I really need to stop reading those threads in my tribal area... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 12-03-2009, 08:46 AM - Thread Starter
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the ones about the birth center where I was supposed to give birth. All these people commenting talking about how wonderful it is... I'm sure it would have been lovely if I'd actually managed to give birth there but I didn't. I felt pretty much abandoned at the hospital. I start thinking about posting, but then I'm not sure if it'd be against the review policy and even if it wasn't I'm afraid I'll get dismissed as a crank. Then I start second guessing myself, if I'd been in the hospital I totally would've ended up sectioned, but then maybe with someone more hands on they wouldn't have let me waste so much energy with stuff that wasn't getting anywhere..... And all this thinking about it makes me cry.

So really the point here is I think I'd be doing a lot better if I could just stop picking at it, but I can't. I keep looking for someone who understands or cares or something and not finding it which makes it worse. My DH is totally sick of listening to me and nobody seems to get it.
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#2 of 5 Old 12-03-2009, 08:58 AM
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Hmmmm....well, I agree that if you are to heal, then *at some point* you will have to choose not to 'pick at it'. But that point only comes when you are able to be done with that stage....when you have worked through enough of your grief and sense of abandonment and trauma. For most of us, that 'picking at it' occurs because it's needed, because part of our healing is about that review and questioning, and feeling all of the feelings that arose around our births. I don't know how long it's been, or what you've done to help yourself, nurture yourself through the hurt, but a LOT of us have needed a good long time, counselling or other avenues of expressing our feelings and coming to resolution.

So, while I'm sure this is uncomfortable for you dh, well too bad! You can come here to talk, you can feel ok about feeling rotten and about needing some help. Check us out--tell your tale, ask your questions. If you are concerned about user agreement violations, just don't name names of the BC or hospital or mws or docs.

And by the way, you can always pm people in your tribal area, to ask if they are interested in knowing about your very different experience with the BC....women need to know the up AND down sides of any practitioner or birthing place, if they are to make the best choices for themselves at birth.
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#3 of 5 Old 12-03-2009, 10:56 AM
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#4 of 5 Old 12-03-2009, 08:16 PM - Thread Starter
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It's been a little more than a year. I've written it out in a couple different forms, and I went to a Birthing from Within workshop. I didn't get as much out of that as I could have, I think, because I'm not really sure why it upsets me so much... I keep going back and forth about asking for my records. I've been thinking about therapy, but that gets complicated, and I've already got a bunch of appointments for physical stuff I'm still dealing with, plus I work full time, so I've been putting it off.
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#5 of 5 Old 12-04-2009, 12:26 PM
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There are several websites for helping women who experienced birth trauma. Here are some of them....





And there is also a very good chapter called "Grieving and Healing", in this book....


Its primary focus is emotional healing from a C-section, but I found that it can apply equally well to healing from all kinds of emotional birth trauma. You can probably find it at most public libraries, or if not, you can ask them to find it for you through inter-library loan.

Best wishes,

RN, wife, mother, midwife's assistant, webmaster
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