Homeschool Teens/Attitude - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 10 Old 07-11-2002, 05:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Could someone who's BTDT please share about HS through the teen years. I'm wondering how many kids that HS as teens went through difficult adjustments while growing up? How many were HS all their life vs starting HS later.

I'm wondering if kids that have been HS and especially unschooled really have anything to rebel against??
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#2 of 10 Old 07-12-2002, 12:53 AM
 
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I have often wondered if parents who have homeschooled their teenagers are more prepared to let them go off in to the world because they have had so much more time with them.

I know that it didn't feel right to send my kids off to school. Will I have the same feeling when they are 18? Or will I be ready to let them go?

Arduinna, I hope you don't mind me adding some questions! Thanks for letting me jump in! ~Jill
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#3 of 10 Old 07-12-2002, 01:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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No problem :-) I think yours is a really good question. I also felt I just wasn't ready to send her off at 5. But she's 12 now and I'm really feeling excited for who she will be when she grows up. Not that I'm rushing her or anything, but I really think this is a neat age.
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#4 of 10 Old 07-20-2002, 01:01 AM
 
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I don't have a real answer, but there is a book I've been wanting to read by Suzannah Sheffer called A Sense of Self: Listening to Homeschooled Adolescent Girls that was written as a response to studies and books like Mary Pipher's Reviving Ophelia , which, if you don't know it, is all about the terrible problem of low self-esteem in a large number of adolescent girls in the US. Sheffer's book interviews homeschooled girls and concludes that they generally have a higher sense of self-esteem than the majority of girls in the US. I thought you might be interested in this book too.
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#5 of 10 Old 07-20-2002, 01:35 AM
 
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What is BTDT?

I was a homeschooled teen. I should explain though, that my upbringing was really different than most of you mamas approach parenting. My parents were very strict, and my mom had a very short temper combined with a real mean streak. It can be difficult to foster an proper learning environment when the student knows she can be spanked for screwing up an project/assignement.

Gosh. I hope my mother never stumbles on my posts. She'd be crushed. She did the best she could, I suppose. They "unschooled," I guess, but there was no label for it then. I was constantly panic stricken by thoughts of falling behind. I suppose I did this to myself -- I don't remember them every commenting, or comparing us to other kids.

Anyway, it is difficult to untangle my feelings about being homeschooled from my feelings about my upbringing in general because it was usually impossible to tell where one ended and the other began. So, take my experience with a grain of salt, and realize that it may not be the norm.

Difficult adjustments? Yes.
- It was hard to be in groups, and still is in many ways, because I always had the feeling that I was lacking some fundamental information about various unspoken social rules.
- I took community college courses to supplement HS from the time I was 14. When I actually went "away" to college at age 18, I was almost a junior, and I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. Choosing a major was hard. All my peers had time to fool around -- not me though, with my nose to the grindstone! But I did extremely well academically.
- I am a much happier adult than I was a child. It has been enlightening to discover how much freedom there is in life. I never knew! I just thought things were the way my family experienced them for everyone. I didn't realize how many choices and how easy going people could be.

Anything to Rebel against? Hmm. Well, yes, but rightfully, I think.

I was homeschooled all through, EXCEPT for 2-5th grade, when I attended a very small church school. (probably where the fear of falling behind was planted.)

What else? Oh -- no, I don't think my parents had any trouble letting me go. I don't believe they were ever very attached to me in the first place though. That sounds worse than it was -- I was an independent and old soul -- born competent. They knew I'd be okay.
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#6 of 10 Old 07-30-2002, 11:30 PM
 
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mamaduck - soul sista -
my mama wasn't like your mama but our schooling was similar - I think the problem with me being at home thru high school was that my mom REALLY enjoyed my company (I was an only child for 10 years) and so when I got ready to go to college she basically boxed me into going to school 25 miles from home and driving every day. I lived at home both years I went to college. I think if you are going to homeschool your teen you have to let them be their own person, just like you hopefully are going to anyway! If a teen doesn't feel like she is in charge of herself and making as many of her own decisions as you can let her, THAT's what she's going to rebel against. I rebelled over all my time being under my parent's control. Everything I wanted to do had to fit in their allotted time slots that they didn't already have planned out for me.
Blah Blah Blah - in short, my advice is to give your high schooler at home lots of nice loving space.
nernie the non-screwed-up adult homeschooled child
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#7 of 10 Old 07-31-2002, 10:06 AM
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Arduinna,

Have you read "The Teenage Liberation Handbook" by Grace Llewellyn? There are a lot of letters in there from unschooled teens who have done some amazing things and most of them sound REALLY happy and confident. She also wrote "Real Lives - Eleven Teenagers Who Don't Go To School" - I still need to read that one.

From reading and speaking to people, its my impression that most unschooled teens are out doing all kinds of things during their teen years - many are traveling, or doing internships, etc. etc. Of the homeschoolers that I know with teenagers they all seem really well adjusted and a lot more mature than the PS kids. I would think that if you have the freedom to be and do what you want as a teenager that it would be a pretty amazing time of discovery - and that's the overall feeling I get. (Although I'm sure it's not all roses even then! )

Kelly

Handmade dress shop owner and mama of five - our littlest just born in December! ♥

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#8 of 10 Old 08-01-2002, 12:05 AM
 
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Hi Arduinna,

I have homeschooled (off and on) all three of my children, for several years. My oldest child - going into 11th grade this fall - began public school in the middle of 6th grade. She has been very happy, has made some wonderful friends from some very nice families and is doing beautifully in school (she enjoys her work and was chosen to be a peer leader). I believe homeschooling set the stage for her to be sure of herself, immune to peer pressure and very confident.

She has a friend who is the same age and has never been to school. My impression of her situation is that she has very limited contact with any peers who are not homeschooled and has, in fact, become prejudiced against anyone who is NOT homeschooled. I do believe that there may be some issues which she will have to face when she ultimately is sent into the world to mingle, work and socialize with others who have been raised differently from her.

In addition, since I have a foot in both the homeschooled and public schooled worlds, I have an unusual persepective on the HS vs. PS issue. I have never encountered a PS parent who ever badmouthed my HS choice, however, I have consistently and repeatedly encountered negative comments and attitudes toward PS parents AND CHILDREN by HS parents. I realize that HS parents are in the minority and need to support each other and vent; unfortunately, I believe this attitude is absorbed by many HSed children - to their detriment.

I guess I want to say that it is important that you investigate your options, then make your decision and go through with it with confidence and a happy heart. Homeschool because of all the reasons why it is good not for all of the reasons why you may think PS is bad.

Good luck!

Peggy
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#9 of 10 Old 08-01-2002, 12:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Mamaduck, sorry it took me so long to get back. Thank you for your post. I wish I could think of something to say. ((HUGS))

Thanks everyone else for your posts.

BTDT = been there done that. can't remember who asked.
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#10 of 10 Old 08-01-2002, 06:24 PM
 
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Peggysmom, I've noticed that anti-PS attitude as well among many homeschoolers. I think often parents become disillusioned with something, and their disillusionment is passed to their children in a negative way. It's something I've been thinking about.

My girls are young, and ave been making an effort not to put down school to them, just show them that some kids do that, and we do this. Obviously I have reasons for deciding to homeschool, and I will be honest about those reasons, but I don't want my girls to see schooled children as any less worthy of respect and friendship than homeschooled children. They will probably be friends with more homeschooled children just because of our schedules, but I will encourage them to have friends who do a variety of things.
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