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Not Mamas...Yet Tribe

70K views 3K replies 150 participants last post by  Rico'sAlice 
#1 ·
I know there are others here on MDC who don't have kids yet and some not even TTC yet. I though I'd start a tribe for us since I have felt ostracized because of this on another board (not MDC though...MDC is great). I'm not sure if there is already a thread for this tribe, if so please point me in the right direction.

So my first question is...What is it like to be a non-mama with AP philosophies such as EBF, co-sleeping and especially gentle discipline i.e. no spanking??? I get told lots that I WILL change my mind on those things once I have kids. Do you all face the same oppositions?? How do you deal with it?

Also when do you plan on having kids? Are you actively TTC yet or just lurking and reading here at MDC to gain perspective?

Kylix
 
#30 ·
Dh and I are going to be actively ttc this cycle, which will put us at the end of January and then I think we might be taking a break from actively ttc because dh's job is terrible late Oct. through the Holidays and I don't think it would be a good time for us to be having a baby, and I think we might just need to take a little break from thinking about it so much. We won't actively try to avoid a pregnancy though. It makes me sad to think about it, even though it probably would be for the best. Well, maybe the holiday season will be good to us.
Here's wishing us all lots of joy for the New Year!
 
#31 ·
hippymama2b - we are planning on starting to ttc in June 2003 too! It really can't come too soon, I sooo... have baby on the brain right now! But for a few reasons, we need to move thru the next 6 mos. first. I can't wait to be on the ttc board for real!
 
#32 ·
Hi ladies! I, too, am a mother at heart but without any kids of my own--yet. I've been baby-crazy since my sil's first preg about 9 yrs ago. I was only 13-14 at the time, but I got sooooo excited about her baby and loved her like my own (still do). I spent mucho time with them in the early years and devoured everything I could re: preg and babyhood/parenting. I grew up in a hippie neighborhood and did all the shopping at the local coop where I first found Mothering. I also found Spiritual Midwifery at the feminist bookstore, and that got me interested in birthing. That's a path I've recently decided to pursue, at least to an extent, by getting certified as a doula. (I attended my first birth a week ago, and it was awesome!) In regards to ap-style parenting: my brother and sil have had a family bed and until recently have had at least one kid in it at all times. It makes sense to me. I think it's a tender, compassionate, and convenient way to show your babies love. Realizing that opened me up to the other tenets of ap, especially since one of the first articles I read in Mothering was about the family bed. I never would've been a spanker, though. I was only spanked once or twice as a kid, and it was always when my mom was really tired and I was uncooperative, and it scared me. Even as a small child, I appreciated my mother's patience. I was very shy and had a delicate self-image. Spanking would've seriously delayed my social development, I think.

Babies! I want a child of my own so bad... I'm getting married in May, and my dh-to-be is not quite ready to be a dad yet. He's going to graduate school next fall, and he wants to finish that before we ttc. I'm trying to convince him that I can be preg during the last semester... that means I we can start ttc in just 20 more cycles! (I'm trying to look on the bright side here
)

Wow, that was longer than I meant it to be... gotta get back to work. It's cool to know that y'all are out there, too.

Cheers! and babydust to those that need it... you can have mine, for now


Erin
 
#35 ·
Great here! About 3 cycles away from ttc! Trying not to wish for it to come too fast, time already goes faster than I'd like. So it will be here in no time, but I am still so anxious! I'm gathering info like crazy, hoping I'll have the right thing to say when people think I'm crazy for ______ fill in the blank. I'm so excited to become a mom!
 
#36 ·
Kylix, you rock! I identify with this tribe in so many ways.
1. I heard about AP when I started feeling the somewhat premature ticking of my biological clock and picked up Dr. Sear's The Baby Book-- frankly because I liked the cover better than What to Expect, a case where judging by the cover may have paid off.

Then I read the book by Allison Granju.

2. I too talk very little about parenting philosophies with people who have kids because I am afriad if we disagree, they will play the "you don't have kids, therefore your opinion has no value" card. I talk about some of it with my friends (none of which have kids yet), they really aren't thinking about having kids yet, so they have very little to say. I don't talk about it with my mom much, because I also get the "wait until you have kids" attitude.

3. My poor boyfriend gets an earful. He is finishing up grad school this Spring (hopefully) and... I am headed into a year long accelerated RN program (on my way to becoming a CNM). Sooooo, while marriage is on the horizon, babies will have to wait... or, I should say, I'll have to wait. Happypants-- I too am thinking about being pregnant in my last semester next year, but we'll have to see where the boyfriend is at at that point. Right now he's finishing his PhD, trying to find a job in the same city where I will be going to school, and we're talking about marriage-- that's probably enough commitment to keep him busy for awhile
) But still... babies are so cute! How could you not want one?
 
#37 ·
Well guys, in November, I get to move from the mama-wannabe club to the mama club. We just found out on Monday that we are pregnant. Woo Hoo!!!!!!
 
#40 ·
CONGRATULATIONS GOSSAMER!!!

I have neglected this thread lately. I'm sorry. Mischievium, welcome!! I'm sorry I didn't see your post until now!!

Hippymama2B--I never got around to reading those books you wanted to do for the booklist.
I have soooo much work at school right now. I'm writing my senior paper and doing alot of interning. How did they turn out? I really was interested in the ritual book you had for mother-daughters I believe...What was the name of it??

Gosh, I feel so bad for leaving this thread hanging.


Kylix
 
#42 ·
Ky.ix, I obesessively (sp?) lurked on this board for about six months before ever posting-- felt kinda like an "imposter" since I don't have any kids yet.

My dp and I will be getting soon and I would like to start TTC immediatly, but he says that he isn't ready to be a papa just yet. He wants to wait two years, but that sounds like a terribly long time to me!

My "dream job" is to be a SAHM, but since 1) I'm not yet a mom and 2) I need to work to pay the bills I'm doing the next best thing- I have my own small daycare. Most of the families that I work with are very AP oriented, so I'm getting plenty of practice carrying babies in slings and rinsing out cloth diapers...

I'm glad to know that I'm not the only not-yet-mama on these boards...

Congratulations, Gossamer!

Jenny.
 
#43 ·
Futuremama-- I hear ya on the 2 year thing!! At least you're in the ballpark though! I have yet to meet a guy that I would be willing to have kids with yet.... My ex-boyfriends were good guys but I'm picky.

I do research at a preschool three days out of the week and I"m loving it. The kids are from three to five and it's so much fun to run around and play with them. They always bring me a book and want me to read it to them. I LOVE IT! I get no work done when I'm there. I just play with the kids. Heh heh. It's so much fun to watch these kids grow. I've been there for almost two years and I'm seeing these kids getting bigger physically and emotionally. One little boy is almost reading completely and when I first got there he always wanted me to read to him...now sometimes he reads to me (he's one of the older kids).

That sounds like fun to run a daycare. A daycare that I used to work at is getting new ownership. I'm tempted to sign up to take over(not that they would accept me) because I miss holding babies. I would love to practice using slings and cloth diapers.


Don't feel like an imposter posting here!!! I feel that way at other boards but here it's different. There are a lot of future mamas here (love your name) and even when posting with the experienced mamas here, I'm never made to feel that "I don't REALLY know because I don't REALLY have kids and that I'll lose my idealistic (read: unrealistic) notions once I have a child". I've gotten that so much at other places. Ya know, that I'll change my mind about spanking and cloth diapering and unschooling once I have a two year old with stinky poops and a strong will. :LOL My hats go off to experienced moms but why do some have to trample on my beliefs in order to make a point, ya know?

Anyways, what I mean is WELCOME! :LOL

Kylix
 
#45 ·
Hi all! just found this thread and am psyched to be joining you all.

I am a not-yet-mama too that is totally over the edge of sanity obsessed with having a baby (or babies....). I am 28 and my long-time boyfriend (8 years) and I have this "plan" (damn that plan) to wait another 2 years (!!!! ahhck!!!!) to start having kids. I am sort of going along with the plan, but monstly hoping that circumstances change so I can get things going!

so how obsessed am I: let me count the ways...

I have read many books on bonding, child birth, pregnancy, etc.

I have already started my cloth diaper collection -- yeah, I'm not kidding, how sad is that...


I visit the second hand baby store near my house, you nkow,just to pick up some real bargains...

I come to the mothering boards every day, many times a day, ever since I found it recently.

I'm sure I'll remember other later...

I am glad to know there are others out there like me!
 
#46 ·
Welcome sfgal!!!

Psshaw! Not sad at all! You're forgetting who you are talking to!! I read lots of baby related books too and I come here way more than I should. I haven't started my cloth diaper collection just yet however :LOL!! Honestly a few weeks ago, I was looking at mega cute pics of CDs and had a major urge to buy some just to satisfy the craving. It passed and right now I'm fulfilling my needs by buying super cute cloth menstrual pads...I have way too many but they are too cute--My favs are a blue cow print and a leopard print.


Bummer that you and your bf have decided to wait two years! It's so sad that so many women who would make super moms usually end up having to wait long periods of time for their babies whereas there are so many moms who don't even think twice about babies can get pregnant as soon as they want.

Kylix
 
#47 ·
Welcome, welcome, sfgal! Good to see some other obsessed not yet mamas. Wow, I never even thought of starting a cd collection, hmmmm... It's an excellent idea!

DH and I did a similar thing with "the plan" on kids. We started talking about it about 2 years ago, and after lots of consideration we said we'd be ready to do it in 2 years. But now it's like "countdown" time. For so long we said "in 2 years", "next year" then it turned to "next summer" and we talked about timing, etc, and decided we would start trying this June. So now it's going to be here before we know it, but it's also like a lifetime away. So many times, I want to do it NOW, but I hate to rush things, so I'm wallowing in anticipation...

I'm so excited to be in this time of my life. I'm looking at the next 2 months almost as pregnancy, I want to be in that place with my body so that I don't have to make lifestyle changes when it does happen, other than what a growing baby demands of me.

So enjoy your 2 years, live vicariously thru the MDC moms like the rest of us do, and I look forward to more chats with you.
 
#51 ·
Kylix, thanks for starting this thread--and thanks to everyone for bumping it up so I could find it!

Hello everyone!


I'm not a mama yet either! We might TTC this fall...or we might wait a year. I'm only 26, so I'm in no rush. I'm thinking of starting up my own business, and if that happens we'll definitely postpone TTC until it's up and running. I also do a lot of freelance performing and travel, so I need to get that out of my system before we have a babe.

I was raised very AP. My mom breastfed all five of us...homebirthed three of us...coslept...I'm sure there's more I'm forgetting. Anyway, these philosophies were pretty much ingrained in me from the way I was raised, and how I saw my younger siblings be raised. I didn't really know there was a name for it until I found MDC.

Right now I'm a hardcore birth junkie. I've read tons of literature on it, and have been working to convert some of my friends who are expecting. My friends are very mainstream, so my biggest conversion thus far is a friend who left her sOB and started going to a wonderful midwife who attends hospital births. One of my friends (after I told her about A Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth) actually said to me "no thanks. Just knock me out and let me know when the baby's here."
I'm going to keep working on her... As for me, I've already found the birth center I'll use for my eventual waterbirth...and hope to have a homebirth someday after we move to the country!


And to all you diaper collecting not-yet-mamas, you'd better watch out b/c when I take the plunge and start my CD collection (I'm this ][ close!), you're going to see some serious hyena action from me!!!
 
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