Struggling to make the right choice... - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 08-04-2014, 12:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
wookumus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: OR
Posts: 122
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
Struggling to make the right choice...

I am in love with the idea of homeschooling for my children and for the amazing freedom it would allow our family. I am in "hook, line and sinker"! I definitely struggle with some confidence issues about my ability to make it work but I ultimately know I can find my way. This post will be an "eyeful" but I just need to get it out and see if anyone has some advice.

Here's the problem I am facing, the idea of homeschooling vs. the reality of my family relationships and situation. It is early in the game but I feel like these things need to be evaluated now, otherwise we will miss out on alternative schools for my son.

So here are the details. I wok part-time and am fortunate to have the income to be our primary financial support. Otherwise I am home with our almost 5yo DS and 16mo DS with some help from grandparents. On my days with the boys, we read a lot, play games, go on bike rides, go to parks, meet with friends, run errands and I clean up the mess I am usually left with. On the days I work, my husband is off and stays with the boys though leans much more heavily on the grandparents. He is quick to offer videos to the boys and spends a lot of time on the internet when he's at home. The house is always a mess on his days at home. He has a permanent pile of clothes in our bedroom, leaves dirty clothes all over the house, rarely cleans the kitchen and leaves used/dirty utensils all over the house He is supportive of homeschooling but when presented with a part-time option of an outside pre-K program he readily admits he would prefer it and can't see helping out with homeschool at all. There is some solid tension in our marriage and I finally forced couples counseling but it is very early on and I struggle mightily with expressing my needs in our household. I am afraid of conflict and my husband is extremely talented at flipping issues back at me so I get nowhere quickly.

So my first issue is that I am HEAVILY burdened in the household, I am the primary breadwinner, I would be responsible for any and all homeschooling, I also do most of the cleanup in our house.

The next issues is DS1. He is and always has been a VERY high needs child. He rarely plays on his own at home, is often aggressive towards his brother when time is shared. He enjoys being read to but is HIGHLY resistant towards any activities outside his comfort zone. When I suggest activities, his general response is, I can't do it. Right now, he has had cereal sitting on the table for 2 hours and says he cannot do it, cannot dress himself, whines and cries a lot all day and constantly says this is the worst day ever unless I am playing whatever he wants with my full attention (would be nice if I didn't have another son and a husband who doesn't help out much!). He has seen an OT for some sensory issues which has helped modestly. I think he needs some sort of play therapy as well. That being said, around other kids he is generally a lot of fun, usually generous and plays well. Seems like home brings out the worse in him!

So by the later afternoon, I am generally fed up and not very nice to or tolerant of my son's actions. I was raised with some emotional abuse of my own and I can now connect with this old stuff rising out and lashing at my son. I also know that my anger towards his father comes out towards him. I am seeking my own counseling and have been for a couple of years and am slowly working my challenges.

So, in a nutshell, I am overwhelmed, sad, angry and frustrated. I would love to homeschool but not sure our environment suits him but I also strongly believe that sending him to school is not going to solve his/our problems and quite frankly I don't want to deal with the peer orientation B.S. that will inevitably occur the more he goes to school.

Thanks for reading my rant/vent, hoping for some thoughts/advice/support!

Mom to DS 9/18/09 and DS 3/28/13
Laugh it up, fuzzball biggrinbounce.gif 

wookumus is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 08-04-2014, 01:14 PM
 
SweetSilver's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Westfarthing
Posts: 5,258
Mentioned: 6 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 84 Post(s)
It's hard to imagine homeschooling with your hands full. But be soothed: your ds will get easier, even if he remains a generally more difficult child. 3-5yo is an age where many parents can't imagine piling homeschooling on top of their struggles, but the hardest part is generally over a little after the age when kids start school (something schooling families miss out on, IMO).

Also, there isn't much you *have* to do, really, on the "home SCHOOL" front. Find out your state's laws (OR is relatively easy, if you are still there like it says under your avatar). Do the bare minimum, which in OR I think is exactly NOTHING at first, but I could be wrong. I think the biggest "bear" in that state's laws is the testing requirement and the "improvement". Unlike WA's testing req's, which are for the parent's records only, OR does evaluate the tests, though I'm not sure whether it's a school or district or the state directly that does this.

What I'm getting at is that you have time to iron out your family problems. File if you need to file to homeschool, but don't change anything and work hard to iron out the details at home. Your husband needs to step up, if he doesn't want him in part time K. Maybe he would be interested in unschooling. But you have a bit of room to work, and your son will mellow, even if only a little. The difference between 5 and 7 for any child is huge.

"Let me see you stripped down to the bone. Let me hear you speaking just for me."
SweetSilver is online now  
Old 08-06-2014, 05:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
wookumus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: OR
Posts: 122
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by SweetSilver View Post
It's hard to imagine homeschooling with your hands full. But be soothed: your ds will get easier, even if he remains a generally more difficult child. 3-5yo is an age where many parents can't imagine piling homeschooling on top of their struggles, but the hardest part is generally over a little after the age when kids start school (something schooling families miss out on, IMO).

Also, there isn't much you *have* to do, really, on the "home SCHOOL" front. Find out your state's laws (OR is relatively easy, if you are still there like it says under your avatar). Do the bare minimum, which in OR I think is exactly NOTHING at first, but I could be wrong. I think the biggest "bear" in that state's laws is the testing requirement and the "improvement". Unlike WA's testing req's, which are for the parent's records only, OR does evaluate the tests, though I'm not sure whether it's a school or district or the state directly that does this.

What I'm getting at is that you have time to iron out your family problems. File if you need to file to homeschool, but don't change anything and work hard to iron out the details at home. Your husband needs to step up, if he doesn't want him in part time K. Maybe he would be interested in unschooling. But you have a bit of room to work, and your son will mellow, even if only a little. The difference between 5 and 7 for any child is huge.
SweetSilver, thank you, as always, for your kind response. Between you and Moominmama, I feel like I have incredible online homeschool mentors! Getting started homeschooling isn't really a concern, I have no interest in pushing academics (ever!) but especially not before 7. In Oregon all we have to do is send a letter do the education district, also no big deal. We do lots of fun/laid back things. I constantly resist the sign up for every class on the planet urges as it seems everyone around us does... We read a lot, play a lot, go to lots of parks, library, etc. The problem is that on purpose, I do not keep us constantly busy and DS1 has a VERY hard time finding things to do on his own. He is and always has been stuck on us entertaining him. He was the child that cried non-stop, only harder when we put him down for a minute. Thankfully his little brother is a patient soul but he still has needs. I am just struggling with his intensity. By the early afternoon, I am exhausted and have so little patience for him. While we work on our other challenges, I am thinking that a couple of 1/2 days a week at a play-based Waldorf will be fun for him and a break for me so I can refill my cup of patience. Also, while we work on our many other family challenges. I am holding onto the homeschooling dream, however and think that it just might be possible when his brother is a bit older...and like you said, maybe when he's closer to 7!

Mom to DS 9/18/09 and DS 3/28/13
Laugh it up, fuzzball biggrinbounce.gif 

wookumus is offline  
Old 08-06-2014, 06:42 PM
 
SweetSilver's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Westfarthing
Posts: 5,258
Mentioned: 6 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 84 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by wookumus View Post
SweetSilver, thank you, as always, for your kind response. Between you and Moominmama, I feel like I have incredible online homeschool mentors!
I'm honored being lumped into the same category as moominmamma, Thank You. Glad I can help somehow!

"Let me see you stripped down to the bone. Let me hear you speaking just for me."
SweetSilver is online now  
Old 08-06-2014, 08:29 PM
 
SundayCrepes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 4,724
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)
My family just got home and it's almost dinner, so a fast response. BTDT. My oldest is a challenging child, which means he will be a strong person when he grows up. Don't worry about academics for a few years. Remember boredom yields creativity. That said, my soon to be six year old didn't start self-entertaining until recently. It's a relief that she doesn't always need my attention, it frees me up for stuff like cooking.

If your husband relies on screen time, agree to have it be quality screentime. Try www.brainpopjr.com for your oldest. Try the 2 week trial of www.ookaisland.com.

Gotta feed my family.

Oh, this is my favorite homeschooling book. Historical unschooling.
Amazon Amazon

Created an instant family (7/89 and 5/91) in 1997. Made a baby boy 12/05 adopted a baby girl 8/08. Ask me about tandem adoptive nursing. Now living as gluten, dairy, cane sugar, and tomato free vegetarians. Homeschooling and loving it.

SundayCrepes is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off