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Wives of circ'd men, wanting them to restore?

7K views 139 replies 54 participants last post by  uzra_hashmi@rediff 
#1 ·
Hey, where did our thread go? It would be great to have support for this huge, yet mostly ignored issue!!

--Amanda
 
#2 ·
I had no clue this was even possible. That is why I love the mothering discussion boards, I learn something everytime I come on.
 
#7 ·
I would love for my DH to think about restoring. I've mentioned the general concept to him a few times in passing, but he doesn't seem interested. There is no way I'm going to push the issue... I'm just hoping he becomes interested on his own.
 
#8 ·
I wish my husband would consider it. But I can't ask him to go through that much discomfort. It would have to be something he decided for himself. I've told him about it, and left it at that. I married him knowing sex with a cir'd man would always leave a bit to be desired. Ho hum!

- Krista
 
#10 ·
wow. although i think it's unfortunate for both my husband and myself that he was circumcized, i would NEVER EVER even insinuate to him that there is something wrong with his penis, or something he should do to try to change his penis. if he came up with that idea on his own (which he wouldn't, he thinks it's ridiculous) i would of course support him, but i think it's pretty hurtful to insinuate that your dh's penis is not right.

my dh has never known sex with a foreskin, so he doesn't miss it. and he has said (when the topic of foreskin came up with our son, whom we left intact) that he can't imagine sex being better, he enjoys it immensely (and so do i).

he likes his penis the way it is, and i love him...ALL of him, exactly the way he is.
 
#11 ·
I'm not really sure why you would come onto a thread obviously meant for "wives of circ'd men, wanting them to restore", and state something like "he likes his penis the way it is, and i love him...ALL of him, exactly the way he is.", implying that we don't love all our husband, including his penis. That's really not very nice. If I'm taking it the wrong way, please do clarify.
 
#12 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Kathryn
I'm not really sure why you would come onto a thread obviously meant for "wives of circ'd men, wanting them to restore", and state something like "he likes his penis the way it is, and i love him...ALL of him, exactly the way he is.", implying that we don't love all our husband, including his penis. That's really not very nice. If I'm taking it the wrong way, please do clarify.
i read the title with the question mark, i.e. "to wives of circed men, do you want them to restore?" i took the question mark at the end of the title to be a question aimed at wives of circed men, and i answered accordingly.

my saying that I love all of MY husband has nothing to do with how YOU feel about YOUR husband. i was not implying anything of the sort. i was simply speaking of myself.

although i certainly wish my in-laws had not circed my husband way back 35 years ago, they did, and he is circed, and i knew that when i married him. let me clarify that my husband is NOT unhappy with his circed penis...if a man is unhappy with being circed and wants to try to restore what was lost, and if that man were my dh i'd certainly support his efforts. but i wouldn't suggest it to a man who is perfectly happy with his penis, i can;t see how that wouldn't hurt a guy's feelings and possibly make him feel inadequate.
 
#16 ·
It's a penis...they kind of go together.


Like one of my questions was, how much of the sensitivity returns with a restored foreskin? Is it really worth all it takes? I mean, if I approach my dh about it, is it going to be just for me or because it benefits him, too?

If this violates the sexuality thing, lmk and I'll remove it. I'm really interested, though!
 
#17 ·
Quote:
this is the finding your tribe area that is typically for support only.
Honestly, you might want to add SUPPORT ONLY to the thread title. It is a bit ambiguous and I can easily see there the pp felt open to posting her thoughts.

I've popped in just b/c it's a new area to me/us and I really had no idea it was even possible. Learn a little bit each day; ie. I have the same question:

Quote:
was, how much of the sensitivity returns with a restored foreskin?
 
#18 ·
I think that women have a right to discuss their sex lives honestly and openly with their husband's, and if there is something that the man (or woman, for that matter) is willing to change to make sex better for the both of them then there is nothing wrong with that.

Yes, things are MUCH better after the foreskin is restored, a lot of the common problems women have regarding this issue they do not even realize that it is mostly due to the man being circumcised.

I have so much more to say, but I am trying not to get this thread closed down.
 
#19 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by gabysmom617
I think that women have a right to discuss their sex lives honestly and openly with their husband's, and if there is something that the man (or woman, for that matter) is willing to change to make sex better for the both of them then there is nothing wrong with that.

on the one hand, i totally agree with you. if you're intimate enought to have sex with someone (and certainly, to commit your life to someone), you ought to be open and honest with them.

BUT...(and i realize this is not a direct comparision): how would you feel if you were an A-cup and your partner told you that your breasts were too small, that he is not very turned on by them and that he would like you to have breast enhancement surgery to make them a D-cup so that he would feel more turned on by them? i think your feelings would be pretty hurt and you might feel unattractive or unloved by the person you are most intimate with (that's how i would feel in that position).

if YOU were unhappy with your breast size and wanted to make them larger, that would be fine, but i think if your partner married you and committed their life to you, and they feel like a part of your body is not as they would like it to be, i think they should keep that to themselves. that's just my opinion, and now i'm done because i was told earlier this is a support only thread.
 
#20 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by bunny's mama
on the one hand, i totally agree with you. if you're intimate enought to have sex with someone (and certainly, to commit your life to someone), you ought to be open and honest with them.

BUT...(and i realize this is not a direct comparision): how would you feel if you were an A-cup and your partner told you that your breasts were too small, that he is not very turned on by them and that he would like you to have breast enhancement surgery to make them a D-cup so that he would feel more turned on by them? i think your feelings would be pretty hurt and you might feel unattractive or unloved by the person you are most intimate with (that's how i would feel in that position).

if YOU were unhappy with your breast size and wanted to make them larger, that would be fine, but i think if your partner married you and committed their life to you, and they feel like a part of your body is not as they would like it to be, i think they should keep that to themselves. that's just my opinion, and now i'm done because i was told earlier this is a support only thread.
I have issues with that comparison, but I am so desperately trying not to get this thread closed down (which is also another topic I have issues with.)

Without getting too sexual, a lot of women experience pain throughout their sex lives due to a man's circumcision. It is not simply a issue of what "turns us on". A man, on the other hand, does not have to endure a lifetime of physical pain due to a woman's smaller bust size.

If the man is not willing to commit to such a task as restoring, fine, that's up to him. But if a woman and a man both talk it out, and the woman frankly discusses these issues with her man, and her man is willing to listen and understand, then go for it.

Also, I just wanted to add that a topic of a woman wishing her man to restore is foreskin is a topic that goes hand in hand with sex. It is impossible to keep out the sexual nature of this discussion.

I feel that the members of MDC are adult enough to discuss the sexual nature behind this topic in a tasteful manner. I don't think that when it comes to any of the circumcision threads, I don't think it is wise to keep sex entirely out of it, because it is a big part of the issue.

So in interest of keeping this thread alive, i will stop right here. (Also, my baby is calling me.)
 
#23 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by gabysmom617
I think that women have a right to discuss their sex lives honestly and openly with their husband's, and if there is something that the man (or woman, for that matter) is willing to change to make sex better for the both of them then there is nothing wrong with that.
Yeah that.

My DH didn't know that restoration existed as an option before I told him about it. Lets say I had a masectomy but didn't know that reconstructive surgery existed. Then DH found out about the surgery then told me about it. Lets say he didn't force the issue and was sensitive to my feelings. Would it be better to tell me about the surgery or hide the existence of the surgery for fear that I would be too sensitive about it.

This really is a different issue though because it affects both partners in more than just an aestetic way. I told my husband a little bit about it at a time. He's used to me telling him things I've learned on MDC and he feels if it might help then its worth a try. We have had some of the problems associated with a very tight circ and we both are interested in fixing those problems.
 
#25 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by bunny's mama
wow. although i think it's unfortunate for both my husband and myself that he was circumcized, i would NEVER EVER even insinuate to him that there is something wrong with his penis, or something he should do to try to change his penis. if he came up with that idea on his own (which he wouldn't, he thinks it's ridiculous) i would of course support him, but i think it's pretty hurtful to insinuate that your dh's penis is not right.

my dh has never known sex with a foreskin, so he doesn't miss it. and he has said (when the topic of foreskin came up with our son, whom we left intact) that he can't imagine sex being better, he enjoys it immensely (and so do i).

he likes his penis the way it is, and i love him...ALL of him, exactly the way he is.
I think it is great that you and your dh have a fulfilling, pleasurable, intimate life together. However, this is not true for many partners of cir'd men so it may be difficult for you to relate.
You say you "think it's pretty hurtful to insinuate that your dh's penis is not right. ", but his penis isn't right...he had a portion of it amputated. I think coming to terms with this is crucial in preventing the mutilation of future baby boys and just maybe in improving the sex life of some couples.
I think it is great to get the word out to circ'd men and their partners, that restoring is an option.
Some people think stating that breastmilk is better than formula, is hurtful....but I think silence does a lot more damage than potentially hurting someone's feelings about a bad choice they made or about something bad that was done to them*as in the case of circ) -- ahhh gotta go, babies sorry about typos!
 
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