dh and I disagree about any homeschooling at all - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 05-26-2002, 05:42 PM - Thread Starter
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I have been reading a lot about homeschooling lately, and talking to other hs'ing moms and dads at a conference recently, and I am really wanting to hs my daughter. My dh, however, disagrees.

Our daughter is 4.5, and her birthday is before the cutoff-date for compulsory (sp?) Kindergarten in MD, where we will be moving this summer. So we are faced with 3 options (in my mind there are three, but only 1 in my dh's mind.) A - public school, B - private school like montessori, or C - homeschool. She goes to a small Montessori preschool now, and loves it.

My husband's first objection to montessori or homeschooling is money. Either we'd have to pay for montessori, or I'd have to quit my part time job to homeschool. As it is, my entire paycheck goes to her tuition now, so I know it wouldn't put us in WORSE financial straights than we are in now. But he wants to put her in public school and still have me work so that we can cut that expense out and still have my income. To some degree, I see his point. We could use the extra money. But I sort of don't feel that the money is worth putting her through public school.

Dh's next objection is the socialization issue. No matter how I try to explain to him about hs'ing coops and groups, he still is convinced that I'll be isolating her. One of the problems we have with this is that socialization is one of the biggest reasons that I want to homeschool! I don't like the lack of supervision, leading to bullying, teasing, and inappropriate behavior, nor do I like the forced artificial "social" grouping by age. I want her to have social contact with all age groups, and I want some control over who her influences are. And I just can't seem to convince him that I have absolutely no interest in isolating her (or myself!)

I've tried to get him to read material on homeschooling, but he says he doesn't want to, that his mind is made up without the information, and that all that material is going to be biased anyway, because it's written by hs'ing proponents. Not only that, but "public school did fine by us, so it's good enough for her." It did not do fine by us, IMHO, and it's also a lot worse than it was in our generation.

What do I say or do to convince him? I'm going to have her home with me for about 1.5 months in the summer, but then he wants me to cart her off to public school, and I just hate that thought.


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#2 of 5 Old 05-26-2002, 10:22 PM
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If your DH would read something unbiased, I would get him a copy of Family Matters: Why Homeschooling Makes Sense by Gutterson. It was written by a public highschool teacher and is not biased. It is the most balanced look at homeschooling I've seen.

Also, you have another option that you haven't listed -- delaying entrance into school for a year. Many parents of kids with birthdays near the cutoff choose this options for a variety of reasons. You could talk to your DH about taking it as a trial year -- keep her home for a year and then decide what to do. Try just to focas on this one year and stay away from trying to make a decision about her entire 13 years of school.

Some moms manage to homeschool and work part time, by swapping child care with another homeschooling mom, hiring a homeschooling teenager, working only when DH is home, etc. There really are a lot of options.

I agree that the schools now are NOT the same schools that we went to.
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#3 of 5 Old 05-27-2002, 01:07 AM
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I don't think you can make your DH change his mind about anything, but if you can you may want to take a walk by a public school playground with him at lunch or recess time and just watch for a few minutes. You are sure to see and hear some things that will shock you- just ask hubby if he really wants dd to be around all that in just a few short months. You may also ask some local homeschoolers over to demonstrate how friendly, competent and weell mannered they are in contrast to the public school kids.
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#4 of 5 Old 05-27-2002, 11:27 AM
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Wow! Do i ever know waht you'
re going thru! my dh was against my homeschooling the children for the first 3 years & we didn't start unitl some of our 4 children were in 4th, 6th, & 9th grade. He would circumvent every effort, & criticize every effort that I made & every piece of material. I also worked part-time & was albe to do that easily & homeschool. I took my children to many homeschool events, trips, parties, get-togethers, etc. but always w/out my dh & the children began to refuse to do any work or anything with me. my husband became extrememly critical of me & always in fornt of the children so began to have no respect for me at all. I finally told him at the beginning of the '98 school year that he was totally responsible for their education, that I had had it. He had told me when we began hs'ing that he was supportive & we went together to speak with fmailies who hs'ed. So, dh put some back inot public school for the '98-'99 school year. They were, of course, way ahead of the public school kids & they came home w/ stories of extremely disruptive kids & that they couldnt' hear the teachers, couldn't get anything done & oh my! the attitudes that our kids started acquiring towards their education & they were becoming very bored, BIG TIME. Some were sucked into crowds where they wouldn't do any school work at all & my husband & i went to conferences w/ these teachers. The teachers told us that our children were exceptional in every way when they first started that school year, but they were becoming lazy like so many of the kids in public schools aroudn here. At the end of that school year, my dh said, "No more public school." I thought, "yeah, right." I told him that if he meant that, then he would study hoomeschooling & the mateirals/curriculms/ways to teach, etc. & order the mateirals that he thought were the best. He has a master's degree & was a part-time college professor for 5 years. Well, the day for the meeting that parents are to attend at the public school for the next school year came up & I told my hsuband that if he didn't go that meeting that what he was saying was that the children were going to public school again for the next year. He did go to the meeting for about 10 min. & then came home & said, no way, & immediately sat down & started looking at everything that i had collected over the years & ordered mateirals for the upcoming grades that night! He's been totally into it since then & we have happier kids & smarter, too. We also finally have some fmaily time as the children were coming home with 3 hours of homework starting in end of third grade. We have an attitude of educating oursleves in everything that we do & we encourage or require the children to discover answers for them sleves. our children have friends, but i'm letting you know that for ours, it's easier for them to become friends w/ the other homeshoolers the earlier the age that you join in the actitiveites. Sorry so many typos, it's Memeorial day & I'm typing fast. Have a great one! warmly, karen valcourt of BirthTender
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#5 of 5 Old 06-22-2002, 07:30 PM
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I found this article that might help. I also would suggest subscribing to http://www.whywehomeschool.com/
The author, Laura Maery, I have been reading now for over a year online, it has really helped keep in perspective what public school can be like and how wonderful homeschooling really is. I think if your dh sat down to read this regularly for the next couple months, he may be pro homeschooling by fall. Please post and let us know how you are doing on your journey,
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