Zero support from husband and family... Year two - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 11 Old 07-13-2014, 05:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Zero support from husband and family... Year two

Last year was our 1st yr homeschooling. My dh was very against it, and other family members were, too.

My mom even talked me out of buying curriculum (except for Saxon math) since she was sure I'd go back to public schooling the kids after a month.

I made up my own science and English curriculum from internet finds, and going with what the kids were interested in. History, that was up to the kids. Once we spent 5 hours mummifying a Barbie doll and making a sarcophagus out of an old spaghetti box. It. Was. AWESOME!

But now we are starting year 2. I WILL buy boxed curriculum since I liked having that all done for me in math last year. It kept me less frazzled. Im more confident, however, my mom says she thinks the kids should be in public school, my mil asked, "isn't the youngest going to kindergarten?!? What, you're going to homeschool ANOTHER year?!?" And dh, well, he hates homeschooling all together.

I have NO support from family. I do belong to a homeschool group that meets 1x a month and the kids do classical convo. 1xa week, so I have friend support.

Anyone else in this bind? I thought one successful year of hs would convert them all! Dd started an instrument, won the science fair, went on field trips, is ahead in math, and most importantly learned to love reading.
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#2 of 11 Old 07-13-2014, 05:23 PM
 
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I think a lot of people are scared of anything different. I've found a lot of resistance from people around me to my different ways of doing things. It's almost as if they see my different view or decision as a personal affront to them... like I think they're horrible because I homeschool and they don't or I breastfeed and they don't, etc. Since I'm very non-mainstream and the only one here like that it makes for a lot of contention. I find this tension on anything I say or do. For what it's worth I live in a very backwoods mainstream area where it's only ever acceptable to be Baptist, formula feeding, vaxing, public school so you can get away from the kids, and just buy what ever is available at the local Walmart for food or household items. Since I research everything and come to different decisions I guess they feel I'm looking down on them? Idk. I will say my dh does support me in everything I do and while family and friends don't support me they mostly roll their eyes and ignore it. It's more difficult since I'm against the local religious views and have no access to homeschool resources because of it. All the homeschool groups I've found in my state require a statement of faith to join. I guess that is why I love this forum and spend more time here than I do with family and friends. I might not have met anyone here but I feel much more connected to these women than anyone in my 'real' world.

As for the curriculum I haven't ventured the box curriculum yet myself but am considering it for later. I've been looking at Oak Meadow for forever but just haven't pulled the plug yet. I'm thinking we may try it in the next year or two though since I'll soon have THREE homeschoolers! (currently 8,7, and 3)
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#3 of 11 Old 07-14-2014, 09:19 AM
 
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I'm sorta in that boat my outside family is not supportive but my husband is. I just told my family that they are entitled to there opinion but I will decide how I raise my kids and if they dont like it to bad.

Mom to  Rachel 15 Kimberly 12 Chloe 10 and Nathaniel 8
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#4 of 11 Old 07-14-2014, 11:16 AM
 
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It's really hard when your husband isn't supportive. Pretty much anyone else is one thing, but it's really rough when the person you're co-parenting with disagrees with something like this.

Why does he hate homeschooling? Does he WAH/work at night and find having the kids around all day causes problems for him, or something along those lines? Does he feel that it's too much of a stress for you and is causing you problems? Does he feel that the kids aren't progressing as much as he'd like? Is it anything you can address, or just prejudice?

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#5 of 11 Old 07-14-2014, 03:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by sillysapling View Post
It's really hard when your husband isn't supportive. Pretty much anyone else is one thing, but it's really rough when the person you're co-parenting with disagrees with something like this.

Why does he hate homeschooling? Does he WAH/work at night and find having the kids around all day causes problems for him, or something along those lines? Does he feel that it's too much of a stress for you and is causing you problems? Does he feel that the kids aren't progressing as much as he'd like? Is it anything you can address, or just prejudice?
It's just different... He's worried people will think we are weird.

He says it's because the kids won't have friends or they will be sheltered or they aren't learning... But at the end of the day, it's he's worried about what people will think of him


And we do not co parent. There's a long story to
Why, but I have sole custody of our kids. (We were in the process of divorcing 4 years ago)
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#6 of 11 Old 07-15-2014, 12:07 AM
 
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Hmm, the fact that he doesn't coparent makes me think that he shouldn't get a say in how they are educated, but I'm guessing it's not that simple? Does he live with you?
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#7 of 11 Old 07-15-2014, 01:19 AM
 
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In that case, I would try to make closer friends with other homeschool parents in the area and try to take support from them. If you aren't co-parenting, I agree that he should have no say, and he may not be as needed as a source of support if you can find another.

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#8 of 11 Old 07-16-2014, 03:50 PM
 
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It is hard without support but it can be done. I have used boxed and non boxed. I used Calvert the first year I home schooled it was good for one child but not the other. I went on e-bay last year and bought a used Oak Meadow and it was not bad I felt like I needed to add things to it.

I would see if you can find a home school play group. I love the interaction I get with the parent that home school and my kids love to meet other kids.
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#9 of 11 Old 07-17-2014, 09:01 AM
 
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I am the only person that homeschools in my family. They were hesitant the first year, and still have lots of questions, but in the end, they are supporting and if not, they keep their mouths closed. I don't care what others think. I care what I think and what I know is best for MY kids.
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#10 of 11 Old 07-25-2014, 01:12 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crazyms View Post
I think a lot of people are scared of anything different. I've found a lot of resistance from people around me to my different ways of doing things. It's almost as if they see my different view or decision as a personal affront to them... like I think they're horrible because I homeschool and they don't or I breastfeed and they don't, etc. Since I'm very non-mainstream and the only one here like that it makes for a lot of contention. I find this tension on anything I say or do. For what it's worth I live in a very backwoods mainstream area where it's only ever acceptable to be Baptist, formula feeding, vaxing, public school so you can get away from the kids, and just buy what ever is available at the local Walmart for food or household items. Since I research everything and come to different decisions I guess they feel I'm looking down on them? Idk. I will say my dh does support me in everything I do and while family and friends don't support me they mostly roll their eyes and ignore it. It's more difficult since I'm against the local religious views and have no access to homeschool resources because of it. All the homeschool groups I've found in my state require a statement of faith to join. I guess that is why I love this forum and spend more time here than I do with family and friends. I might not have met anyone here but I feel much more connected to these women than anyone in my 'real' world.
I can relate to you on many points. While my husband is totally with me with the idea of homeschooling (he's the one who suggested it), my family is a little apprehensive about it, because it is so far outside of what they know. I still have time to come to terms with this, but for the moment, I find it's undermining my confidence in my decisions. Not being overly outspoken, I also find it awkward to talk about homeschooling to others, especially if they are ps educators themselves. Many are open-minded, but the biting comments, even if they come to me secondhand (like my mother relating what someone else said to her about hs children), are the ones that stick in my mind the most.
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#11 of 11 Old 07-25-2014, 01:46 PM
 
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Originally Posted by head4thehills View Post
I can relate to you on many points. While my husband is totally with me with the idea of homeschooling (he's the one who suggested it), my family is a little apprehensive about it, because it is so far outside of what they know. I still have time to come to terms with this, but for the moment, I find it's undermining my confidence in my decisions. Not being overly outspoken, I also find it awkward to talk about homeschooling to others, especially if they are ps educators themselves. Many are open-minded, but the biting comments, even if they come to me secondhand (like my mother relating what someone else said to her about hs children), are the ones that stick in my mind the most.
I understand what you mean. It was hard for me in the beginning to deal with some of the comments. I think one thing that helps us here is the fact that the local school districts are awful. When we first started homeschooling we lived in the worst school district possible in this area thanks to district line changes just before our oldest could start K. One fell swoop took us from the "best" school to the worst without warning. Everyone we knew agreed that the only option was to homeschool until we could move since we couldn't afford private school. After we'd moved they assumed it was to get into a better school district and questioned why we didn't want the kids in public then. We got some comments but usually they'll accept a "the kids prefer this." Dh works off too which is common for our area so it helps to remind them of that reason... if we use ps the kids will rarely ever see dad but if they homeschool they have his entire time home with him. It helps. Mostly we just had to learn tactics to quieten the comments. I STILL always use the we're only doing it this semester and we're reassessing. They don't like it but they don't argue with that. They just wait til next semester to ask and get the same answer again. I guess they haven't caught on yet?

Michelle mom to DD , DS , & lil DD plus and spending my days
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