ok. so where do I start..... - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 5 Old 03-22-2009, 04:52 AM - Thread Starter
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ok. so where do I start..... I need to get over my birth experience, need closure, need to stop waking up at night and crying over the 'would of's, should of's, could of's'. I"m usually the level headed one, but it has been 18 months now since our birth and I can't shake it. I don't know if a shoulder to cry on is really gonna fix this. I need help processing this, remembering what happened and mostly I need to move forward. How do I find competent help? DH wants our insurance to pay, I want a faith based approach that will also help me remember some of the finer details, my pastor isn't having any luck finding a female counselor for me, and I think I need someone that has a natural family mindset. Ya know, I don't want to be the crazy and crunchy momma. All I know is I'm awake right now and baby is asleep. I should be asleep too because the rest of the night will be interrupted with nursing. It makes me tired just thinking of how tired I am. Oh, and of course my marriage is suffering. My glass is so half empty right now.
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#2 of 5 Old 03-23-2009, 09:54 PM
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I'm sorry mama. I hate nights like that. I hope things are a little sunnier today.
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#3 of 5 Old 03-23-2009, 09:59 PM
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I'm really sorry mama. Would it help you at all to journal about your experience - just vent it all out? You could do that either privately or post it on a personal blog, or here in this forum if you're looking for gentle feedback.

Sometimes it is enormously healing to hear from other women who have been in a similar situation, or had similar thoughts following their births.

My only other thought - have you been tested for PPD? 18 months after your baby's birth, to be feeling sadness so strongly that it is keeping you from sleeping is a bit of a red flag.

CPST ***I can help keep your child safe in the car. Ask me a car seat question!***
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#4 of 5 Old 03-23-2009, 10:05 PM
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Talk about it. Write about itl Then talk some more. To anyone who will listen.

I know how awful this space is but you WILL get through it.

I am trying to find a therapy I agree with as well..(for other grief issues not birth related)

it took me literally YEARS to get past my own birth trauma. though sometimes it even still comes up but I am very far from affected by it now. at least not like I was. Time does heal. Trust yourself. Do whatever it is you need to do to make yourself feel whole again. Whatever that may be.

You are reaching out and that is the hardest step IMHO!

Blissful Mama to DD-(5), DS-(6) and someone new due in November!
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#5 of 5 Old 03-25-2009, 12:05 AM
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1) journal

2) therapy

3) EMDR (google it!)

you will get better! you will!

dissertating wife of Boo, mama of one "mookie" lovin' 2 year old girl! intactlact:: CTA until 7/10 FF 1501dc
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