My trauma...4.5 years later - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 12-22-2008, 04:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My bad birth experience was in 2004.

I was 19 and newly single (still married but not together). My birth support was my mother and she insisted I switch from the midwives I was seeing to doctors.

6 weeks before my due date, I was asked by Dr. C. if I had taken child birth classes and I said no. I told him I did not want to take them because it would only remind me that I was single and I just didn't want to take them. He asked if I knew where the hospital was (there are 2 in that city, and I lived an hour away). I said no and he said "guess you should have taken those classes huh?" Upsetting..... And he didn't ever tell me where the hospital was.

I had cramps but nothing big...until Thursday night. Thursday night I was CRAZY in pain and thought "this has to be it..." but my mom convinced me to wait out the night. I had an appointment Friday morning anyway. Friday morning, I go in and he checks me. 3cm. "You will be in labor this weekend!" My mom was with me at this appointment and the doctor is good friends with her. I get dressed and they talk. She takes me to Maine (an hour or so drive) and we walk the outlets. Fun fun. I contracted A LOT and finally had to call it quits. Once we get home, the contractions are completely over. Saturday, my mom shows me a drink she has made for me, doctor's orders. Castor oil and grapefruit juice. 4 hours later, I'm in the bathroom...7 hours later, we're on our way to the hospital. I'm checked, to be 4cm with "visible bag" or something.
I try to labor in the tub but am told I cannot be in the bathroom alone to focus so I have to get out and lay on the bed. No, I cannot walk anymore. It's too late (1am) and it will disturb the others on the floor. So I lay in bed...and I don't say a word. My mom asks me repeatedly about drugs. I decline so many times. She tells the nurse to bring in the anestesiologist (sp???) and he comes in. I send him away. An hour later, she does it again and tells me I have to get it. So I start crying and get it done. Getting it hurt more than the contractions. And then the nurse comes in and checks me. 6cm. 3 cm more cm in 2 days. The give me pitocin. And oxygen. And more pitocin.The doctor comes in and asks me if he can break my water. I say no. He checks me (and I haven't progressed with the pitocin within the hour) and he uses his thumbnail to break my water. 11 hours later, I'm fully dilated. The doctor wants to come in when I start pushing but I don't want him in there. I just want to be surrounded with women. He leaves and comes back about 4 times in the next hour. After I've been pushing for an hour, he insists on coming in and staying. After I've pushed for another half hour, he tells me he's going to use a vacuum soon or do a c-section. It's only been an hour and 45 minutes at MOST of pushing...but I don't know better. He says he needs to do an episiotomy. I told him I'd rather tear but he cuts me anyway. A few times. My mom said it looked like he made 3. He uses the vacuum for 15 minutes but my babe wouldn't budge. So he takes it off and is telling me I have 5 minutes to push him out or I get a csection. And he says I've been "fake pushing" the whole time and it's time to really try. My mother is saying "he'll do it! he'll cut that kid right out of you..." and so I push and push and out my baby comes. He has the biggest cone head I've ever seen on a baby...so much that his length was 3 inches shorter the next day.
The doctor says "ok, you have 2 minutes to get that placenta out or I'm gonna get it out for you." And so I'm pushing without contractions...and they've long since cut the cord and handed him to my mother.
The doctor repairs me and leaves. I don't see him again while I'm there for 3 days. In fact, I have 2 visitors..my mom and dad...once, for 20 minutes. I'm left alone for the rest of the time. I tried to breastfeed. The nurse I had first was telling me if I couldn't get it right, she'd stick a bottle in his mouth. I tried hard. A lactation consultant comes in and helps me pump and cup feed while we practice at the breast. He never latches on and I pumped for 3 months before the ppd and exhaustion took over.
5 days pp, I go into the ob office because I'm in so much pain that I can't walk or stand. The doctor (another one from the same group) sticks his hand into my vagina, feels around, presses on my stitches, and says "oh, nothing is wrong. take some tylenol." and I lay in bed for a week crying out loud. I also had a very hard time...as in PAIN...having bowel movements. I saw the doctors for it, only to be told it was hemorrhoids. Almost three years later, I was diagnosed with an anal fissure from the birth.

I recently (4.5 years later) got a hold of my records. It says he didn't do any augmenting of my labor, no cutting, no vacuum, and I was hostile towards the doctor.

I had decided to never have children again out of fear that this would happen again. When my son was 2, I changed my mind. I went back to the same midwives that I had switched from, told my mother not to come to the hospital until I had delivered already, and brought up my wishes at every single appointment I had with my midwives. When it came time for my next 2 births, they were natural and I was in control.


SO that's my trauma experience...and it's not a csection or something as terrible as that, but I still get frightened when I find out I'm pregnant and I pray my body never falls into the hands of another doctor.
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#2 of 6 Old 12-22-2008, 05:10 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EmilyVorpe View Post
SO that's my trauma experience...and it's not a csection or something as terrible as that, but I still get frightened when I find out I'm pregnant and I pray my body never falls into the hands of another doctor.
Birth trauma is birth trauma no matter how your baby arrived. I'm so sorry you went through that

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#3 of 6 Old 12-23-2008, 12:54 AM
 
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I'm so sorry--what an awful doctor! I have to say, I'm impressed with the way you handled yourself during the birth. Being under so much pressure and in such horrible conditions, you held out for a long time for what you wanted, and managed to avoid a C-section from a doc who seemed hellbent on giving you one. That's pretty darn strong!

I'd be livid at the lies in your birth records. Do you feel like taking it up with the doc would give you any peace or resolution about the affair? How do you want to move on?

If decomposition persists please see your necromancer.

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#4 of 6 Old 12-23-2008, 09:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I decided I'm not going to talk to the doctor about it. I've seen him since and he didn't remember anything from the birth without looking at his notes...and his notes are what went onto my records. And my mother........she thinks it was a perfectly nice and normal birth with her friend Dr. C. She didn't see anything wrong with anything he did...kind of your nightmare birth support....
I guess maybe a session of online venting helps a little.
Thanks for the support.

This is a picture of him right after birth with his cone head.
http://i56.photobucket.com/albums/g1...Picture196.jpg

Here's him a few days later, after the swelling had gone down.
http://i56.photobucket.com/albums/g1...Picture713.jpg
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#5 of 6 Old 12-23-2008, 10:41 AM
 
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aww, his poor little noggin. That's a lot of moulding! I'd have been scared if that was my baby, but he looks great in the 2nd picture.
thanks for sharing your story!

Julie, wife and mother. I love my little ones: DS ::Corbin Randall---6/06 and DD :Morgan Reese 12/08.
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#6 of 6 Old 01-02-2009, 01:57 AM
 
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it's horrible that a doctor could think that is ok to do to anyone. They are supposed to do no harm.

Good for you to have the courage to post your story.
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