I had a difficult birth with my oldest child. I was "encouraged" (more like convinced) to have an epidural, which proved to be useless for pain management but to which I had an adverse reaction and spent most of my labour being very very ill (vomiting). After her birth she did not cry and although she had good colour and APGAR scores they considered taking her to SCBU and I did not get to hold her immediately. (She was fine, just very quiet) Besides the having a baby part, I can't think of one positive about her birth and when I think of it I only think of how sick I was.
I have been having dreams about it lately, and they have really upset me. Is it normal to dream about your trauma? In the dreams they don't let me see her at all, and I always wake up before I get to, and in some I don't have a baby at all, I just continue to get sick.
Well I still have dreams/nightmares about my DD's birth over a year ago. They have eased off some - I had them multiple times a night for the first few months, now it's maybe once or twice a week.
It's such an important moment in our lives and when it's ruined for whatever reason it's very difficult to process and get over. I think recurring dreams are our way of trying to process something we're stuck on.
I'm trying lucid dreaming to get past this. Google it for more info, but basically what you do is become aware of your dream while you're dreaming and use that awareness to take control of the dream so that it has a good outcome instead of the inevitable horridness we're stuck with reliving. I haven't had much success yet, but I have previously used the technique to get over recurring nightmares, so I have hope that it will eventually work this time around too.
Lisa - mama to Eleanor Rose 01/08 and Saoirse Lily 09/10
Every once in a while I still wake up with nightmares that leave me crying/sobbing, and it takes about half an hour to calm down.
I dream that they take my baby away and I can hear them hurting her, and I can't see her and I can't get to her, and then I wake up.
It has decreased a lot though. It used to be every night. Now, only every month or two.
I am sorry you are going through this too.
I have more of a problem with waking nightmares or flashbacks. It seems the world around me fades away, and I am back in the nasty hospital, and I relive parts of it before I can snap myself back to the present day.