Not qualified to raise our children? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 19 Old 02-25-2007, 02:02 AM - Thread Starter
 
Heavenly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 4,743
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I am homeschooling my 3 children ages 6, 4 and 1. We live with my inlaws and my MIL works for the school board so as you can imagine homeschooling does not go over well with them. The other day MIL and FIL accosted me in the kitchen to talk about how the kids really need to be in school. My FIL starts off that the reason Elijah throws fits and acts out is because he's bored. Funny, I thought it was because he's 6! He said he needs more activity. I said that he gets more activity that most schooled kids and MIL said that he needs to be around other people more. We have homeschool co-op for 3 hours Monday morning, dance Tuesday afternoon, AWANA (church club) on Wednesday evening, gymnastics Thursday morning, and either museum day or community center meet-up with a different homeschool group on Friday. They also go to Sunday school. We also play with their best friends at least 3 days a week. They certainly do NOT need more activity. But my inlaws seem to truly believe that it is wrong for children to just be with their families all day. They think that my kids spend too much time together and that it is not healthy for me to be the only major influence in their life. This conversation got me thinking that a 100 years ago nobody sent their child away for hours a day. You were with your family most of the time; your friends were your brothers and sisters, maybe some neighbor kids. You helped around the house and did school work but for the most part you were just with your family. People seem to forget how it used to be. Society has bought into the lie that we are not qualified to raise our own children. We should hand them over to governmental schools who will do the job right. It completely blows my mind that people are so brainwashed that they do this without question. And then get offended when I am not willing to do the same.

Shawna, married to Michael, mommy to Elijah 1/18/01, Olivia 11/9/02, and Eliana 1/22/06
Heavenly is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 19 Old 02-25-2007, 02:10 AM
 
tuffykenwell's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Northern Ontario
Posts: 1,896
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I agree with you on that one. I just don't understand or buy into "the norm" that everyone seems to think is so important. I have great kids and they are only little once...why would I want to send them away to be raised by someone else for a huge portion of each day when homeschooling is working well for us?? I just don't get it!

Steph

Steph~~momma to Rhys 2002, Niamh 2004, Isla 2007 and Deirdre 2009
tuffykenwell is offline  
#3 of 19 Old 02-25-2007, 02:26 AM
 
4evermom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: PA
Posts: 8,752
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)
Leave a copy of Dumbing Us Down in the bathroom .

Mom to unschooling 4everboy since 8/01
4evermom is offline  
#4 of 19 Old 02-25-2007, 02:58 AM
 
kellers1384's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Spring
Posts: 151
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
yah, dh's aunt asked me tonight how i was going to be able to teach my dd at home (who is 3 now.) when we were talking about homeschool. She asked if I was qualified to teach things, I mean what would I do when she was like, in 2nd grade!!!! I responded with---

"Well I'm so sorry, what was it about second grade that you found so terribly difficult and hard to understand?????"

I'm sure I can handle it, but thanks for calling me an idiot. :
kellers1384 is offline  
#5 of 19 Old 02-25-2007, 12:58 PM
 
jessicafairy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Western Massachusetts
Posts: 474
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by 4evermom View Post
Leave a copy of Dumbing Us Down in the bathroom .
My thought exactly!

I get the same thing from my brother all the time. You would think I was doing something sick and twisted but not letting my kids go to school. I guess its lucky that he moved to Florida!

Jess, mom to Phelan Quinn (9/23/95), Wiley Rogue (10/29/03), and Victor Xerxes (9/10/08) and still married to my giant!
jessicafairy is offline  
#6 of 19 Old 02-25-2007, 01:37 PM
 
AuntLavender's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 1,378
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
In the meantime you need to tell them that your children's education is your responsibility and that it is not up for discussion. PERIOD. From then on if they bring it up just smile real big and say "Good morning! Nice weather we're having." or something that completely ignores the forbidden topic.

My outlaws don't discuss it anymore but we've been homeschooling a bit longer. The results are hard to argue with. (I've got a 3 1/2 yo on the spectrum but they tend to ignore his issues so far!)

Sincerely,
Debra, homeschooling mom of 4 ages 10, 9, 7, and 44 mos
AuntLavender is offline  
#7 of 19 Old 02-25-2007, 03:20 PM
 
2 in August's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,362
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by kellers1384 View Post
yah, dh's aunt asked me tonight how i was going to be able to teach my dd at home (who is 3 now.) when we were talking about homeschool. She asked if I was qualified to teach things, I mean what would I do when she was like, in 2nd grade!!!! I responded with---

"Well I'm so sorry, what was it about second grade that you found so terribly difficult and hard to understand?????"

I'm sure I can handle it, but thanks for calling me an idiot. :
I love it!!!!

I get the "Well, you were a teacher, that's why it's ok for you to do that." and there are lots of homeschoolers around here. I could smile and nod, but I usually counter that being a teacher only taught me how to manage a big group of kids and try to make them learn. I've had to re-learn all I thought I knew about education to be successful with my dd. People don't like to hear that.
2 in August is offline  
#8 of 19 Old 02-25-2007, 03:34 PM
 
Dakota's Mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Northern New Jersey
Posts: 1,800
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Heavenly View Post
I am homeschooling my 3 children ages 6, 4 and 1. We live with my inlaws and my MIL works for the school board so as you can imagine homeschooling does not go over well with them. The other day MIL and FIL accosted me in the kitchen to talk about how the kids really need to be in school. My FIL starts off that the reason Elijah throws fits and acts out is because he's bored.
Tell them the reason Elijah throws fits and acts out is because he is tired of hearing his grandparents who he loves telling his mother who he dearly loves that she is incompetent. That when there is unity in the household his behavior will settle down.

Kathi

:::Mom to 5 adult children and 8 year old, Dakota "Why do they call it homeschool, we're never at home?"
Dakota's Mom is offline  
#9 of 19 Old 02-25-2007, 05:47 PM
 
elizawill's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: right here
Posts: 5,262
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
my brother-in-law is a teacher in GA. he has won several awards from the state as outstanding teacher of the year, etc. i say that only to mention he thinks homeschooling is a good choice for children! he has said several times if he didn't have to work, that he would personally homeschool my neice and nephew. i think you sound like you're doing a great job. in the end, you and your husband have the final say-so as to what is best for your children. your FIL is not a co-parent with you. i'm certain he is speaking to you out of complete love and genuine concern, so try to keep tht in mind to help you from getting super ticked off. i guess it's good in a way that he feels comfortable to voice his concerns, but in the end it sounds like nothing he has pointed out is valid and therefore you can dismiss it fully. ALL six year olds can be little stinkers sometimes....haha, they are just little children! my children are awesome, but some days i want to sell them. time will eventually prove that you have made the right decision to homeschool, and that your beautiful children will indeed grow up to be wonderful and intelligent adults. hang in there mama.

homeschooling mama to DD 10 & DS 7 blogging.jpg

elizawill is offline  
#10 of 19 Old 02-25-2007, 08:25 PM
 
chaoticzenmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 4,666
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm sorry

I can tell when my DH has talked to his parents when he comes home and starts to ask about what the kids are doing. He's pretty supportive of homeschooling, but I kind of only hint that we're "unschooling" I do give the children worksheets sometimes and put them all into a folder so that he can see what they know and have a response ready for his parents. I can't even imagine living with my inlaws and homeschooling/unschooling! My own brother..who used to break into houses on the days that he skipped school asked me about my children's "socialization"that they were surely missing at school. What a joke! I told him that I would like for my children to avoid THAT kind of socialization which is one of the reasons that I'm homeschooling. He said "but I made all of my friends at school." um, exactly!

I've decided since that conversation to tell people "Don't worry, I'll be sure to call them names and steal their lunch-money from time to time so they get that "school" socialization.

I hope you get to move out soon enough. I agree with the Previous poster who said that maybe your stress at living with your inlaws is causing some of the misbehavior. Also, have you listed all of the activities that you do with the kids somewhere where your inlaws can see? You shouldn't have to be so busy, but if it gets you out of the house and quiets your inlaws.....
Add up the time that your children would socialize in school. Ok, 6 classes, 5 minutes inbetween each one....recess is 45 minutes, lunch is like, what...15 minutes?LOL School classrooms are set up to mostly discourage socialization so that children can pay attention to their teachers. Also, you could find any interesting and supportive articles that are nice, quick reads and post them around the house...bathrooms, fridge, etc. And "Dumbing us down is sure to help them "get it" Also, some of those books whose titles are affirming your qualifications to teach your child would be nice, even if they never pick them up, they can see that you're getting empowered...which is intimidating for someone who wants to control you.

Good luck
Lisa

Our children make a study of us in a way no one else ever will.  If we don't act according to our values, they will know.~Starhawk Rainbow.gif  New  User Agreement! http://www.mothering.com/community/wiki/user-agreement

chaoticzenmom is offline  
#11 of 19 Old 02-25-2007, 09:23 PM
 
elizawill's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: right here
Posts: 5,262
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
oh my...get this! i talked to my sister whose dd is 6 years old. she is in a private school and lunch has to be silent!!! the children are NOT allowed to talk at all!!!!!!! WHAT?? how's that for socialization??? !!! and my sister PAYS for this!??? anyway...something that crazy needed to be shared.

homeschooling mama to DD 10 & DS 7 blogging.jpg

elizawill is offline  
#12 of 19 Old 02-26-2007, 03:11 AM
 
jellop's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,383
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
About a year ago, I started trying to "warm up" all our extended family members to the realization that I am going to homeschool my little boys. At first, they were all pretty cool about it, but I think that's because they thought it was just an idea I was toying with. Now that they realize that I'm serious, I've gotten hammered from them every chance they get. My own mom asked me if I thought I was "smart enough" to teach them - thanks for calling me an idiot, mom! I knew what she was getting at was that I'm already lost on the homework of my Dss (6th grade) who is in public school (he lives with us, but I have no choice in his schooling options). I told her it would give ME the opportunity to learn along with them, and that I would have some discretion as to what I thought was necessary to teach them, and not quite so many of (what I feel are) dumb facts that they have PS children memorize that have no actual NEED or USE in life. I've gotten the socialization argument before, which was hilarious - both of my boys are extremely "social" - my SIL asked me about that aspect when we were out having lunch (as my boys were being oh-so-friendly to the neighboring table - in a good way) - I asked her if they looked like social misfits to her.

The sad part is that my husband is starting to question whether homeschooling is the best thing to do. It's not the educational aspect he's so concerned about (both the kids are already learning tons of stuff and having lots of fun), but he's worried they're going to miss out on the "fun" of having friends at school. Maybe I should start getting us involved in more extracurricular activities, maybe that'll help ease his worries, I don't know.
jellop is offline  
#13 of 19 Old 02-26-2007, 08:12 AM
 
Needle in the Hay's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,403
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by elizawill View Post
oh my...get this! i talked to my sister whose dd is 6 years old. she is in a private school and lunch has to be silent!!! the children are NOT allowed to talk at all!!!!!!! WHAT?? how's that for socialization??? !!! and my sister PAYS for this!??? anyway...something that crazy needed to be shared.
One of the moms on my French homeschool list had a similar situation. Her DD, like all the other children at the school, was not allowed to talk in the cafeteria. They had to point at what they wanted (it's cafeteria service here, kids don't bring their lunches). The mom of the DD posted this to tell of a day her DD came home all upset because the cafeteria worker gave her the wrong food, something she hated and felt she couldn't eat, and there was nothing her DD could do about it except not eat. :

I was just thinking of the socialization argument yesterday. I watched DS playing in the snow first by himself, then with another boy, then the boy's sister, then the other brother and finally all three kids and their dad. I thought, "My poor unsocialized son, how will he ever be able to relate to anyone?!"
Needle in the Hay is offline  
#14 of 19 Old 02-26-2007, 09:16 AM
 
Benji'sMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 3,971
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I can't believe OP's parents think the boy is unsocialized when he does something every single day of the week! I guess it doesn't count if it doesn't last 8 hours a day??? (And of course people think it doesn't count when siblings socialize with each other.) Personally I think he has a full schedule -- sounds like a very social boy.

Single mom of 2 boys
Benji'sMom is offline  
#15 of 19 Old 02-26-2007, 09:57 AM
 
art mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 9
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Just keep doing what you are doing.

I have listened to my Mom and family and put my twin boys in Public school and day care. They are 5 years old. Before school started they were very confident and happy.

They began wetting their pants everyday in day care. The teachers made them feel bad. They were bullied and one of them locked int he bathroom. They were afraid of one of the teachers.

So this last December pulled them out of day care. Now they are in Kindergarten still and not able to keep up because they were so young (4) when they started. I sat in on a few of their classes and everything is so rushed. They attend school from 8am - 10:30am. SO everything is rushed. Those are the hours my county gives kindergarten. So now they have lost so much confidence. But I am happy to announce (thanks to the support of this message board) that their last day in school is this Friday. I have a few more letters to write and books to order. But I feel I am ready to begin.

Unfortunately we can't survive on one income. So this is very very hard. I would have HS along time ago if this wasn't the issue. I have always made more money then my husband but now I am thinking about creating another career for myself that I can do from home.... what? I am not sure of yet. I just know my kids need me.

You keep your kids at home, do not listen to your FIL and MIL. What answers do they have for the unruly kids in public schools? And the lack of confidence that kids get form public school. I know I would have been alot further in life if my confidence wasn't destroyed in my younger years. I now a m confident but wasn't for a long time and it really held me back.

Good luck to you.

Tania
art mom is offline  
#16 of 19 Old 02-26-2007, 12:01 PM
 
elizawill's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: right here
Posts: 5,262
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
YEA Tania, I'm so happy for your decision. I totally understand the one income thing! I quit working to be a SAHM and it has cut our income down to half..literally. having said that, it's worth every sacrifice! we live in a small town, almost an hour commute for my dh now to charlotte. we did this so we could find a home for under 100,000 but it's still 2200 sq ft and beautiful and so safe! we gave up tivo, cable TV, my cell phone (gulp) and lots of other things that we felt were "necessity" and in actuality we can comfortably live without. thank God for PBS! i budget everything and i have to meal plan my week. i often buy generic now instead of name brand, etc. you'd be amazed at how many things you can get rid of or cut back on to save money! it's worth it though...so worth it!! best of luck to you!!

homeschooling mama to DD 10 & DS 7 blogging.jpg

elizawill is offline  
#17 of 19 Old 02-26-2007, 02:24 PM
 
4evermom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: PA
Posts: 8,752
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by art mom View Post
But I am happy to announce (thanks to the support of this message board) that their last day in school is this Friday. I have a few more letters to write and books to order. But I feel I am ready to begin.
Congratulations on your decision! My ds only went to 10 half days of pre-k and I could really see how it was effecting him negatively. Just that short time in school set him back in some ways for over a year. Good luck with making it work financially. It's worth a little debt, IMO.

Mom to unschooling 4everboy since 8/01
4evermom is offline  
#18 of 19 Old 02-26-2007, 04:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
Heavenly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 4,743
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by jellop View Post
The sad part is that my husband is starting to question whether homeschooling is the best thing to do. It's not the educational aspect he's so concerned about (both the kids are already learning tons of stuff and having lots of fun), but he's worried they're going to miss out on the "fun" of having friends at school. Maybe I should start getting us involved in more extracurricular activities, maybe that'll help ease his worries, I don't know.

People always use this argument but remind your husband that your kids won't necessarily be the popular ones. I mean, we all think our kids are great but what if your kids are the ones who gets teased or bullied? I love my son to death but I know he would not fit in at school because he is so unique and use words that most of them don't understand. There are lots of places your kids can make friends. Get involved in a homeschool group, take lessons, organize playdates or park days. The idea of putting a child in school - away from their parents, having to ask permission to pee or eat, having someone else decide what is best for them - just so they can make friends sounds ludicrous to me, but that's just my opinion.

Shawna, married to Michael, mommy to Elijah 1/18/01, Olivia 11/9/02, and Eliana 1/22/06
Heavenly is offline  
#19 of 19 Old 03-01-2007, 05:23 PM
 
jellop's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,383
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Heavenly View Post
The idea of putting a child in school - away from their parents, having to ask permission to pee or eat, having someone else decide what is best for them - just so they can make friends sounds ludicrous to me, but that's just my opinion.
Thanks for that. I totally agree. Also, the idea of peer pressure doesn't really excite me too much. I've seen the things my Dss has brought home from public school, and I'm not impressed. I want my children to learn how they fit into society - not exactly with what a bunch of kids "their own age" think. I want them to feel confident in their sense of self worth - which being cooped up all day with a bunch of bratty kids "their own age" doesn't seem to instill in many children. I so wish I could homeschool Dss, but it's just not an option. The drama, stress, and overall BS that happens in the public school day is so ridiculous! I don't see how public school is "helpful", "necessary", or "critical" to their development.
jellop is offline  
Reply

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off