Deciding on the future - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
  • 1 Post By moominmamma
Thread Tools
#1 of 3 Old 08-01-2014, 03:15 AM - Thread Starter
aliciahorsley's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
Posts: 100
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Deciding on the future

DS11 just told me today he needs purpose and structure. I was floored.

We need to think about the future and I was wondering how other families approach this? Do you follow your child's cues? Or what you think he should be doing? What if he has no idea? What if you have no idea?

I assumed that by now, there's be this good quality, engaging curriculum that I could just buy and work through. And then he'd do some exams and then the rest would've been his choice.

But everything I see is not quite right. Even if I am willing to pick and choose. PLUS I am having a headache (for like the 3rd time in my life, I'm usualy so hale )
aliciahorsley is offline  
#2 of 3 Old 08-01-2014, 08:45 AM
moominmamma's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: In the middle of nowhere, at the centre of everything.
Posts: 5,730
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 76 Post(s)
I know a mom who refused to provide this for her kids, and insisted that they find their own structure and goals. Eventually they started asking to go to school. She refused. They turned out all right, and they thank her for her stance. It still doesn't sit right for me. My kids all, around that age, began to express this same desire. Rather than viewing this desire as a failure (or immaturity) of the capacity for self-determination, I viewed it as a desire to see themselves and their learning in the context of something larger. They wanted to feel a sense of working within a socially acceptable structure towards goals that had some tangibility in the larger world. In the old days this was the age when boys would be sent away to start apprenticeships, or girls would be farmed out as kitchen help or mother's helpers. I think it's a legitimate adolescent developmental desire... to find some context outside yourself to set your learning and doing within.

I don't think I found the right solutions for my kids. Eventually the older three all headed off to high school to get access to structure and accountability that they were comfortable with. They didn't want it to come from me, and my efforts to support them in finding their own structure and creating their own goals and accountability were only ever fruitful in the short term.

My youngest is 11.5 now and is doing a little better in this respect than my older kids were at this age. In the past year and a half she has taken two courses and two week-long electives at the local school (she normally attends for 1-2 hours a week, and goes there to write quizzes and tests under teacher supervision), and she is involved in ability-levelled gymnastics and dance classes where her mastery leads to low-key promotion into more challenging classes at the end of each term. This mix seems to be giving her ways to map out tangible learning goals and feel a sense of validated success when she accomplishes them. So far she's happy to remain a mostly self-directed home-learner.

I'm not sure what you have available to you, but you might think about what is available in your community that would put him in touch with at least loosely-structured learning under the guidance of outside adult mentors or teachers in one or two learning areas. Academic or otherwise.

Hope your headache is better!

aliciahorsley likes this.

Mountain mama to three great kids and one great grown-up

moominmamma is online now  
#3 of 3 Old 08-01-2014, 06:18 PM - Thread Starter
aliciahorsley's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
Posts: 100
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I so agree with the part about kids entering the adult world to learn a trade. I wish there was some way for me to provide this kind of opportunity for him. I guess we could if we thought really hard about it but living in a suburb that's not well connected by public transport to the capitol city, the options just aren't that obvious to me.

He does do gymnastics and capoeira 2xweek. And he's been to a couple of programming workshops which he's enjoyed thoroughly. But it means I have to drive across town to get him to these things. I live in a very quiet place it seems, where children are rarely seen and almost never heard.
aliciahorsley is offline  

Quick Reply
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:


Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page

Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off