Am I making a mistake? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 16 Old 04-29-2007, 07:16 AM - Thread Starter
 
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So I've taken dd out of pre-school to get a headstart on homeschooling (headstart on meeting other families and making new friends). She hasn't been for three and a half weeks, some of that was actually school holidays. We've been having a good time, especially her (I'm rather exhausted) Thursday I told the pre-school, Friday we went in for her to have a chance to say goodbye. All went well, she proudly told everyone she is homeschooling now.

Then this morning a name came up and her thoughts must have drifted to the pre-school, 'cause next thing I know, she's telling me she wants to go back there. Keeping her in ps 2-3 mornings a week was/is an option, she wants to go whole days, every day. Massive meltdown followed when I didn't say yes.

I've been feeling bad ever since. I'm not even sure in the whole hs thing anymore, feel like I'm robbing her of something (all the great things and people at pre-school). I wish I had waited till the end of the term with it. I don't seem to be able to decide just based on principle, I have to do things. I have to try homeschooling to know if it works for us. And summer holidays is not the same as doing it for a whole term, is it?
OMG, I'm gonna look SUCH a fool if I take her back there. (Well, better me a fool, than dd miserable).

Best thing is, half an hour later she had the same matteroflifeordeath kind of prolonged crying over wanting to watch tv. Maybe going back to ps is not what she needs, but something else?

Any thoughs? What would you do?
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#2 of 16 Old 04-29-2007, 08:41 AM
 
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She probably misses her friends. Take her to the park when lots of other kids are there. It also sounds like she's just generally pretty dramatic. You are not making a mistake. Keep on with homeschooling.
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#3 of 16 Old 04-29-2007, 08:48 AM
 
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How old is she? Had she been at the pre-school since last September? How many hours per week?
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#4 of 16 Old 04-29-2007, 09:02 AM
 
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i'm sure she does miss her sweet friends, but she will definitely make new ones. you all are still in a transition period, so i think her behavior is totally normal to miss what she has known up until this point. there may be days that you wish she was still in preschool too ) both of you will adjust soon enough, but for homeschooling to have a fair shot -- you need to give it ample time. it's only been a month or so. eventually, you both will make new friendships and find support, and get a routine. try to arrange playdates when possible. we have NO backyard toys right now -- so with our tax return we our purchasing an enclosed trampoline and a swing set for our kiddos. this will give them fun things to do besides biking and a sandbox -- and i'm hoping it may attract other kids in the neighborhood too....so my children will make more friends hang in there mama. i know you're discouraged, but things really will get better!

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#5 of 16 Old 04-29-2007, 11:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the replies. I've had a couple of hours to myself since she's out with daddy. I don't think I should be making decisions based on her changing moods, but have this nagging thought that I'm going against what she wants to follow my own agenda. Need some positive thinking!

jazzharmony,
she's 4.5, been in pre-school for a year, 6 hours a day since September. She's not complaining of boredom btw.

butter,
if she's "just" pretty dramatic, does that not still count?
(Although I don't think she is dramatic generally. But the major tantrums started at the age of four, not two )
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#6 of 16 Old 04-29-2007, 11:05 AM - Thread Starter
 
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eliza, thanks for your encouraging words!
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#7 of 16 Old 04-29-2007, 11:52 AM
 
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What are your reasons for homeschooling? Are you wanting to do it because you feel it is best for your dd? Is this something you've researched and thought about or was it an impulse? If you feel it is best for her to homeschool and have given it a lot of thought I don't think it is a mistake. I would not make a decision based on a 4.5 year old's moods. Sometimes you just have to stay firm.

You could ask your dd what she misses about school. If it is a particular friend maybe you could arrange playdates with the children she misses. If it is the daily routine maybe you can recreate some of it at home. If it is being part of a group maybe you can find a homeschool group, playgroup (not all kids go to preschool), or a regular class/activity/sport.

How long is left for preschool? If it is not long until summer break and there were no problems that caused you to want her out of that school right away then maybe she could finish out the year with her class and get closure on that part of her life. You could tell her that you've decided that she can finish the year with her class but next year she will be homeschooling. It might be a lot easier to transition over the summer and get into groups at the start of the year anyway.

Kim ~mom to one awesome dd (12)

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#8 of 16 Old 04-29-2007, 12:33 PM
 
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Dakota went through a period of major meltdowns whenever he saw is old preschool. It doesn't help that it is right next door to our local library so he sees it all the time. We talked about how it is okay to miss your old friends. And then we talked about how exciting it is to get to meet new friends. And all the fun things we can do now that we couldn't do when he was in preschool and mommy was at work. He hasn't mentioned his old friends for a long time now. He wakes up every morning and wants to know what we are going to do today. He looks forward to each new event. Kids need time to adjust to new routines. They need time to make new friends. But they adjust fine. And like others have said, maybe you can arrange playdates with some of the old friends. For us this didn't work out because I don't know who any of those old friends are. I didn't know any of the kids he went to preschool with or any of their parents. Now I know everyone he plays with and their mothers and some of their fathers. We've been home for 6 months now. You've only been home a couple of weeks. It will get better.

Kathi

:::Mom to 5 adult children and 8 year old, Dakota "Why do they call it homeschool, we're never at home?"
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#9 of 16 Old 04-29-2007, 06:29 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by harmat View Post
butter,
if she's "just" pretty dramatic, does that not still count?
(Although I don't think she is dramatic generally. But the major tantrums started at the age of four, not two )
Honestly, no. She is 4 1/2. She cannot make decisions about her education at this point. You are the mother and, ultimately, are in charge and get to make those final decisions. You said she is not bored at home so that tells me it's a missing her friends. School is not for being with friends, it is for learning. Get her to the park to play with other kids.
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#10 of 16 Old 04-30-2007, 05:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't fully agree with you there. Decisions here or there, feelings DO count. I'm not going to homeschool my kid against her will, same as I wouldn't send her to school against her will. Just wanted to point this out - of course yesterday had nothing to do with this.

Today everything is normal again. And I'm thinking more rational too
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#11 of 16 Old 05-24-2007, 02:53 AM
 
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Very interesting thread. I am very much in the same spot. DD would be starting second grade next year and we've decided to hs over the summer and ultimately hs over the next several years....hopefully for the long run as well. I am having so many of the same reservations that OP is having. I have these moments of "OMG...what am I doing?? I am going to ruin DDs life". Then I think "RUIN??? That is ridiculous! Are hsers ruining their kids?? NO!". I feel my heartstrings being pulled in many directions. Alot of the doubt is very much like the misconception that when you bring home that baby...you'll be strolling peacefully down the sidewalk, showering every day, etc...then reality is that it is what it is...most of the time not at all what you "thought" it would be...that unrealistic "fantasy" that is put out into society. Same with keeping your child from ps....they will miss friends, miss out on something so important...bc after all our "fantasy" of ps is kids dressed so sweetly, eager to learn from loving, smart, dedicated teachers. That is NOT always the reality. I am trying so hard to find ways to not fret about these feelings I am having about doing the right thing. I am trying so desperately to change the paradigm of what I think ps is and what it has to offer. It's so the norm....it's like I feel like hsing is so "out there" and why on earth am I wanting to do this? The fact is I miss DD when she's gone, I feel like I don't know her, I hate seeing the peer group she will go to school with over the next several years. I want to change that. I want to do something and that something is to hs her. I feel badly if she will miss friends from school...she only saw them at school since she didnt' go to our neighborhood school thus not having those children in our immediate area. I know she'll have her own opinion and feelings that will most likely change like the weather. I have to find a way to stay strong in my convictions and know in my heart I am making the best decision for dd and our family....just as I did deciding to SAHM, breastfeed, cosleep, etc. For me, this is NOT an easy transition from ps to hs. I feel like it's a leap of faith. I too feel like I am making dd do something for my own agenda...but my agenda is to offer her the best environment for learning...and it's not the ps she is in now. I could search high and low for that perfect school but it's no sure thing...I know what our family stands for, I know what we believe in, I know my dd's safety within the walls our home. Is that so bad of an agenda?

Whew...what a rant. Thank you SO much for letting me vent my feelings. I've had very little people to talk to about this choice. It's been difficult sorting out all my feelings by myself. It just felt good to get all that off my chest.
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#12 of 16 Old 05-24-2007, 10:37 AM
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Rain went to kindergarten, and then we started homeschooling. When we first started, she talked sometimes about wanting to go back to kindergarten. We went back to visit, which in retrospect may have ben a mistake, but she talked about missing one of her teachers so we went back to see her. After that she wanted to go back everyday... so we talked some about what things at kindergarten were the best, and she said the playground, so for a while we went to a playground at a park everyday. I also reminded her of the things she didn't like at kindergarten, and the reasons we had decided to homeschool instead... and there were a lot. We also spent a lot of time with our homeschooling friends. Finally, I asked her to give it a few months - I don't recall if I said 3 or 6 - and told her that if she still wanted to go back after that, I'd make it happen (she was at a private school, so $ was an issue but having a space for her wasn't). I would have, too, but within a couple of months she didn't want to go back.

It is sad to leave friends, and to leave places where you had fun...

Dar

 
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#13 of 16 Old 05-24-2007, 10:38 AM
 
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Here's my thoughts, take them fwiw.
We considered sending my oldest ds, 4, to pre-k, then a montessori school. I felt the same way, like he would be missing out on "something", and in my thoughts, that something was the socialization aspect. He really enjoys being around other kids. So, I thought alot about it for a few days, then realized I just could not send my kids to PS. It went against everything I believed in. Every day I hear on the news something awful happening in schools, and I said to myself, "That could have been ds. I could never live with myself if something happened to him because I sent him to school so that he wouldn't "miss out".

So, I am going with my instinct, and keeping both boys home. I am at the point where I would rather them not socialize than to be subjected to the things that are happening in PS. Not that it will be like that at all, cause there's always going to be HSing groups, sports, tae kwon do, SO much for kids to do on a daily basis, I have a feeling they will be *too* socialized.

So, to sum it all up, I do not think you are making a mistake by keeping her home. Not at all. pre-k is much different from the reality of what she would be exposed to in a few years time. And 4 year olds don't understand that school is not always going to be like what they are doing now in a preschool, kwim? Hope everything is going well, as I see this thread is kinda old, lol.
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#14 of 16 Old 05-24-2007, 11:01 AM
 
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super thread~
i love reading everyones feelings.
"2late2be" i am right there with you~
thanks ladies.

mamarasheika
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#15 of 16 Old 05-24-2007, 02:29 PM
 
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after preschool ended a year ago we had made the decision to hs. Though definitely the best decision for us all the transition was harder and took longer than I was expecting. ds2 (then age 3.5) asked a lot to go back to his old ps. it was hard on me because i had seriously considered keeping him there for one more year while I started out hs with his big brother.

but here we are a year later and more and more in the groove. Sometimes it takes a while. Good luck with your decisions!
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#16 of 16 Old 05-24-2007, 02:39 PM
 
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She'll be missing TONS, and nothing good. You're doing what's best. Really, there are so many "socialization" chances. Put her in a class you can do together, sign her up for a sport or activity, take her to Gymboree...the list is endless! Good luck!

~Marie : Mom to DS(11), DS(10), DD(8), DD(4), DD(2), & Happily Married to DH 12 yrs.!
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