Feeling bad/forcing kids to go to school - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 02-21-2002, 11:19 AM - Thread Starter
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Next year I am homeschooling. My boys are 4 and 7 and what I feel bad about is that I didn't have the courage to go with my instincts and just homeschool from the start. They are both doing fine in their schools now (preschool and 1st grade) but in the beginning they really didn't want to go. Both were crying when dropped off for school. I think my 7 year old had an especially hard time being that it was his first year being gone from home all day. I'm just feeling especially low today and I hope I did no permanent damage to our relationship.
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#2 of 6 Old 02-21-2002, 12:23 PM
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Javamom, though I don't know your complete situation, I just wanted to say that it's not something you can't undo. There's nothing to stop anyone from pulling their child out of school midyear and homeschooling them. I'd suggest that especially if that is what they seem to want.

Don't be so hard on yourself. I'm sure you're a loving and caring mom who wants what's best for her children. Listen to them and your heart then go where it takes you.


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#3 of 6 Old 02-21-2002, 01:07 PM
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I agree with Cynthia. I pulled my son out of school this year. Actually, I took him out of grade school and my other son out of pre school. I was really nervous about it and felt kind of...strange, I guess, but I just didn't send them back and wrote a letter to the school saying they weren't coming back. It was as simple and as complicated as that! As far as what's happened in the past, you can't spend time feeling guilty. I really wish I would have homeschooled from the start. Esp. since I see how great it is for me and the kids! My motto is (actually, it's not MY quote but I use it alot) when you know better, you do better. I pulled Brandon out with nothing more than a couple of workbooks at home for him to work on. Now (5 months later) we are a full fledged homeschooling, unschooling, family! It's so great! You've decided to do it next year so just be happy about that. Making the decision was the hardest part for me!

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#4 of 6 Old 02-21-2002, 07:29 PM
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don't be so hard on yourself. I agree with the others. I like that, 'when you know better, you do better", I too pulled dd out of preschool last year. She stopped wanting to go, and when I had originally signed her up, I told myself it was for Her, and meant to be fun, so if she wasn't having fun, there was no point to it, and it could possibly damage her view of school long term. Anyway I just stopped sending her. On school mornings I would ask her if she wanted to go, she never did, except on the last day, there was a school picnic, and I did take her to that. I read a lot that summer abt unschooling and hs in general, and we plan on doing this indefinitely.

Don't feel like you have to "prepare", or follow the school's schedule. If you want to stop now, and they do too, then do it. It will all work out.

Of course you didn't do permanent damage! This is all a part of life, trying things, making mistakes, ect. Nobody is perfect. You a re trusting your instincts now, that what counts. I remeber after I stopped sending dd to preschool, I posted on unschooling.com message board abt it. I was so happy and excited, but scared too. someone wrote back along the lines "well, now you will have to undo every moment of the damage school has done to that child. It all must be undone" I was looking for support, but got the opposite. And this was from a highly respected unschooling mom on the site. I was really hurt, and spent a lot of time worrying abt what I had done to dd. Eventually I realized that nobody is perfect, and I believe every decision is made for a reason, and can be worked for good. Maybe it was good for dd to see what school was really like, so she wont romanticize it. Maybe it was good that she made the friendships she did at that time. Maybe I needed that yr in school to open MY eyes abt the whole education system, and led me onto my own homeschooling, educating myself journey. My point is that you really cant say what good or bad this year has done, instead focus on the future.
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#5 of 6 Old 02-21-2002, 11:03 PM
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I don't think that our kids or our relationships with them are so fragile that we have to be perfect.

When thinking about different paths such as school vs homeschool, or curriculm vs unschooling, I find it more useful to think think in terms of what we can learn on a path rather than thinking of a "right" path and a "wrong" path. Afterall, no matter which path we choose we (and our kids) will learn things and experience things unique to that path.

I'm sure that you and your kids have learned many positive things this year that you would not have if you had not gone down this path. And I'm sure that you will learn and experience many positive things after you return to homeschooling.

I really don't believe there are any accidents. You've had the experiences you've had this year for very good reasons. One day the reasons may be clear, or may be not.

I think that life is a bit like a really big jigsaw puzzle. Sometimes we are working on getting the peices together and we can't tell how they fit into the big picture. Some how the experiences you (and your kids) have had this year are an important part of the big picture of your lives.

take it easy on your self!!!!
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#6 of 6 Old 02-22-2002, 10:23 AM - Thread Starter
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You all are so great, thank you.
Warmly, Steph
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