Does anyone feel sad about the good school things your child misses? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 54 Old 07-06-2007, 09:36 AM
 
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Originally Posted by oceanbaby View Post
I haven't read the replies yet.

This is by far my biggest struggle with homeschooling. The fun parts of school that I know my son would enjoy. He loves group projects, story time, arts and crafts, field trips, snack and lunch, etc. It is hard for me because he would probably do just fine in school, but we think that homeschooling is a better environment and educational experience.

We do a lot of classes because he likes them so much, and I try to feel better about what he is missing. I like summer because there are a lot of camps he can do. He is always just so thrilled at the end of the day camp.

This year every single one of his friends will be in school (some started K last year, but the last ones will be starting K this year, including our neighbor and his cousin), and the adults are doing a lot of hype about how fun school is to get their kids prepared. So it does make it even harder for me.

Plus, *I* miss things about school. I always envisioned volunteering in the classroom and on field trips, I like class projects and homework assignments, etc. I miss the automatic community that is created by having your child in school. And honestly, I miss being "normal" sometimes.

So missing out on what I see as the positives of school have definitely been the hardest part of homeschooling for us.
Oceanbaby said exactly what I feel.

Melissa, a homeschooling, caffix.gif-guzzling, SAHM of two: reading.gif (11) and joy.gif(8)
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#32 of 54 Old 07-06-2007, 11:24 AM
 
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We are just beginning to hs with ds going into third grade. While there were the outrageous policies of the school that didn't mesh well with my ds, overall he liked the social aspects of it, loved his art teacher and is somewhat apprehensive about "giving that up" for homeschool. A couple of his best buddies are homeschooled and he is excited about the activities they do, the freedom to have your own field trips (that he missed last year and his little sisters attended). I am still torn between knowing this will be the best for him and worrying about him not learning anything, being miserable at home, etc... I know this won't be the case, but it's a mother's job to worry, right?

I fondly remember the excitment of dances, art shows, yearbook, drama, student congress, speech & debate. I alternate between thinking "well, we will just have our own ____ with such & such group" and worrying that without the opportunities there at school and a couple friends participating in new activites, will he be willing to try something new. (The postitive side of peer pressure: encouragement of friends to branch out and leave your comfort zone. Assuming the friends in question are the "good kids" and the peer pressure isn't anything illegal or immoral, etc.)

: Mostly I am scared out my wits here. I think most of us reaching out to share these concerns are the same who will reach out to groups and set up the events we feel will help or interest our children develop to their full potential.


Oh, a prior post remarked about the supplies for public school. Here's the list from the school ds would attend this year:
Crayons – 1 box of 24
Eraser Caps – 1 bag/box
#2 Pencils – 1 box of 12
Wide Ruled Notebook Paper – 400 sheets
Pronged and Two Pocket Folders – 6 of them
Spiral Notebook – 1
Glue Sticks – 4
Dry Erase Markers - 1
Scissors - 1
1 1/2” 3 ring binder with clear view cover - 1
Zip pencil pouch with 3 hole punch - 1
Package of copy paper – 1

Not too bad this year, last year they wanted certain brands & colors of things so everyone would have the same. All the supplies go to the teacher, and he/she redistributes. So the child who loves green may not get the green scissors they picked, etc.... Just one of so many annoying school practices.
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#33 of 54 Old 07-06-2007, 11:26 AM
 
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Originally Posted by moominmamma View Post
My friend Stephanie, a wise unschooling mom of a fully-fledged adult daughter, calls this "FMS Syndrome" -- 'Fraid of Missing Something Syndrome. Then she points out that any time you make a choice, you're missing something. Have Cheerios for breakfast and you miss out on Froot Loops. Marry Bob and you miss out on marrying Bill. Homeschool and you miss out on school. That's how life works. You can't live your life regretting not having the things you didn't choose.
That is amazingly simple, yet something that many of us forget from time to time. Thanks Miranda, I needed to hear that, and not just because of homeschooling--I'm in the middle of trying to make another important decision right now--moving to the country or staying in the city--and it helps to remember that either way we will miss out on some stuff so I shouldn't worry too much.

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#34 of 54 Old 07-06-2007, 12:00 PM
 
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I can so relate. I live in a village and the school is lovely. The kids seem happy. I used to disagree with school and vow I would never send my dd, now I am not so sure. She misses out on the friends i.e a bigger group to choose from. The biggest things she misses out on are the drama, music and sining activities. I keep wistfully looking at a private school brochure that specialises in these things and am so tempted to send her even though she says she doesn't want to go.

I used to think homeschooling was the best, but now I realise I am not the best homeschooler and there are better teachers out there than me.

Amanda treehugger.gif , UK Mum, married to airline pilot Davesurf.gif . Mum to Emily blahblah.gif (20), Jasmine  dust.gif(11) and Theo fencing.gif(7):

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#35 of 54 Old 07-06-2007, 12:13 PM
 
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I can so relate. I live in a village and the school is lovely. The kids seem happy. I used to disagree with school and vow I would never send my dd, now I am not so sure. She misses out on the friends i.e a bigger group to choose from. The biggest things she misses out on are the drama, music and sining activities. I keep wistfully looking at a private school brochure that specialises in these things and am so tempted to send her even though she says she doesn't want to go.

I used to think homeschooling was the best, but now I realise I am not the best homeschooler and there are better teachers out there than me.
Sometimes we forget there are environments that can be lovely for children. I feel that way about my ds' school.
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#36 of 54 Old 07-06-2007, 05:30 PM
 
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Nope. Well, I do sort of wish my kids could have music lessons, but I'm also glad I don't have to listen to them practice!

Yes, I know I could get them music lessons anyway, but that means paying for them, which I'm not currently in a position to do.

My kids were in private Jewish schools before HSing, and the Jewish schools around here don't offer music lessons anyway. So I simply don't think about it even being a real option for them anyway.

The local HS group is very active, and covers pretty much anything I would want her to participate in at school- art classes, a drama club is starting next year, etc.

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19, Hannah, 18, and Jack, 12
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#37 of 54 Old 07-06-2007, 05:52 PM
 
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Nope.

Even though I adored school and had my favorite moments, any of those can be duplicated much better at home. And home leaves out all the bad that came with school, and there was much more bad and wrong with it (and that was then, now it is much worse) than there was good.

Truly seems like the things HS children will "miss out on" by not being in school are superficial at best IMO.
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#38 of 54 Old 07-06-2007, 06:15 PM
 
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Yes, I do sometimes feel this way (or I will feel that way once I really get into the thick of homeschooling). I think sometimes we focus so much on the negatives of ps, we forget about the positives, and there are positives. But I truly feel in my heart the downfalls of ps oveshadow the good things and that is essentially why I'm homeschooling.

Sara Mama to DS (6) and DS (4)
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#39 of 54 Old 07-06-2007, 06:28 PM
 
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Shawna, I can relate so much to what your post. My dd is 5.5 so would be attending K in the Fall and we are 99.9% sure we are keeping here home, and those are the doubts that go through my mind sometimes, what will she miss?

The funny thing is, both my dh and I have a hard time coming up with any good memories from elementary or Junior high years.

~Tracy

Rockin' mama to Allison (9), Asher (5) and Alethea (3), head over heels in love with my sexy husband, Tony.

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#40 of 54 Old 07-06-2007, 08:11 PM
 
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I sometimes wonder about this, and can get pretty nostalgic, but if I'm truly honest about my ps experience, it was lame. Most of the teachers sucked, it was booorrrinnnggg, and I didn't learn much except how to skate by with doing the bare minimum.

There are two things that I know I loved about school. One was the independance of it -- being on my own, doing my own thing (in as much as that is possible in ps), the freedom to reinvent myself away from my parents, making friends that I chose (as opposed to who my parents introduced me to, or who happened to live near me).

The other thing I loved is actually two people...Mr. Edwards (5th grade) who was a passionate supporter of my love to read, as well as the teacher who introduced me to some amazing music and poetry -- he never "dumbed down" his selection just because we were in the fifth grade; and Mr. Finnegan (took several of his classes in hs) who taught literature and creative writing. I've never before or since had an instructor who was so invested in authentic representation of self, who pushed and pushed until you gave it everything you had, and who's compliments were so highly valued by the students who he connected with. I arranged to re-take his creative writing class twice for no grade just to have access to his input.

I worry that my girls might not have that chance to be so positively influenced by an adult outside their family/our group of friends. But like someone else said, you can't have everything (FMS is a fabulously simple way to put it), and I'm not going to subject them to all the other yucks of ps just on the chance that they might have the privelage of being taught by a teacher like that.

As far as missing out on the parent stuff of having your kid in school, I think that just gets multiplied by homeschooling -- rather than helping out in the class once or twice a year, you are there all the time; instead of chaperoning the occasional field trip, you get to plan and go on as many as you want. Shopping for supplies can be more fun because you're not confined to a list, and rather than just buying a backpack, you can help your child decorate their learning area. The idea of having my kid ride a school bus just scares the living crap out of me, so I can't help with a positive spin on that one
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#41 of 54 Old 07-06-2007, 09:33 PM
 
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the good out weigh the bad and there for i never look back there really is not anything i sit down and say that my DC's are missing out on i see so many bad i dont even see any good from schools
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#42 of 54 Old 07-06-2007, 09:50 PM
 
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the good out weigh the bad and there for i never look back there really is not anything i sit down and say that my DC's are missing out on i see so many bad i dont even see any good from schools
Exactly. I don't sit there and weigh anything-- I love what we are doing.

However, when the question comes up, or my ds is jazzed about a particular something , I think of those energetic folks, and wish my hsing children (and even me, as an asult) could get a piece of this particlur groups' energy, at least part time.

I've often wished I hadn't observed or experienced what I have. It would make this wounderful hsing journey just that much more simple.
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#43 of 54 Old 07-07-2007, 04:19 AM
 
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i think the only part that i personally would have missed is being in marching band/concert band. who knows if my DDs will even want to do that. not even sure if they can participate in our school district. it is soo far away and laws could change.
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#44 of 54 Old 07-07-2007, 06:22 AM
 
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Isn't it sad how a PS needs to do that to survive? I almost equate it to prostitution. :
What is really strange to me is that the houses that are being built within that school district just keep getting bigger and bigger, then when the school wants a millage passed people vote no. They did that for the library millage too.
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#45 of 54 Old 07-07-2007, 06:49 AM
 
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I think most of us reaching out to share these concerns are the same who will reach out to groups and set up the events we feel will help or interest our children develop to their full potential.
I'm sure that will be the case and your kids will have so much to choose from. We don't have many homeschoolers around here but my DS particpates (with a little organizational help from me) in a journal we create with other homeschoolers around my his age.

Also, where we live the public schools don't do much in the way of music, sports (besides gym class), etc. You find that in the communties. My DS will be able to pursue any passion he has (within reason--I'm imagining him at age 8 asking to learn to paraglide...) so I find that not being in school he can do more, not less.
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#46 of 54 Old 07-07-2007, 10:05 AM
 
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I see plusses and minuses to school and homeschooling, so I do struggle with those feelings as well. When all my kids were young and we were pretty much out of touch with the local school community, I was very satisfied with homeschooling and our quiet little world. Now that my kids are getting older and my son needs more social contact (our homeschool group has only 2 other kids his age who attend rarely)--and also seems to respond better to other adult teachers--he really wants to go to school, and we are ready to let him. Right now he really needs a wider social base than our homeschooling situation is providing him. We'll see whether he decides it's worth the price of more stress, testing, homework, etc.! This past year, he participated in a neat homeschooling drama troupe; however, most of the people were very conservative young earth Creationists--this seems to be true of most homeschoolers around here, but not of us--so in most homeschool groups we struggle with feeling like outsiders.

We hear about lots of neat programs and social activities at the local schools, and we have started to be a part of these communities through other activities (sports, etc.)--though, as homeschoolers, we are again rather like outsiders. I know that these communities are far from perfect, and I prefer our methods of learning at home, our flex schedule, and many other things; but I see good things happening at school as well.

My youngest wanted to attend 1/2-day kindergarten this past year, and she had a phenomenal teacher who enriched her life in many ways. She said she likes being at home, but she also very much liked being at school--she preferred being able to do both. I do wish we could pick and choose to do the good parts of school and homeschool as well!



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There were a lot of problems about school when I was growing up (being teased/picked on, being bored, having to ask to go to the bathroom, etc) but there were a lot of parts I loved too. Sometimes I feel really sad for my kids that they aren't going to get to experience that. And sometimes I really wish I didn't homeschool but I have it so ingrained in my head that school is bad that I can't put them in school. I have even spent time researching schools, imagining my kids going there. Does anyone else feel this way?
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#47 of 54 Old 07-07-2007, 02:59 PM
 
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I also fall into the camp of having mixed feelings about homeschooling. Although I feel it is best for my kids right now, I would be okay with them choosing to go to school when they're older.

One of the biggest things I feel like we miss out on is the sense of community. Although I usually love the things that Miranda has to say, I disagree that most schools are a pseudo-community. Going to school truly did provide me with a sense of community. I formed many close relationships with my peers, got to know some of my teachers pretty well, and simply felt like I was part of the the community at large. I had a huge sense of nostalgia when we attended the 4th of July parade this week. When I saw the school marching bands, the cheerleaders, the athletic teams, the clubs- I did feel some pangs of regret that my children don't feel a part of their community *in that way.*

I do acknowledge that there are ways to participate in communities without participating in the schools. My kids can participate in private art classes, music lessons, sports programs, clubs, etc. But now that we've been HSing for a few years, it does feel a little redundant to have things like HS prom and HS sports leagues and HS band, when all of those activies are easily available in our community/neighborhood at the public schools (as opposed to driving to a bigger city for HS activities).

Although I'm mostly happy with our decision to HS our kids, I'm increasingly open to sending my kids to the local democratic charter school when they're older.

New signature, same old me: Ann- mama of 2 boys and 2 girls, partnered to a fabulous man.
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#48 of 54 Old 07-07-2007, 03:49 PM
 
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I also see the positives and negative of school. We homeschool because I believe it lets kids learn at their own pace and explore their own interests. I hated being done with English in five minutes and then having to sit there but never understanding Math, even at the end of the period. I like that instead of doing worksheets about animals, we just go to the zoo.

I don't worry about them missing art or music. We take classes in visual art, dance and drama. When my son wanted to play violin we go him lessons. Everyone swims and does gymnastics. Next week is a week-long soccer camp at the Y. We pay way too much for classes but it is what my kids want to do and this way I don't feel they miss out.

I feel that I can easily exceed the math, science, language arts education they'd receive at school (Arizona usually ranks 49th in education) and can exceed the arts, physical education. What I can't replace is being surrounded by 20+ children everyday. Seeing the same children day in and day out. We have struggled for a couple of years with this and are continuing to; our very social eldest child would love to be with kids every day. We live in an enormous, sprawled city. Someone you like at art class may live 45 minutes away. We've lived here 2.5 years and he still hasn't really made his own friends. Seeing the same kids everyday would really help him meet his need to be around children. That I can't replace.
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#49 of 54 Old 07-08-2007, 01:38 PM
 
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nope- all the good stuff can easily be found elsewhere....social time with peers, playing on the playground,joining a town sports team, forming a band from local kids outside of school or at a local school of music- going on awesome field trips- even creating some learning co-ops if your kids like learning some things in a group,like a science club,or whatever they love- but I am a die hard homeschooler......I love it!
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#50 of 54 Old 07-08-2007, 02:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for all the input. I really appreciate all the points of view. My children are adamently opposed to going to school at this point so its not an option. I will never force them to go when they don't want to. I think I will be willing to consider it if THEY ask to go and I feel they are ready to do so. I would be sending them to Christian school and there are some good ones in the area. I do think homeschooling is best but if they are wanting to go to school I think they need to have that chance to see how they feel about it. I am talking at like 11 or 12 years old though, not 8.

Shawna, married to Michael, mommy to Elijah 1/18/01, Olivia 11/9/02, and Eliana 1/22/06
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#51 of 54 Old 07-08-2007, 05:58 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mamasgirls View Post
The little pagents, pulling the school supply list and having her choose a backpack, lunchboxc etc.
My kids have had so many more opportunities to do cool things because of the freedom of homeschooling. They get to pick and choose how they spend their time. There really are *more* options for homeschooled kids.

They have backpacks and lunchboxes (which come in handy for their various activities) and they select their own *not back to school supplies* each fall. They think it is a lot more fun to pick their own new stuff than follow some else's list.

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#52 of 54 Old 07-08-2007, 07:14 PM
 
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Sometimes...yeah.

But then if I really look at what we are doing I realize it at least equivalent if not better then what PS would offer. My kids can play sports, take classes, be in plays and even do show and tell (our homeschool group does 3-4 of these a year!). Academically they are way better off now as well.

The only thing they really *miss* is being with kids 5 days a week, 6hrs a day, 9m a year and experience has shown me that it doesn't really make difference for my kids. Both of them have more (and truer) friends now then they did in school. In or case, quantity does not equal guality in terms of relationships.

As my DD has gotten older (she's 13) I've noticed that she seeks out more peer interaction. Even though she's extremely introverted, she really enjoys being with her peers and so we make it a point to see that she does as often as she likes and is feasable. The thing I notice is the *peer* to her doesn't mean 13yo, 8th graders. She is happy *hanging* with kids from 8-adult as long as she has something in common with them. She just as happy talking books with the 19yo fellow helper in the childcare room as she is talking about Rupurt Grint with her 14yo girlfriend. I mention this only because I know I always worried about getting her enough peer interaction, thinking I'd have to dig up 8-10 13yos for her to do things with. It hasn't turned out to be the problem I thought it would be and we certainly didn't need school to do it!
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#53 of 54 Old 07-09-2007, 09:41 AM
 
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This is something I am really struggling with as well. My girls are 14 and would be starting high school this fall.

I was one of those people who remembers high school fondly. But if I REALLY let myself think about it, there was such an intense pressure to "do well" like my whole life depended on how well I did in high school. So I made sure I was involved in EVERYTHING and I was chronically sleep deprived and stressed.

By my senior year I had burned out. I quit almost everything and started missing school (by body was exhausted and needed to rest)

And now, 15 years later, I have no desire to attend reunions or anything like that. I have a couple of friends that I still see. I've found that it didn't matter at all if I was on the varsity cheerleading squad, the student council and VP of our class in real life.

I don't think it helped me either. The only thing I learned was to measure myself by someone else's yardstick.
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#54 of 54 Old 07-09-2007, 09:48 AM
 
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NEVER! And I am someone who LOVED school.

~Marie : Mom to DS(11), DS(10), DD(8), DD(4), DD(2), & Happily Married to DH 12 yrs.!
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