Hmmmm....well, I agree that if you are to heal, then *at some point* you will have to choose not to 'pick at it'. But that point only comes when you are able to be done with that stage....when you have worked through enough of your grief and sense of abandonment and trauma. For most of us, that 'picking at it' occurs because it's needed, because part of our healing is about that review and questioning, and feeling all of the feelings that arose around our births. I don't know how long it's been, or what you've done to help yourself, nurture yourself through the hurt, but a LOT of us have needed a good long time, counselling or other avenues of expressing our feelings and coming to resolution.
So, while I'm sure this is uncomfortable for you dh, well too bad! You can come here to talk, you can feel ok about feeling rotten and about needing some help. Check us out--tell your tale, ask your questions. If you are concerned about user agreement violations, just don't name names of the BC or hospital or mws or docs.
And by the way, you can always pm people in your tribal area, to ask if they are interested in knowing about your very different experience with the BC....women need to know the up AND down sides of any practitioner or birthing place, if they are to make the best choices for themselves at birth.