Getting Really Sick of Everyone Around Me Having Natural Births - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 75 Old 12-16-2009, 03:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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#2 of 75 Old 12-16-2009, 04:04 PM
 
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I'm sorry it's been so rough. I couldn't read and not reply; you sound so absolutely frustrated and angry.

Liz

Wife, and mother to a small fairy, a demolition expert, a special new someone this fall and a small dachshund.
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#3 of 75 Old 12-16-2009, 04:25 PM
 
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*hugs*

I was lucky to avoid c/s but had a lot of other interventions I didn't want, and every time I hear about someone having a 100% natural birth I feel like I'm being stabbed. I am dreading having another birth but I love my DS so much and I desperately want to have another child & a sibling for him.

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way.

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#4 of 75 Old 12-16-2009, 04:30 PM
 
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I feel resentful too. especially when it's people who put in no effort and I did all this research, practice, had a doula, etc, but they're the ones who had a vaginal birth.
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#5 of 75 Old 12-16-2009, 05:56 PM
 
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I feel your pain...especially since all of my "mom" friends are people I met in Yoga class. I never in a million years would have thought I'd be the one to have a c-section. Now I run through the events of my labor and keep having regrets. I should have stayed home longer, I shouldn't have let the midwife break my water, I should have given the pitocin another try, etc. etc. What started out as a really natural labor ended up with every intervention in the book, eventually it became clear that the baby was not going to come out. I do feel a little jealous and resentful of people who got to do it the "regular" way, especially since this could have a significant impact on me having more children, or at least the way I do it.
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#6 of 75 Old 12-17-2009, 02:30 PM
 
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I hear you. Loud and clear! I feel low everytime I hear of an uncomplicated vaginal birth. Especially from the ones who don't particularly care about the birth process. I wish that I could be one of them. That didn't care how my babies came into the world.

I don't know if I will ever get over the fact that I am just not cut out for the sacred event of natural birth.

mama to L (4) and G (1.5)
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#7 of 75 Old 12-17-2009, 02:34 PM
 
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: I feel that way too. I did everything you are supposed to do and had a section, while moms who said they didn't care either way had easy vaginal deliveries. It doesn't seem fair at all!

I'm Kellie :, married to Chris , and mom to one baby girl (7/12/09).
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#8 of 75 Old 12-17-2009, 04:18 PM
 
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I'm one of the "perfect natural birth" ladies - at least on paper. I had a successful homebirth, no interventions, everything went fine. I am NOT posting this to make you feel bad! I just wanted to say that even a natural birth can be really hard. I had terrible, crippling hemmerhoids for like two weeks, a tear that never healed right, and a UTI 3 wks pp (as a result of bathing every few hours to relieve the rhoids). My point is that no matter the circumstances, not every woman has a perfect birth. These friends of yours might not be letting on to any disappointments they experienced, since there's a lot of pressure to put a happy face on a natural birth even though it may not have turned out the way they wanted.

But having said that, I can tell how frustrated you are, and I'm really sorry for what you're experiencing. I would probably be just as pissed off in your shoes.

I should probably be doing something else right now.
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#9 of 75 Old 12-17-2009, 04:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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#10 of 75 Old 12-17-2009, 04:51 PM
 
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Originally Posted by lotus.blossom View Post
I feel low everytime I hear of an uncomplicated vaginal birth. Especially from the ones who don't particularly care about the birth process.
THIS is the part that gets me.

For my natural minded mama friends who get their natural births, I'm THRILLED. Seriously. But I am irritated beyong belief when women who don't care whether they are in the hospital, or whether tehy get an epidural, or whether they have a section, and they wind up with the 4-hour labor and 2 pushes, and they don't even know how fortunate/blessed they are, or care that it went naturally (or even if they had an epidural and pushed a few times, or whatever). THOSE are the births that make me bitter - not necessarily towards the woman, but just in general.

OP, I'm so sorry,.

Heather, WAHM to DS (01/04)DD (06/06). Wed to DH(09/97)
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#11 of 75 Old 12-17-2009, 06:36 PM
 
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I'm one of the "perfect natural birth" ladies - at least on paper. I had a successful homebirth, no interventions, everything went fine. I am NOT posting this to make you feel bad! I just wanted to say that even a natural birth can be really hard. I had terrible, crippling hemmerhoids for like two weeks, a tear that never healed right, and a UTI 3 wks pp (as a result of bathing every few hours to relieve the rhoids). My point is that no matter the circumstances, not every woman has a perfect birth. These friends of yours might not be letting on to any disappointments they experienced, since there's a lot of pressure to put a happy face on a natural birth even though it may not have turned out the way they wanted.

But having said that, I can tell how frustrated you are, and I'm really sorry for what you're experiencing. I would probably be just as pissed off in your shoes.
I do sympathize. I really feel for you. I think you can have a traumatic or upsetting/hard to heal from birth no matter how that birth ended, but it's a bit different with a cesarean. I will have to fight tooth and nail to have a vaginal birth next time. My only real option is home, even though I would be more comfortable in a hospital. I have adhesions. I have a scar which puts me and my baby at risk through every future pregnancy. I have a higher chance of placental issues, and a higher risk of secondary infertility. It isn't the outcome of the birth that is the worst - it is its implications for my entire childbearing future - especially in this country.

While I understand your feelings, and think your experience sounds awful, I would also switch places with you in a heartbeat. I worry every day that I'll conceive again too early and won't be allowed to VBAC, thus signing myself up for another crippling surgery. Lifting that weight alone would be worth it. Unlike the OP (that sounds terrible!!! ), I had zero complications, but I am still in daily pain 5 months later, and was still in excruciating pain for three months postpartum.

I'm Kellie :, married to Chris , and mom to one baby girl (7/12/09).
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#12 of 75 Old 12-17-2009, 06:53 PM
 
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While I understand your feelings, and think your experience sounds awful, I would also switch places with you in a heartbeat. I worry every day that I'll conceive again too early and won't be allowed to VBAC, thus signing myself up for another crippling surgery. Lifting that weight alone would be worth it. Unlike the OP (that sounds terrible!!! ), I had zero complications, but I am still in daily pain 5 months later, and was still in excruciating pain for three months postpartum.
I think the pp was just trying to say that vaginal, c/s, etc., affects each person differently. I had a very traumatic birth with a lot of interventions but I was able to avoid a c/s, just barely... I was in severe pain for months and even to this day (DS is 10.5 mos), I still experience pain. Sitting is hard for me. I tore a ton and blood was spattered all over the room. Couldn't DTD for months and our sex life is still very difficult physically for me. And that's not even why my birth was traumatic for me! But I have friends that had c/s's and were back closer to "normal" in about 2 months. I often think I would have healed physically way more quickly with a c/s -- but I'm still glad I avoided it and my heart breaks for those of you that wanted a vaginal birth and couldn't and may never be able to!! But at the same time, I don't think having one type of birth or the other automatically makes someone's birth "better" or "worse" (physically or mentally/emotionally), it's way more individual than that!

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#13 of 75 Old 12-17-2009, 07:49 PM
 
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traumatic vaginal births are nothing to sniff at. i had a very short labor and delivery. my daughter shot out and took everything with her. there was blood everywhere. it took the doctor an hour to stitch me up. the healing would have been easier if i hadn't had bronchitis. everytime i coughed i reopened my stitches. i couldn't sit comfortably for months. then my bladder , uterus and bowels fell into my vagina. when your pelvic floor is damaged, it's very hard to recover from. it's also next to impossible to find emotional support for difficult vaginal births. i just feel really uncomfortable discussing my damaged vagina and anus with people. to everyone else, my birth seemed perfect, and i was too ashamed to tell people the truth. i felt like a complete freak. it was a very low point in my life. i cannot begin to describe the isolation i felt. i had no idea that what happened to me was even possible. i was so scared and ashamed, and i couldn't talk to anyone about it. c-section mamas would openly talk abou their c-sections at dinner parties. i wanted to scream "my poop muscles don't work anymore! i can't poop because my nether regions ripped in two!"
then slowly i started to "get over it". i learned to embrace my new body. i've come to terms with the fact that childbirth changes ALL OF US. i also had to teach myself not to relive the pain and feelings of loss i experienced. when i stopped running those thoughts through my head over and over again, my symptoms started to lose their intensity. i feel so much better, because i've learned to let go. i am no longer afraid to have another baby. i know that no matter what happens, i am strong enough to overcome it and enjoy my life. i'm not going to let my birth injuries run my life, or take away my joy as a mother.

Wife to amazing dh, mama to dd 12/08
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#14 of 75 Old 12-17-2009, 09:36 PM
 
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*Hugs* While I didnt have a c-section, my perfect homebirth I had planned was tore apart at the seams. I DID have my daughter at home but started severe bleeding and my bottom swelled up so that it felt like a basketball down there. The midwife couldnt find any tears so off to the ER we had to go. I was crushed. Emotionally I was hurt so much that the pain didnt even hurt at the moment. The reason I wanted a homebirth was to stay home and enjoy my new baby but 10 minutes after she was born I was headed to the hospital, barely able to stand up, passing out twice on the way to the car. I had horrible vaginal tears, took 50 minutes to stitch me which I had to be put to sleep and given a spinal block, another reason I was heartbroken, I went all the way through labor/birth unmedicated but then had a spinal. The On call Dr was very rude, stuck his whole fist up my vag trying to find the tear causing me to almost jump off the table and then he yelled at me cause I wouldnt lay still. I was put to sleep and given the spinal to be stitched and the first 10 hours of my daughters life I was stuck on a hospital bed, not able to feel anything below my belly, so weak and sore. I missed the first day of her life. Then the first week of her life I was so swollen down there I could hardly get off the couch. NOT the ideal birth I pictured.
Now 8 weeks later I still hurt down there. Now I know this isnt physically as bad as what you have been through but Emotionally its been H-ll for me. I felt crushed and soooo disappointed. I have since then struggled with constipation, sore back at the site of my spinal block and a very tender vag yet. Vaginal births arent all great and glam. NOT saying they arent better than a C-section, just saying that they can be very hard physcially and emotionally too.
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#15 of 75 Old 12-17-2009, 09:59 PM
 
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hugs mama. the exact same thing happened to my mother. she had general anesthesia to repair a massive tear after a natural chilbirth. her stitches came apart after she got home from the hospital. she said the blood filled her toilet. it was awful, especially since my brother wouldn't take a bottle at home. she was in the hospital for quite a while without her baby.
obviously c-sections are traumatic on many levels. but vaginal birth can be very traumatic as well. and the mere fact that the trauma is in the vagina precludes any open discussion of it. it's easy to "hate on" women who've had a seemingly uncomplicated birth, but you never know what really happened.

Wife to amazing dh, mama to dd 12/08
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#16 of 75 Old 12-18-2009, 10:01 AM
 
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Goestoshow--

Have you considered looking into NON medical healing arts? It sounds as if Western Medicine has not much helped to fix what seems to be damaged.

I hear your intense pain, resonating all through your body and being....and while I can't truly imagine it, I can hear that it is bad, very bad, and has been going on for way too long. You need something to change--you need healing!

There are many modes out there--homeopathy, naturapathy, traditional oriental medicine (chinese herbs plus accupuncture), accupuncture alone, various branches of chiropractic, energy healing, oh, so much is available these days. Look around--I can't help but think that your healing might be able to proceed more fully on all levels, with the right help. Western medicine has it's limitations, and in some things those limitations are so very severe. From all you say, what they have to offer is not helping. Maybe it is time to seek help elsewhere.

I don't know you, but I do know the very great capacities for healing in body, mind and spirit that we have by birth. I believe you can heal....just that you need to find the right help for healing.

love and blessings, light and healing to you--
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#17 of 75 Old 12-18-2009, 10:28 AM
 
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MsBlack is right. I got so caught up in empathy that I didn't think of offering any advice...... I am a massage therapist with intro's to some other healing modalities and I have seen some great things done with myofascial release, craniosacral therapy, polarity therapy, and reiki. I have had some personal experience with cranio really helping me with some major digestive issues. And also in myofascial release class I have seen a major scar release happen. Not only did it physically release, the girl had an emotional release as well. Totally awesome. It might be well worth it for you to pursue some of these types of therapies.

mama to L (4) and G (1.5)
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#18 of 75 Old 12-18-2009, 10:40 AM
 
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THIS is the part that gets me.

For my natural minded mama friends who get their natural births, I'm THRILLED. Seriously. But I am irritated beyong belief when women who don't care whether they are in the hospital, or whether tehy get an epidural, or whether they have a section, and they wind up with the 4-hour labor and 2 pushes, and they don't even know how fortunate/blessed they are, or care that it went naturally (or even if they had an epidural and pushed a few times, or whatever). THOSE are the births that make me bitter - not necessarily towards the woman, but just in general.

OP, I'm so sorry,.
Yes, I think this is key. It seems reasonable to me (I've had one of each: a C section followed by complications which left me damaged & angry, and a vaginal home birth which what exactly what I needed & am profusely thankful for.) that women who value vaginal/natural birth should be the ones who get it, and the ones who couldn't care less about the process shouldn't get easy vaginal births. That sounds so mean, but I totally remember feeling that way after my c section. I was never happy for ppl (even friends) who had quick, easy labor/births if they didn't really care. Which of course I wasn't. I was totally damaged and heartbroken as to why *I* han't had an ok birth, when I cared so much!

The caring so much, was a double edged sword. It made it impossible to make peace with the c section and 'get over it', but it also propelled me to take massive leaps of faith to put myself in the best situation for a vaginal birth the second time. I remember being stunned and furious in second pregnancy with people who remarked they were so happy with me that I didn't have to go through labor again because the drs would be happy to schedule me a c section without any questions now "yay". (*scowl*)

After a C section, I was unble to take vaginal birth for granted at all; while my second birth was far from *perfect*, I don't even dream of complaining about the small imperfections when I tell my birth story because I feel so blessed to have had a vaginal birth at all.


OP, have you looked into the Silent Knife books at all? I read them during my second pregnancy and they made me so angry, but it was also helpful that a lot of my feelings about the c section and myself afterwards were justified and validated. That was important, to me.

If you ever decide to birth another child, I say this in all seriousness, do whatever it takes however you have to to get the birth you want. If you cannot make peace with a default c section, and you don't have physical barriers to birthing vaginally, find a MW who will trust your body and knows how to (non) manage a normal birth. If you can't find anyone local to you, move, outsource someone from another state, hook up with The Farm in TN.
People who don't understand don't get this. "it's just a birth". It's not. For women who care, it is a defining event in the life of a mother, a woman. I understand, and I am very sad for you that you had such a terrible experience.
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#19 of 75 Old 12-18-2009, 10:13 PM
 
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Sorry. I can't sympathesize. At the very least, no one is going to be signing you up for a c-section at your first prenatal appointment for your next child whereas that is a fight I will have to have.

The year since my son's birth has been one of daily abdominal pain that is at times crippling, myofascial pain of the pelvic floor, countless doctors appointments to figure out what is going on, antibiotics for a suspected uterine infection, weakened muscles that no matter how many sit ups I do a day are just not getting stronger, an inability to breastfeed, post-partum depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, physical therapy, mental health therapy, longterm chiropractic care, percoset, lidocaine patches, and talk of another surgery to "see what is going on." I have spent over $1000 in co-pays alone! And it's all c-section related.

I would switch places with you in a heartbeat. Crippling hemorrhoids for two weeks, one 3 week UTI, and a vaginal tear of any kind sounds like heaven compared to what I've been through.
You're right - my experience was nothing like yours. Not even close. I'm really sorry for what you and the other mamas have gone through. I was just trying to say that there's a really rosy glow around the idea of natural birth, and it's not necessarily that way. But your end of the spectrum is so, so, so much different. I sincerely hope that things get better for you, and soon.

I should probably be doing something else right now.
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#20 of 75 Old 12-23-2009, 11:14 AM
 
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and take them for granted.

Crunchy con wife with 1 DS and 1 lil DD born in Jan. I love breastfeeding, CDing and Friday night family bed.
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#21 of 75 Old 12-26-2009, 01:10 PM
 
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You can't give up. Just don't give up - don't do it. Don't let yourself be sucked into blackness mama, you don't have to go there.

I know this because I am where you are and I'm now 38 weeks pregnant with my second baby. Lost my first - she died of a placental abruption, the equivalent of what would have been *yesterday* in terms of gestational age. I was catheterized, stabbed full of needles, gien an internal exam, stripped and ultrasounded all at the same time - then finally had a mask shoved over my face, went into general anesthesia, they had her out within 8 minutes and tried reviving her for a half hour, but she died anyway.

Not saying any of this to make you feel better, just to let you know that I understand the pain. Since then, sex has been completely different: totally uncomfortable - painful even. I have a big, raised scar, I hated myself for quite a while and had a few other complications as well. If you want the whole story, I do keep a blog, and the link is in my profile.

That was October 2008, so I am going for a VBAC with only 15 months in between births, in a hospital that doesn't "do" them unless you come in during daylight hours...

BUT I'm going to damn well give it a shot anyway. I KNOW you can do this as well - you can. Just can't let the situation drag you into the dust - you can't let that happen. I damn well want my natural, lovely birth this time - yes I do! I'm gonna do everything I can to get it, too! I want my sex life back! I want my body back! I want my dignity back, and my control, and my life! And I'm going for it. Screw them all, I am going for it 15 months later and I reckon I can do it.

So I think you can do it too, and I wanted to chime in to give you support, and an infusion of hope here. There's hope - there is always hope, mama. Don't you dare give up!

*HUGE hugs* XxXxX

Mama to Josie , lost 10/10/08 at 37.4 weeks .
and my rainbow baby, Isobella Mai ...born 1/12/2010 ! in profile...
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#22 of 75 Old 01-05-2010, 04:58 PM
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It is frustrating when things don't go as you had wanted, but why hate on others who were fortunate enough to have uncomplicated births?
Maybe you are just feeling bitter right now but hate is a pretty strong word. Why does it matter what type of births others have had? Yours happened the way it did and you can't go back and change it. Everyone has there own personal experience.
Try to think of the good things that came out of the birth, is your baby healthy? Thats the most important. Now you can focus on being an amazing mom. The birthing (although at times life changing and traumatic) is almost the easier and shortest part considering the postpartum period and beyond.
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#23 of 75 Old 01-05-2010, 05:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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#24 of 75 Old 01-05-2010, 06:35 PM
 
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It is frustrating when things don't go as you had wanted, but why hate on others who were fortunate enough to have uncomplicated births?
Maybe you are just feeling bitter right now but hate is a pretty strong word. Why does it matter what type of births others have had? Yours happened the way it did and you can't go back and change it. Everyone has there own personal experience.
Try to think of the good things that came out of the birth, is your baby healthy? Thats the most important. Now you can focus on being an amazing mom. The birthing (although at times life changing and traumatic) is almost the easier and shortest part considering the postpartum period and beyond.
women who have experienced a traumatic birth, regardless of what took place, recognize that they are unable to go back and change things. they are also very grateful that their baby is healthy. healing is not as easy as saying hey i had a healthy baby, and then moving on with life.


yes, birthing is the shortest part of the "mothering" period, however, recovering from birth trauma requires grieving and time to process the event, and often can last for years. anger and hate *are* a normal part of the grieving process. giving voice to these feelings is a very helpful part in moving forward.

OP, please be gentle on yourself have you checked out any of the resources listed at the top of the forum?

Midwifery student , Mama to my 4 amazing kids. treehugger.gif

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#25 of 75 Old 01-06-2010, 12:22 AM
 
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Try to think of the good things that came out of the birth, is your baby healthy? Thats the most important.
I'm sorry, but speaking as a woman who has been traumatised by a cesarean birth I have to say this is one of the comments from people that bothers me the most. It seems very dismissive of the woman's grief.

OP, I'm very sorry you're going through this. I can empathize. I've had my own struggles, but right now I'm in an ok place.

*hugs*
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#26 of 75 Old 01-06-2010, 01:08 PM
 
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i don't think anyone is trying to be dismissive of the op's pain. i have friends and family members who have been through horrible, horrible c-sections. i would never, ever tell a woman whose had a c-section that she should be grateful that her child is healthy. i understand that you can mourn your birth, but love your child. i think it's just the malicious quality of the original post that is making people defensive. i understand that hearing about uncomplicated vaginal births after you've had a terrible c-section is like pouring salt in wounds. it's just that, generally speaking, people don't like being hated for having healthy babies, and healthy births. it's also very dismissive to tell women that one would rather experience a serious vaginal tear than a c-section. fecal incontinence is a pretty big deal. OP i am truly sorry for how hard this has been for you. I am also very sorry that your baby isn't thriving. i hope you can find some peace.

Wife to amazing dh, mama to dd 12/08
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#27 of 75 Old 01-06-2010, 01:59 PM
 
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And what, exactly, would those things be? My body is destroyed. My family is destroyed. I will never have a second child, let alone the five or six I wanted. My life has been destroyed.

As for the baby being healthy, not so much. Weight gain problems from day one. He wasn't even on the growth charts until he was five months old and has been pretty much completely formula fed. It's countdown time to allergies and asthma.
I want to just very gently say, and with huge hugs to you and with great compassion, that I think you come across as very angry and harsh. Have you looked into being treated for depression? I am not at all judging you, and I am definitely not a doctor, but I have taken several psychology courses over the years and read even more, and it seems that the anger you are expressing goes really deep.

My son was 8 pounds 10 ounces when born, but then plummeted to about 3% on the growth charts so quickly that the doctor practically insisted he have formula. We didn't though, because deep down I knew that he was healthy and I was determined to make breastfeeding work. Which it did, if you consider that my milk supply was bad enough that I would literally sit and nurse him 20 hours a day for nearly the first year. I am not exaggerating. All I did for months on end was sit and nurse, with a snack next to me. I didn't move, I didn't do anything. It was miserable. Believe me, it was a struggle and at any moment I could have reasonably said, and honestly probably should have said, that's enough, we're switching to formula. He never did make it back to a reasonable place on the charts, not for a long time. He's "normal" now, at five years and about 50 pounds, so that's good. I'm telling you this so that you can know that in the same way you're not alone in feeling cheated by your Cesarean birth, you are also not alone in having issues with your baby after the birth. There are thousands of women on this site and hundreds of shared experiences. You are not alone! We are here for you. We care about you. Please, do yourself a favor and see if there is a problem like post-partum depression you need to be treated for.

I will not come back to this thread, as I've already said everything useful that I can, and I do not like controversy. I hope that you do find peace within yourself.

Reneé, 33 year old mom to Antonin 8/04 nocirc.gif and Arianna 9/06 gd.gif angel1.gifangel1.gif (6 weeks) 5/08. Married to Matt since 6/03 blowkiss.gif.  TTC a little rainbow rainbow1284.gifchartnew.gif http://www.FertilityFriend.com/home/4e4ac9 Currently in the 2WW 
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#28 of 75 Old 01-06-2010, 04:56 PM
 
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Try to think of the good things that came out of the birth, is your baby healthy? Thats the most important. Now you can focus on being an amazing mom. The birthing (although at times life changing and traumatic) is almost the easier and shortest part considering the postpartum period and beyond.
I have to agree with a PP that the "healthy baby" comments are some of the most destructive, and least helpful, comments when it comes to dealing with birth trauma. OF COURSE the baby's health is important, don't make us feel more guilt by implying that we don't care about the baby's health, but we had certain expectations, wants, needs surrounding the birth that we are, and should be allowed to mourn without being made to feel that we are ungrateful for our healthy or not-so healthy but living, babies. Our journey into motherhood, via the birth, has to account for something. I am 9 months out from my traumatic, unplanned, unwanted, but urgently necessary c-section. I still mourn what I lost with my son's birth. I am still in pain daily from the operation, in fact I was just on the phone with my MW this morning asking her for help because I spent most of the night doubled over in pain and in tears from severe pain at the incision site and I can't get my primary doctor to believe it is anything more than "constipation" (her words, certainly not mine).

I know that vaginal births can be traumatic, can cause permanent terrible changes, but I also agree with OP that c-sections are on another level onto themselves. A traumatic vaginal, while still traumatic in and of itself, will only rarely impede a future repeat vaginal birth or a pregnancy; however, a prior c-section will always be a complication to a future pregnancy and birth, whether you go on to have one or a half dozen babies vaginallly, you are forever classified as ___BAC (CBAC, HBAC, VBAC).

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Mommy to J (5) and S (03/2009) . Hoping for a .... in 2010?
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#29 of 75 Old 01-07-2010, 01:06 AM
 
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I have to agree with a PP that the "healthy baby" comments are some of the most destructive, and least helpful, comments when it comes to dealing with birth trauma. OF COURSE the baby's health is important, don't make us feel more guilt by implying that we don't care about the baby's health, but we had certain expectations, wants, needs surrounding the birth that we are, and should be allowed to mourn without being made to feel that we are ungrateful for our healthy or not-so healthy but living, babies. Our journey into motherhood, via the birth, has to account for something. I am 9 months out from my traumatic, unplanned, unwanted, but urgently necessary c-section. I still mourn what I lost with my son's birth. I am still in pain daily from the operation, in fact I was just on the phone with my MW this morning asking her for help because I spent most of the night doubled over in pain and in tears from severe pain at the incision site and I can't get my primary doctor to believe it is anything more than "constipation" (her words, certainly not mine).

I know that vaginal births can be traumatic, can cause permanent terrible changes, but I also agree with OP that c-sections are on another level onto themselves. A traumatic vaginal, while still traumatic in and of itself, will only rarely impede a future repeat vaginal birth or a pregnancy; however, a prior c-section will always be a complication to a future pregnancy and birth, whether you go on to have one or a half dozen babies vaginallly, you are forever classified as ___BAC (CBAC, HBAC, VBAC).
i'm not trying to be dramatic, but can you go to the er and get your pain checked out? i think severe pain on an incision sight should get urgent medical attention. i know that the section was months ago, but that sounds really, really suspicious to me. i would be worried about a bowel obstruction.

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#30 of 75 Old 01-07-2010, 02:41 AM
 
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i'm not trying to be dramatic, but can you go to the er and get your pain checked out? i think severe pain on an incision sight should get urgent medical attention. i know that the section was months ago, but that sounds really, really suspicious to me. i would be worried about a bowel obstruction.
I thought about it ever so briefly last night, going to the ER that is. But then I played out what would happen in my head -- I would wait for hours upon hours in the waiting room, wait some more in a little curtained area, someone would come and take some blood, someone in a white coat would come and poke at my incision and give me some B.S. explanation and tell me to follow up with my PCP (who's an idiot if you couldn't tell from my prior post).

A appreciate your concern and it's probably a good suggestion, I just couldn't stand the thought of that anxiety-fest while in such pain. I haven't set foot anywhere near a hospital since my son was released from the NICU and I intend to keep it that way for, forever(?).

I'm not worried about a bowel obstruction because things are still moving down there, but if that changes, yeah I'll get it checked out. Dr. Google says maybe adhesions or, in rare circumstances, endometriosis (sp?), and nothing can be done for either of those except more surgery. My MW said it could be that my incision did come open some and is re-healing (not sure that is the case since I didn't actually see it opened at all) or a hernia. The severe pain like last night is not an every day occurrence, thankfully.

Shades of Blue, support and resources for postpartum mood disorders. You are not alone.
Mommy to J (5) and S (03/2009) . Hoping for a .... in 2010?
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