How do you make the transition from being mommy to teacher? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 14 Old 08-30-2008, 10:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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DD is only 3, but I've been thinking about homeschooling a lot lately. I can't imagine how I'm going to make that transition from being mommy to teacher. I'm afraid she's just going to say, "I don't want to do that Mommy. I want to play with ....." I don't want it to turn into a power struggle. I guess what has brought up these concerns is our difficulties with potty training. It has been such a power struggle, and I worry that this experience is foreshadowing what's to come if we homeschool.
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#2 of 14 Old 08-30-2008, 11:33 PM
 
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I don't make the transition because I have been their teacher since birth. Potty learning wasn't a struggle either. The toilet was offered and they used it when they were ready. Learning happens in our house naturally. It isn't contrived or forced. We read, we talk, we explore and we try things out. Learning opportunities are offered but never pushed.

It sounds like you need to ask yourself if you expect homeschooling to look like school at home or something entirely different. I can see where trying to duplicate a traditional school classroom in your home could become a power struggle and be exhausting for everyone.
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#3 of 14 Old 08-30-2008, 11:38 PM
 
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that's what I was going to say, but TG said it better!
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#4 of 14 Old 08-31-2008, 12:17 AM
 
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Originally Posted by GracesMama View Post
DD is only 3, but I've been thinking about homeschooling a lot lately. I can't imagine how I'm going to make that transition from being mommy to teacher. I'm afraid she's just going to say, "I don't want to do that Mommy. I want to play with ....." I don't want it to turn into a power struggle. I guess what has brought up these concerns is our difficulties with potty training. It has been such a power struggle, and I worry that this experience is foreshadowing what's to come if we homeschool.
I've never been teacher, but I've always been guide. And saying I don't want to that, I want to play.... is totally cool at our house.
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#5 of 14 Old 08-31-2008, 12:42 AM
 
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The dichotomy between parent and teacher is an artificial one borne of necessity when parents began delegating their children's education to others. To me it's like asking "how do I make the transition between being parent and wet nurse?" That question makes no sense if the two have always been part of the same role.

Miranda

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#6 of 14 Old 08-31-2008, 01:22 AM
 
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I read your posts in Gentle Discipline, and I wanted to respond there, but couldn't think of anything fantastic to say.

I would just suggest that you keep in mind that this oppositional mode your dd's in is very normal 3 yo behavior. My ds went through a really difficult spell from Feb to June of this year. E V E R Y T H I N G was a battle. Thankfully PLing was done, but he regressed a bit during that time. He stopped taking his afternoon nap (not that he didn't need it; he just flat-out refused to sleep.) I really had to choose my battles carefully, or we'd be butting heads all day. It was like he suddenly realized there were some things that were within his control and I couldn't do anything about it. Life improved significantly when I realized he was right. I guess I learned to give him a bit more space to be his own person, and soon enough he was coming back to engage with me again. (Does that make sense? It's pretty late here.)

When she moves beyond this phase, you will reconnect with her and things will get better. For now, if you can put off worrying about whether she makes progress with the potty or with "academic" learning, you will most likely find it will all take care of itself in a few months.

Dawn - Mom to : Jack 11/04 and David 5/08
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#7 of 14 Old 08-31-2008, 01:28 AM
 
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Originally Posted by TchrGrrl View Post
I don't make the transition because I have been their teacher since birth. Potty learning wasn't a struggle either. The toilet was offered and they used it when they were ready. Learning happens in our house naturally. It isn't contrived or forced. We read, we talk, we explore and we try things out. Learning opportunities are offered but never pushed.

This is how it is in our home, as well. It's kinda funny because when I would say "potty-learn", people would look at me like I had two heads! But I don't "train" my kiddos... they just naturally learn.




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I've never been teacher, but I've always been guide. And saying I don't want to that, I want to play.... is totally cool at our house.




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To me it's like asking "how do I make the transition between being parent and wet nurse?"

loveeyes.gif Loving homeschoolin' mama to CherryPie modifiedartist.gif and KiwiBoy eat.gif::: wife-y to my high school sweetheart partners.gif
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#8 of 14 Old 08-31-2008, 01:59 AM
 
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As others here, I never thought of myself as shifting to a new role at all. I stayed just my son's mom all of the time.

There's no reason at all to create some sort of artificial role just to help a child learn. But I wouldn't start thinking in terms of homeschooling until she's school age - five or six - and five, the normal kindergarten age, isn't when I'd try to help her learn to read unless she's specifically asking to. There are lots of articles about this on my preschool/kindergarten page - and underneath the articles are links to websites that have lots of activity ideas to do with little ones.

If she doesn't want to do something, and she wants to go do something else, it doesn't matter - she'll learn what she needs by the time it matters. The way to make it a power struggle would be to tell her "Now you're going to do this..." rather than just incorporating lots of enjoyable and casual learning activities and projects into your normal daily lives. But you need to research what the various ideas are for things that children are attracted to, especially your own child. There are lots and lots of ways to help her learn things without sitting her down to assigned worksheets or lessons. And don't discount play - if she wants to play, it's serving her. Play is her work. So if you encourage that, and provide lots of ways she can engage and expand on her imagination through free play, that's a great investment of time.

Oh, dear - been moving all day, and my mind is turning to mush... - Lillian
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#9 of 14 Old 08-31-2008, 04:14 AM
 
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I have to agree with everyone. Even before we officially started to homeschool I was still a "teacher". DS learned from me just being his mom, I didn't have to change and be a "teacher". Parents are teachers.

Right now we are doing kinder and we are having so much fun. We do have some work books but he asks me to do them, I never tell him "it's time for school work". He even begged to do more before bed time!!! Sometimes I'll ask him if he wants to do them and which one he wants to do. If he says no then I try to think of something else fun for us to do. He wanted to color and broke a crayon. It was a prefect time for me to show him how 2 halves make a whole- he's 5- but it was an easy math lesson that wasn't planned.

Evey minute of life is a learning experience and it can be fun. Play time is learning time- they just don't "know" it

wife to DH 2/03, mama to DS 3/03 & DD 1/09
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#10 of 14 Old 08-31-2008, 07:55 AM
 
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I had thought I would have to "transition" myself, too, from mom to teacher, but as my ds gets older, I realize I am both, all the time. My ds is only 4.5, but he has phases and periods during the day when he wants to try new things, wants to play with friends, wants to sit quietly and listen to stories... etc, etc... I am finding that when he wants to practice new things, I work with him, more as a mom than a "teacher" who might just say "here's a workbook, go do some work in it". Instead of that, we sit down on the floor together and both try it (whatever it is, writing a word, building a house out of paper, whatever) and that way I am very very much involved with his learning in a very connected sort of way. As he gets older, I imagine he will sometimes want to be more independent and want to do things without me, but for now in this age/phase, we mostly just do a lot of things together, talk about it all, and learn from each other.

Mom of (11/27/03) and (9/29/06).
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#11 of 14 Old 08-31-2008, 08:02 AM
 
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I don't think of myself as my kids' teacher--and neither do they. Of course, I've always helped them when they've needed it, showed them how to do things, learned alongside of them, provided books and materials, etc. etc. But we don't have a student/teacher relationship.

I have some strong-willed, independent, opinionated kids here, and life could easily be filled with power struggles, but that's not at all the way I want to live. So, we work at acommodating everyone's needs rather than having a model where a "teacher" tells the kids what they need to do when.

The potty, like other "subjects" was something they encountered in their daily lives. They asked about it, they knew others used it. When they were ready, it was there for them to try out. No learning needs to be a power struggle if you let them learn in their own time.

Have you read anything by John Holt?

Single Mom to 3 (12, 17 & 21)  luxlove.gif and dog2.gif.

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#12 of 14 Old 08-31-2008, 08:38 AM
 
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Great thread, I like all the answers!
I don't see myself as a teacher, more a mentor, facilitator. I observe and share in dd's discoveries, helping her along as and when she needs.

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Originally Posted by Jojo F. View Post
I never tell him "it's time for school work".
I introduced 'school time' when dd claimed she wasn't learning anything (and kept asking for it too). If I want to do something with her (like make a birthday card for a friend), I'll just call out 'school time' and she's down the stairs and at the table in like 2 seconds
Just one of the possible outcomes when you don't make them do anything they don't want

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I have some strong-willed, independent, opinionated kids here, and life could easily be filled with power struggles, but that's not at all the way I want to live. So, we work at acommodating everyone's needs rather than having a model where a "teacher" tells the kids what they need to do when
Yes, same here.
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#13 of 14 Old 08-31-2008, 09:29 AM
 
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nothing to add here... agree with previous posters. homeschooling is not replicating public school, so there is no need to be a teacher....rather, i'll just facilitate and accomodate

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#14 of 14 Old 08-31-2008, 10:55 AM
 
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nothing to add here... agree with previous posters. homeschooling is not replicating public school, so there is no need to be a teacher....rather, i'll just facilitate and accomodate
Yeah, that.

When I'm on the verge of getting into a power struggle with my dc, or beset by worries that "They'll never learn" xy or z, I try to remember that we're in this for the long haul. The end goal is my dc as happy, healthy, decent people. Who cares when or how the different pieces come together, as long as they do?

My older ds is 11, and if I had a dollar for every time I worried about something he "needed to learn," that turned out to be no problem when I relaxed and gave him time, I'd be a rich woman. I'm much more relaxed with ds3.5 (usually ). He should send his brother a thank you note for being the "test model!"
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