Emergency c-section and grieving - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 8 Old 07-24-2009, 09:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Long story very short as I hate to even talk about it:

I wanted and planned a home birth. Went into labor june 30 at 9 pm. Midway through labor my baby turned breech. MW was willing to try for a breech birth, but the baby's heart rate dropped so she recommended transport to hospital. I was pushing at that point, so she had me stop pushing and we drove to the hospital in my van. After some ridiculously bad treatment from the resident on duty, they bundled me into the OR and performed a c-section. When they pulled my baby out, she had turned AGAIN and was head down.

It's been three weeks now and I can't stop thinking about it. I'm so angry, and sad, and disappointed - I so wanted to give birth at home. I'm healing well, and the baby is fine so I should be grateful. I don't know how to get over this. I don't know how to stop crying. Someone please tell me that this won't last forever.

Melissa Andrew dd1 dd2 dd3 and
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#2 of 8 Old 07-24-2009, 09:25 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ladyelmo1 View Post
Long story very short as I hate to even talk about it:

I wanted and planned a home birth. Went into labor june 30 at 9 pm. Midway through labor my baby turned breech. MW was willing to try for a breech birth, but the baby's heart rate dropped so she recommended transport to hospital. I was pushing at that point, so she had me stop pushing and we drove to the hospital in my van. After some ridiculously bad treatment from the resident on duty, they bundled me into the OR and performed a c-section. When they pulled my baby out, she had turned AGAIN and was head down.

It's been three weeks now and I can't stop thinking about it. I'm so angry, and sad, and disappointed - I so wanted to give birth at home. I'm healing well, and the baby is fine so I should be grateful. I don't know how to get over this. I don't know how to stop crying. Someone please tell me that this won't last forever.


:

I was scared of the same thing. DD was head down for most of the pregnancy. She didn't move around much. But then when labour started she was all over the place.

I guess what I have to say is:

Congratulations on bringing the new one into the world!

and

I'm very sorry for your birth-loss. I hope you find healing and peace.

Mama to expecting Babe 2
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#3 of 8 Old 07-24-2009, 09:35 PM
 
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I can't comment on the c-section aspect, but my 2nd and 3rd births were hospital births (a transport during labor and a transfer of care for AROM induction.) It is okay and normal to feel disappointed.

If you feel up to it, we'd love to have you over at the homebirth transfer support tribe...
http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1102671

There are lots of other momma's there sharing their stories.
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#4 of 8 Old 07-24-2009, 09:46 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ladyelmo1 View Post
Long story very short as I hate to even talk about it:

I wanted and planned a home birth. Went into labor june 30 at 9 pm. Midway through labor my baby turned breech. MW was willing to try for a breech birth, but the baby's heart rate dropped so she recommended transport to hospital. I was pushing at that point, so she had me stop pushing and we drove to the hospital in my van. After some ridiculously bad treatment from the resident on duty, they bundled me into the OR and performed a c-section. When they pulled my baby out, she had turned AGAIN and was head down.

It's been three weeks now and I can't stop thinking about it. I'm so angry, and sad, and disappointed - I so wanted to give birth at home. I'm healing well, and the baby is fine so I should be grateful. I don't know how to get over this. I don't know how to stop crying. Someone please tell me that this won't last forever.

I don't know what to say. I had my first c-section in 1993...because my son flipped breech in labour. It sucked. The ramifications for my life sucked. I was a mess for a long time...and a mess again when I started trying to have other babies. I was also treated very badly, and ignored when I verbally refused to have a c-section.

I truly don't know what to say, except I'm sorry.

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

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#5 of 8 Old 07-25-2009, 01:35 AM
 
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of course you are grateful. You have your baby. but it's also perfectly normal and acceptable and most of all understandable to mourn the birth experience. It's perfectly fine to be angry. It's perfectly normal to be sad and angry and crying. What you went through was awful and I'm sorry it happened to you. It shouldn't have. I'm sorry the resident was too incompetent to check you again before the surgery to see if the baby had turned back to vertex.

This is a safe place to vent. Get your feelings out when you need to; you won't be judged.

I'm so sorry the resident treated you badly. When you feel up to it, maybe a letter of complaint to the hospital board would help. Whether or not you send it is a separate question. sometimes just writing it is enough.

Stinkerton 12/10/01 9lbs8oz, induced to c/s; Little Man 5/20/03 7lbs11oz, r c/s, fear of another labor; Jillybean 11/18/07 10lbs8oz 37cm head, induced VBA2C; and the Wee Beastie, 9lbs8oz, 35cm head, rpt VBA2C
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#6 of 8 Old 07-25-2009, 11:14 PM
 
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No C-section, (avoided it by the very skin of my teeth) but treated terribly by medical staff and my doula and had pretty much every intervention available, all against my wishes. My daughter will turn 4 next month and I just now have a tiny bit of peace and closure about her birth.

Please see a therapist of your choice who is understanding about traumatic birth. If you don't like the first one, try until you find someone who can help.I wish I had started my healing sooner and not let the pain color every aspect of my life. I have a therapist, accupuncturist who both get my unique response to my birth.

Write a letter to the resident who mistreated you. S/he should know that actions have longlasting affects on you and s/he might act better to the next woman s/he encounters under similar circumstances.

Wishing you a speedy recovery, I know it hurts emotionally, spiritually, psychologically. There is also ICANN and solaceformothers.
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#7 of 8 Old 07-29-2009, 04:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks so much everyone for all your kindness. The baby actually slept last night, so I'm feeling a bit better today. Amazing how much sleep can help!

I met with the OB who was in charge that night at my 2 week post op appt and told him how I felt about the resident. He gave me a phone number to call at the hospital to talk to someone about her and my experience with her. I just haven't mustered up the courage/energy to make the phone call.

I just want to rewind time. I want a do-over. I know it's silly, but I feel like I failed, even though I know I did everything I could, and my MW did everything she could, and we did the right thing going to the hosp.

Storm Bride: Thank you so much for mentioning your problem when you started trying to have other babies. Even thought I always wanted four children, after this experience I'm not so sure that I am up to having another one, and that makes me really sad too. I'm in awe of your VBA2C - that's just amazing! The OB in question did say that a VBAC would be possible, so I was happy to hear that. I just don't know if I can do it.

Melissa Andrew dd1 dd2 dd3 and
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#8 of 8 Old 07-31-2009, 12:20 AM
 
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Originally Posted by shellnurse View Post
No C-section, (avoided it by the very skin of my teeth) but treated terribly by medical staff and my doula and had pretty much every intervention available, all against my wishes. My daughter will turn 4 next month and I just now have a tiny bit of peace and closure about her birth.

Same here, I was young and naive when I consented to an induction so excited ds would be here sooner... I have been very resentful about his birth but more so the treatment I received after he was born. During pushing I chose to do it my way and pushed during the contraction as long as I felt comfortable doing so, when I got tired I took a rest, they HATED that. So after he was born they took him in the nursery and kept him for 5 hours! Then when I finally got him back the nurse told me I couldn't bf that my nipples were too small, she said she was gonna go get a bottle and I told her NO this baby would be bf'd... though we struggled with that and I think they gave him a bottle while he was in the nursery. Thankfully until he was able to master his latch my sister bf'd him, and I bf'd my nephew to help bring my milk in.
May not seem like a big to someone else but it was tramatic in the lightest sense for me. The next pg I chose to homebirth and therein I found my healing for the experience I had with ds.

Nichole, wife to Kris SAHM to Timothy : :10-11-03, Hosanna , Seraphim 8-17-08 : caught by Grandma! Faith 1-4-10 : Caught by Daddy!
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