I figured out why being around other hs'ers makes me feel awful (update #36) - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#31 of 47 Old 08-30-2007, 11:28 AM
 
UUMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Posts: 9,777
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I thought of something else..maybe you're simply bored with some things? I get bored with some things that interest my kids or dh. Not that the kids don't enjoy the events they go to-- we only ever do things they want to do.

I'm just not interested in certain things that interest my kids (or dp). I don't generally drag them along to my things, kwim? Could you just drop them off at certain events they want to do? You might miss them while you are apart, but you might also keep your sanity.
UUMom is offline  
#32 of 47 Old 08-30-2007, 11:55 AM
 
hipumpkins's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: NJ
Posts: 6,140
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Finally, I just quit mentioning specifics and started doing what works best for me and my dd and I feel SO much better! I just didn't find important the things she thought were tantamount. Once I stayed true to my own objectives and goals, life got much better. I may not have some fabulous stories to tell about how my young kids have read Shakespeare or that they're well-versed in history before they hit junior high, but dd is solid in math and grammar and is enjoying school more.

The first rule of homeschooling: water the plants! :
hipumpkins is offline  
#33 of 47 Old 08-30-2007, 01:25 PM
 
Lillian J's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 9,065
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by funkygranolamama View Post
cool!
And it's pretty cool when you have a whole bunch of people contributing different items. Lillian

Lillian J is offline  
#34 of 47 Old 08-30-2007, 02:24 PM
 
MamaMisfit's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 66
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruthla View Post
Please, try to listen to your own heart, and listen to your kids' needs, and try not to let other people's expectations factor into your decisions...You can be an involved mom without homeschooling- volunteering at the school for various activities, etc., and doing fun stuff after school and on weekends.
I love homeschooling and it helps me to be my best self, but I can't say that it is for everyone. I agree with Ruthla above.

Alana, after reading how you feel and about your DH being gone so much, I thought of a friend who's husband was a young professor, proving himself by working non-stop and trying for tenure.

She didn't homeschool and worked part-time, but she was always with her kids after school. They went to festivals, concerts, and plays, they did all sorts of activities that interested them, she volunteered every week at the school, and she helped them with their homework for about an hour each day. I even asked her once why she didn't homeschool - her answer was that she loved her career and her adult life and just needed them to be herself, then she could share her "self" with her children. It made sense.

If you do decide to continue to homeschool, try to make some time for an activity that is just for YOU - for your "self." Then do get a curriculum that doesn't require you to do a lot of work and just enjoy the things you DO enjoy together.
MamaMisfit is offline  
#35 of 47 Old 08-30-2007, 07:01 PM
 
Wolfmeis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Pugetopolis
Posts: 3,430
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I hear you Mama. Sometimes it's just UGHUGHUGH.

I applied for a job this week and my dh was "why?" I replied, "I need...a break."

1. When you're done with your schooling for the day, and they are not, I would suggest you have something of a prepared environment. I very rarely am involved with the children's most creative pursuits. Have things at the ready that they are responsible for in entirety, from building blocks to watercolors to knitting yarn to first readers. It is their job to take it out and it is their job to put it back.

2. Do you have a gym / YMCA local? The local Y just opened up and they have homeschool PE twice a week. It hasn't started yet but I can tell you how excited I am to have the bigger ones in homeschool PE, without me for two hours every T-Th.

3. You have homeschooling in common with those families, but maybe it doesn't define you as much as you think it does. I would encourage you to remember who YOU Are and make friends of your own on that basis. I pretty much ditched playgroups because of how you're feeling. I adore the women I met, and I love their kids, but I just wasn't into it. I HEAR YOU!!! I needed something for me, and me alone. When that part of me is being taken care of (for me it is singing in the choir and making jewelry) then I am much better at what passes for homeschooling in my home.
Wolfmeis is offline  
#36 of 47 Old 08-30-2007, 07:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
Alana's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,868
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Ok...Im MUCH better today and spent yesterday and today REALLY taking stock of things.
I signed the boys up for the homeschool gym that we have here
I emailed two co-ops to see if they have any openings...I would only have to handle one morning a semester...and they would do art and music and science with the boys.

The HS moms I met here are really great, and have become fast friends. You know when you meet people and there is just that insta-connect? Its great the kids are the same age, but you also enjoy spending time with each other? Its like that. Instead of feeling un-inspired, I think I will just coat tail on their fun inspirations. And then my kids will do the fun stuff.

They do unit studies....Im more of a Classical/Charlotte Mason sort.

Ok...I have also realized that I need a LIFE. Im not just a homeschool mom...Im Alana. THis is my job for the next few years, but if I was a Veternarian my whole being wouldnt be defined by the fact I do that as a career.

In only have one real hobby that I have a life long love of...okay 2...but right now Im too fat to do ballet (that will be my prize when I lose 30 lbs. )

Anyway...that love...ok..more than love...its been a passion since I was four..is horse back riding. I started riding when I was 5...had a few horses, and it was this bug that never left. I put it on hold the past 7yrs.
However...lessons + babysitter will wind up costing 80-100$ a pop.

Earlier today I found a listing for a horse. Beautiful little Quarter Horse...she was used as a broodmare, family is not going to breed any longer...they want a very reasonable amt for her...and will keep her at their barn..for FREE till Aug. 2008. She is preg. and due in April...so that will be when the foal is weaned. They just want the foal.

I emailed it to dh thinking he would die laughing. Instead he said "Sounds great, lets do it!" : : :
We are going to see her on Sunday and discuss specifics.

THough i keep laughing at myself, I am acting like my single best friend...everytime she meets a new guy she plans out their wedding and wonders what they would be like as a husband....Im wondering where we would stable the horse next year....what discipline I would train her under...or train her both english and western...how my kids would have a 4H project, and when her training is done, I could half lease her and then only have half the responsibility yet still have that bliss in my life.

Im a nut...but a happy one.

So now homeschoolign isnt seeming so daunting, and maybe the whole issue isnt the teaching....its me trying to be everything, and having NOTHING that is mine.
Alana is offline  
#37 of 47 Old 08-30-2007, 07:57 PM
 
Cenote's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Bubble on the Coast
Posts: 176
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Alana,

I totally relate in many ways. When my dh is pulling long hours (sometimes he has to travel overseas for work), I get totally burned out. I know that carving out time for myself is the ONLY way to survive - and reconnect with myself as an individual - rather than only as a hsing mom.

Re: the ballet -- I dance as well and I'm definitely heavier than I'd like to be - probably around 30 - 40 lbs. But, I have a wonderful studio that I go to and -- can I just say that to be able to dance, even with my overweight self, is so self-nourishing. There are moments that I can actually feel the DANCE -- and that is an ecstatic thing. So, I would encourage you to consider dancing now, especially since you're feeling fat -- the exercise will up your metabolism and improve your mood. And then one day down the road, you'll find that the weight either wasn't as important as you thought it was and/or that it's melting off.

At any rate, it sounds like you're on the right track.

Peace,

Michelle
Cenote is offline  
#38 of 47 Old 08-30-2007, 08:11 PM
 
lilyka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Sioux Falls, SD
Posts: 18,340
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Alana - I don't love homeschooling. I HATE cooking with my kids. I have a million other things I would rather spend my days doing. I feel like a jerk for feeling this way. But I had children and I have to educate them one way or another. I don't always enjopy being a parent either. I don't enjoy their jokes, or watching a 20 minute interpretive dance by my 4 year old while she belts out the blues, I hate playing rubber girls and I really really dread things like teaching in the co-op and watching their little performances at the end.

tracing bodies and putting in organs . . .the reason people get together to do this is because thats the only way it is tolerable. I mean there are probably some moms who really enjoy this stuff . . . And I appreciate their enthusiasm. my children benefit greatly from it.

So i force myself to do what I have to do . .what I don't want to do. I have gotten over the guilt of not enjoying it. I wouldn't enjoy the school crap either. PTA, fund raisers, class parties, programs (I hate the programs . . . . really really hate the programs).

My dd is on swim team. I am going to be spending time schlepping her to practice and pretending like I enjoy meets and care about the outcome. (I am thankful swimming is er thing and not volleyball, softball, or basketball, because honestly I could not take it).

So don't feel bad about your heart not being in it. You are doing what you think is best. Thats good!! You are hooking up with people who are into and creative and enthusiastic. Thats Good!! You are doing what needs to be done even though you hate it. Thats Good!! It really is ok if you don't love homeschooling. or public schooling. or whatever your child is into or whatever needs to be done. You can still do it well and give your child a good education and childhood.

ya know,, i just noticed, you mentioned that you were kinda a Charlotte Mason/Classical approach person. While I did and do think this is the superior way to homeschool in theory it was sucking all the joy out of it to me. I hated the books and the narration and missed worksheets and stupid projects. I hated the amount of time it took. the amount of work it took. I don't have plans for next year but I feel so free realizing that no matter how good it is in theory it just doesn't work for us. I want some worksheets and simplicity and it isn't perfect or ideal or necessarily the best way to learn but at least I can be ok with homeschooling and not dread each next chapter of the dreadfully boring "living" book we are reading.

And dancing - Don't make it your prize for weight loss- make it your path to weight loss!!! is there a studio that will just let you go in and dance for an hour a couple days a week. get moving. fall in love with it again. and dancing melts the pounds right off!! Why wait?

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

lilyka is offline  
#39 of 47 Old 08-30-2007, 08:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
Alana's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,868
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We are using Calvert which Im finding reasonable...its like Classical Lite. I like the reading choices, plus there are worksheets which both the dc and I tend to like. : There is no way we could be a Great Book Academy or Veritas family...not with me teaching. Also I like having everything scripted out for me...I get really confused when I have to figure out how to translate a lesson to my dc..plus Im easily distracted. ..so it keeps me on course.

I did just sign dd up for ballet...and I know they have an adult class.

The other issue too...I dont really have enough free time to take a class. by January dh's schedule should be slightly sane.

I did just buy a workout video that combines ballet, modern dance, tai chi, and pilates...so Im going to try to be consistent with that.

Im not feeling SO much better about not enjoying everything my dc do. I always feellike I should freeze frame moments in my mind, because they will only be little for such a little while. But honestly...I do really well with preteens and teens. I am excited about those ages and everything we can do then.
Alana is offline  
#40 of 47 Old 08-31-2007, 12:42 AM
 
Arduinna's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 32,629
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Way to go Alana! What awesome news!

And as the mom of teen, I love the teen years!
Arduinna is offline  
#41 of 47 Old 08-31-2007, 12:56 AM
 
moominmamma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: In the middle of nowhere, at the centre of everything.
Posts: 5,585
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 33 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyka View Post
always enjopy
Okay, I know this is a typo and all, but the word jumped out at me on a quick skim and I mis-read it as "entropy" and then caught what was actually typed, and thought to myself "what a great word for the mess and disorganization that develop in our home when the kids are all wrapped up in something they enjoy."

Enjopy. Kewl.

Miranda

Mountain mama to three great kids and one great grown-up

moominmamma is online now  
#42 of 47 Old 08-31-2007, 01:35 PM
 
AngelBee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: New Brighton, MN
Posts: 20,762
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
That sounds like a great plan!

Mama to 9 so far:Mother of Joey (20), Dominick (13), Abigail (11), Angelo (8), Mylee (6), Delainey (3), Colton (2) and Baby 8 and Baby 9 coming sometime in July 2013.   If evolution were true, mothers would have three arms!

AngelBee is offline  
#43 of 47 Old 08-31-2007, 01:40 PM
 
Ruthla's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 47,873
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alana View Post
Ok...Im MUCH better today and spent yesterday and today REALLY taking stock of things.



Ok...I have also realized that I need a LIFE. Im not just a homeschool mom...Im Alana. THis is my job for the next few years, but if I was a Veternarian my whole being wouldnt be defined by the fact I do that as a career.



Im a nut...but a happy one.



So now homeschoolign isnt seeming so daunting, and maybe the whole issue isnt the teaching....its me trying to be everything, and having NOTHING that is mine.
I'm glad to hear your update, and that you're feeling better about stuff and doing something just for yourself!

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19, Hannah, 18, and Jack, 12
Ruthla is offline  
#44 of 47 Old 08-31-2007, 01:56 PM
 
ZanZansMommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Where the watermelons grow!
Posts: 1,315
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alana View Post
I'm a nut...but a happy one.
So happy to hear your update Alana. You're in good company because I'm sure most of us here are nuts.

Lola , loving my DH, Mama to & we &
ZanZansMommy is offline  
#45 of 47 Old 08-31-2007, 02:01 PM
 
Jenivere's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Second star to the right...
Posts: 10,635
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
sorry, meant to start a new thread

:
Jenivere is offline  
#46 of 47 Old 08-31-2007, 02:29 PM
 
Nature's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: In Aspieville
Posts: 6,537
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by zeldamomma View Post
FWIW I am realizing that I don't enjoy the co-op/group learning thing. I enjoy purely social visits but getting together to do planned learning activities bugs me. : I'm not sure exactly why-- the moms are nice, but the whole vibe bugs me, even if they're doing things I would do with my kids at home.

I sign my kids up for drop-off classes, but I don't get together with families for learning stuff, and I don't teach.

Sorry you're going through a rough time. I hope you can figure out a path that feels right.

ZM
This is how I am as well. Something about being with other moms bothers me. And it isn't just hs moms. Its public school moms on outings and whatnot too. I'm just not comfortable.

treehugger.gifAutistic pagan mama with five kiddos on the spectrum, learning through living life. autismribbon.gif  computergeek2.gif

Nature is offline  
#47 of 47 Old 08-31-2007, 05:32 PM
 
MamaMisfit's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 66
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am so happy to hear that you are doing better and planning some things for yourself - bravo!
MamaMisfit is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off