Subset of Not Yet Mamas: Still Trying to Decide? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 14 Old 03-13-2006, 07:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi all,

I wanted to throw this out and see if there was anyone else in a similar spot: Are there any other Not Yet Mamas who are still vacillating about whether to become a parent? I'm going back and forth on it for various reasons: DH not too into the idea of parenthood, family history of depression, worried about regrets later on both sides of the coin, adore my niece and love spending time with her, want to raise a loving, kind member of society who might help save this planet, financial concerns, etc. I love the idea of becoming a mother but worry about whether I could hack the day to day stuff, whether it's fair to inflict myself and this messed-up world on an innocent, whether the world needs another human it can't sustain. I come to MDC because I am a researcher by nature and by trade and look to learn more. If I do become a mother, the ideas and practices here are what I'd like to strive for.

Can anyone else relate, or am I all alone out here? (Cue up the crickets chirping.)


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#2 of 14 Old 03-15-2006, 02:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Just one kick, to see if there's anyone out there.
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#3 of 14 Old 03-15-2006, 02:49 PM
 
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MountainLaurel,
I could have posted exactly what you wrote (I also have a niece that I adore). I lurk here, because the parenting practices are of great interest to me, but I don't know if I'll ever be ready to raise a child of my own. I know, everyone says, "you're never ready." I just have so many serious doubts, like you, about the day to day stuff. My dh also, I think, will never be ready.

My one fear about not having children is being old and having no one with me. We are very close to our families, emotionally and geographically. I have two sisters who are my best friends, but what if they're gone one day? Will dh and I end up two crazy lonely people with absolutely no family, no one to share holidays, etc?

Anyway, sort of deep for a first post, but I wanted to let you know you're not alone!
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#4 of 14 Old 03-15-2006, 06:26 PM
 
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I don't qualify, since I do have a child. She is 16. Had her back when I was young and selfish enough not to even consider any of the things you mentioned. But I went through all those questions when trying to decide to have a second child. Partly because I knew what I was getting myself into also, lol. But partly due to having grown up enough to see the bigger picture than just the cute baby face.

Anyway, just wanted to support your thread. I think that you ask important questions.
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#5 of 14 Old 03-15-2006, 07:02 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MountainLaurel and rapunzelgirl
Hi all,

I wanted to throw this out and see if there was anyone else in a similar spot: Are there any other Not Yet Mamas who are still vacillating about whether to become a parent? I'm going back and forth on it for various reasons: DH not too into the idea of parenthood, family history of depression, worried about regrets later on both sides of the coin, adore my niece and love spending time with her, want to raise a loving, kind member of society who might help save this planet, financial concerns, etc. I love the idea of becoming a mother but worry about whether I could hack the day to day stuff, whether it's fair to inflict myself and this messed-up world on an innocent, whether the world needs another human it can't sustain. I come to MDC because I am a researcher by nature and by trade and look to learn more. If I do become a mother, the ideas and practices here are what I'd like to strive for.

Can anyone else relate, or am I all alone out here? (Cue up the crickets chirping.)


:

MountainLaurel,
I could have posted exactly what you wrote (I also have a niece that I adore). I lurk here, because the parenting practices are of great interest to me, but I don't know if I'll ever be ready to raise a child of my own. I know, everyone says, "you're never ready." I just have so many serious doubts, like you, about the day to day stuff. My dh also, I think, will never be ready.

My one fear about not having children is being old and having no one with me. We are very close to our families, emotionally and geographically. I have two sisters who are my best friends, but what if they're gone one day? Will dh and I end up two crazy lonely people with absolutely no family, no one to share holidays, etc?

Anyway, sort of deep for a first post, but I wanted to let you know you're not alone!
mountainlaurel and rapunzelgirl,

I'm in the same boat as you guys and yor dhs are in, well getting and giving birth still scares me a little bit. Want to adopt from overseas if I still don't feel comfortable having a baby/s of my own.

Thank you.
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#6 of 14 Old 03-15-2006, 07:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rapunzelgirl
Anyway, sort of deep for a first post, but I wanted to let you know you're not alone!
And that means all the world to me It seems that most people have got this down by the time they're my age (33).

Actually, I did too at one point: My plan was to finish graduate school (at 32), move out of the DC area to somewhere I could afford to raise a child by myself, and get inseminated. But then I had to go and fall in love and get married. I'd always told myself that I could be a parent, or I could be a wife, but not both: I'd half-jokingly commented to my mother that the injustices of being a hetero mom -- e.g., having to deal with a husband who doesn't pull his weight and who behaves worse than a child (I think there's a natural progression toward unequal relationships even in the most progressive thinking men, and there aren't many of those) would frustrate me to the point of suicide or murder. : Now that I've made a choice between the two, I'm not so sure about giving up the other.

Anyway, thanks for commenting!
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#7 of 14 Old 03-15-2006, 07:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you Arduinna, for your thoughts. I often wonder what would have happened if I had gotten pregnant at an earlier phase in my life, when I wasn't worried about retirement accounts, the negatives of public schooling, the possibility of global war.
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#8 of 14 Old 03-15-2006, 07:40 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by teagreenribbons
mountainlaurel and rapunzelgirl,

I'm in the same boat as you guys and yor dhs are in, well getting and giving birth still scares me a little bit. Want to adopt from overseas if I still don't feel comfortable having a baby/s of my own.

Thank you.
P.S. I forgot to put this link to this thread.

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...ight=seasonale
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#9 of 14 Old 03-16-2006, 02:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the link. I hope you're doing better these days. The medication maze is a nightmare: so much trial and error.
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#10 of 14 Old 03-16-2006, 03:32 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MountainLaurel
Thanks for the link. I hope you're doing better these days. The medication maze is a nightmare: so much trial and error.
mountainlaurel,

Your welcome. I wrote this when I first came here 8 months ago (July, 2005). I'm doing much better and some days I suffered from seasonal affected this disorder (SAD). Totally agree with what you said about the medication been a maze is a nightmare: so much trial and error.

Thank you.
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#11 of 14 Old 03-20-2006, 06:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by teagreenribbons
Totally agree with what you said about the medication been a maze is a nightmare: so much trial and error.
It always puts me in mind of a comment my husband made in reference to his experience trying to work with a neurologist to determine why he was having night seizures: "You'd have just as much luck trying to read the entrails of a dead bird."

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#12 of 14 Old 03-21-2006, 09:40 AM
 
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im not really sure if i do belong to this thread.

well, i am in a lesbian relationship and long before accepted that i will never have a child of my own coz we're both girls, right?
we planned to adopt a child but maybe someday when we're both ready.

if you will ask me, i am contented with my girlfriend and will definetely build a family of our own even if we just adopt a baby.
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#13 of 14 Old 03-23-2006, 02:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by caffeine_kittie
im not really sure if i do belong to this thread.

well, i am in a lesbian relationship and long before accepted that i will never have a child of my own coz we're both girls, right?
we planned to adopt a child but maybe someday when we're both ready.

if you will ask me, i am contented with my girlfriend and will definetely build a family of our own even if we just adopt a baby.
Welcome anyway!

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#14 of 14 Old 03-23-2006, 05:13 AM
 
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thank you very much!

have a great day everyone!!!
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