilities that he otherwise would. It doesn't sound like it's due to concern about your children's best interests, but about trying to prevent you from disagreeing with him. It's a huge red flag in the relationship, to me. If you're seeing that as unhealthy and dealing with it / working on it / assuming that better management of his anxiety will quell it, that's fine: you clearly love your husband and are willing to work through the unhealthy stuff with him. If you're just seeing it as unsupportive, I'm telling you it's more than that. 


All that being said, I've observed that often for dads the fear is that with homeschooling kids will end up being coddled and weird and will have trouble coping with "normal" life. The easiest solution is often for them to meet a couple of homeschooling families with somewhat older, interesting-but-mainstream kids who are adept with social skills. So that they see that kids turn out okay as they get a bit older. I invited a family from our homeschool network over for dinner. The two pre-teen girls were delightful, their parents were just normal interesting intelligent folk, and their homeschooling felt like a pretty ordinary fact of their life. My dh's fears pretty much vanished on the spot. Homeschooling no longer seemed to him like a fringe, wing-nut kind of choice.



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#6 of 7 Old 09-09-2013, 09:03 AM - Thread Starter
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The "funny" thing is that for so long dh has not done the normal parenting responsibilities... Ie, watch younger kids while I take an older kid to practice. His mental health issues prevented him from that -- even our therapist said, 'you can't be alone with the kids in your state right now'. ( that was when he was newly diagnosed bipolar and still coming off the drugs... About 2.5 yrs ago)

Just this past year has he been able to help out. So I haven't really gotten used to his help ( there are lots of times he has to work late, too... So he ends up not helping after work)

Truth- I think his real issue with homeschooling is perhaps that he is jealous that I am a more confident parent than he is (something my personal therapist told me she saw in our relationship several years ago). OR He is jealous that my time is not 100% about him.

Thanks for letting me talk this out.
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#7 of 7 Old 09-09-2013, 01:02 PM
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I totally agree with Miranda's response. I suppose it's to your benefit that you are unaccustomed to being able to use his help for the older child's activities. I understand how hard it can be to support an older child's interests and activities with a younger one always peresent. Unfortunately so many programs are so limited in that way, as well, by discouraging parent and/or sibling participation.

I can't think of ways to help you out here, but sympathize and want to offer my Internet support. I have faith that you will find opportunities for your child that will allow you and younger child to be there, or can be nearby without disrupting the program. There are zoos, museums and nature centers in our area that offer very affordable homeschool programs where my toddler and I can join in or stay on premise, but out of the way. Maybe there's something like that for you.

It must be very difficult for you, being in this relationship and situation. I truly hope you can navigate this to the benefit of your children and yourself.
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