How Involved is Your DH? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 17 Old 11-25-2002, 05:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm just wondering how involved your dh's are in your homeschooling. Do any of them actually help with any of the subjects? Do they assist in planning lessons or unit studies? Do they help gather supplies and/or equipment? Do they do field trips with the kids?

My dh is super-supportive of homeschooling and likes to hear what we're working on and what ds is interested in....but he doesn't actively participate in the educational process, if you know what I mean. He did go to Stone Mountain with us last month for Homeschool Day and we had a great time, but that's about it.

So, how involved are other dh's?

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#2 of 17 Old 11-25-2002, 06:20 PM
 
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My dh will occasionally go on field trips with us. If I ask him to do something specific (like in science, it's my weakness!) he will do it without a problem. He doesn't necessarily volunteer to do things but will do them if asked.

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#3 of 17 Old 11-25-2002, 06:51 PM
 
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It took mine three months to even figure out we had switched to unschooling, so that about describes his involvement level. He is good about taking those oppertunities in life to point things out or let the kids explore, and certain things the kids just naturally go to him for. He does like to take field trips, but he is totally uninvolved in the day to day to day stuff.
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#4 of 17 Old 11-26-2002, 12:26 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for sharing! I've been a little bummed out lately about dh's involvement in our hs'ing and in things around the house. I thought I must be the only hs'ing mom who's husband didn't actively participate! If he wasn't so supportive of hs'ing I wouldn't "expect" him to help more....I guess I've just not understood why he doesn't WANT to help more. KWIM? Ds and I are having such a great time hs'ing, I thought dh would want in on it! But it's comforting to know that other hs'ing families are operating in ways similar to us.

Anyway, as I mentioned on Khrisday's thread in TAO, dh works 12-15 hours a day, 6 days a week....(with occasional days off to do fun stuff) so really, how involved should I expect him to be?!

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#5 of 17 Old 11-26-2002, 01:11 AM
 
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well, my dh is more involved than I would have expected.

he loves to teach...and is a natural teacher.

part of it is that we have 16 mos old ds who is very high need,doesn't sleep, and I am extremely sleep deprived....so my days aren't as super-functioning as I would like, and it is important that dh be available to dd.

he does lessons,projects, and field trips,but I am the one to plan,organize, andgather whatever. He does work no less than 50 hours a week sometimes more...so this is flexible.

my dh is actually awesome...from my reading, he is a natural "unschooler"
such a detailed explainer. will talk and teach way over her head...which is fine for the most part(he taught her to write the alphabet in block letters before regular style),she now prefers fancy print using different "fonts".

I don't like to read directions to things....so when dh came home last night, dd told him I had said that we were waiting to do origami till he got home,"cuz mom said it took two heads to figure out the folds!!!!" well dh looked at me and gave me a huge eye roll....of which i responded," yeah! you're better at that kindathing then I am....so what???"





we are finding our way, but dh is lovein it more than we both thought he would!!


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#6 of 17 Old 11-26-2002, 02:03 AM
 
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faeriemom,
this question was asked on a large homeschooling board not so long ago and 98% of the replies were little or no involvement in the daily grind. You are certainly not alone!
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#7 of 17 Old 11-26-2002, 11:32 AM
 
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whoa! I was tired last night! Didn't really explain myself too well....

dh WILL do lessons, projects,and field trips, but that is if his work schedule allows him and if I really need him to! I of course do the majority of learning stuff.

He does jump right in with some stuff, cuz he just can't hold himself back....like anything to do with geography!






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#8 of 17 Old 11-26-2002, 01:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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mamapoppins,

Your dh sounds great! I think it's wonderful that he enjoys the teaching part of hs'ing. I'd never thought about that aspect before....but now that you've brought it up I'd have to say that my dh probably isn't a natural teacher, and maybe wouldn't enjoy it. He is good at playing and rough-housing with ds though (which I'm not!), so I should be thankful that he does make time to do that!

Another trend I'm noticing among homeschooling families (both here and in my local hs'ing groups) is that most of the dads are working A LOT of hours each week. I know my dh is a workaholic but I'm surprised to see that so many others are working over 40 hours each week too. Interesting!

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#9 of 17 Old 11-26-2002, 04:17 PM
 
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We focus mostly on reading writing and math. everything else is a learn as you go.

I don't reallylike for dh to help with the daily stuff as he just doesn't get it. We are pretty laid back and he would be moe comfortable with lesson plans etc. . . so i try to handle it because we have our groove and I like to keep it simple. As for the other stuff he does a lot just because it is part of parneting (Would you please teech that child how to brush her teeth!! and since you have started the bedtime routien will you read them a story . . . ) He is also more poatient with teaching her hands on stuff so he pretty much takes that. I wouldn't dare mention to him that I include this in her education/schooling because he might stop. He also is really good at coming up with really intresting field trips.

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#10 of 17 Old 11-26-2002, 06:24 PM
 
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My dh is a pretty good guy....and trust me, after 12 yrs. of marriage, I am learning to look at the good and minimize the not so good!

Though he doesn't do anywhere close to the amount of reading I do on parenting and homeschooling topics,he is a very bright man and was fortunate to have great role models growing up. He definitely approaches our kids and now homeschooling as his parents and grandparents would/did.

And, I'm not sure if I've seen a relation between homeschooling families and dads who work a lot of hours. I just have figured it was a symptom of one income families.


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#11 of 17 Old 11-27-2002, 07:25 PM
 
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One of the greatest parts of homeschooling for us is the fact that the kids can sleep in, so are up and happy - not whiney, when dad is home, also they do not spend the weekends tied to busywork-homework KWIM? and can spend their time with Dad whenever he is available. He worked long hours his whole life, has nothing to do with homeschool just the fact he has a job he loves that requires round the clock paging. And getting called in on emergencies. Homeschooling lets us be flexible.
As far as being involved, he reads a lot more to them then I do and has equal footing in picking out materials, making any choices. Now that we are doing financial aid forms for college and college applications, scholarship research for the oldest, my dh has really become much more involved, he inputs a lot and works with oldest son to help him make wise choices as far as classes, goals, and planning for the future.
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#12 of 17 Old 11-28-2002, 01:35 AM
 
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Vanna's Mom-

Yes! Yes!

My dh sometimes doesn't get home until 7 pm-8pm....

Thank goodness dd doesn't have to rush off to bed to get up in the morning to make it to school!! there are weeks when she wouldn't see him if that was the case!

As is, if dh works unusually late, dd will stay up a little later and sleep a little later. and if he has super long days, we will visit him at his office just so we can hug and say hi.....wouldn't be able to do that if she were at school!

One of the many reasons this works so well for our individual family.

So neat to hear other families work things out that way too.


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#13 of 17 Old 11-29-2002, 12:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I do love the flexiblity we have hs'ing and dh owning his own business. We also get to stop by dh's office sometimes just to say hello and get a hug, and we get to pick him up for lunch once or twice every couple of weeks. So we do see him then....plus ds doesn't go to bed until around 11:00 pm each night, so that he can see dh when he comes home (usually around 8:00 or 9:00 pm, though lately he's been working until after we're in bed some nights). And though dh does work on Saturdays too, he tries to always set Sunday aside as Family Day, where we do nothing but spend the entire day together. So that's nice. I guess hs'ing does work best with his schedule, because if ds had to get up for school every morning he certainly wouldn't be able to stay up until 11pm, and there wouldn't be lunches with dh during the week. Thanks moms for pointing that out to me!

I guess I've just felt like a single parent lately because dh is soooo involved in the business and hasn't been able to contribute much time to home and family. I just have to keep in mind that it won't always be this way. He just gets super busy sometimes. And I'm sure as ds gets older, dh will be more involved in the actual "education process," though right now all of that is usually left up to me.

Thanks for the responses on this thread. I do feel much better about our situation now!

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#14 of 17 Old 12-01-2002, 02:08 AM
 
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My DH is very supportive of HS and loves to see what the girls are working on and talk to them about the things they are interested in. He doesn't directly help though.

I feel lucky to be with someone who works to hard to support us and who really wants the best for the kids. I'm home full time, so it makes sense to me that I am the one to work more with the kids.
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#15 of 17 Old 01-17-2003, 03:20 PM
 
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My dh is in the military and is either not home or is at work until all hours....that said, he is very supportive, especailly after seeign the difference between ps and hs. He does read to ds 6 when he is home and is asked to by ds, and I occaisionally order them fun books from scholoastic to ;ay with like "Bubble Gum Science," "Electric Mischief", etc. Just his support and interest is really all I need, so anything else is icing on the cake.
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#16 of 17 Old 01-17-2003, 03:40 PM
 
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Faeriemom,

My dh isn't very involved either. He works (for money!) so that I can be with the kids. That, to me, is a huge contribution. He is always interested in what they're doing, but doesn't plan anything. I do all the research (with the kids) on what to buy, what field trips to take, what projects to start or groups to join, or whatever. When he can, he takes off from work to go on fieldtrips with us.

I think that part of it is that he's at work all day, and we've agreed that that is his role and this is my role. For us though, it's more than that--he was never one who was into baby stuff--or arts and crafts, or playing trucks on the floor. He just doesn't know how to play. But his time to shine is coming for instance--he's a great one for in-depth history discussions and political debates--and as the kids are getting older, they're joining into such discussions more often.

Dh's relative lack of involvement isn't really a homeschooling issue--I think it has more to do with his personality and I think he just finds it easier to relate to older children.

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#17 of 17 Old 01-17-2003, 06:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I understand the dynamics of having a dh work outside the home, allowing the mom to stay home and homeschool. But our situation is a little different in that I work full time too. Dh and I run our own ad agency. He does the business stuff and the design work and I do media/pr. (I'm also a freelance writer and proofreader, and often take on clients totally unrelated to our business). Dh works at the office, I work from home. So, we're both working for money...but I'm also doing all the homeschooling and keeping the house running too. Granted, he does put in a lot of hours each week -- at least 12 hours a day, 6 days a week most of the time -- so I really do understand that he doesn't physically have the time to sit down and do "lessons" with us.

I also don't actually mind having such a full plate. It seems to all be working out for me, having so much to do. But I would love it if dh was interested in taking part in what we're learning, you know? It's just something ds and I would both like to share with him. But even when he's home he doesn't want to do "school stuff" with us.

Anyway, I'm not really complaining. When I posted this thread I just really wanted to get an idea of how other families were operating! So, thanks to everyone for sharing!

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