This will probably sound like what many other homeschooling parents go through, but this is incredibly hard for me to write because I'm a very private person who doesn't like to admit failure.
Right now, I'm struggling with whether HSing is truly a good fit for my family. I had been researching HSing since my oldest daughter was a baby and was so convinced that this was *it* for us. We even had a disastrous preschool/daycare experience that further bolstered my feelings that we, as a family, were meant to be homeschoolers. My self-confidence issues would get in the way from time to time, but overall, I was thrilled to take on this different path.
Then, my oldest daughter got to "school age". And I had a baby. And it's been an emotional roller coaster ride since last year, culminating in a very recent near breakdown the other day where I was ready to take my girls to the local school and enroll them IMMEDIATELY.
I truly feel that my older daughters might be missing out on something that I simply cannot give them. Sure, I can teach them all sorts of academic things -- we worked on our homemade volcano yesterday, did a good amount of reading and some phonics work, my oldest told me some math facts -- but my oldest child is one of those "different" kids, just like I was, just like my husband was (and we are "different" adults, too). My daughters enjoy playing with each other most, they ADORE each others' company. But they have very few friends, and they don't see those children regularly because of *my* inadequacies. Last night, I took my oldest to Daisy Scouts and it was clear she was clueless about group kid games. She was not phased, but my heart sunk, and I could almost feel how the other parents were seeing how she was not "properly socialized". My husband's answer -- just go play some Simon Says with the kids today, but I feel it's more than that. I feel as if, by keeping my kids home, I am keeping something from them and that in the end, they will come back and say, "why did you do this to us?"
In my heart, I don't want to give up homeschooling because deep down, I want this to work, I don't want to fail. I also don't want to fail my children.
I've already failed them by not keeping up my self-confidence and staying indoors way too much. I have also failed at surrounding us with supportive people, as my MIL is on the fence about HSing, our town is not progressive and most people do some double-take when I mention we HS, and my own family doesn't take any type of role in our lives, period, let alone when it comes to HSing. I'm sure they chalk this up to "that weird thing Tia does", as they have done with other things I've done.
If you got this far, I sincerely appreciate it. If you have any insight to share, I'd appreciate it even more.