Any negative sides of HS? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 54 Old 06-27-2008, 03:56 PM
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thanks for the replies. thanks. thanks.
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#32 of 54 Old 06-27-2008, 06:01 PM
 
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The lack of free childcare. There have been days where dd was been really whiny and I've seriously considered begging local preschools to take her 2-3 days a week even though she'll be five. I don't think I'd actually do it, but it can be appealing.

Advice: Line up a good mother's helper or babysitter for when you need a break. Even if they just come play with the kids when you're home, it can be a sanity saver.

Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
14yo ds   11yo dd  9yo ds and 7yo ds and 2yo ds  
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#33 of 54 Old 06-27-2008, 06:36 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mackysmama View Post
no time to myself and it's a big ordeal to find childcare (no family here to help us). this is a big one for me right now - sometimes I'd like to take a nice long shower without having someone stick their lego creation in for me to look at.
Can I just say you made my day with that comment. I can't stop laughing. I so agree 200% with that sentiment.

On a serious note: Wish you were in our city. We have families in our group of all kinds. I hate that so many families who aren't made up of a "traditional" mom/dad composite feel so unwelcome in the hs community. That's really not right.
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#34 of 54 Old 06-27-2008, 06:55 PM
 
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A downside for me is the lack of structure. I am terrible at creating structure- I'm very right-brained and have lots going at once. I have no natural organizational skills (all learned and some not very well).

This is not a negative for some kids. If it were just me and dd, this would work fabulously. But ds needs everything to have a sequence and structure or all heck breaks loose.

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#35 of 54 Old 06-27-2008, 07:48 PM
 
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Our biggest challenge is finding other people to do things with. Ds is a bit of an extrovert. I've worked hard at finding a niche for 2 1/2 years. We have a couple new friends who are in school so not available much (and not even in the neighborhood) and a couple other people we go to playgrounds with once in a while. I'd love if there were a local weekly parkday but there isn't and no one came more than once when I tried starting one. The local homeschoolers seem to only want to do things that will be an "opportunity" for their kids, nothing unstructured.

Mom to unschooling 4everboy since 8/01
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#36 of 54 Old 06-27-2008, 09:44 PM
 
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I live in an area that's rainy and chilly much of the year, and even though we spend 2-3 hours a day on book stuff, the struggle over NOT spending the rest of the day attched to a screen drives me nuts.

Also, the "since you're home anyway" thing. I get this from people who both agree and disagree with homeschooling "Since you're home anyway...can my kid spend his inservice day with you? Can you run me to the airport? Wait for my package? Cook and clean like mom did?"
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#37 of 54 Old 06-27-2008, 10:48 PM
 
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Originally Posted by heket View Post
For us, it's childcare. I wohm, dh is a college student who was taking night courses, but most courses now offered are during the day. We are currently deciding how we want to tackle this as we use to just trade off on school nights.

However, it does present a problem for us in the long term. What kind of care will we be able to line up for the kids while we work? Despite working outside of our home, I would still like to homeschool them. It would probably take a while for me to transition from full to part time work.
For us, this became an issue as well, except I SAH but want to go back to college full time (I am part time now), and we decided to put my kids back in school. I LOVED : homeschooling, but I am also not anti public school. I decided I really wanted to go back to school full time and my husband wants to continue his education after me.

Some of the positives about homeschooling during our year were just that I love spending time with my kids. We have fun together- I never really wished for "me time" and never felt like I needed a day off, though I did need an occasional evening with my husband and we had a babysitter for that. I only got one negative comment from the cashier at a grocery store who cut our conversation short when she found out I homeschooled.

The negatives for me was the amount of effort it took to connect to people. I felt like I was always driving around for classes, scouring magazines/websites for things to take. Homeschooling classes tended to be christian centered and other ones were always after school hours and during rushhour I would have to sit in. My children had less freedom to pick and choose their friends because the homeschool environment is small. It was a different dynamic than our year of public school with kids playing with kids, parents being chatty but totally willing to drop off kids for a playdate, etc. I found homeschoolers were hard pressed to get together personally.. it had to be a group or learning opportunity and I can do those on my own fine. I also worried about music/second language learning and affording those classes along with the hobbies they wanted to do, etc. That, plus homeschooling supplies, while not being as expensive as private school, really added up!

But I loved homeschooling (so please don't be critical because we're giving ps another try! ) and I do see us possibly returning to it in the future.

Married, part time work from home mom to DS (13 and homeschooling), DD1 (11) and DD2 (9) and a giant dopey newfoundland, a crazy border collie mix, 3 black cats and a cute rat.
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#38 of 54 Old 06-28-2008, 02:27 AM
 
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For me personally, it's the total lack of downtime. I've been in and around this for long enough to not sweat the other stuff (although the MIL thing bugs me!) but when what you want for Mother's Day is "two hours to clean the house without interruption" ... you know you need to change something!


I totally identify with this!! And we are just beginning this life at home saga...sigh.

Get used to having a *really* not-Martha Stewart house. If you are a person who needs order and cleanliness, either train your kids to tidy up, hire help, or change your mindset. Or a combination of all three There is a huge difference between my friend's home who send her kids away during the day, and mine.

Also, there needs to be a designated spot to leave interrupted projects out, other than the kitchen table (because you'll want to eat on it sometimes). The piano top has Legos on it currently and every other flat space, higher than baby's reach, has dinosaur models and other projects.

I guess, depending on one's inclinations and habits, these could be downsides. They require patience and creativity, for sure.

ETA: One way to problem-solve the childcare/friends issue actually hits two birds with one stone. Make friends with at least one other family. Invite them over for the kids to play and get to know the other mom. Trade watching the kids for each other if she seems open to this, Give it time, and grow trust, and good things can happen. This has saved my sanity over the past 2 years. If there are two other families you know and trust, make a little babysitting co-op where you can trade sitting with each other. I've done this, too, and it's been great. Check out babysitterexchange,com for a free online way to keep track of hours and communicate with your group. (Not a paid service announcement, I promise!)

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#39 of 54 Old 06-28-2008, 08:29 AM
 
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My dd has always been homeschooled so I don't have a comparison of how our life would be different. Private school is not an option in our area. Obviously pros outweigh any cons or I would not be doing this.

Some family members have reacted very negatively to our decision to homeschool. I think the negative response can be hard for some to deal with. Most people are positive or neutral about it though.

Until dd is a teenager I don't feel comfortable working so we only have 1 income and I am out of the workforce longer. I do thinking working and homeschooling is possible though so even though it isn't really for me it may be for you.

We have chosen to buy a curriculum so homeschooling costs us money. If we sent dd to private school it might cost as much or more though. My budget so far has been $500 or less per year. Some people spend more and some people spend less.

Finding secular curriculum can be challenging sometimes. If you want to hs secular then you might have to buy from a company that isn't totally secular and adapt. If you don't feel comfortable buying from a company that has religious views or supports religious groups that you don't agree with then you might have to look harder.

Sometimes things you choose to use do not work out and you have to try something different. This can be positive and negative. In a school situation your dc will likely have to use the curriculum even if it isn't the best fit for them. It can be frustrating trying to find something that is the best fit for your dc. I think it is worth it though.

Not having the same schedule as the rest of the world. Sometimes this is nice and other times it is a PITA.

Focus on school everywhere. Places like the library have a tremendous focus on the public school schedule. There is the yearly back to school bombardment. Media almost exclusively presenting school to children... the rare homeschooler is often stereotyped.

Not having a support group nearby. We live in a small town and most people send their children to the one ps.

Kim ~mom to one awesome dd (12)

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#40 of 54 Old 06-28-2008, 01:55 PM
 
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This is a very timely thread for me, it's really been on my mind!

Since you asked.....the only true downside for me to HSing is the lack of quiet time for myself. I get SO SICK of seeing the kids day in and day out, seven days a week, and listening to them frickin bicker! We are out of the house as much as possible, because being home just makes us all psycho (not enough space and endless bickering), but of course being gone all the time costs $$$$ in gas and activity fees. AND if we're out all the time, I cannot spend even one second a day on quiet time for myself (reading, sewing, cooking.) If we're home the kids go bonkers, if we're out all the time we don't eat well and it gets $$$$.

So.....lack of time for myself, definitely the biggest biggest problem with HSing. We have four kids (2, 5, 8 and 10) and number 5 is on the way. I cannot imagine how to keep them all entertained and happy next year.

Lack of socialization is another biggie. We live in an area of few HSing families, and the few support groups that exist, are far away in smoggy areas and requiring lots of highway driving. Or the groups meet from 1-6 PM usually, and conflict with my kids' swim team schedule. Swim team is not too much socialization, mostly the kids are just swimming really hard. The kids on the team don't socialize together outside of swim team....well, lots of them see each other in school. My kids love swimming above everything though, and so do I!

We unschool, so I'm not usually worrying about whether the kids are "learning." I'm too lazy to worry about all the rest and schooling too, LOL!

Lack of ME time, lousy HSing support system here, VERY little culture and very little to do, rotten traffic and smog problems to go just about anywhere. There are days when I dream about putting the kids into PS just to have long, long stretches of quiet time to sew, swim, take walks, visit friends, and cook, without being plagued to death by my older kids. Our oldest is EXTREMELY high needs and kind of a pain a lot of the time, so that makes HSing exhausting a lot of the time. But I'm still not going to stick them into PS, because I feel that it would be a horrible choice for everyone except possibly my oldest, and even with her, it would have bad effects that she is not (but I am) aware of.
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#41 of 54 Old 06-28-2008, 10:40 PM
 
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I just noticed that my homeschool conference will be having a sessions called, "Building Grown Up Time into Everyday."
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#42 of 54 Old 06-29-2008, 02:35 AM
 
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I am 27 and was HS my whole life, and loved it. Dh was also HS his whole life.

The only downsides I see are the "sheltering" issue and if the HS parents aren't too intelligent.

Growing up it seemed alot of HS parents had difficulties knowing when to allow their DC to begin making some of their own decisions....compared to children who went to school and were without their parents most of the day. I think sheltering is perfectly fine for helpless babies, toddlers and young children...but older children and teenagers need to be allowed to grow into their own person. That doesn't mean throwing your beliefs and rules out the window, but you simply can't keep a tight reign until their 18, because gosh darn when they turn 18 they'll do whatever they want. How much better to be there for them and be viewed by them as being on their side?

My parents did a good job of giving us freedoms as we showed responsibility, though my Dad was harder on my brothers than he was on me because he remembered what a bad teenager he was haha.

And the other point is you don't have to have a degree to HS, but some HSers I knew didn't have intelligent parents and they basically taught themselves. Which isn't all bad- they turned out intelligent, but a parent should study themselves as they HS. My Mom basically reviewed highschool math as she taught it to me.

So thats that. All in all I loved HSing and the positive far outweighed the negative.

Happily married to DH for 6 years, in process to foster-adopt 3 children DD4, DS3 and DS2. We may be bringing half brother age 9 one day as well! We are not infertile, we just have decided that since there are precious children who need homes there is no need for us to have biological children.

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#43 of 54 Old 06-29-2008, 09:51 PM
 
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And the other point is you don't have to have a degree to HS, but some HSers I knew didn't have intelligent parents and they basically taught themselves. Which isn't all bad- they turned out intelligent, but a parent should study themselves as they HS. My Mom basically reviewed highschool math as she taught it to me.
To my way of thinking, an intelligent parent is one who helps her children learn the things the children want to learn. Period. Of course, that's going to often mean increasing our knowledge about, and skill in, the stuff our kids are interested in.

My oldest is getting more and more interested in sewing, so I've been providing her with needles, thread, and fabric, and helping her as much as I can when she asks for help. I'm not skilled at sewing beyond basic mending, but I'm gradually growing in this area. She's also learning a lot from one of my friends who's a skilled seamstress, as this friend has been giving dd free sewing lessons, and dd is loving it.

I think it'd be impossible, though, to become highly-skilled in each and every thing my children become interested in. And I just have 2 children, and I'm saying that! So I see my intelligence as being better applied in identifying my kids' interests as they emerge, and looking for a variety of resources to help them go where they want to go.

I don't know if any of my children's interests will include higher math. I know the basic stuff -- addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division -- comes up naturally as part of our daily lives, since we cook, sew, garden, budget money, and so on.

If one of my children wants to go beyond the math-knowledge we encounter in our everyday projects and endeavors, I'll certainly look into different avenues for her to do this. And I may get interested (though I never was before) and work through it with her -- or I may look for a mentor that we can pay or barter with, if she's needing more guidance than dh or I can provide.

Susan -- married unschoolin' WAHMomma to two lovely girls (born 2000 and 2005).
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#44 of 54 Old 06-29-2008, 10:19 PM
 
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CONS
i am with my children all.of.the.time
every.single.day is a family day
i have to research, choose, and buy their curriculum
it's important to understand and respect their learning style
i am their teacher
i am involved in their social life heavily


PROS
i am with my children all.of.the.time
every.single.day is a family day
i have to research, choose, and buy their curriculum
it's important to understand and respect their learning style
i am their teacher
i am involved in their social life heavily


anyway....depending on the day depends on which way i categorize it - lol. we honestly love homeschooling so much! i can't imagine any other way for my famliy

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#45 of 54 Old 07-01-2008, 01:47 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks everyone for your advice! I definately still want to homeschool, but I feel more prepared now! Now I just have to get my partner on board...I'm still working on him to believe in the rest of my beliefs (non-vaxing, non-circing, gentle discipline, organic living, etc)!
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#46 of 54 Old 07-01-2008, 03:15 AM
 
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I haven't read the replies, so I apologize if I am repeating what has already been said.

I think the downsides will be different for every family. For us, they are:

1. Time and energy involved in setting up various groups and classes to meet the social needs and educational interests of my children.
2. The amount of money that these classes cost. You can of course homeschool very successfully without paying for expensive classes, but my son just loves them.
3. Dealing with friends/relatives/strangers who question you all the time about homeschooling.
4. No built in daycare. I would like to be working at home about 10 hours a week but have yet to be able to find any time during the day that both my almost 4yo and 7yo are being taken care of elsewhere. So I have to do some of the work on the evenings and weekends, which is less than ideal for us as a family.
5. Periodic panic attacks.
6. Feeling different - this is an issue for me, not my kids (at least not yet). I miss stupid things like back to school shopping and weekly newsletters and class pictures. This is something I enjoyed as a child, and lwas looking forward to when my kids started school. It might sound silly to some people, but I have had to really grieve this loss. You can try to replicate some of these things, but they just aren't the same when you are homeschooling.
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#47 of 54 Old 07-01-2008, 11:34 AM
 
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I miss stupid things like back to school shopping and weekly newsletters and class pictures. This is something I enjoyed as a child, and lwas looking forward to when my kids started school. It might sound silly to some people, but I have had to really grieve this loss. You can try to replicate some of these things, but they just aren't the same when you are homeschooling.
no - that doesn't sound silly

as a child i also really loved field trips, field day outside, recess time, school pictures, back to school shopping, etc. those are good memories for me. actually, school was an overall great experience for me & unlike some others, i really enjoyed school, sports, cheerleading, etc.

i agree that even when we try and replicate those things, they can never be the same (i mean... my child does not have recess with 25 other kids ever, and she does not even know what a lunchroom is). my hope though is that i am creating a wealth of other memories for my kiddos that will be forever special in their minds. although i cannot replicate certain school experiences, i hope that i can create amazing memories that will be even more special in the end.

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#48 of 54 Old 07-01-2008, 11:48 AM
 
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Feeling different - this is an issue for me, not my kids (at least not yet). I miss stupid things like back to school shopping and weekly newsletters and class pictures. This is something I enjoyed as a child, and lwas looking forward to when my kids started school. It might sound silly to some people, but I have had to really grieve this loss. You can try to replicate some of these things, but they just aren't the same when you are homeschooling.
Me,too! I always loved school, I was sooooo excited at the beginning of the year to find out who my teacher was, and to go scouting out my different classes when I got to jr and sr high school, getting a new locker, finding out what friends were in what classes, etc. My kids will probably never have that and won't miss it since they won't know it, but it makes me kind of sad!
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#49 of 54 Old 07-01-2008, 05:46 PM
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i was really looking forward to scholastic book club before we decided to homeschool. as i child, no matter how poor we were, my parents would always let us order some books (they were really cheap). anyway, i did a web search and you can join scholastic book club as a homeschooler ! here is the link/answer.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/in...7115219AAKuVwD
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#50 of 54 Old 07-01-2008, 05:50 PM
 
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I end up feeling alone, stranded, and wonder a lot if my children are getting a real education. It's hard to get validation. And being around your kids constantly (24/7) can be hard.
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#51 of 54 Old 07-01-2008, 06:24 PM
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i was really looking forward to scholastic book club before we decided to homeschool. as i child, no matter how poor we were, my parents would always let us order some books (they were really cheap). anyway, i did a web search and you can join scholastic book club as a homeschooler ! here is the link/answer.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/in...7115219AAKuVwD
As a Home-Educator you can go to their warehouse sales.
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#52 of 54 Old 07-01-2008, 06:39 PM
 
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i was really looking forward to scholastic book club before we decided to homeschool. as i child, no matter how poor we were, my parents would always let us order some books (they were really cheap). anyway, i did a web search and you can join scholastic book club as a homeschooler ! here is the link/answer.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/in...7115219AAKuVwD
Oh awesome - that is something I would miss!

Another drawback is my 5yo watching her friends get on this amazing huge yellow bus, that she can't go on. I never really thought about the mystique of school and the trappings and icons around it, because by the time I was homeschooled, I had already been through 9 years of public school and I was DONE with it.

But I think that a lot of hs children, even if they love hs, still can feel like they're "missing out" on something, on an experience that almost everyone else has.

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#53 of 54 Old 07-01-2008, 08:26 PM
 
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That's really funny about the school bus. My 3 oldest really wanted to ride the bus, until the oldest one rode one to a 4H contest and the 3rd had to ride one all the way to another state. They complained so loudly about the bus that after that no one else has even mentioned the bus.

But my oldest told me that she did wish that she could have a locker--but she waited until she was out of high school. I'd have gotten her one, and then put it all the way across the yard from where she did school so she could have had the "real" experience of high school lockers (LOL!).
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#54 of 54 Old 07-01-2008, 09:21 PM
 
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We do ride the city busses -- but they're not yellow.

Susan -- married unschoolin' WAHMomma to two lovely girls (born 2000 and 2005).
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