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#31 of 51 Old 12-23-2007, 06:12 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Mrs. Cheerful Face View Post
You also might mention to her the next time you hear from her, "They make all kinds of alternative solution undergarments, and you would be happy to put her in touch with some info. on how to get those tight panties out from up her backside, because they are obviously impairing her otherwise reasonable judgement."

Susan -- married unschoolin' WAHMomma to two lovely girls (born 2000 and 2005).
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#32 of 51 Old 12-23-2007, 06:35 PM
 
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That was a good one!

Hang in there, she'll regret saying those things one day!
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#33 of 51 Old 12-23-2007, 06:38 PM
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Wow, just wow. I felt myself getting angry just reading the original post. Your husband must be the most patient man ever.
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#34 of 51 Old 12-23-2007, 06:40 PM
 
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My response?
Quote:
Yes isn't freedom a wonderful thing.. when YOU have children YOU will get to research & make your own choices and do what YOU know is right for YOUR own family. Until then, absolutely none of what you just said was any of YOUR business to comment on so don't bother calling again until you understand that this is a boundary not to be crossed again.
My sil (who is many years younger, and dingier..although the two may or may not be correllational ) used to give advice to me when my 5yo was a baby. I eventually had to remind her that I DO have teenage sons and have it pretty much under control thanks!

Pagan  lovin'  WOW playing mum to 5 boys in the wonderful land of Oz ... FOR THE HORDE! hehehe
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#35 of 51 Old 12-23-2007, 06:40 PM
 
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Can she send it to me? I am dying of curiosity here...what "research"?

My message to her would be this: different is not bad. You do things differently, and that is ok. Your dc are thriving and happy, and that is all that matters.

Attacking your children, your family, and your home, however, is completely unacceptable and will not be tolerated. If the subject is brought up again, my response would be "We are not going to discuss this."
I'll bet she'll send the article written by the school custodian...you know, the one on the educational website bashing homeschooling.LOL Where is that article when you need a good laugh?

Your SIL is just rude. Don't play into her and ignore her. I'm curious about her "research" as well. Tell her that you've done your research, but it does sound like she needs to research homeschooling for herself.

In her defense, I had some pretty dumb ideas about what homeschooling was or should be when I first started researching homeschooling for us. I've come full circle, so I know it's possible.

Good luck
Lisa

Our children make a study of us in a way no one else ever will.  If we don't act according to our values, they will know.~Starhawk Rainbow.gif  New  User Agreement! http://www.mothering.com/community/wiki/user-agreement

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#36 of 51 Old 12-23-2007, 08:23 PM
 
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I knew before you even finished your story that she had no kids of her own. Hope you can laugh her ridiculous comments off, that's all they deserve.
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#37 of 51 Old 12-23-2007, 09:05 PM
 
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For her being as well travelled as she is, she is still very small minded. I would definitely tell her she is no longer welcome around if she continues to disrespect you and your family.


I can only imagine her sitting down with some Kuwaiti family telling them that how they raise their children is bad because it is different.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Mark Twain
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#38 of 51 Old 12-23-2007, 11:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you so much everyone for your support! Just when I needed it the most you were there. You guys offer a support that is hard to find anywhere else. You are going through this journey with me and understand where I am coming from and that is comforting! UPDATE: She wrote us an email apologizing and hoping that we can forgive her for overstepping boundaries. I do forgive her and told her so but it is very hard to get past this! Now I know how she AND my inlaws feel about us. I feel very hurt right now. I sent her my homeschooling blog (not much yet but I'll work on it..lol) I told her not to bring up homeschooling again but if she is interested she can read our blog. www.savardhomeiscool.blogspot.com
She said she feels awful and was just concerned about our children. I told her that our house isn't a Desperate Housewives house (can't wait to see what happens with the aftermath of the tornado!!!) but an Everybody Loves Raymond house It is lived in a cozy.
Thank you again so much for being there when I needed it most!
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#39 of 51 Old 12-24-2007, 12:36 AM
 
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Originally Posted by homeschoolingmama View Post
Now I know how she AND my inlaws feel about us. I feel very hurt right now.
I know she represented herself this way, but it may or may not be true. Not that she intentionally lied, but it could be that she spoke out of turn, or really doesn't understand her parents' feelings about all this. If I were you, I would try to believe that she doesn't speak for your mil and fil and let them speak for themselves.

I can sure see how this will be hard to get past!
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#40 of 51 Old 12-24-2007, 01:03 AM
 
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I'm glad she emailed to apologize. I still wouldn't be inviting her over to stay ever again though unless I knew without a doubt that she had changed her opinion of things in your family.
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#41 of 51 Old 12-24-2007, 01:09 AM
 
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Originally Posted by homeschoolingmama View Post
SHE DOESN'T HAVE CHILDREN!!!!!



I had a feeling this was the case when I started reading...and even if she did have kids, totally out of place for her to be so close minded and judgemental. I think that some people forget that opinions are not facts. If she would do everything completely different from you, fine, but that wouldn't make it right.

I too think we have the same SIL. Mine's a schoolteacher to boot, so she *really* knows all the answers

Different is not wrong, but apparently some people didn't get the memo.
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#42 of 51 Old 12-24-2007, 11:53 AM
 
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I'm glad she apologized for overstepping her boundaries -- but I can totally understand that this will be hard for you to get past. This doesn't mean you haven't forgiven her -- just that you're protective of your family and it will take some time for you to be able to trust her again. Not completely trusting, IMO, isn't the same as holding a grudge against someone.

I agree with the pp who said you should let your in-laws speak for themselves, and not assume that their opinion is the same as your SIL's. It could very well be that they expressed some mild reservations to her about homeschooling, and she took it that they were of totally the same mind as her. Or maybe they never said anything -- but she just assumed everyone in her family must see things the same way she does.

And I'm glad you're feeling better!

Susan -- married unschoolin' WAHMomma to two lovely girls (born 2000 and 2005).
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#43 of 51 Old 12-24-2007, 12:04 PM
 
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I am so glad she apologized.

OUR DAUGHTERS ARE PROTECTED SHOULDN'T OUR SONS BE TOO! :
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#44 of 51 Old 12-24-2007, 12:14 PM
 
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Originally Posted by homeschoolingmama View Post
Thank you so much everyone for your support! Just when I needed it the most you were there. You guys offer a support that is hard to find anywhere else. You are going through this journey with me and understand where I am coming from and that is comforting! UPDATE: She wrote us an email apologizing and hoping that we can forgive her for overstepping boundaries. I do forgive her and told her so but it is very hard to get past this! Now I know how she AND my inlaws feel about us. I feel very hurt right now. I sent her my homeschooling blog (not much yet but I'll work on it..lol) I told her not to bring up homeschooling again but if she is interested she can read our blog. www.savardhomeiscool.blogspot.com
She said she feels awful and was just concerned about our children. I told her that our house isn't a Desperate Housewives house (can't wait to see what happens with the aftermath of the tornado!!!) but an Everybody Loves Raymond house It is lived in a cozy.
Thank you again so much for being there when I needed it most!
It's ok to be hurt. What sort of person is she? Does she often speak out of turn and apologize, or is she basically a decent person? We all have said things we should not have...and it's not a great idea to carry anger around--especially if your family would benefit from her love.

She made a mistake...she apologized. She spoke to her own brother about her concerns. I hope my children feel they can discuss their worries with thier siblings when they are adults. It's one of the best things about having siblings. It doesn't sound like it was a drag -out fight...just one sister sharing her concerns (however misguided) with her brother.

I would really try to put this behind you if she hasn't shown craziness in the past. If this is a pattern...I can see where you might have major trust issues, and then I would limit contact. Otherwise, I'd take the high road and let her love all of you. People who don't care say nothing.
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#45 of 51 Old 12-24-2007, 06:44 PM
 
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I am SOOOO happy she got right with you all. From now on when she starts down that path again, imagine all your kindred spirits here backing you. Everything you do and say and are is having an impact on her!!! "One raindrop raises the sea!!!!"
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#46 of 51 Old 12-24-2007, 06:52 PM
 
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I'm glad she apologized!

I wouldn't assume that "now you know how all the inlaws feel about us."

SIL could have misinterpreted something small her parents said about your HSing, or she could have made it all up in her head entirely.

She sounds very young and passionate. Jumps into something with both feet and THEN realizes she's made a mistake. I know I've come across as "less than gentle" about environmental issues or "the right way to AP" when I was in college or a brand new mother (I had my first baby at 22). Time has mellowed me.

I wouldn't take any of this too personally- she doesn't sound like she's mellowed out yet.

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19 (in Israel for another school year), Hannah, 18 (commuting to college), and Jack, 12(homeschooled)
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#47 of 51 Old 12-25-2007, 05:43 PM
 
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Don't feel too bad, I got into a heated "discussion" with my bachelor brother in law about homeschooling, vax, etc. Apparently I'm doing my kids a disservice because they're "not learning social skills," which is hilarious to me because said bro-in-law is rather socially inept- and went to school his whole life. (He's a computer geek, just like my husband- smart but lacking social skills.)

My brother always tells me how I can better raise my kids. He and his wife have none.

My dad constantly asks my ds if he's looking forward to going to school (and has been aware of our choice to homeschool since ds was about 2, and he's 5 now). Ds finally asked him to stop talking to him about it because it's bothering him.

Some people just...don't...get...it. It's not up to us to homeschool our relatives about the prospects of homeschooling. Some people had such wonderful school experiences that they can't understand why you'd want to "deprive" your child/ren of those same experiences. I was not one of those people. My kids already are ostracized all the time (by strangers, nonetheless, ie- at gymnastics open gym, never having been there before, a group of kids decided to ignore my son- all he did was walk out onto the floor, sigh...) and I am not going to make them suffer for their entire childhood just to please people who THINK they know what's best for my kids.

Cheer up and ignore the woman. She can send you whatever she wants, but if she truly wants to learn about it, it's up to her to learn on her own, suffice it to say.

Leave a bunch of homeschooling books in visible places. They're welcome to read if they'd like.

(I looked further and saw things are better, so good for you guys, I'm glad. I still stand by what I said, lol!)
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#48 of 51 Old 12-25-2007, 07:43 PM
 
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I am so glad she apologized.
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#49 of 51 Old 12-26-2007, 01:31 AM
 
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I am glad she apologized. I would offer very little information to her in the future, and hope that she chills out!
My step sister used to offer me all kinds of advice when my older two were little and she was still single. I think she was about 21 the last time she said anything to me. I usually just said "oh wow, interesting...thanks!" or ignored what she said entirely. Now, she has two kids of her own and she NEVER offers me any advice. In fact, she has asked me for advice a few times...but she and I have VERY different parenting styles, so keeping that factor out of the discussions are important to keeping the peace, really.
Anyway, try not to let it bother you!
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#50 of 51 Old 12-26-2007, 12:30 PM
 
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I made it a point awhile ago to not give a rat's a$$ about anything my family or DH's family says.

Sounds like you might want to do the same. You know best.
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#51 of 51 Old 12-27-2007, 05:58 AM
 
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Next time: "Get pregnant, raise a couple kids, then we'll talk. Would you like some dip?"

Amy ~ Web Designing Single Mom to 4: DD14, DS12, DS5, DS3
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