Survivors of being Fertility Challenged. - Mothering Forums

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Old 12-05-2005, 12:21 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I figured I'd start a thread after I noticed among a few of my infertility survivor girls, a trend of needing a place to chat. Some have managed to get pregnant. Some have decided to live child-free or just not try for additional children. Some are still hoping. No matter what the circumstance infertility leaves you changed. We need the support of those who's hearts have been changed by infertility. No matter where you are in the life of an "infertile" hopefully this can be a place to go and get support by those who truly understand the heart ache.

What is Fertility Challenged? Those of us who have problems conceiving after a good length of time and those of us who have problems carrying babies full term.

This is not about trying, this is about surviving. No matter whether or not you're done trying, you are a survivor.

-=Johanna=-
  Mom to Marshall (06/00), wife to Brett, welcoming the new little one August 2014! joy.gif
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Old 12-05-2005, 12:26 AM
 
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I'm here

Mamato Ruby Violet joy.gif(6 with autism) and someone 1sttri.gif who should make him/herself known sometime in the next month.

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Old 12-05-2005, 12:37 AM
 
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checking in & with ya all the way...
I talked to an dear old friend tonite & was explaining about IF & IUIs & all that & it sounded so surreal to an "outsider"
he was like "WOW ???!!??"

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Old 12-05-2005, 12:38 AM
 
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Yep. Polka, it's funny when I tell someone (everyone) that this is an IVF baby, they look at me funny, and then ask what that means. As I explain the process.. you'd be amazed at the faces people make!

Mamato Ruby Violet joy.gif(6 with autism) and someone 1sttri.gif who should make him/herself known sometime in the next month.

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Old 12-05-2005, 12:53 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Maybe we should make t-shirts. "Fertility Challenged" Or "IF Survivor"

I just know when I have another child (whether its via adoption or traditional conception) I will wear my IF like a badge of honor. Till then I'm still on the rollercoaster. *sigh* I'm coming to the point that maybe I should consider that I might just not have any more children. Sad thought, but sometimes I'm like "c'mon, Johanna, face reality."

-=Johanna=-
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Old 12-05-2005, 01:01 AM
 
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I am here, too!!!!
I am just about to head off to get kids ready for bed...I will post later.
Thanks J, for starting this thread...YOU ROCK!!!
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Old 12-05-2005, 01:11 AM
 
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Oh thank you so much for starting this thread! I'm in such a place of not belonging anywhere right now.
We've had 4 losses, one live birth. We've now discovered that I have adrenal insufficiency (addison's disease) and that was the cause not only for my losses, but also for how sick I was during Molly's pregnancy, and the reason I bled out and almost died after my last d&c, and then almost died a second time 5 days later.
I'm feeling confident that now we know *why*, everything makes SO much sense now and everything is explainable, but after twice being told I may die in a matter of hours during a one week period, DH is understandably terrified about trying again.
We see a rheumatoligist who specializes in auto immune disease in pregnancy and especially steroid treatment during pregnancy on January 10, ultimately he will be the medical decision maker as to whether it's safe to try again....but I don't know that it will convince dh.

So...yeah...I'm just surviving too.
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Old 12-05-2005, 01:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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oh, by all means, I'm not the only one who had mentioned needing something like this.. but I'm glad you girls are here. You're girls who have touched my life and truly understand this battle and I'm glad to see you again... I missed you guys.

-=Johanna=-
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Old 12-05-2005, 01:40 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Shannon - I'm glad you know what is going on with your body.. I'll keep the good ju ju going in your direction in the way of trying again.

Jackie - very glad to see you again!

Polka - yay, another one of my girls is here!

Korin - of course you KNOW I'm glad you'r here

*sigh* I'm happy now

-=Johanna=-
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Old 12-05-2005, 01:53 AM
 
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Shannon!
Jackie!

I am really glad we have this place, as someone who is the 'non-guilty' party in the infertile couple, sometimes I feel like other infertiles don't want me around cause there is nothing 'wrong' with me. No one has ever said that, so I'm sure it's just my own sensitivity.... but the time/pain/misery associated with Ry's sperm have effected me just as much as it's effected him. In some ways it has been harder for me, as it's always harder for the woman, since we're the ones who bleed each month, and we are the ones who have to take the drugs and do the shots and go through the proceedures. Anyway... it's nice to have a place to fit in.
I carry the IF banner with pride. I tell everyone who finds out we're having a baby that this is an IVF baby. That's how bad we wanted this baby... we were willing to go that far. (and we were able to) I know IVF isn't for everyone... but I'm so glad we did it, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat (swoosh swoosh swoosh). When we are ready to have baby number two (and someway there will be #2) I'll do it again.. well hopefully we'll do a frozen embryou transfer successfully And I have you guys to thankf for my sanity through all of this!

There is so much grief associated with infertility. I remember a year ago, as we were doing our first IUI, I really had to grieve the fact that we weren't going to make a baby through sex. I had so much shame and embarassment around it. I told the few friends that knew about it, that they COULD NOT tell anyone. That passed relatively quickly. (as does your modesty when you're dropping your pants for a different doc everyday). i also remember grieving having to take meds, I've always tried to be so natural.. and not being able to do the ONE thing our bodies are put here to do naturally killed me a little inside. Of course, once we knew IVF was our ticket, I was all about drugs The syringe and I are old buddies now.
Now that we're finally 'graduates' and pregnant, I am so thankful that i have never suffered a loss. I have what I would call a 'normal' fear or concern about miscarriage/loss. I cannot fathom how scary or hard it must be for someone who has experienced that. I think about how it can happen, and I know I can't control it, and the fear subsides. I am so thankful for that.
I also know that even though we are finally pregnant, I'll never be like my friends that just get pregnant and stay pregnant easily. I know that the likelihood that Ry and I will have sex and end up with a baby is so slim. I know I'l always feel a little bit like an outsider. I am so thankful that I have friends in town that know how it feels too

So yeah, I'm surviving too.

Mamato Ruby Violet joy.gif(6 with autism) and someone 1sttri.gif who should make him/herself known sometime in the next month.

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Old 12-05-2005, 02:47 AM
 
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First, my girl Johanna, you ROCK. This place so needed to happen.

Korin, there are so many dynamics fertility challenges bring. I found your perspective as being the "healthy half" of a fertility-challenged couple to be intriguing. As someone with unexplained IF, I have envied people with diagnoses regardless of who is "at fault". No knowing has made it seem an awful lot like God or the Universe or whatever just had it in for us (and there were PLENTY of folks who told me my struggles were part of a master plan).

Anyway, my son barfed in the middle of this post, so after a lengthy cleanup and cuddles and stories, I'm beat.

I'm glad we have our own space.

Hil
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Old 12-05-2005, 02:51 AM
 
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I am so in this group! I fit no place, even in the IF circle, I feel like I don't fit there either. Maybe we all feel like that sometimes.
Jo, this was a gooood idea, thanks for starting this tribe.

wow, is it ever great to see some old friends here!
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Old 12-05-2005, 02:59 AM
 
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I HATE the whole "master plan" thing. I know it works for some people, but not for me. I do know that part of me is glad I've been through all of this. I've learned so much about myself, my husband, my marriage. I have met some amazing people and learned that many people who were my friends really weren't.

Apparently I ahve a lot to say on these topics.

Mamato Ruby Violet joy.gif(6 with autism) and someone 1sttri.gif who should make him/herself known sometime in the next month.

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Old 12-05-2005, 03:01 AM
 
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Hi everyone! I was just wandering around tonight, feeling stressed and found you all here! It's nice to "know" everyone here. Has infertility changed the way any of you see sex? I think I put so much pressure on myself to "do it right", that now I don't want to do it. Not that I don't want to, but it's not high on my list right now.

Danielle, fabric artist, mama to Eleanor 5/05 and Charlotte James 09-26-09
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Old 12-05-2005, 03:01 AM
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Haven't read everything - just subscribing.

winner.jpg Adina knit.gifmama to B hearts.gif 4/06  and E baby.gif  8/13/12 (on her due date!) homebirth.jpg waterbirth.jpg

 

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Old 12-05-2005, 03:08 AM
 
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Yeah the master plan thing makes me want to smack people.
I will admit though that I'm probably a better parent for what I've been through.
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Old 12-05-2005, 03:10 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dani76
Hi everyone! I was just wandering around tonight, feeling stressed and found you all here! It's nice to "know" everyone here. Has infertility changed the way any of you see sex? I think I put so much pressure on myself to "do it right", that now I don't want to do it. Not that I don't want to, but it's not high on my list right now.
Hi Dani!

Sex... I think I know what that is, is it a type of toothpaste?
: sex has always been a lesser part of my marriage. 'someone' in this relationship (not me) has a lower sex drive... so it's never been as much as I'd like. IF definitely changed that.

Mamato Ruby Violet joy.gif(6 with autism) and someone 1sttri.gif who should make him/herself known sometime in the next month.

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Old 12-05-2005, 03:13 AM
 
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HAH!!! Korin, wait till you see how a baby changes that around!!! I always had the mega higher sex drive as well--now it's like "I'm not trying to have a baby--why bother??"
Then even when your sex drive returns, at least for me, the thinking is "I can get this done way more efficiently myself"
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Old 12-05-2005, 03:16 AM
 
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:

Danielle, fabric artist, mama to Eleanor 5/05 and Charlotte James 09-26-09
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Old 12-05-2005, 03:20 AM
 
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Talked to my friend who is ttc #2 today. Just a little background on her, she got pg with #1 in one month. Yep, she's one of those. Anyways, it's been three, yes three long hard months, and her dh is thinking they should go to the dr. She said that she put her af dates into the computer and it told her when she was ovulating...

Danielle, fabric artist, mama to Eleanor 5/05 and Charlotte James 09-26-09
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Old 12-05-2005, 03:21 AM
 
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What a great thread to start After 3 m/c we are now proud parents of 3.5 month old Tyson. I don't have a moment right now but i will be back to read more.
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Old 12-05-2005, 04:18 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Nice to meet you, niki! Congrats to your having a babe. Sorry about your previous losses. Losses suck (not enough power to that statement, but I certainly feel it in my bones). No one should have that blind trust in pregnancy taken away. I daydream about the fantasy of "you get pregnant you have a baby."

Like I said, I had others who were interested in doing this. So I can't really take all the credit...

But man, I have to say, I already feel at home. Here are my girls. *My Tribe* I'm SO HAPPY

I test tomorrow... As many of you know I almost *have* to test these days. My cycles are insane. If I get pregnant and don't test I could run low progesterone and lose the baby. I can't trust that I'll bleed because I'm chronically late. I kick myself on not seeing a doctor the last 2x to double check everything. Now here I am without insurance.. lame lame lame.... Anyway... yeah, testing tomorrow.

I'll write more late.. I"m just glad we're all together here.. I was feeling, as I believe Hil put it, "without country."

-=Johanna=-
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Old 12-05-2005, 11:02 AM
 
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Hey! I found you! I don't have time for a post of any sustance right now, but am subscribing and so happy to be here!
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Old 12-05-2005, 11:05 AM
 
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subbing-too sick to say more now...

Kelly, :Mama to Kevin, 10/1/05 & Seth, 7/7/06. ::
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Old 12-05-2005, 01:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I swear this is like a family reunion!!! This is so awesome!

As of I've been feeling so out of place. I've gotten to a place where I don't know if I even want to try anymore. My heart has been hurting something awful. But how do you stop? Then, of course I'm a fool and end up hoping every cycle. Shame on me, right?

My time spent trying for another child has definitely changed me. 2.5 years of hoping. 2.5 years of living on the roller coaster. Such a strange world of hurt and disappointment mixed with hope.

This battle has been both good and bad for me. Bad because I wish on no one the pain of cycle after cycle of no results. Good because I've come to understand everyone is fighting a battle, even if you can't see it. Bad because I'm at a point where I fear a positive test almost as much as a negative because of my losses. Good because I'm so very lucky to get to know so many wonderful girls.

Many emotions involved in this.

-=Johanna=-
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Old 12-05-2005, 02:11 PM
 
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I think that I read through all the post here, this morning....and I started getting all weepy and crap!!! I swear those early pg hormones, ya gotta love them!!!

Many know my story....but here is the short version...

4 years IF TX
1st pg, m/c 1996
ds#1 3/99
ds#2 4/01
dd#1 3/04 37 weeks, died 6 hours after birth

IF TX again...

EDD 7/06


So yah...I have survived, too....through the hardest times of my life, I have made a choice to surrender, let go and LIVE....

Gotta take kids to school...
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Old 12-05-2005, 04:08 PM
 
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haven't had a chance yet to read all of this, but yeah, sign me up! i'm here... korin, thanks for posting the link in 30+


celeste terra, single wohm to twin toddler boys max and shoghi. bamboo village press
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Old 12-05-2005, 05:51 PM
 
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Thank you for starting this thread and for posting a link to it on 30+TTC.

I'm at the point where too survive and cope, I actually can't let myself have any hope and just try to accept that i'll probably get my period, and to be ok with it. I just can't take that rollercoaster of false hope and despair anymore and keep my sanity. I just keep telling myself yes I'll get my period and it wont be the end of the world. I'll get my period and this time I wont curl up into a ball and sob uncontrollably.
At the same time I'm trying to face the possibility that I may never have a child of my own.
I guess TTc has shown me that I'm alot tougher than I thought, and alot more vulnerable too, does that makes sense? I think it humbled me alot. I mean when we got married six years ago I just thought it'd just happen, hah! That'll teach me.
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Old 12-05-2005, 06:36 PM
 
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I'm here, too!

I've found that in my area, people seem to be more aware of IVF than IUI and when I would mention something about what I was doing, people would just start talking about IVF. I was like, no, that's the next step if this doesn't work after a while. I also got a few people who asked why we did all the other stuff instead of just going to IVF. Like I would want to do that if taking some pills and having sex would work. : Amazingly enough DH is one of the people who thinks like this! He thinks we wasted all this time seeing the OB and taking Clomid.

As for sharing the IF experience, we are orthodox Jews and for those who don't know, we take the commandment "be fruitful and multiply" to heart! Luckily, we live in a more modern community where it is "acceptable" for young couples to wait (believe me, there are communities where you are expected to have a baby 9 months after the wedding and every 9 months thereafter!) but there is still the looks and people coming up to you talking about different prayers/good luck rituals/places to donate money/things that could be wrong int he house as reasons why you don't have kids. So for me, it is really important that I share what we went through to try to detach some of the stigma.

I realize that I can't change everyone, but if I can get one person to realize that coming up to someone the barely know and telling them to go to the mikveh after a woman who is 9 months pregnant and then I'll get pregnant that month is just not really appreciated.

Annie, I was like that towards the end on Clomid. I just couldn't even think that there was even a chance it would work because then I would be out for the day. With our IUI, I kept going to the negative, but tried to keep it positive. I had done so much that I should get my baby and I am so happy that it worked because I honestly don't know what I would have done.

Miriam , mom to jumpers.gif
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Old 12-05-2005, 08:53 PM
 
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Hi Miriam! How are you and your babies doing? Thanks for the hug and sympathy. I wouldnt wish this hopeless feeling on anyone, but at the same time it's nice to know that I'm not the only one and thus not crazy. I mean I keep thinking to myself "why am I so negetive and thinking this wont work, we just started what we think is the right dose of clomid. This is only my third month on it"

thanks again

I'm really glad I have my girls. Oh yeah I'm feeling better too. I ordered this upcoming cycle's clomid and I have a doc appointment that'll fall just before I should O. I have no idea what she'll do, but maybe she'll want to scan for eggies or something. I'm actually looking forward to finding out, because then at least we're doing something.

thanks again
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