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#1 of 40 Old 01-09-2002, 03:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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That is my dd fequent refrain when I ask her to do anything school related. I am affraid she is terribly unmotivated to do anything. OK she likes physical things but hates to do anything that involves thinking and anythink that *gasp* I ask her to do. She really is doing quite well but is so resistant to trying new stuff. I wish we could sit and do math and reading (hat is all I ask. Everything else is on a need to know basis) for 30 min without a battle. I let her pick the book she wants to read, which math stuff she wants to do, remind her that if the quits with the fits we would be done in a few minutes. Everything turns into a power struggle and it drives me crazy. I am willing to let it go everywhere else but for school stuff. She simply must be willing to apply herself for one hour a day (broken up in to smaller chunks of time is she so desires)

I htink public school would be really horrible for her and she doesn't want to do that either anyway. I don;t want her to hate learning but if I don't push her a little she wouldn't do anything. I need a little more structure than unschooling but we are a long long way from school at home.

Any suggestions to instill self motivation in her? How to help her understand sometimes we just have to do stuff we hate? Any tricks for making her like reading more (reading is our main problem)

I guess I shouldn't expect her to love reading. While I have always read to her she has rarely sat through a whole childrens book , rarely asks to be read to, and never understands what has been read to her. But I would think her love of all things "Big girl" would be somewhat motivating, but no.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. We really have no other options but to homeschool. I know it won't be this hard with my second. She is really into learning stuff and figuring stuff out. She is also really good about doing things I ask her. Two things Madeline has never really been into That makes it all the harder. I feel guilty thinking "this sucks but it will be great when I do this with Lily"

Sorry to whine so much. We have had a really hard couple of days. Thinks for listening.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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#2 of 40 Old 01-09-2002, 05:10 PM
 
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Before you go any further I would have her eyesight evaluated and also screened for learning problems such as dyslexia. It is suspicious when a child does not want to read! Most children I know who have not liked reading had some eyesight or other disability. It could even be hearing - some sounds that can be figured out in the context of daily life do not make too much sense sounding them out in text - the letters can sound so much alike! Maybe poetry is a good place to start, it is like singing and is easier to do something with rhythm! All the common problems are easy to test for and something to consider, yes, before struggling with her needlessly?

Just a thought in case you didn't have it yourself.

Sarah
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#3 of 40 Old 01-09-2002, 06:32 PM
 
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I had power struggle problems eons ago with homeschooling, and it wasn't long before I relinquished them and looked for better ways. I wasn't willing to live like that. Researching about autonomous learning has helped me to evolved my ideas about how learning happens. I get panicky about it regularly, but every few months I see how much more the kids learn, in academics and everything else, without any sort of regular lessons or workbooks at all. Each one is different, from motivation and interests and when they learn to read and if and how they are interested in math concepts.

When people find out a family is homeschooling, they seldom ask about the academics. It's usually 'what about socialization'- I think this is because academics are something that a person can pick up when they are interested in it, when they see a point to learning whatever it is.

If a kid is having a hard time learning something that they want to learn, checking out the things like truly_sarah suggests might be a good idea. If a kid is resisting learning something that they are just not interested in learning about at the moment, focusing on other things the kid is interested in learning about might be just the catalyst that's needed for the kid to come to the place where they are interested in learning the previously resisted subject. Kids learn to read on up to the age of 12. Pushing it before they are ready can be counter-productive.
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#4 of 40 Old 01-09-2002, 08:09 PM
 
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A few ?ss
How old is she and how long have you been hsing?
Did you withdraw from a school to hs?
Lastly, how does she do when you ask her to do non-school things at home?
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#5 of 40 Old 01-09-2002, 09:05 PM
 
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<<never understands what has been read to her. >>

It sounds like something is up. She might have some sort of language disorder or processing disorder or something. I'm not an expert, but if I were you I would want to figure out what is going on.

If your DD doesn't understand what is being read to her, that is the problem you need to focus on first, before worrying about getting her to read (she won't be able to get anything from her reading until you fix this).

You might try posting on:
http://www.kaleidoscapes.com/

There are several moms there who have dealt with these kinds of issues.
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#6 of 40 Old 01-09-2002, 09:59 PM
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Have you read Grace Llewellyn's "The Teenage Liberation Handbook, How to Quit School and Get a Real Life and Education"?
I recommend you read it, not just hand it to your teenager and say, "Here read this." I hated school too! When I read this book, I shouted, "Where was Grace Llewellyn when I needed her!"

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#7 of 40 Old 01-10-2002, 01:08 AM
 
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I would to get her evaluated for speach and hearing problems.

Even mild hearing loss can cause major problems. MIld hearing loss is like stuffing your fingures in your ears.
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#8 of 40 Old 01-10-2002, 04:44 PM
 
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Lilyka, since the others have mentioned that you should try to see if there is some medical problem with proceeding, I thought I would cover another area in case you are sure it's nothing medical. Do you think this is purely a bad attitude? In that case, you have to decide how far you are willing to go. I'm going to tell you what I would do, but it may not be right for you. That being said, here goes.

I recently told my 2nd grader that a bad attitude was not acceptable in our home. I started reminding him in the morning that I want to see a boy with a relaxed, happy face, a boy who is respectful of the authority of his Mom, a boy who is ready to be obedient and get some work done. He now sees that our day goes much smoother when he has the appropriate attitude. If he lapses back into laziness or disrespect, he loses the priviledge of watching his favorite tv show. A second lapse results in him losing computer priviledges. I haven't had him reach "phase 3" yet, but his Dad would be called and he would be paddled. Anyway, once my ds saw that I would no longer tolerate his behavior (which wasn't that bad, but I knew it could be better), he has really improved. Our relationship is much better now too and there is a lot more laughter and hugging going on in our house.

Please understand that I'm not saying to do this if you think that there is a true, valid, medical problem going on with your dd. This scenario is only to be applied (and would only work) if you think that your dd needs an attitude adjustment or a reminder of who is boss. I think you have to decide for yourself first that the bad behavior will not continue. Once you do that, you should be able to make your daughter comply. Show her you love her and that you want to improve your relationship with her, and that to do that, you have to fix this problem. If she needs to stay in her room in her bed for a few days, so be it. You will be happy that you "nipped this in the bud".

First, decide if you feel there is a medical issue.

Hope this helps! Leslie in MD
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#9 of 40 Old 01-10-2002, 05:16 PM
 
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I was going to put something down about attitude. I did not in fear that look into a medical base. Rule thouse out first. Or you will have forever guilt.

I will admit we have our days. 2 days ago, my son could not remeber what we had just read. Surely for the reason he did not want to work. We are lax but we have to work. I told him to go sit on his bed and when he is ready to work we will work, then he will be allowed to play. It took us 20mins to finish the task once he got himself motivated. Then it took me 2 hrs for me to get him to put it down. LOL

Some times you do have to find ways to light fires under there butts. LOL

Some times it is a dicipline fire and some times it is learning style fire. Are you not insinc with the learning style.

The project we were doing was on maps (Symbols, ledgends). I had to go over the boring stuff a little before we could get to the fun part.
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#10 of 40 Old 01-10-2002, 07:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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How old is she and how long have you been hsing?
She is 5 and a half and we have been homeschooling for about a year. Seriously for about 4 months.

Did you withdraw from a school to hs?
No.

Lastly, how does she do when you ask her to do non-school things at home?
The same way. she rarely wants to do anything if I ask.
And has no inborn desire to please anyone but herself. I was a people pleaser to unhealthy degree when I was a kid so I did really well in school. Anything to make the teacher like me. Like I said, not healthy but the only thing I can relate to.


We are going for a follow up evaluation in a couple of weeks to asses learning dissabilities. I have deslexia that wasn't diagnosed untill college (boy did that explain a lot) so I have been pretty sensitive. She just has absolutely no attention span. She can't evn eat a scoop of ice cream before it melts. And she likes that for sure It is hard to tell if that is why it seems she has a hard time understanding what i say or if her troble understanding has caused a short attention span. We have tried the whole "this is the way we expect you to act" but she would really rather sit on her bed al day and do nothing.

i know she will be really happy when she can read on her own but she doesn't want to do the work to get there. And I can really sypathize but come on, she could do it once a week without a fit and I would be happy.

I know a lot of it is attitude. She has always had a negative attitude. She isn't what people describe as a happy child. i was thinking about having her checked for allergies. I see an ENT who does wonderful things for his allergy patients. The more I think about it the more she looks like the kids on the posters in his office. Does anyone have experiance with a childs learning and attention abillities being effected by allergies?

Well, I will keep you posted. Thanks for all the information.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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#11 of 40 Old 01-10-2002, 08:19 PM
 
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If she is only 5 1/2 maybe she isn't developmentally ready to read yet. Many children who are not LD just simply don't read until they are 8 or so. There are many advantages to starting to read later, check out the unschooling.com boards to find more info. At 5-6, she could learning math or reading skills by cooking and playing board games.
As far as LD diagnosis you can find a lot of info at LDonline.org, but a good LD teacher would tell you that some of the things like reversals are age appropriate and short attention spans. Usually kids in public school don't get labeled Dsylexic till around 2-3 grade, at her age she probably just wants to play and that IMHO is normal.
Butting heads with Mom is also a 5 year old thing, it is definately a year for independence and power struggles, difficulty transitioning from one place or routine to another even if it is something she may enjoy. I suggest doing an interest inventory and observing/journaling for a while instead of 'schooling' to see what her learning style is.

**i know she will be really happy when she can read on her own but she doesn't want to do the work to get there. And I can really sypathize but come on, she could do it once a week without a fit and I would be happy.

So it seems like you can either accept that she doesn't want to, try to find out why (LD, vision, immaturity, or attitude ), or try to find a new teaching style & expectations that you both can live with. From my experience I can tell you that my kids all learned to read and are learning to read in very different ways and ages. My oldest read preprimers by 2, the next at age 8 is learning basic sight vocabulary now and Hates to read but likes to be read to, next child is turning 5 and almost caught up to him, but he hates being read to. All kids have grown up in the same print rich environment with no pressure to learn to read. Maybe learning to read is more important to you then it is to your child and your dd has figured that out. My favorite part of homeschooling is that my kids can learn w/o pressure at their own pace following their own interests. IMHO That is the key to being a life long learner, motivated by intrinsic rewards, not memorising things & finishing workbooks to please mom.
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#12 of 40 Old 01-10-2002, 08:48 PM
 
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When she sits on her bed what does she do?

Dyslexia does run in families.

I also will encourage you to read

The Out-Of-Sync Child : Recognizing and Coping With Sensory Integration Dysfunction
by Carol Stock Kranowitz

She could just not ready for book learning. Have you tried books on tape? You would be amazed at what she can learn from these.
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#13 of 40 Old 01-11-2002, 12:57 AM
 
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what are you trying to do with reading? i'm hsing my 5yo dd as well. i've done a little bit of phonics with her, but she usually gets bored and even frustrated so i've decided to drop it. my hs approach has changed dramatically since September! our reading consists of me reading to her, period, unless she asks what a word is or wants to try reading things on her own. for math we use cuisinaire rods - that's her favorite part of hs. we also have been doing oral math problems for fun for a long time now without calling it math or school -- if you and your friend are playing together and your sister joins you, how many children are there? (etc)

maybe you can try a stealth approach - read around and find some activities that fit your definition of school but that you don't call school and see if you can get her excited about them. we have an upwords game that dd loves to play with - she gradually went from just playing around with the tiles to asking me what the letters were to doing invented spelling with them. she begs me to let her take the game out (sometimes it helps to put light restrictions on things to make them seem REALLY appealing) jr. boggle and jr. scrabble might also be good games.

a friend unschooled 4 kids - all with dyslexia, none read before age 12, and yet all were reading adult materials fluently within one year of learning! the oldest (high school age) is getting straight A's in community college classes and is getting ready to go to veterinary school, most likely on scholarship.

good luck!
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#14 of 40 Old 01-11-2002, 12:02 PM
 
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just had another thought. i recently read - i think in was in home education magazine - about a mother whose child was borderline ADHD and couldn't retain anything while sitting still. so she started to read stories while the child was moving all around the room, and discovered that if the child was allowed to walk around while listening s/he retained everything. perhaps after your child is evaluated you can then experiment with different approaches to see what works best. (we usually do our math word problems outside - hanging laundry, taking walks, during hug breaks at the playground, while we're driving somewhere -- but dd REQUESTS them so she clearly loves it)

a book on multiple intelligences or homeschooling from that perspective will help you do your own evaluation of her strengths and figure out how to present materials through her particular "intelligences".
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#15 of 40 Old 01-11-2002, 03:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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**"When she sits on her bed what does she do? "

She stares at the wall. Yes folks she really can sit ther all day and sometimes chooses this over playing.(for instance when she wants to watch a video and that isn't an option)

She likes to listen to books on tape but doesn't really retain any thing.


**"what are you trying to do with reading? "
We use 100 easy lessons but don't read the story. If she wouldn't throw a fit it would take less than five minutes. I really don't think this is too much to ask. She has also started reading the BOB books and hates to read them but, really likes the stories. so that is actually going O.K.

We have completely ditched math untill our cuisinaire rods get here. She just can't recognize patterns so counting past 10 is a lesson in futillity.

I know it may seem early but we have to do standardized tests and she has to be able to read for those. She has be able to read well enough so that when they put her in the room with the tester she doesn't freeze up and frget how. Besides when she tries she does well. Very wellSo I really think she has the brain power, it is the will that is weak. Maybe. Somedays she really does seem like she truely doesn't know stuff she has known for months.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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#16 of 40 Old 01-11-2002, 04:27 PM
 
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I really really incourage you to read the out-of-sync child.
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#17 of 40 Old 01-11-2002, 08:22 PM
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Are there other options for this young person? Try to think back to your high school years? Were they really happy, wonderful times?! Having no choices and feeling stuck can make anybody have a "bad attitude".
Why does a child have to like school? Being told what to do and what not to do, and when to do it and when not to do it and ........"this is what you like and what you don't like, and if you don't then you have a bad attitude?"


Something to think about.....................if there was no school "system" would any of this be an issue?

Another of Grace Llewellyn's books that I recommend is: ELEVEN TEENAGERS THAT DON'T GO TO SCHOOL

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#18 of 40 Old 01-12-2002, 01:00 AM
 
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are you linked into any local or state homeschooling support group? S. Dakota doesn't require testing until 2nd grade. many states (don't know if yours is one) allow you to choose which standardized test to give, and you could also have another homeschooling parent or even a grandparent or friend administer the test. that makes it much lower pressure on your child.

it sounds as though you are doing your best to try to stay out of "trouble" with the authorities, but it is getting you into trouble with your daughter.

what about forgetting about the testing for now? when she is 7 or 8 and is officially 2nd grade age you could get in high gear for reading. or try a more gradual, subtle approach over the next few years. some kids get into 100 easy lessons, some kids find it really tedious!

my mother sent me some books of phonics poems and games. dd sometimes likes the poems, sometimes not, but she loves the games - her favorite is a memory game with pictures where you have to match the ones that rhyme. these books are by scholastic so they would be easily available at a teaching supply store, if you think your daughter would get into games.
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#19 of 40 Old 01-12-2002, 01:29 AM
 
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i just had another thought. i don't think my dd would sit still for 100 easy lessons, either, but she loves to bake and cook, and i have been teaching her how to read recipes. we only work on the ingredients list, and i have stuck with just teaching her how to read the measurements, such as cup, teaspoon, and tablespoon, but she really gets into it because we are focused on this other activity - baking - and she doesn't think of it as learning how to read. eventually we'll move on to reading the ingredient names as well.

if your dd is in a negative stage she may not want to help cook, but if she's interested it might be worth a try.
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#20 of 40 Old 01-12-2002, 01:47 AM
 
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I second the vote for "The Out-of-Sync Child" by Kranowitz. I have a 5 year old with a sensory integration disorder.

I also recommend reading "Your Child's Growning Mind" by Jane Healy. It is about brain development.

<<We use 100 easy lessons but don't read the story. If she wouldn't throw a fit it would take less than five minutes. >>

Something is wrong. Homeschooling for a 5 year old should not results in fits. I think you need to step back and try something different.

You need to find something your DD likes.

There are a lot of things that you can do to help language development, such as learning poems together, writing down a story for her that she dictates, playing language games, just using language while doing other things like cooking, science projects, etc.

My five year old is currently working through the primer books for the explode the code series:

Get Ready for the Code
Get Set for the Code
Go for the Code.

They are very simple and work on learning the names and sounds of the letters. She really likes them.

Your DD doesn't need to learn to read right now. really.
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#21 of 40 Old 01-12-2002, 03:37 AM
 
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I think you need to stand back a little and analyse what you could be teaching without what your daughter will perceive as being formal lessons. I'd forget any formal work for now. Read stories (of her choice) regularly, using real books. Don't ask her to do any of the work, just read to her. If you have books with repetition and rhyme you will find that she will start to join in. Eventually she will memorise the text and 'read' it for herself.

So many people complain that children 'only read from memory'. That's what reading is! She will begin from memory, then gradually learn to read independently.

I believe that each person has his or her own learning style. You need to cover all aspects of language - phonics are important, but so is whole word recognition. The use and understanding of language is a key building block for literacy. Does your daughter understand stories that she chooses to read (ie not 'reading books' - I"m not familiar with 100 easy lessons, but I'm assuming it is some sort of scheme of work) If she doesn't understand real stories it may be worth an assessment of her language skills so that you can identify if there is a specific learning issue. It may be worth investigating using Brain gym - there is a website, I think its www.braingym.com - so that you incorporate lots of learning brain breaks into your work sessions. You can use and adapt Brain Gym to teach letters and numbers in a fun physical way. This is especially useful for children who learn best through movement.

Regarding maths, try to incorporate it into everyday activities. Number songs, rhymes, reading recipes, sorting coloured blocks, different sized tubs, using mathematical language such as behind, in front, below, shorter, longer, is all part of maths. Lots of five year olds can't count items beyond ten - that is completely normal. Conservation of number is a challenging concept to young children. Try to make it fun, not a chore - attitudes to maths are formed early and you need to make sure that your child forms a positive one.

Games that involve moving pieces and counting, using a dice, sorting and sharing things, will all teach maths concepts. Joining the dots to make pictures, colouring by numbers, and other art activities can help if your child likes drawing. Dominoes and matching games, such as snap, are great for maths. You can make your own sets of cards with your child to make it more fun and personal.

Most of all, I think you need to relax and find learning opportunities through play. To a young child, play is work and work is play. That is not to say that you let them play freely all day, but you can structure play activities and give guidance to facilitate learning.

Hope this has been some help!
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#22 of 40 Old 01-15-2002, 07:31 PM
 
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Lilyka, how are you faring? You sound really depressed. I know that you are worried about dd. I'm wondering why she can do things sometimes and not at other. You said that you would like her to do 100 EZ lessons eveyday and not read the story, but that she was only doing it once a week. One thing to keep in mind is that if she's only doing it once a week, she could REALLY forget the letter sounds. I'm doing 100 EZ with my 4 year old and I can tell a big difference in his reading if I skip a day. I think that you have gotten some great advice from these experienced Moms on this board. I would like to second the advice that many of them were saying about games. Card games and board games and dominoes have been greatly used in my family for math. We like Yahtzee, but that might a bit too much for her right now. I think games like Crazy 8's and Old Maid and Go Fish would be good. She would have to learn to recognize the numbers on the cards and remember the rules to play. Also, have you thought of letting her write in pudding, or helping her to build letters/numbers with playdough? You could also try pointing out signs to her that she's familiar with, like McDonald's, and emphasizing that the M says mmmmm. I also think that trying to teach her when she's moving around might be a great idea too. I did this a lot with my son when he was in kindergarten. Like, I would ask him some question. If he got it right, he was allowed to jump rope 5 times or hope like a bunny or whatever I could think of.
Just keep your head up and maybe you will have some answers soon. In the mean time, just be creative and see what might work! Good luck!
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#23 of 40 Old 01-16-2002, 12:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
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She hates games. It is really annoying to play games with her. She is so distracted that it takes all day to play. If it is a game where winning is involved and she doesn't win it is time for another melt down, but I am morally opposed to let her win everytime. Anyway . . .

We are doing somwhat better. We have taken a break from the stuff she doesn't like and are doing more of the stuff she does like (handwriting) We still do reading everyday, and we still have a fit everyday but i really don't think spending 5-10 min everday is asking too much. She really is proud of herself (after the fit) when she finishes reading a book. I think the not remembering things from one day to the next is more of a not paying attention thing. I have noticed that when she has a particularly bad memory day she isn't even looking at the book half the time. i have to remind her at times that is imparetive to look at the book when we read. She doesn't believe me. Although sometimes it really does seem like more than that. She really has a hard time seeing patterns. We have tried every kind of pattern game there is and she just doesn't see them. We have given up on counting for now. I just don't know how to teach this to her unless she can see the pattern except for memoization. What a drag. i haven't got the energy for that.

I will definitly read the "Out of Sync Child".

Thanks for all the advise.
Sandra

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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#24 of 40 Old 01-20-2002, 12:37 AM
 
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Sandra,

You mentioned that she enjoys handwritting. Maria Montessori, after years of observing children, learned that they often learn to write before they learn to read. I would encourage you to drop trying to get her to read, and focus on writting. The reading will come after she understands how the letters go together, which she will get from writting. Read out loud to her, but don't ask her to read. If you can find a set of letters that you punch out, like teachers use on bulletin boards, let her construct words with them. Give her a tray filled with sand or rice and let her practice writting letters and words. The more she writes, the more she will be able to read. Good luck...

- Chelsea
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#25 of 40 Old 01-21-2002, 12:51 AM
 
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This sounds very hard, but I have worked with special needs children, to the point that they were very severe, ie throwing themselves agaisnt the walls when I first met them,, I worked with them till they were learning to read.

Another boy entered first grade without being able to spell or write or read even recognize letters, by the end of the year he was reading and writing. He also did not want to learn these things and would crawl under his desk in class and not come out at first.

Here is some adivice I have... Have her assesed for mental delays,, this will help you know how to help her better. also the testing for hearing and dyslexia were good ideas.
Find out what she likes.. that is the key here. If she likes eating candy, you can work with that too, ie. count out five small candies with her, and then have her do it, counting to five, after the she can do it she gets the candy. I know this will be hard, you may just need to get her to say " May I have a candy please" then that would be giving her a small candy.. I am not sure how much your daughter can do.

You said she liked handwriting, something fun would be special markers that write like caligraphy, or smelly ones etc, and just let her color, or get large stencils she can color in.

She is probably going to need immediate rewards at first, and food is a good marker. Meaning if she does a simple task reward her with a sticker or small candy,, like an M& M..

You could play a game where you use M & M's and ask May I have a red M& M and when she gives it to you say thank you,, then have her ask you for a color, let her eat a few and that would be the end of the game.

You need to think simple and instant rewards, since she is not currently intrisically motivated, I do not think that punishment will work well for her, since she has already learned to punish herself, IE sitting on her bed doing nothing.

The biggest issue right now is to get her to cooperate with you, then will come the learning math reading and writing.. however there are pre-skills you can use with her..
Meaning the coloring with the markers is Pre-writing skill, and counting the Mand Ms etc.. etc..
If you would like to email me, feel free. river_gallery@hotmail.com
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#26 of 40 Old 01-21-2002, 01:03 AM
 
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I had a boy I worked with that would also get frustrated when he "lost" the game. When first playing games let her win! To do this sometimes you have to stack the deck, or purposefully "roll" a low number but it will help the child. If traditional games take too long, reduce the game, ie if it is a baord game, make a closer ending spot, or take out all the back space cards, or cover over the go back space spaces. After a few times of playing the game I would fain frustration, of always loosing all the time. With games I would give the boy a sticker for every time he won, and I would say, "This is no fair, I want a sticker to" "I never win".. This allows the child to see how you feel, it teaches empathy.. Most often the child will either laugh or feel sad for you and try to give you a sticker. depending on the reaction you could win the next game. However keep tabs on the child and do not win too often, it is the immediate gratification of winning that is keeping them playing.

This type of manipulation is useful for children that will not play if they do not win or get too frusterated if they do not win. It iwll eventually teach them that it is ok to loose. But for children that do not care if they win or loose, or are ok with you winning, do not do this .
Just my advice Rachel
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#27 of 40 Old 01-31-2002, 09:46 PM
 
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She sounds a lot like my 9 yr old son. Just the other day, we had a 2 hr. struggle(mostly on his end; very dramatic) over doing some math work. We are Unschooling as a rule, but he himself has demonstratred a need for some structure/paperwork, so we do a bit, very little.
It raised and resolved some issues, but it was draining!
Yesterday, I asked him to stack up his books so I could prepare to move in a new shelf for them(in the middle of remodoling his room). He pitched a fit; my life is awful, it wouldn't be so bad if you didn't nag me constantly for a week/didn't interrupt me whilre I was doing something(dancing in his "magic" cspe to pop music, etc. I was NOT in the mood. I pointed out it seemed he responded this way whenever asked to do anything, that he would not have had to endure "a week of nagging" from me and his dad had he DONE it when asked a week ago by dad, that he could have done it twice in the time he had been stomping about and crying, and that I was feeling manipulated/like he was just trying to divert attention from the book chore and turn it into an encounter session/guilt trip After I refused to discuss it further, went back to my work, he went and did it, then came out in a great mood. Go figure. Sigh. I hope THESE are the "teen" yrs! If not, Lord help me
Anyway, yes, evaluate for a hearing/vision/learning problem, and if none, don't press it anyway. She is young (mine was 8 before he read! And he taught himself after I finally stopped pushing it) and when she wants/needs to read to pursue something she is interested in, she will.
Best wishes! Kimberly, mom to Forest, 9 and Lily, 2
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#28 of 40 Old 02-01-2002, 11:38 AM
 
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how are you doing? it seemed as though you were going through some rough times with dd. how is that going? have you found anything that 'works' yet?
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#29 of 40 Old 02-01-2002, 07:12 PM
 
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My son also hated reading. At first, it was a vision problem, he was tested in 1st grade and needed glasses. Well, we got the glasses, and it helped, he was physically able to read, but HATED it! I began homeschooling in 1st grade, and it was always a battle to do reading......crying and fits and such. I tried MANY different approaches, and positive reinforcement helped a bit, or when we'd "share" reading (he'd read one page, I'd read the next), but it was still a battle. He was a bit better in second grade. By third grade, he was great at reading, above grade level, but didn't like to do it. He would never read for pleasure, I'd have to "make" him (by not letting him watch tv until he read for a half hour, etc). Also, he hated reading the directions on worksheets, he just wanted to skip over them! Well, this year (4th grade, age 9) all the sudden, he loves reading!!! Out of nowhere, he loves books and now is reading constantly! What helped is he read a book he really loved, and then I got him other books by the same author.......now he's branched out to different authors but same broad topic (boy's adventure/nature stories). I also find him picking up newspapers and magazines and reading them. I'm telling you this just so you don't give up....I thought my son would be one of those people who just doesn't read (so sad, since I LOVE reading). He also isn't good at writing/composition, but is also beginning to "get" that. So I think your dd will eventually grow into everything. However, I always did, and always will, discipline my ds for bad behavior/outbursts, etc. It simply isn't acceptable to throw a tantrum over something they know how to do. Anyway, that's my 2 cents!

"Have faith in yourself and in the direction you have chosen." Ralph Marston

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#30 of 40 Old 02-04-2002, 01:13 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by lilyka
She hates games. It is really annoying to play games with her. She is so distracted that it takes all day to play.

Forgive me Sandra,

but you've lost the plot!

If it takes all day, then it is not a game. A game is any activity that is inspired by the child, conducted volenterily, and for which the outcome is not known, such as playing with dolls in a dolls house, or pretending to cook.

If you are using board games such as snakes and ladders, and she is not interested, then these are bored games

The Swedes don't begin anything until their children are over 7. Why start at 5?

Take it easy.

Hope this helps.

a

The anti-Ezzo king
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