Nanny 911 Homeschooling family *tonight*! 12/19 - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 130 Old 12-20-2005, 01:28 PM
 
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Originally Posted by UUMom
No kidding.

And the little 4 yr old who can't have his mother at his activites? I need a way to wipe it from my mind.
That kid was the 9 yr old ...no?

My kids aren't in need of sheltering to much, they both love doing things on their own, they both love having me and their dad around, they both adore it when hubby and I have date nights and we get a sitter for them. They'll say hi to anyone and everyone and have never played "cling on"...unless ill.
On nights that they dada is home, he lays with them until they go to sleep, but he works 12 hour shifts 4 days on 4 days off so in reality, they only get that half the time because I will only do my night time route with them and that it ( a game, some stories, and tuck them in bed and I sing a few songs to them) ... I do not lay down with them and on the nights he's not home, they fall asleep in their own beds. They don't complain about it either. The only time they cry about it is when hubbies home. They know he will come and "save" them Hubby tries to complain too..lol, he tries to take a break every once in a while and tells me it's my turn to lay with them...I only laugh and tell him that’s his game... not mine.

My point ..hmmm I think as long as kids know they are loved and carried for they will adjust to what ever you offer them.

The dad on show sleeping with the kids.. well, if it was working for him, and something he loved and was willing to do without his wife’s help... so be it. I get it totally, I have a 20 year old daughter as well, she went to school, and man I held on tight to her in the evenings... for me not her. The only times I didn't hold her as she went to sleep was when I had company...she got it, and understood. ..... If however he was doing it because he knew the kids would cry without it... something is wrong with that picture.

I'm 43... by the end of the day I'm tired and want some "alone time". I had the "in time" when my oldest was in school... way way way to much alone time. MY youngens get a lot of me during the day.

That 9 yr old not wanting to do his activity along did kind of have me worried for him. A little independence is good for a child, it's part of growing up.
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#62 of 130 Old 12-20-2005, 01:50 PM
 
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What I took away from the show was a huge sigh of relief. I have seen some of these shows, well heck all of them-- where the behaviour of the children was so appalling it shocked me AND my children. Usually I would have to flip away from that channel in distress.

It seems to me that Nanny was clutching at straws here to find something to "correct" ... the kids were well behaved, the house was maintained and the parents got along. The nighttime routine WAS an issue for Mom, who needed a husband at that time. I am just going to chalk it up as another example of homeschooling that actually works for the family!
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#63 of 130 Old 12-20-2005, 04:04 PM
 
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You certainly couldn't pay me 20,000 dollars to let my babies cry it out.... and I'm poor. Just never would do it, I don't care the amount of money involved.

Jeri, Natural lovin' Mama to Elijah (9.29.03), Eden (10.2.06), and a little one lost along the way (1/12)., Step-monster to Shelby (18) and Stephen (16). Celebrating 12 years together with my soul-mate, Eric. Hoping for a rainbow1284.gif someday! 
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#64 of 130 Old 12-20-2005, 04:10 PM
 
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I watched the last ten minutes because I finished my book and wasn't quite ready for bed. They seemed to make a big deal about Seth. What's his story?
Anyone? Anyone?
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#65 of 130 Old 12-20-2005, 04:23 PM
 
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Seth had spina bifida (sp?) as well as a problem with his heart. He had been through a number of operations and still used leg braces and seemed to have some trouble with walking and a number of other motor/balance things....
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#66 of 130 Old 12-20-2005, 07:56 PM
 
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I thought it was funny how the nanny added cubbies and some file folders and then all of the sudden all the homeschooling chaos was gone. Even the little ones were now quiet and cooperative.

The bedtime rule of everyone in their own bed and CIO for the babies was sickening. The alarm going off as dad reads the boys a story was so sad. I think their problem was too many beds spread out all over the place and dad going from bed to bed. A couple of big mattresses in one room for everyone probably could streamline the bedtime routine. I strongly disagree that kids need to be taught to be independent by being left to fend for themselves. I think the dad was right on, just needed to bring the kids all together so they have each other and the security(oh but wait, security makes you insecure!) of the family bed. Maybe relaxing on the bedtimes would help too.

My 13 yo ds who watched the show with us last night called me over to give him a hug today, as I was hugging him he gently pushed away and joked "oh no Mom, now I won't be independent!!" We got a good laugh from that. This from a poor overcuddled boy/teen who still sometimes wants to sleep in the same room as mom and dad (esp. after an episode of "Haunting").
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#67 of 130 Old 12-20-2005, 08:15 PM
 
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I also felt that what seemed like it was going to be disastrous at the beginning ended up not being so bad. With all the stuff said about hsing at the beginning, I honestly thought the nanny was going to tell the parents that the kids needed to go to public school! While I disagreed with a lot on the show, I also felt that this was one of the first families I've seen on one of these shows that I really liked--the parents seemed genuinely invested in their children, and the kids seemed, overall, to be fun, well-adjusted kids.

I also think a 9 yo should be able to go to a class by himself. In general, though, I wish these shows would distinguish between older and younger children, instead of lumping them all together as "the children". There's a difference (I think) between a 9 and 7 yo needing to be held for hours in order to get to a sleep every night and a 2 or even 4 yo.

As for the "she shelters them so much she homeschools" comment--although I think it was a VERY unfair misrepresentation of homeschooling, the mom actually said something like this herself. She said that her brother had been teased a lot at school, that she thought that school wasn't necessary a safe place, and that she wanted to shelter her children from teasing or other school-related problems by hsing them. I'm not saying that her concerns are unfounded--but just that she seemed to voice the "sheltering" idea herself.
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#68 of 130 Old 12-20-2005, 08:16 PM
 
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We didn't watch that episode. I caught ONE episode of Nanny 911 and my son watched with me. He said "what's this show about ?" I said , "it's a show where the Nanny comes in to straighten out the brats of the family.". After seeing the mom and dad lose their tempers and yell for the umpteenth time , my 13yods said "So who's the brat ? The kids or the parents ?". ROFLOL

love it.
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#69 of 130 Old 12-20-2005, 08:24 PM
 
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Originally Posted by jannjoe
That kid was the 9 yr old ...no?
.
What difference does that make? It was sickening.

I really don't care that he mght have been the ripe old age of 9.

Garbage. Pure crapola.
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#70 of 130 Old 12-20-2005, 08:29 PM
 
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I thought it was funny how the nanny added cubbies and some file folders and then all of the sudden all the homeschooling chaos was gone. Even the little ones were now quiet and cooperative.
.
I know. How dishonest. Obviously file folders is the answer. Hear that, peeps? Go to STAPLES and your 'troubles' are over.

Complete manipulation. Quite a racket.

I can't even believe that more AP families would not find the whole thing stomach-turning.
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#71 of 130 Old 12-20-2005, 09:17 PM
 
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I know. How dishonest. Obviously file folders is the answer. Hear that, peeps? Go to STAPLES and your 'troubles' are over.
I laughed at that as well! You mean I can have peace, harmony and nannified children for the low, low price of $2.99/dz folders? Rock ON!

As for the nine year-old, I agree. To say that a nine year-old "should" be able to do something alone is to totally negate that child as an individual. Maybe most nine year-olds CAN participate solo, but they should not be forced if they do not choose that. There are times when I need to be propped up or get encouragement or feel supported--who would deny that to a child?
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#72 of 130 Old 12-20-2005, 10:25 PM
 
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Originally Posted by annab
As for the nine year-old, I agree. To say that a nine year-old "should" be able to do something alone is to totally negate that child as an individual.
Yes, to a degree. But there is also something to be said for encouraging a child to challenge him or herself and try something that seems scary but can lead to growth, confidence, and new opportunity. It's very easy to stay where it's comfortable, but that's not always the best thing to do, for children or adults.

Namaste!
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#73 of 130 Old 12-20-2005, 10:58 PM
 
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Originally Posted by UUMom
I know. How dishonest. Obviously file folders is the answer. Hear that, peeps? Go to STAPLES and your 'troubles' are over.

Complete manipulation. Quite a racket.

I can't even believe that more AP families would not find the whole thing stomach-turning.
Don't you get it though?

She couldn't find anything wrong!!! It was indeed COMPLETE Crapola. Anyone watching that would surely 'get" that file folders does not an orderly home make! Uber-nanny just had to find something to contribute so "wow! cubbies! oooooooooo"

These people were awesome, and they're the first family on there I have felt that way about. I have NO DOUBT that Dad and Mom are right back to cuddling those babies.

As far as mainstream vs AP parenting, I think AP parenting won out here. That one issue-- bed time-- was the only thing Nanny was able to go to the mat about and that was because the Mom was flippin' TIRED by the end of the day. With 6 homeschooled kids.... she needed her husband, too. (I am not a CIO Mom and I don't do that with my kids.)

To be sure it was "sanitized," but that was a positively-portrayed, multi-kid, nursing, homeschooling AP family there, folks.
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#74 of 130 Old 12-20-2005, 11:01 PM
 
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Nobody loves kids being asleep adult time like me....but let me get on my soapbox.

We toughed it out and waited until dd could come to an agreement with us. We would ask when she would be ready to go to bed on her own and she told us five. Ok....we waited. And yes, there were nights when Dh resented bedtime. But he did it, read and laid down with her.

A few months after she turned five, we had a casual conversation about how bedtime was not working for Dh anymore. The three of us came up with a plan. She was the one who brought most of the new routine to the table. He reads two books, rubs her back and leaves the room. She reads alone until she is ready to sleep. Then she calls for him and he tucks her in and turns out the light. It just works. We never had to coerce her to sleep alone or train her for anything. We just had to realize that childhood is a short time and we could tough it out.

I firmly believe that CIO breaks a bond of trust. No amount of money in the world would be worth it to me to do that to my kids. It just would not work. I want them to know that I will ALWAYS be there when they need me. That way when they are teens and get into trouble or are thinking about it, they can trust me to be there for them rather than finding another kid to trust.
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#75 of 130 Old 12-20-2005, 11:22 PM
 
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Originally Posted by dharmamama
Yes, to a degree. But there is also something to be said for encouraging a child to challenge him or herself and try something that seems scary but can lead to growth, confidence, and new opportunity. It's very easy to stay where it's comfortable, but that's not always the best thing to do, for children or adults.

Namaste!
I think they get to choose. When they reach that comfort level, they will allow you to leave. I think there are ways to do it gradually without going cold turkey. I don't think the child would still need me there at 18, even he needed me at nine.
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#76 of 130 Old 12-20-2005, 11:48 PM
 
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While I though the family was one I could empathize with and that I liked immediately (they seemed like a great mom and dad)... I don't think the family had "nothing wrong". I got the impression that Mom and Dad had their own big issues from childhood that were coloring their parenting in a negative way. Dad's feelings of abandonment. Mom's feelings that the world wasn't safe or a good place from seeing her brother teased for his cerebal palsy. On top of that, these young parents had their second child born with spina bifida and a profound heart defect. It seemed evident to me that the parents were pretty darned scared, guilty, and anxious - which I do think fed into their parenting. Dad seemed to "engulf" his kids without really reating to their individual needs (like the problems he was having with Seth). Mom seemed alone and struggling with doing it all, and also verbalized a couple of times on the show that the world is a mean, dangerous place. I think you can see the fears of the parents reflected in the kids... such as the 9 year old who was unable to make friends and was scared of being "abandoned" at karate practice.

We know that strong, healthy attachment promotes feelings of security But their kids, especially the eldest, showed they felt very insecure. I do think there were things "wrong" with their parenting... but not necessarily what Nanny addressed. I think the insecurities of the kids were feeding off the parents. The ideal solution was not to distance the kids from mom and dad, but IMO to help the parents operate from a sense of security of their own.

I think the mom was on the right track with needing time with her husband. He seemed to avoid adult interaction with her and "escaped" into bonding with his kids (being another kid). The mom was left to "control" and "protect" the family. I am sure she had a lot of guilt and worry and need for her husband... but he would retreat for hours to either play with the kids and then spend HOURS hugging them in bed. She complained on tape he was not serve as a husband and partner to her. I think he was using kid time to escape from adult realities and to get his "fears" assuaged by hugging the kids for hours. She was left juggling all the balls.

I think they needed help processing what they went through with their son, and with their own childhoods. I think Nanny should have talked about individual and couples therapy for mom and dad as a way to build more security for the kids. I could see the dad especially being emotionally manipulative of the kids as they get older, to keep them from "abandoning" him.
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#77 of 130 Old 12-20-2005, 11:56 PM
 
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I just about fell off my chair watching them ride their bikes with no helmet on....
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#78 of 130 Old 12-21-2005, 12:24 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Wolfmeis
Don't you get it though?

She couldn't find anything wrong!!! It was indeed COMPLETE Crapola. Anyone watching that would surely 'get" that file folders does not an orderly home make! Uber-nanny just had to find something to contribute so "wow! cubbies! oooooooooo"

These people were awesome, and they're the first family on there I have felt that way about. I have NO DOUBT that Dad and Mom are right back to cuddling those babies.

As far as mainstream vs AP parenting, I think AP parenting won out here. That one issue-- bed time-- was the only thing Nanny was able to go to the mat about and that was because the Mom was flippin' TIRED by the end of the day. With 6 homeschooled kids.... she needed her husband, too. (I am not a CIO Mom and I don't do that with my kids.)

To be sure it was "sanitized," but that was a positively-portrayed, multi-kid, nursing, homeschooling AP family there, folks.
Nope Don't get it.

It seemed to me the mother was really pushing for her dh to choose her over the kids.

Why woould they make their kids suffer like that to, in the end, say "Oops. Never mind!".

Sorry. I'm lost.

There is no way anyone would have me leave my children like that, or force them to CIO.

Not buying it.
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#79 of 130 Old 12-21-2005, 12:26 AM
 
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While I though the family was one I could empathize with and that I liked immediately (they seemed like a great mom and dad)... I don't think the family had "nothing wrong". I got the impression that Mom and Dad had their own big issues from childhood that were coloring their parenting in a negative way. Dad's feelings of abandonment. Mom's feelings that the world wasn't safe or a good place from seeing her brother teased for his cerebal palsy. On top of that, these young parents had their second child born with spina bifida and a profound heart defect. It seemed evident to me that the parents were pretty darned scared, guilty, and anxious - which I do think fed into their parenting. Dad seemed to "engulf" his kids without really reating to their individual needs (like the problems he was having with Seth). Mom seemed alone and struggling with doing it all, and also verbalized a couple of times on the show that the world is a mean, dangerous place. I think you can see the fears of the parents reflected in the kids... such as the 9 year old who was unable to make friends and was scared of being "abandoned" at karate practice.

We know that strong, healthy attachment promotes feelings of security But their kids, especially the eldest, showed they felt very insecure. I do think there were things "wrong" with their parenting... but not necessarily what Nanny addressed. I think the insecurities of the kids were feeding off the parents. The ideal solution was not to distance the kids from mom and dad, but IMO to help the parents operate from a sense of security of their own.

I think the mom was on the right track with needing time with her husband. He seemed to avoid adult interaction with her and "escaped" into bonding with his kids (being another kid). The mom was left to "control" and "protect" the family. I am sure she had a lot of guilt and worry and need for her husband... but he would retreat for hours to either play with the kids and then spend HOURS hugging them in bed. She complained on tape he was not serve as a husband and partner to her. I think he was using kid time to escape from adult realities and to get his "fears" assuaged by hugging the kids for hours. She was left juggling all the balls.

I think they needed help processing what they went through with their son, and with their own childhoods. I think Nanny should have talked about individual and couples therapy for mom and dad as a way to build more security for the kids. I could see the dad especially being emotionally manipulative of the kids as they get older, to keep them from "abandoning" him.
You learned all that psychology from 40 minutes of professional editing for ratings, did you?

Gag.
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#80 of 130 Old 12-21-2005, 12:31 AM
 
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You learned all that psychology from 40 minutes of professional editing for ratings, did you?

Gag.
You know, that is really, really rude. You take my empathetic post which felt nothing but kindness to those struggling parents, and are rude to me.
Obviously the mom and dad were desperate for help, or why else would they have done a show like that?

I respect your difference of opinion, but take offense at your way of expressing it.
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#81 of 130 Old 12-21-2005, 12:37 AM
 
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I think they get to choose. When they reach that comfort level, they will allow you to leave. I think there are ways to do it gradually without going cold turkey. I don't think the child would still need me there at 18, even he needed me at nine.

Trust me, they won't.

I feel sorry for a society that thinks a child wanting a parent to accompany him to an acivivity is unhealthy. So many of us have been fed garbage and we think it's correct to try and digest it.

Everyone is in a huge rush to get kids 'matured'.

A need met is a need met. An unmet need comes back to haunt. Always. There was nothing wrong with that kid. Nothing. I think it's sad that people think there was.
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#82 of 130 Old 12-21-2005, 12:41 AM
 
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While I though the family was one I could empathize with and that I liked immediately (they seemed like a great mom and dad)... I don't think the family had "nothing wrong". I got the impression that Mom and Dad had their own big issues from childhood that were coloring their parenting in a negative way. Dad's feelings of abandonment. Mom's feelings that the world wasn't safe or a good place from seeing her brother teased for his cerebal palsy. On top of that, these young parents had their second child born with spina bifida and a profound heart defect. It seemed evident to me that the parents were pretty darned scared, guilty, and anxious - which I do think fed into their parenting. Dad seemed to "engulf" his kids without really reating to their individual needs (like the problems he was having with Seth). Mom seemed alone and struggling with doing it all, and also verbalized a couple of times on the show that the world is a mean, dangerous place. I think you can see the fears of the parents reflected in the kids... such as the 9 year old who was unable to make friends and was scared of being "abandoned" at karate practice.

We know that strong, healthy attachment promotes feelings of security But their kids, especially the eldest, showed they felt very insecure. I do think there were things "wrong" with their parenting... but not necessarily what Nanny addressed. I think the insecurities of the kids were feeding off the parents. The ideal solution was not to distance the kids from mom and dad, but IMO to help the parents operate from a sense of security of their own.

I think the mom was on the right track with needing time with her husband. He seemed to avoid adult interaction with her and "escaped" into bonding with his kids (being another kid). The mom was left to "control" and "protect" the family. I am sure she had a lot of guilt and worry and need for her husband... but he would retreat for hours to either play with the kids and then spend HOURS hugging them in bed. She complained on tape he was not serve as a husband and partner to her. I think he was using kid time to escape from adult realities and to get his "fears" assuaged by hugging the kids for hours. She was left juggling all the balls.

I think they needed help processing what they went through with their son, and with their own childhoods. I think Nanny should have talked about individual and couples therapy for mom and dad as a way to build more security for the kids. I could see the dad especially being emotionally manipulative of the kids as they get older, to keep them from "abandoning" him.
Is this the message you referred to in your PM? I just tried to respond to your PM, but it says invalid user. If you want to talk, great, but why PM me if you won't accept PMs back?? It's a discussion, and not personal.

Odd.
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#83 of 130 Old 12-21-2005, 12:42 AM
 
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I agree.... debate is great, but rude is rude.
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#84 of 130 Old 12-21-2005, 12:44 AM
 
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Rude?

A family was shredded and some of us disagree with heaping international public humilation on children.
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#85 of 130 Old 12-21-2005, 12:51 AM
 
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You know, that is really, really rude. You take my empathetic post which felt nothing but kindness to those struggling parents, and are rude to me.
Obviously the mom and dad were desperate for help, or why else would they have done a show like that?

I respect your difference of opinion, but take offense at your way of expressing it.

You are reading personal stuff where there is nothing personal.

Desperate? I think the family wanted the 20 k , and maybe to show hsing in a positive light, and they got niothing but public humilation. Plus, according to the dad, they thought she was going to help them with organization, not ridicule them, force the mother to insult her MIL on national TV, humiliate the children and have the 4mos old scream itself to sleep. I didn't see them as desperate. Misguided and niave? Yep. But not desperate. The show was absolutely haunting in it's lack of respect for all of those children--which is why i am still arguing with some of you.

I feel sorry for the dad. He is now thought to be avoiding contact with his wife because he wants to spend time with his chidlren at night after being at work all day.

Seth now gets the occasional bike ride with his dad, whoo hoo, when he had been tucked in *each* night by a caring father who seemd incredibly mature. That's no tradeoff.

That whole 'ignoring Seth' thing seemed so bogus and staged.
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#86 of 130 Old 12-21-2005, 12:57 AM
 
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Sorry to butt in here.......

What's the deal with riding a bike without a helmet ? My kids do it all the time. So did I ,and Dh and my folks and their folks , etc..... The one time my son DID fall off his bike and needed to be taken to the ER , the injury was where the helmet wouldn't have helped.
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#87 of 130 Old 12-21-2005, 01:08 AM
 
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Originally Posted by UUMom
Is this the message you referred to in your PM? I just tried to respond to your PM, but it says invalid user. If you want to talk, great, but why PM me if you won't accept PMs back?? It's a discussion, and not personal.

Odd.
I am absolutely a registered user. I recieved a chit-chat PM with no problem from a moderator, minutes ago. Since you bring up the PM here in the thread, for anyone curious I wrote to say the same thing I said here, I respect a difference of opinion but no reason to make gagging noises and be rude. That's not a way to build community or discuss differences of opinion. I think it's a little dramatic to say I am not a valid user or not accepting PM's. Anyway, this is tangential and I tried to solve a conflict in a nice way, via PM. No need to discuss that here in the thread.
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#88 of 130 Old 12-21-2005, 01:19 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kincaid
I am absolutely a registered user. I recieved a chit-chat PM with no problem from a moderator, minutes ago. Since you bring up the PM here in the thread, for anyone curious I wrote to say the same thing I said here, I respect a difference of opinion but no reason to make gagging noises and be rude. That's not a way to build community or discuss differences of opinion. I think it's a little dramatic to say I am not a valid user or not accepting PM's. Anyway, this is tangential and I tried to solve a conflict in a nice way, via PM. No need to discuss that here in the thread.

I've tried a couple of times to reply, but it won't go through. Not sure the problem.

I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings.
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#89 of 130 Old 12-21-2005, 01:25 AM
 
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I am going to unsub from this. I am too emotional about those kids. I've said too many times now how upset I was by the show, and Im just beating a dead horse. I can be like that.

I am not ignoring anyone by unsubbing, just trying to put my feelings to bed on those poor kids. They have parents who love them and me feeling so sick about it isn't going to change anything. I just wont ever watch that show again. There;s nothing else for me to do. Nagging at you women doesn't help.

If you want to talk, you can PM because, as i said, i am not ignoring anyone-- not even those who liked the show. Just going for a little self- preservation here.

Thanks for an interesting discussion. I heart that about MDC.
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#90 of 130 Old 12-21-2005, 01:32 AM
 
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On the subject of leaving kids at lessons.... I didn't see that part of the show, but I find that opinion rather funny, considering my son's tae kwon do school encourages parents to stay. In fact, when we signed him up, I asked if it was ok if I left him, because I have two younger children, and I was afraid they'd be a disruption (there is no lobby in which to wait), and I was told that they encourage parents to stay, because kids love to show you what they're learning, and that little ones making noise is fine; if the other classroom is not in use, they can run around in there, as well. This is NOT an "alternative" or "progressive" school. It's quite mainstream, but those instructors GET IT.

I can also tell you that watching my DD's ballet classes, the only two girls that consistently cause problems are the two who NEVER have a parent stay to watch the class. The other girls may have the occasional bad day, but it's just that--occasional.

I also laughed when the nanny said (paraphrased), "A kid doesn't just suddenly decide to sleep alone when he turns 18." DUH! It happens gradually; usually sometime between 3 years and 14 years. And, if there's a situation where the natural process isn't working for the entire family, there are things you can do to encourage the transition a little sooner. It's not an all or nothing deal!

I'm so glad I didn't try to watch the whole thing. I definitely won't be watching any more episodes!

Ulrike, mom to:
Roman (3/98), Evalina (3/00), Nadia (3/03), and Kira (11/07)
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