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Old 08-28-2009, 01:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have been trying to deal with this for awhile now... and have come to this forum on several occaisons, but have never found the nerve to post...

Except, my DH and I just had a pregnancy "scare"... turns out it wasn't scary for him at all... he'd like me to be pregnant again. I'm terrified for a billion reasons... but I know one is the birth itself, and being able to find a care provider I trust... In part this goes to what happened...

I thought I was totally prepared for child birth. I read everything, I did my research, I made a positive birth story book that I read every night to keep only positive vibes with me. I took a child birth class with a doula. I was determined...

And boy was I determined. My labor started around 8 pm Monday evening, Jan. 5th. I noticed my contractions were coming very steadily and I HAD to walk around the house. I could not sit still. But sometimes when one would come I'd have to pause. I knew it could be a while before things really started to get going... I wanted to make sure that this was really it, so I ran a bath...

I COULD NOT sit during a contraction... it was unbeleivable pain to sit during a contraction, even this early on. So I drained the water and a got a hot shower instead... it helped.

I continued onward, tracking my contractions. They had been coming every 5 minutes for over 3 hours at this point, but only lasting about 30-40 seconds in length. Since they were so painful to sit through, I knew it was labor, and I was excited, so I called my midwife. Plus, I could not sit or lay down to rest at all except in between contractions, because it was MAJOR painful to sit during... I told her all of this.

She was irritated and went over again that they need to be lasting more than a minute in length, coming every 5 minutes for at least two hours. That with as short as the contractions were lasting they weren't doing anything. She told me to call during the day on Tuesday if I wasn't dealing well.

A little disheartening... and no words of advice to deal with them any better... but as I said I was stubbornly determined... so I continued on, walking and sitting briefly in between contractions, jumping up as soon as one stated and I'd be squatting, vocalizing through them.. continued to track them with an online contraction meter. I sent DH to bed at some point when the contractions fell back to 7 minutes apart.

I still couldn't sleep though because they were still coming. I took another shower.... they came back more intense.... Okay, now they were lasting 2 minutes long!!! yay!! but were only 7 minutes apart. I kept thinking, well, anytime now they are going to get closer together so I can finally go to the stupid hospital and get this over with.

I went through the whole day Tuesday working with the contractions, walking and squatting, moaning through contractions... I felt like I could really do this and I just kept praying for them to get closer together. I did not call the midwife, because she said to only call her if I wasn't dealing with the contractins well. I felt I was handling them fine at this point.

After a solid 6 hours of them lasting about 2.5 minutes long, but still only 7 minutes apart... I called the midwife again. I was exhausted... I had literally been laboring for nearly 30 hours at this point, without really being able to rest, due to not being able to sit or anything.

So I called my MW again... She was pretty agitated again and yelled at me for not calling her during the day if I wasn't dealing well. I told her I was dealing with them fine during the day and I simply expected them to get closer together like everything I read and was told that is what is supposed to happen!! She told me they were too far apart to be doing anything.

I started to cry and my DH took the phone and told her he wanted to bring me in. She said it was pointless to come in when they were 7 minutes apart and said I just needed rest, so she called in a script for ambien.

DH went to go get it. I was in unbeleivable pain at this point and utterly exhausted. I took the ambien and wasn't even asleep for an hour when I jumped straight out of bed in serious pain... my entire body convulsing in pain. I couldn't talk at all.

I'm sure poor DH was panicked... I don't remember much after this except him flying around me yelling into the phone at the midwife that he didn't care what she thought he was bringing me in. I saw him take the luggage out to the car, and he was helping me out while I'm still shaking from contractions right on top of each other that just would not end... I managed to tell him I felt like I was going to be sick so he grabbed some plastic bags and hustled me to the car.

I don't remember anything about the ride except for praying to God to make the pain stop and chanting... DH said I was completely incoherent.

Got to the hospital. MW checked me... I was only 3 cm dialted. WTF?!!!! I wanted to die... like literally freakin die. How in the hell is that even possible after laboring for 30 freakin hours... HARD! And the amount of pain I was in??

She hooked me up to stadol and said my body was giving up that it was too tired that I absolutely needed rest... okay. She said I had to be at least 5 cm dialted to get admitted. I was already going under when I heard that, but I prayed to God that I dialate because there was no way I was leaving without having delivered my baby first.

She came back and checked me and I did feel better. I was at 4, but I gave her a look, and she quickly said she could stretch me to 5 and get me admitted.

So, I'm feeling better now with the cat nap from the stadol... I'm ready to work it again and get this baby OUT! She suggested walking around the halls. I was still hooked up to fluids but could walk while holding the IV pole... she walked with me... every time a contraction came I squatted... nothing felt better in the world.

We walked awhile and she apologized to me and said that she can see that I was able to work with the contractions beautifully and I could tell she no longer thought I was some first timer freaking out.

We get back to the room and she let me just hang out in my labor world for awhile... a few hours pass and I'm squatting away with every contraction, figuring it has to be soon, it has to be!

She comes back and checks me... I'm still stuck at 5 cm!!! WTF?!!! We are on hour 36 now... She says she thinks my body is too tired to progress and that my only choice at this point is an epidural.

I start to cry... I did NOT want an epidural. My Mom and sister had showed up sometime and they both pleaded with me along with my DH that none of them could watch me in that kind of pain anymore... I went at it for 36 hours, I should be proud I made it that far.

I didn't feel proud at all... I felt like a failure! Why wasn't I progressing? I was doing everything I was told to do to help the baby down, etc...

Anyway, I caved and got the epidural. My WM checks me again, and I guess more throughly as I was under the epidural...

Low and freakin behold, I'm not progressing because the baby's head isn't in the canal!! There is nothing pusing the cervix to help it dialate! My baby's head was lodged into my pelvic bone and her shoulder was presented first. No wonder I couldn't sit without severe pain... she was pushing trying to descend down, but had nowhere to go.

So the MW adjusted DD, she was still face up, but at least her head was where it should be... MW thought it was going to be a long labor now...

Yeah... nope.. All DD needed was to be put in the right position... this was at hour 40, 2 hours later I told the nurse I had to go poop. She wouldn't let me and went to get the MW. MW came back and said I was ready to go, she was just going to change and we were going to have a baby.

But as she was still checking, I guess DD was starting to come... she said, "no time, throw me a smock, this baby is coming now!"

So they tell me to push with the contractions... I was trying as best I could, but everyone was yelling at me saying I was doing it wrong, because I needed to keep my mouth shut and not yell through them, to use the air to push down... it was so confusing and everyone was talking at once... and I had been at this for almost 43 hours now!! My MW actually said to me, "come on, you took the class you should know what to do!" Um... yeah I took the class, but I never did this before, and I have been basically up for over three days! And I have too many people screaming at me! My head wanted to explode.

Finally DH told everyone to shut up and told me to just look at him and focus on him that I could do this.

So DD was born after a half hour of pushing! : But she had the cord wrapped around her neck twice... I didn't even get to see her right away.

They whisked her over to the station and cut the cord away. I heard her crying so I figured she was okay, but they decided to take her to the nursery. They showed her to me for like a minute. : I was screaming at DH to stay right with her. A half hour passed and they still had not brought her back. I was panicking! I had not even gotten to see my DD for more than a minute yet!! And I told them I wanted to BF and that should be done within the first hour! I called DH's cell phone and tell him to bring DD back... he said they still had her under the warmer... WTF?! Get her back to me!!!!

So finally more than an hour after DD was born they finally bring her back and thank God! She still latched on like a champ, and nursed for 45 minutes.

I'm still so upset by what happened... should my MW have known before all that that DD was positioned wrong? Does a shoulder really feel like a head?

I'm still trying to process all of this... and I feel cheated somehow. I tried to do everything right... and MW's are supposed to be gentle and listen to you and stuff... I really didn't feel that. I have stuck up for her over and over again... because I do honestly feel had it not been for her I would have had a c-section... I know the OBs in this area would not have bothered to turn DD and they would have just cut me... so I'm grateful that I did have her vaginally... but the whole thing... it wasn't good.

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Old 08-28-2009, 01:45 PM
 
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Oh sweetie! You had a rough time of it. I think the worst part about your labor story is not the amount of time and pain, but the way you were treated by your MW. I'm sorry, but telling a woman that she isn't pushing "right" is ridiculous. When women are in labor they need to be told over and over again that they are doing great. I feel like sometimes birth assistants forget that while they do this everyday, we don't. We panic and get scared and are overwhelmed by the pain. It's their job to stay out of the way and let us do what's best for our bodies. I had a similar experience in labor. That's why next time I give birth, I'm going to do it at home with midwife "in the wings". It's going to be just me and my dh. We know what to do!
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Old 08-28-2009, 02:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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*nods*

It's not the pain that hurts me... it's the lack of respect I felt... the feeling of a failure who didn't know what she was doing. I keep going over it, like when my MW yelled at me why didn't I call her... well she said to only call if I wasn't dealing well...

The other thing that really bothered me... When I went back for my PP check up... I had my file while I was waiting and I read in it that she wrote that I couldn't deal with pain and asked for the epidural!!!

I know it's a small thing, and it's way over so it seemed petty to bring up... but I did NOT ask for the epidural, not once! I was talked into it and pleaded with and told that was likely the only was I was going to be able to still have the baby without a c-section at that point.

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Old 08-28-2009, 02:41 PM
 
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Yes, I am here to tell you that you were treated with a lack of respect, and that it is completely ok for you to feel angry, resentful and "not over it". Try not to beat yourself up for feeling angry, or hurt. Embrace your feelings. If I were you I may consider writing a letter of complaint to your midwive's practice. She needs some negative feedback about her conduct. Hang in there mama, I know how you feel!
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Old 08-28-2009, 10:28 PM
 
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Oh hugs!!!

Yeah, you had a lot of issues going on there. I'll talk more "off list."

For what it is worth...if you were at LVH, you were *lucky* you got your baby back an hour after the birth--they normally have a one-way door there when they take a baby to the nursery, and the baby is NOT, under any circumstances, brought back to the LDR. Mom and baby are not reunited until mom goes to post-partum. Your hubby sounds like a gem both in supporting you in labor, and he must have put up a really big stink to get your baby back to you.

Jenn
www.knittedinthewomb.com
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Old 08-31-2009, 04:23 AM
 
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Holy shi*t!
You have a right to feel disrespected! The more I read the more mad I got at the MW.
Unbelievable. I know it will take a while but I hope you can recover from this. Hopefully looking at your new lo will bring you a little relief!

Oh and Im proud of you for not going ballistic when you saw your chart. I would have gone nuts if I had seen that!

wife. dd1 : dd2
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Old 09-13-2009, 07:36 PM
 
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I want to hug you. I want to hold hands and cry. My experience was very similar and I really feel your pain.

I have boys! My first baby boy was born 10/08 and my second baby boy was born 7/12

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Old 09-13-2009, 11:30 PM
 
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I am so sorry, mama. The way your mw treated you..... there is no excuse.

Sleepy mama to Colin Theodore 8-12-08 and Trevor Arthur 7-17-12.

 

 

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