*Sigh* Do I have a problem here? (TMI?) - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 06-15-2009, 01:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Alright. I feel the need to post.

On October 10th of last year I had a cesarean. That's, what, eight months ago now. Ever since then, something's been "off" down there to the point at which I am now fed up.

I am pregnant again - a superhuman act considering that since the c section, sex has been uncomfortable to say the least. I just had my yearly physical and they didn't say anything was wrong, but here's how it feels:

He cannot go in even to a normal degree because it feels like my vjayjay is shorter. As soon as he is in, it feels like the skin between my opening and my "other hole" is being stabbed. Some days it's better, some days it's worse. Most times we try I have to jerk away from him.

I thought it would get better but I just have...changed. I used to love making love, but now I don't any more. I don't feel sexy. I never feel in the mood at all. Ever. I have tried relaxing, not relaxing, different positions, everything thinking perhaps it was purely psychological but every time it hurts, it puts me off even more.

I'm at my wit's end. What do you think I should do?

Mama to Josie , lost 10/10/08 at 37.4 weeks .
and my rainbow baby, Isobella Mai ...born 1/12/2010 ! in profile...
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#2 of 7 Old 06-15-2009, 02:28 PM
 
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No solid answers for you, I'm afraid. After multiple c-sections, I've found that there are all kinds of weird pains afterwards. This sounds to me as if it might be nerve related. It could be hormonal. There could be some kind of muscle damage somewhere. It really could be almost anything.

Have you actually asked your care provider about this? And, it sounds obvious, but have you tried lubricant (lots of it)? I've found a few times that lube helps with things that really didn't seem like lubrication issues ahead of time.

Other than that...I've got nothing. A lot of people seem to feel that c-sections prevent issues with painful post-partum sex. They don't.

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

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#3 of 7 Old 06-15-2009, 02:30 PM
 
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I remember having sex for the first time after my c/s at 3 months pp and it hurt alot. My cervix was still quite swollen (I had laboured first, don't know if that contributed) and whenever he went too deep it was very uncomfortable. We tried again a few months later and it was a little better. Eventually, it went back to normal. However, since you are already pregnant again, it could be this is delaying your body going back to the way it was prior to your c/s.
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#4 of 7 Old 06-15-2009, 02:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks gals Maybe I should just ask specifically instead of waiting for my NP to magically find something... I just figured it would be somehow obvious, you know? It's better now than it was, that's for sure. Still though - the lack of desire on my part I know has a lot to do with those first few months when it was just...awfully uncomfortable.

Honestly at first, I was thinking POP. I did labor somewhat - by the time the cesarean came around, I was about 4cm dilated. But with the placental abruption etc, the labor ended up being one long contraction. I suppose on top of that my sex drive went down the drain because the night before Josie came, we had a lovely "session" and then she died...it's illogical but part of me wonders "what if"? I think that was the last time I really felt "free" in bed.

I do wonder if this is something I should talk about more and get out of my system. Perhaps the physical side effects might be mitigated to some degree by a healthier attitude toward the whole sex deal.

Maybe this is something that won't properly resolve itself until after the new baby is born. Maybe some of it has to do with the very shocking and violating emergency c section. Maybe my body felt raped by that - I don't fully understand my own reactions to this whole event yet. All in all my mental health is good - I think I've faced everything I can face when it comes to Josie's death, but I do believe this is a wound I have yet to heal - my own sexual identity is somehow...lost in the fog right now.

Thanks for listening XXX

Mama to Josie , lost 10/10/08 at 37.4 weeks .
and my rainbow baby, Isobella Mai ...born 1/12/2010 ! in profile...
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#5 of 7 Old 06-16-2009, 01:46 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JayJay View Post
I suppose on top of that my sex drive went down the drain because the night before Josie came, we had a lovely "session" and then she died...it's illogical but part of me wonders "what if"? I think that was the last time I really felt "free" in bed.
I wouldn't be surprised if this is a big part of it. Even when my losses had "only" been miscarriages, I found that they sometimes impacted me psychologically in ways I'd never have imagined...and it's been much more pronounced since Aaron died.

I hope you manage to find out what's going on. The sexual aftermath of birth and birth trauma and the loss of a baby can be really nasty.

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

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#6 of 7 Old 06-16-2009, 02:47 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
And, it sounds obvious, but have you tried lubricant (lots of it)? I've found a few times that lube helps with things that really didn't seem like lubrication issues ahead of time.
Yeah, and try different brands--preseed is harder to find but is a bit different from the standard stuff at the drugstore. It was developed to be sperm-friendly but can also be superior for the comfort factor.
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#7 of 7 Old 06-18-2009, 02:47 PM
 
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That sharp pain sounds kind of like vestibular vulvodynia to me. Is is on the posterior side of your vaginal wall? Western medicine would offer you a topical steroid for that and for a lot of people what works pretty well. I'm not sure about use in pregnancy (if you're comfortable with it at all) but you might consult w/ a midwife or OB. I do think in a lot of cases it has an emotional component, and that might go beyond just trying really hard to relax, you know? That said sometimes the steroid cream can help just with symptom management.

SugarMama to Chatterbox Zoe (almost 4) and Locomotive Miles (2)
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