My births were actually pretty awesome by many standards, at home, I did transport after the first for a pretty significant repair and that was a nightmare, but anyway I just don't know where else to get support for my current dilemma. I lost my uterus 3 years ago after many many efforts to heal it and nurture it. Post op, it turned out I had Adenomyosis - kind of like endometriosis but it stays within the wall of the uterus. I am in a new wonderful relationship and I want to be able to have a baby soooo badly. On the other hand, I am struggling with my mental health on a pretty serious level and it would be CRAZY (pardon the pun) to have another baby any time soon. I look at all the what ifs, would I be willing to have a child at 40 if I am doing well in 5 years, and we can afford a surrogate or something? My honey would be 46. This is a frequent ache/inner turmoil for me and I just don't know what to do with it. Can't predict the future. Can't grow another uterus and have a 'whoopsy' besides my mom threatened to personally fly out here to take me to get an abortion if I ever did get pregnant again if it happened to be an issue, which sans uterus it isn't. (she's a little overwhelmed by flying out here for my 'other' hospitalizations)
Besides all that, I still want to be a midwife and I feel like by the time I get it together, now that I finally have a proper diagnosis, I have to choose one or the other. Ouch, man!
And then there are my 2 children that I adore and still need as much mothering as I can muster, why do I need another? I have 2 fabulous adorable sweet babies...that I was too sick to mother most of the time. My exh ignored me and never got me care, so I went with out treatment for a long time. I think I feel a lot of guilt over that and perhaps it feeds my desire for a baby, so I can 'get it right'. Despite my illness, My kids know I love them, they are very affectionate, love to learn and read, play well together and with others ugh I don't know. My daughter is mini mom and my son has anger issues.
Heather, mama to Harriet, Crispin, in with Tom and 2