What is your QUICKEST response to the Socialization question? - Mothering Forums
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Learning at Home and Beyond > What is your QUICKEST response to the Socialization question?
root*children's Avatar root*children 01:49 AM 01-11-2007
I mean, besides "no".

For example, a woman dropped something off at my house and was walking out the door to an appointment (didn't have time to sit and chat), but was asking questions like "Why did you decide to homeschool?" "For my DD, I would just worry about the socialization". I would love to give a nice lengthy answer to this, but can't think of a short, to-the-point, not-sarcastic response... one that can make her walk away thinking, you know? I seem to get this alot, where I need a very short response.

All I could think of was "we do plenty of stuff with other kids"... just didn't seem to make the point of "your head is screwed on backwards if you think ... blahblahblah"

any help?

frogguruami's Avatar frogguruami 01:52 AM 01-11-2007
For DS1, who was pulled out of PS half way through first grade, "Yes, I worry about socialization, too. That's why I pulled him out of school."

For DS2, who is HFA and never been to school, "Ridiculed(sp?) for being different ISN'T socialization!"
frogguruami's Avatar frogguruami 01:54 AM 01-11-2007
Oh! Sorry, I just saw you wanted non sarcastic, . I'm not real good with those!:

You could laugh it off and say "If we socialized anymore we wouldn't have time for school work!"

Or is that sacastic too ?
root*children's Avatar root*children 01:58 AM 01-11-2007
I know! I can't think of anything that's not sarcastic! I am kind of dealing with moms who feel a HUGE need to defend their choice of public schooling, which makes me wonder if they're really wanting to homeschool deep inside? I thought sarcasm wouldn't go over well, and seems like there's a response that would be more thought provoking... hmmm...
frogguruami's Avatar frogguruami 02:03 AM 01-11-2007
Perhaps we just need to coin a term for the type of socialization homeschoolers get. You know, make it more "official"!

How about "whole life socialization"?? or "an interdisiplinary approach to social correctness"??

:
root*children's Avatar root*children 02:09 AM 01-11-2007
Quote:
Originally Posted by frogguruami View Post
"an interdisiplinary approach to social correctness"??

:
I think that's enough coffee for you tonight!
sagewinna's Avatar sagewinna 02:13 AM 01-11-2007
DH is know to quip "Oh, we steal their lunch money and make fun of them at least once a week!" or "We don't lock them in a closet, they get pleny of social interaction".

I always got in trouble for "socializing" in school.
lotusmamma's Avatar lotusmamma 02:16 AM 01-11-2007
It depends on the person but I usually say something like "a lot of the socialization at school is negative" and people rarely disagree. Sometimes I go into more depth and explain our very busy life full of varied social commitments.

What gets me is that often a stranger will meet one of my kids, comment on how articulate and sociable they are then ask that old question about socialization.

Sam in Sydney
charmander's Avatar charmander 02:19 AM 01-11-2007
I dunno, why don't you just list some of the ways your kids socialize, i.e. - friends, neighbors, relatives, playgroups, church, other homeschool groups, etc. etc. etc.

That way you've answered their question. Otherwise, how would they know?

P.S. - I know a homeschooler and her kids probably get more "socialization" than my two non-homeschooled kids do.
Roo_Online's Avatar Roo_Online 02:31 AM 01-11-2007
I say that we have so many socialization opportunities that we could be busy every day all day socializing if we wanted to be. (Of course that means absolutely nothing, but either does the question about socialization.)
townmouse's Avatar townmouse 02:46 AM 01-11-2007
I just make it about me, hoping to diffuse their defensiveness.

"My kids live in a small house with 6 people. If they aren't socialized at home, the problem is bigger than we all think."

Usually people think that's funny and true.

If they say, "My child is an only child so that wouldn't be true for me," I just laugh and say, "when it comes to education methods, I only have to worry about my family. This is working for us!"

I just am tired of the question. "It works for my family" is often not good enough, they want to challenge me to see how I could make it work for their family. When they don't even want to do it!

I want people to understand that it is not my job to solve America's education crisis. Not on a national level, not case-by-case. I'm just one mama, making choices for the best life for my own children. I might try to fix the world when they grow up but I'll probably be too tired.

oops, I'll get off my soapbox, sorry (can I have some of frog's coffee?)
Hibou's Avatar Hibou 02:57 AM 01-11-2007
Quote:
Originally Posted by sagewinna View Post
DH is know to quip "Oh, we steal their lunch money and make fun of them at least once a week!"
:
Serendipity's Avatar Serendipity 03:00 AM 01-11-2007
i was asked this morning if i was afraid my kids would be 'social retards'...

i said that there are kids that go to public school their entire life and are STILL 'social retards'. i also think that if my kid is going to be shy, then she's shy, if she's outgoing, she's outgoing regardless of how many playgroups she attends. it's a personality trait kwim?
townmouse's Avatar townmouse 03:02 AM 01-11-2007
I think someone who uses the term 'retard' should have maybe had a different education. In a homeschool environment it is a little easier to model kind behavior and lack of name-calling.
Citymomx3's Avatar Citymomx3 03:28 AM 01-11-2007
I usually say, "Actually, I find the socializing aspect way better since we started homeschooling. The kids have a lot more true friends out in the real world who they choose to be with - instead of being forced to tolerate the same 27 kids for 35 hours a week in a cramped classroom".

Shuts 'em up every time.
Serendipity's Avatar Serendipity 03:30 AM 01-11-2007
Quote:
Originally Posted by townmouse View Post
I think someone who uses the term 'retard' should have maybe had a different education. In a homeschool environment it is a little easier to model kind behavior and lack of name-calling.
i couldn't agree more, i was pretty disgusted.
teastaigh's Avatar teastaigh 03:31 AM 01-11-2007
My favorite:
"I just love being with my children" said with a beaming smile and then just
walk away.

It's very positive, gets them thinking, and also kind of lets people know that we homeschool because we love our children and also like them.

I have some variations on this theme for when I get the often, dismissing, "Oh, I could never homeschool." If it isn't said nicely, they get, from me, "Well, it isn't for everyone, but it is for us. I just love being with
my children."

By the way, it's true. I do love being with my children. I'm one lucky girl.

peace,
teastaigh
amyjeans's Avatar amyjeans 03:35 AM 01-11-2007
Quote:
Originally Posted by granolapunk View Post
i was asked this morning if i was afraid my kids would be 'social retards'...

i said that there are kids that go to public school their entire life and are STILL 'social retards'. i also think that if my kid is going to be shy, then she's shy, if she's outgoing, she's outgoing regardless of how many playgroups she attends. it's a personality trait kwim?
"Social retard?"
I would have replied, "You learned that in public school didn't you?"


My favorite retort for the "socialization" label is-
The type of social skills I learned in school and that are still taught today are not something I would want my kids exposed to.
oceanbaby's Avatar oceanbaby 06:12 AM 01-11-2007
I usually say something like "If we had any more socialization, we wouldn't have time to sleep. Ds is one busy little guy!"
LeftField's Avatar LeftField 10:54 AM 01-11-2007
My *quickest* answer to "what about socialization?" is "They are socialized." My kids are very polite and they play very well with other children. So, from my point of view, they are socialized. If someone clarifies that they are asking about social opps, I would tell them that we belong to a homeschool group with lots of kids.
chaos_pie's Avatar chaos_pie 12:23 PM 01-11-2007
Well, I have generally found the quickest way to move on from something I don't want to talk about is making a statement "I don't see that as our problem" and then asking them a question ("my ds is loving this karate class, what about your dc?")

I have also answered with, "well, that was also a HUGE concern of mine (not really, but showing sympathy to the questioner), but then I did the math. At school ds had a bit less than 5 hours or recess time, now that we homeschool we have playdates during the week that easily exceed that 5 hours". And, sometimes, I say (if I am feeling cranky), "You know, I really like that I am at least in the same space when those playdates are occur, I have noticed that sometimes smaller children need help working out frustration, anger or other issues when they play" (let those people connect the dots about socialization during recess!)

And, because I am on a roll, one thing that just came up, is that well, at school kids can see their best friend every single day (sit with them at lunch, stand in line, meet up during recess). To that I simply say, you are right that exact type of socializing does not occur in our homeschooling life.
ZanZansMommy's Avatar ZanZansMommy 04:35 PM 01-11-2007
: Love these responses.
KaraBoo's Avatar KaraBoo 05:30 PM 01-11-2007
If her statement was "I worry about socialization," then I might just say, "I don't worry about that" and leave it at that.
cbmr777's Avatar cbmr777 05:43 PM 01-11-2007
Quote:
"Social retard?"
I would have replied, "You learned that in public school didn't you?"
I love it!! (and probably oh so true)

I'm the type to come back with one of the earlier sarcastic responses.
wonderactivist's Avatar wonderactivist 06:04 PM 01-11-2007
Actually, I usually just tell them about homeschool groups - lots of people have no concept that we actually do spend as much time out as in...but I try not to be too negative as I'm in a small town. Sometimes what comes off as confrontation is truly curiosity...just on a subject that we're all tired of.

Oddly enough, these usually come up on flag football sidelines, scout meetings, and other places whre my children are "socializing."

Lucie
earthmama369's Avatar earthmama369 06:37 PM 01-11-2007
My snarky response is, "Have you talked to my daughter?"

My less snarky response is, "Actively participating in the greater community every day is more socialization than any school child gets."

I mean, the kiddo is only 2 and will happily carry on a full conversation with an adult once she knows them. She says "please" and all those polite words, often without prompting. She takes turns talking and likes to make new friends. How much more "socialized" should any child under, say, 10 be?
hahamommy's Avatar hahamommy 08:41 PM 01-11-2007
my personal favorite response:
I don't know about YOU, but every single day of school I was reminded, "you're not here for socializing"

Lucky for us, our whole life is about socializing -- my formerly-schooled self is making up for lost time

~diana
P.S. Whenever anyone uses the word REtard around us, I assure them we are merely "tarded" it stuck the first time and have no need to have it done to us again!! (hence re-tarded)
treemom2's Avatar treemom2 08:52 PM 01-11-2007
I tend to ask, "How much time do children get in school for socializing?" I know in our school here the children have one 15 minute recess, aren't allowed to talk at lunch, and most teachers don't allow much talking in the classroom either. They usually agree with this and let it go.
simple living mama's Avatar simple living mama 11:01 PM 01-11-2007
Didn't read all the post but my short answer to folk is, "Socialization? Oh, that's never been a problem. My kids know how to socialize with all ages and backgrounds being not in a school setting". And if they are referring to having a group of friends near their own age, I just tell them the truth. "They have a great group of friends, schooled and non schooled.
marieandchris's Avatar marieandchris 11:11 PM 01-11-2007
Quote:
Originally Posted by oceanbaby View Post
I usually say something like "If we had any more socialization, we wouldn't have time to sleep. Ds is one busy little guy!"
That's pretty much the route I go down. I exclaim that he has about 50 friends who are homeschooled (which is true) and we see some of them every single day. He socializes with people of all ages, much more so than schooled kids.

I do SO get sick of this question. My own father kept saying, "You are going to ruin him; he's so social..." But I just took him to our homeschooling co-op for a kick-in-the-pants, and now he leaves it alone. He sees that my son is RARELY without another child/adult by his side.

Marie
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